Fiancee Read 1 Text Message After Night Out

[Dexter Morgan]

- hi. Of course I liked the attention.

 

you took it a little further than just liking the attention, you used it and "feigned interest" in a guy to get him to buy you breakfast.

 

 

it lets me know I still have "it" going on albeit I've gained weight. Was I giving off signals? No.

 

Yes, you were giving off signals. You said yourself you "feigned interest" in this guy. If thats not a signal, I don't know what is.

 

And really who feigns interest to get things paid for them by another man when they have a man at home?

 

U know what dex? I'm putting up my photo... like I said... I'm starting to think that you guys think that I THINK... I'm too good or something or are judging me by my screen name.

 

Uh no, but you could have used a different picture that paints a little more modesty.

 

 

I'm a DIVA because of the manner in which I carry myself, I've gone through so much crap in my life and I persevered through it all, when I had naysayers, no real parents to speak of... etc and because of all of the qualities that I listed that I actually possess, you say that makes me conceited ?!?! - right. However... I'm just a REGULAR down to earth girl... If I was as conceited as you say... Would my SO (the "self proclaimed homebody") be with someone who was over the top?

 

well, maybe your SO is just now finding out

 

And would I share with you guys that I peed my pants? I'm sharing with you a whole bunch of major downfalls... and you put me down. Not cool.

 

 

ok, stop...just stop it. You went from someone that just couldn't say no to someone about giving your number out, when it should have been all to easy.....to someone that now "feigned interest" in him, i.e. flirting, to get him to take you out to breakfast and only resisted "most" of the men's advances.

 

Like I said, I was in your corner until more of how you carried yourself that night started to unravel.

 

But I also think it is a moot point. doesn't seem like either of you need to be in a committed relationship, or simply not with each other since you both can't keep from wanting attention from others, and giving out your phone numbers....THAT is whats not cool.

[LaDiva]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dexter Morgan

but giving a guy your number and coaxing him into buying you breakfast, when you should have been on your way home isn't just enjoying a conversation with the guy.

 

 

"It means love should have brought you ass home" that night -- Halle Berry in Boomerang.

lmao!!!!!

 

lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

i can't breathe.

 

 

That was what I wrote in response to your Halle Berry - Toni Braxton quote... I couldn't think of anything to say to that... because your right (aside from the fact that I'll no longer be going to clubs). I should've just went dancing and went home. Or since I was going to breakfast already with my girl, I should've said, no thanks to the guy.

 

IF my SO doesn't start talking to me soon, I'll be singing "Seven whole days, and not a word from you... seven whole nights. I'm just about through."

[LaDiva]

[/i]

 

 

 

 

You said that you "need your guy", and I say, "then you should have found your way home that night....etc." And that is your answer to that very simple idea that was put forth? uh......ok:confused:

 

 

OH! Okay! I didn't really read what you wrote...

 

When I wrote... "I'm sorry Dex, I dunno what I did to you"... I wrote that in response to you saying:

 

I don't think you are being honest here. I was in your corner, but now, I think your fiance has more than a legitimate reason to doubt you. and I'm not just talking about this one incident.

[Dexter Morgan]

OH! Okay! I didn't really read what you wrote...

 

When I wrote... "I'm sorry Dex, I dunno what I did to you"... I wrote that in response to you saying:

 

 

I don't think you are being honest here. I was in your corner, but now, I think your fiance has more than a legitimate reason to doubt you. and I'm not just talking about this one incident.

 

thats because your post went from someone innocent and didn't want to insult a guy for asking for your phone number, to admitting you played him to get breakfast bought and not totally resisting all the guys that came on to you.

 

doesn't have anything to do with what you did to me, because you wouldn't be my problem. Its your fiance that has to deal with it.

 

i'm just telling you, the way you conducted yourself that night in your story changed from one thing to something different. If you are the type to play with another man to get things from him, when it is disrespectful to your man at home, and I don't want to even know how you didn't resist all the advances, then its not hard to see why your fiance is so upset.

[LaDiva]

But I also think it is a moot point. doesn't seem like either of you need to be in a committed relationship, or simply not with each other since you both can't keep from wanting attention from others, and giving out your phone numbers....THAT is whats not cool.

 

Dex although he was wrong, it was not a repeat incident with him. He really is a good guy.

 

Just like I am certain that my behavior was isolated... specially since I won't be going to the club anymore.

 

That's why I didn't even want to bring up that incident.

 

It was actually around Valentine's day... [oh you guys are going to think I'm incorrigible!] But this actually wasn't my fault.. My ex sent me a valentine's day message - VDay was our old anniversary.

 

-I want to remind everyone that I ended that relationship in 2007. I've spoken to him occasionally... but since I've been with G. No.

 

So when he wrote to me to say he hoped that I was doing good and whatever, I wrote him back and I said it's 2009... we really gotta let it go (meaning we should just stop contacting each other on VDay for NOSTALGIA purposes)

 

...and you know who happened to be standing around... and he said what did he want... and I told him the TRUTH. i said he wrote to me... and this is what he said, and this is what i said. It would have been no difference if he would have called me and said the same thing. My SO would still have heard my side of the conversation... so you can say what you want about social networking sites.

 

So because Gee did this elaborate valentines day thing.... it was really nice, dinner, a body scrub from my favorite soap store SABON! rose petals on the bed, he cleaned the house, a bath, etc. I guess he felt like i dunno... whatever guys feel...

 

so i left to boston either that weekend or the next weekend and that's when the incident happened.

[LaDiva]

thats because your post went from someone innocent and didn't want to insult a guy for asking for your phone number, to admitting you played him to get breakfast bought and not totally resisting all the guys that came on to you.

 

doesn't have anything to do with what you did to me, because you wouldn't be my problem. Its your fiance that has to deal with it.

 

i'm just telling you, the way you conducted yourself that night in your story changed from one thing to something different. If you are the type to play with another man to get things from him, when it is disrespectful to your man at home, and I don't want to even know how you didn't resist all the advances, then its not hard to see why your fiance is so upset.

 

okay... got it. I behaved badly. Someone posted and said that this heat might be good for me, so thank you for being Straight up and straightforward with me.

 

So my question remains... how do I get him to open up and talk to me

 

How long is this note thing going to last?

[silverfish]

Go to counselling. The small details and things you are saying? It doesn't add up. The myspace thing that he did to you makes more sense of the situation. Thinking back my ex did this. Each time he retold the 'story' I believed him less and less because the devil was in the details.

 

I also went to talk to the girl involved and got a completely different story from her (her:'he told me he loved me and his mother was dying' / him : we kissed once, i was just drunk and she made me)

 

Once I got over the anger I realised that there was this huge fault line in our relationship. It really took going to a relationship counsellor to realise this. If you try and force him to talk to you, he will get angry and you will argue. Leave him til he's ready, ask him what he wants to do, suggest counselling.

[Dexter Morgan]

okay... got it. I behaved badly. Someone posted and said that this heat might be good for me, so thank you for being Straight up and straightforward with me.

 

So my question remains... how do I get him to open up and talk to me

 

How long is this note thing going to last?

 

cant remember when it was that you went to the club. When was it?

[Jilly Bean]

well maybe this is part of your problem. I smell a hint of conceit in the air.

 

maybe you think TOO highly of yourself and like to share your "aura" with other men.

 

Actually, the opposite is true. Women who are genuinely confident about themselves, don't need external validation from men, particularly when they have a fiance at home.

[lostsunsets]

okay... got it. I behaved badly. Someone posted and said that this heat might be good for me, so thank you for being Straight up and straightforward with me.

 

So my question remains... how do I get him to open up and talk to me

 

How long is this note thing going to last?

 

It will last until he feels confident that he can trust you out of his sight. I hope you aren't offended, but you almost have an aire of entitlement when you talk about the incident. Maybe he thinks that too. You may not be compatible. He sounds like a home body. And you sound like you're not ready to settle down. Could that be it?

[LaDiva]

cant remember when it was that you went to the club. When was it?

 

Technically Sunday morning, because I left at 12:30 AM to go to the club...

 

Okay so today like I said is our anniversary.

 

He comes in the house and asks me how was my day.

 

I'm like good, how was yours.

 

He said he did a lot of thinking... and that based on a whole bunch of things that he is asking me to marry him all over again, but that this time it should mean more, because I have this:

 

And he pulled a red velvet box out of his pocket, and opened it! Inside was a REAL ring... (you have to know the story behind our first "engagement" ... he had asked me to marry him in March after the myspace thing... and I said of course, and he gave me a cubic zirconia (sp?) ring. He promised to get me a real ring as soon as possible... hey... times are hard, and I didn't care, I'm in LOVE!

 

So he says "gimme your hand".. and I oblige, he puts the ring on my finger, he kisses me and says I love you, and I hug him and tell him I love him too...

 

But because I'm a stickler for tradition... I slide the ring half way down my finger and said, can you please propose all over again?

 

And he of course obliged after he said I was pushin' it.

 

A BIG part of me is ESTATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after we move out of this house, he said I should pick a venue...

 

But a small part of me knows that we still have to work on the issues that caused the rift in the first place...

 

Do I start posting on the other boards now?

 

Will you guys be there?

 

Am I right to think that we should definitely do some counseling before we marry?

[LaDiva]

It will last until he feels confident that he can trust you out of his sight. I hope you aren't offended, but you almost have an aire of entitlement when you talk about the incident. Maybe he thinks that too. You may not be compatible. He sounds like a home body. And you sound like you're not ready to settle down. Could that be it?

 

 

I think that just because I like to leave my house doesn't mean that I'm not ready to settle down.

 

That was one of the big things... whether or not we can figure out this social life situation...

 

He says we will work on it.

 

I hope so for both of our sakes.

 

 

My friend who is a pastor's wife (I told her everything) called to speak with him today and he told her that he gave me my real ring today, and she said that we needed to come in and speak with her and her husband or if we didn't feel comfortable, because they are our friends... then to go SOMEWHERE to make sure we are compatible.

 

 

Thanks you guys, this was a long road, and I'm sure that it's about to get longer, but I love the fact that I will be walking it with someone who means so much to me.

[Island Girl]

Congratulations!

 

And yes, I agree you should get counseling first - before the marriage - and be frank and open about what you feel, your concerns, etc.

 

Obviously he wants to work through things as well since he has been down this road and has even moved to this step in light of recent events.

 

Just get on the same page with expectations and needs - and some IC should help you work through any problems you have with attention, etc. It is a good investment just to make sure you are prepared to take the step of lifelong commitment yourself.

 

And again - congratulations on your formal engagement.

[allina]

Congratulations! :bunny:

 

I'm glad things worked out for you. Please be careful in the future. It sounds like your fiance isn't overly jealous, he knew guys might hit on you, what he didn't expect is for you to take such an active role in the flirting, by giving out your number.

 

Remember that this might come up again, in future disagreements and talks down the line. I think you understand that he may worry about your motivation in giving out your number, and wonder exactly what went down that night.

[AlektraClementine]

LaDiva - glad to hear the news!

 

You've learned a valuable lesson over this. Trick is, remembering it:p

 

I wholeheartedly support the idea of counseling. It's never a bad idea. Counseling doesn't replace what the two of you have as a couple. It merely gives you some extra insight and tools to help you along the way. And if the two of you are also religious, talking to the pastor is also a great idea.

 

Good luck, sweetie!

[LaDiva]

LaDiva - glad to hear the news!

 

You've learned a valuable lesson over this. Trick is, remembering it:p

 

I wholeheartedly support the idea of counseling. It's never a bad idea. Counseling doesn't replace what the two of you have as a couple. It merely gives you some extra insight and tools to help you along the way. And if the two of you are also religious, talking to the pastor is also a great idea.

 

Good luck, sweetie!

 

 

I would like to respond to the last three posts as a whole...

 

I have learned a very valuable lesson. I will keep this one brief, because we are back in the same bed again, and I'm definitely making up for lost time!

 

Everyone who posted, whether I agreed or disagreed, or agreed to disagree, I really appreciate it.

 

You guys really kept me grounded throughout this whole thing. I plan on being a more active member on LS.

 

I have thought about IC... why wait until I'm totally broken, to start fixing myself?

 

I hope that we make it through.

 

Muahz to all of you!

[harmfulsweetz]

Congrats! Really pleased for you. Damn right, get him to do it again I would.

 

 

I hope it all works out, we only learn by doing and at least it's a lesson learnt.

[LaDiva]

Congrats! Really pleased for you. Damn right, get him to do it again I would.

 

 

I hope it all works out, we only learn by doing and at least it's a lesson learnt.

 

thanks sweetz!

[Dexter Morgan]

Actually, the opposite is true. Women who are genuinely confident about themselves, don't need external validation from men, particularly when they have a fiance at home.

 

then why do I always hear one of the #1 reasons on this board that when women cheat its because they wanted to know if they still "got it" or wanted validation?

[Jilly Bean]

then why do I always hear one of the #1 reasons on this board that when women cheat its because they wanted to know if they still "got it" or wanted validation?

 

Because as I wrote, they lack confidence.

[Dexter Morgan]

Technically Sunday morning, because I left at 12:30 AM to go to the club...

 

ok, when you wrote this, it wasn't even a week? In that case the answer to the question, how long to expect this? Well, hard to say.

 

I'd say it may be a few weeks. Now as far as longer lasting effects, months down the road he may not act like he is now and things might seem normal again. but don't be fooled into thinking 100% trust is ever truly gained back. He will trust, but not blindly.

 

 

Okay so today like I said is our anniversary.

 

He comes in the house and asks me how was my day.

 

I'm like good, how was yours.

 

He said he did a lot of thinking... and that based on a whole bunch of things that he is asking me to marry him all over again, but that this time it should mean more, because I have this:

 

And he pulled a red velvet box out of his pocket, and opened it! Inside was a REAL ring... (you have to know the story behind our first "engagement" ... he had asked me to marry him in March after the myspace thing... and I said of course, and he gave me a cubic zirconia (sp?) ring. He promised to get me a real ring as soon as possible... hey... times are hard, and I didn't care, I'm in LOVE!

 

So he says "gimme your hand".. and I oblige, he puts the ring on my finger, he kisses me and says I love you, and I hug him and tell him I love him too...

 

But because I'm a stickler for tradition... I slide the ring half way down my finger and said, can you please propose all over again?

 

And he of course obliged after he said I was pushin' it.

 

A BIG part of me is ESTATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after we move out of this house, he said I should pick a venue...

 

But a small part of me knows that we still have to work on the issues that caused the rift in the first place...

 

Do I start posting on the other boards now?

 

Will you guys be there?

 

Am I right to think that we should definitely do some counseling before we marry?

 

yes, you definitely need to do counseling before you marry. Because he was trolling for women on the net, and you did what you did. So unless you nip it in the bud, your marriage is doomed.

 

So yes, get counseling, and congrats.

 

oh...and no more clubs.