We were both married... I told his wife and it ended really, really badly!

[Fallen Angel]

Have i just not had enough sleep? Because the way I read AG's original post she met the man , held his hand, "HOPED" he would be her lover, and then he cut off contact. After which she spent years stalking him, attempting to destroy his M (for an A that never happened... Obviously there is a distinct possibility that he has had other affairs, but NO A here) and harrassed the MMs W, because she had HOPE that he MAY become her lover? WOW. And I thought my life was dramatic... *breathes a sigh of relief* I almost feel okay and normal right now. THANKS AG!!!

[Heather1]

Have your H read this and GET YOURSELF TO A HOSPITAL!!

 

All he knew is that he had to stop my behaviour my not rewarding it and embarrasingly for me and sadly for him, it has taken all this time for him to succeed.

 

WHAT??????

 

But that is life, bad things and incredibly worse things like accidents, tragedies happen all the time.

 

WHAT????

 

It really has to be the end now as I can't take it any longer.

 

WHAT????

 

You're on the brink of doing something REALLY STUPID!!!! I'm telling ya, go to a hospital NOW!!! Have the ER read these statements. This whole thread is stalking, and if I were this guy I'd be scared to death here. He's done NOTHING. He's a STALKING VICTIM!!!

 

OK boys & girls, this is why you don't go to sex sites.

[aussiegirl66]

MSUE, yes I didn't want to respond to these posts all because I didn't want to put this thread up there again near the top of the list when there are others coming through that are so much more worthy of attention.

 

MSUE, thank you so much for caring...I have sunk into a deeper depression and reading the last two posts on here (Fallen Angel and Heather1) and their apparent smugness that they didn't go to the lengths I did just makes me even more depressed. Went to see psychiatrist on Friday.. he didn't seem to care that I was depressed, just talked about the usual drivel about general stuff like some of his other patients, what he did in his psychiatry training (wrote up over 50 therapy sessions) about how I can't handle the pressure when I have taken on too much study and how he does do psychotherapy for victims of sexual abuse because they really seem to need it. He gave me a few comments on dealing with my situation and I agreed I am going to leave me alone. Others I could have read out of a self-help book like from Melody Beattie's meditations on Letting Go, which I read avidly but which don't really help with the depression. I wish I hadn't posted on here, now but the letter I got from the cellphone provider catalysed it. He told me not to "catastrophise" the situation, but that is exactly what alot of the replies on here have done - "catastrophise" the situation though obviously in different ways than I have done as per Heather1's post. The psychiatrist asked why I posted on here if it makes me so upset and miserable reading the replies. I wonder - perhaps that is part of my self-abuse thing I sometimes do.

 

Silverfish, your post is really, really beautiful and moving and I thank you. You are such a beautiful person. But I wish you were right. People who have been in contact with me like him most certainly don't love me and never did. He is only afraid of me and probably wishes there was a machine that could erase any memory he has of me which only occurs if I contact him, therefore, I won't ever contact him as I don't want to be a burden to someone's life and perpetuate someone's pain.

 

Fallen Angel and Heather1 thanks for your snide condescending and belittling comments. I am not sure how on earth they are supposed to help me - they only make YOU feel better not the person who has the problem, hence I really don't know what place posts like this have on here. But I guess I deserve all the SH*T I get, which is their justification for it.

 

In particular, Fallen Angel I am glad your life are in such good shape and you are mentally all there. Perhaps it has helped you to mock me and to feel better about yourself and your situation, which seems allowable for people to do that on here.

 

Heather1 I am great that my post has provided the cyber-equivalent of "Days of our Lives" for you. Lots of people (though almost all are men) are on sex sites and it doesn't work out the way for them it has for me. Nor have all the men I have met on there (I don't meet men on there anymore despite being tempted to when I chat on the site when I am bored) have I fallen for the way I did for him.

 

It seems that YOU are the only one left on here who wants to create drama out of my situation. As for me going to an ER - well thanks for the thought, I know you mean well, but that is an absolutely ridiculous suggestion to make. If I am not going to create more drama in this situation. Nor am I going to show my husband. I have told him I post on here and he is plainly NOT interested and not interested in reading any of this. He also wishes I didn't post about it as it makes me upset and has done so even when I am not reading or posting on here.

 

There is nothing left of me. No one really cares or is going to defend me against posters of the ilk of Fallen Angel and Heather1 so, I guess I don't care either.

 

Please just kindly leave me alone in peace.

[aussiegirl66]

Aussiegirl, what made you fall in love with your Virgo Husband? Was there a lot of passion in the beginning?

 

stillafool..I will answer your question. It is so long ago - 20 years ago that we met, I think. I was quite young and naive for my age, perhaps compared to my peers due to living a fairly sheltered and bookwormy life and my parents were strict and I was embarrassed about alot of things, including my interest in young men. I fell in love with my husband because he was a good person who really, really wanted me, loved and cared for me. He was my first boyfriend. I had no idea about sex and sexual passion as I hadn't experienced it before. Sure we had sex after we got married, but it was definitely not fireworks. I didn't understand what physical longing and passion was. I only found out about it later, unfortunately. My husband says he is passionately in love with me - it is just that for him, he doesn't chose to express his passion sexually, which I understand and have chosen to accept.

[whichwayisup]

Aussie, get a NEW therapist. The one you have now isn't working. You're paying him to HELP you, not to sit there and listen to him and his life. WTF, that really p*sses me off.. Please, get a new therapist, someone who specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). You need help so badly.

 

MSUE, thank you so much for caring...I have sunk into a deeper depression and reading the last two posts on here (Fallen Angel and Heather1) and their apparent smugness that they didn't go to the lengths I did just makes me even more depressed

If reading posts here are upsetting you, making you feel more depressed, then maybe it's time to not read anything more on LS. Stay in PM mode with the friends you've made here, communicate that way.

[aussiegirl66]

Aussie, get a NEW therapist. The one you have now isn't working. You're paying him to HELP you, not to sit there and listen to him and his life. WTF, that really p*sses me off.. Please, get a new therapist, someone who specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). You need help so badly.

 

 

If reading posts here are upsetting you, making you feel more depressed, then maybe it's time to not read anything more on LS. Stay in PM mode with the friends you've made here, communicate that way.

 

whichwayisup...thanks...I can barely hold back tears now and I should be doing my work which is all overdue. He is my psychiatrist and has been since about 2002. The funny thing is, he is the one that patients go to when they have been unsuccessful with OTHER psychiatrists, which is what he tells me. He is very laid back, which I guess is why patients like him. I can't help but sometimes blame him because I remember that fateful night in Aug 2007 when I was in his surgery and I was madly texting this MM asking and begging for me to see him for five minutes after the appointment with him was over, he could have stopped me, but he was mad at me for taking up his time after the consult was over. I guess he couldn't stop me and it was not his place to do so, but if he had really been hard tough on me then, I wonder whether I would still be suffering in the way I am now.

 

I am not sure whether I have posted enough on here to qualify for PM'ing someone. I think I may have to join as a subscription member which I have thought about doing, but not sure, as being on here, while it has been very helpful with the tough comments, it takes up alot of my mental energy when I should be doing other things. I have met some really lovely people on here, so thank you for the suggestion.

[whichwayisup]

Or just keep posting, answering other people's threads until you reach enough posts and hopefully by mid-October you'll have PM access.

 

Look, sometimes people grow apart from their therapists.. They can only take you so far.. This guy may have been helpful to you in the past, but he ISN'T anymore. Maybe think about finding another T to talk to, and still keep him if you wish.. But I'm telling you, this guy is missing alot of red flags with you and at the end of the day, he isn't really helping you, he's doing MORE harm.

 

I've never heard of a therapist getting "mad" at their clients either.. That's unprofessional and rude!

[Heather1]

Those comments I read sounded suicidal, which is why I suggested a hospital. I'm actually very scared for you. I think you should have a professional read some of this stuff.

[Ms. Red]

I agree Heather1.

 

I read your post as showing concern for her. I'm sorry she took it the wrong way. I was feeling the same way after her last post.

 

I wish you well aussiegirl66! =^-^=

[Heather1]

FWIW AG, I'm in a ton of pain too after not getting a call back ending a two year relationship. I'm just blaming myself & not him, I wish him well. He flat out told me he'd never love me.

[Athena]

but if he had really been hard tough on me then, I wonder whether I would still be suffering in the way I am now.

 

Aussiegirl, you are right -- there is no 'instant cure' for you. In fact, there is probably no 'cure' for you at all. There is no hope.

So -- just do what you do -- go out and find another guy to obsess over, and this other MM will disappear out of your mind immediately.

That's the only way you will do it -- obsess some more. Over someone new.

[Athena]

And -- You are right -- people don't recognize your frailty and your specialness, they don't see that they should treat you as someone Special -- the way this other MM just dumped you, and ignored your loving communication was a snub of your Interest and Love in him. Yes, you are hurt. Yes, you have no control over his feelings and actions and you wonder why the hell not?!

 

Anyway, try get a few more men on your agenda book, and see how you can fill your mental time up with them. Try not to tell them you are considered to have a mental illness, 'cause that may tip them off prematurely, or scare them off... you want to give yourself a running start.

 

You are built for obsessing, so indulge yourself. You can always keep the Local Guy in your thoughts, but get cracking on some new men to occupy your loving thoughts. It'll keep you occupied. The LocalGuy is clearly not worth much more of your time -- two years you gave him, get some new people now.

[aussiegirl66]

whichwayisup, in fairness to him, the psychiatrist didn't exactly get "mad", it was more of a passive frustration with me, because I was still in his surgery texting this guy while the consultation was over. He was trying to occupy himself with finishing off some paperwork, but really wanted me gone so he could go get away in time to go to his mother's to have dinner, which is customary for him for Friday nights. Anyway, it is a long time ago.

 

I have actually seen two other psychiatrists in the last two years after this psychiatrist said that he hadn't helped me in the last five years. Both of them agree with my psychiatrist's diagnosis about having OCD and other disorders (I think), they agree with the medication I am on and they agree with the treatment plan. Basically, it seems other psychiatrists are loathe to have anything to do with me, perhaps they see me as too hard (having both OCD, some borderline traits and having had a hypomanic episode) so they write their lovely, eloquent letters to my psychiatrist letting him know that their opinion is the same, basicallly, and it's back to square one with him.

 

I am seeing a therapist on Tuesday, so I guess we will see how that goes, but thank you for your concern.

[aussiegirl66]

Those comments I read sounded suicidal, which is why I suggested a hospital. I'm actually very scared for you. I think you should have a professional read some of this stuff.

 

Heather1, yes, I did take your comments the wrong way, but it is easy to do that with written communication, so I am sorry. I don't think I am in need of a hospital though, I am quite depressed, not just about this but other things in my life. Thank you for your concern, though.

[aussiegirl66]

And -- You are right -- people don't recognize your frailty and your specialness, they don't see that they should treat you as someone Special -- the way this other MM just dumped you, and ignored your loving communication was a snub of your Interest and Love in him. Yes, you are hurt. Yes, you have no control over his feelings and actions and you wonder why the hell not?!

 

Anyway, try get a few more men on your agenda book, and see how you can fill your mental time up with them. Try not to tell them you are considered to have a mental illness, 'cause that may tip them off prematurely, or scare them off... you want to give yourself a running start.

 

You are built for obsessing, so indulge yourself. You can always keep the Local Guy in your thoughts, but get cracking on some new men to occupy your loving thoughts. It'll keep you occupied. The LocalGuy is clearly not worth much more of your time -- two years you gave him, get some new people now.

 

Athena, I appreciate what you are trying to do with your sarcastic comments, you feel that I am just digging my own grave by having anything more to do with men on a sex site, but somehow I don't think you get that I have OCD, which means I obsess about many things, not just men who have gone.

 

I obsess about special sentimental things that have been thrown out or broken or which I can't find (one in particular I am really upset at the moment was a gift from my only sister when I was flower girl at her wedding in 1972 which is gone and which I now wish I had (and for which I only blame myself for not putting it in a safe place with the family home being sold), I find it hard to discard newspapers and stuff, all of which is irrelevant to this thread, but if you only knew how much of my life has been affected by this illness and the limitations it has imposed on me, I wonder whether you would be so dismissive. Thank you all the same, though.

[aussiegirl66]

And -- You are right -- people don't recognize your frailty and your specialness, they don't see that they should treat you as someone Special -- the way this other MM just dumped you, and ignored your loving communication was a snub of your Interest and Love in him. Yes, you are hurt. Yes, you have no control over his feelings and actions and you wonder why the hell not?!

 

Anyway, try get a few more men on your agenda book, and see how you can fill your mental time up with them. Try not to tell them you are considered to have a mental illness, 'cause that may tip them off prematurely, or scare them off... you want to give yourself a running start.

 

You are built for obsessing, so indulge yourself. You can always keep the Local Guy in your thoughts, but get cracking on some new men to occupy your loving thoughts. It'll keep you occupied. The LocalGuy is clearly not worth much more of your time -- two years you gave him, get some new people now.

 

 

Athena, I just read through some of your other posts, and stupidly did not realise until now that you are a betrayed spouse, which explains the bitterness in your post. I don't understand your marriage, you don't understand mine. I am sure you have voiced your own issues about your own marriage on other threads. I don't need you or anyone else using the opportunity while I am down to kick me some more by bashing me on this thread about the betrayal of my marriage when you have NO IDEA how it feels to have a man not want to make love to you and suggest that it is me who has to initiate sex and when your psychiatrist and other people say that he is very much unlike other men.

 

As I have said countless times on here before, kindly LEAVE ME ALONE IN PEACE AND GO SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR YOUR CONCERNS, NOT HERE, WHEN I HAVE SAID COUNTLESS TIMES BEFORE THAT I CANNOT COPE!

 

Thank you.

[anne1707]

Aussiegirl

 

As a former WS, I agree totally with Athena. How does that stand with you now? Yet again a WS and a BS telling you the same thing?

[anne1707]

A WS stands for Wayward Spouse - i.e. I had an affair whilst married.

 

A BS is a Betrayed Spouse - i.e. their spouse had the affair.

 

As you can see, completely different. And as you can see, you are a WS.

 

 

 

I am not trying to hurt you. I am trying to help you. You are relishing all this drama that you have created and continue to create in on LS. Please get yourself some good psychiatric care as soon as possible because you really cannot see how much of a mess you are in.

[Tony]

aussiegirl66 is obviously not getting what she needs here because many well meaning members are not understanding her situation and her state of mind. I feel strongly now that the OP may require outside intervention by a competent therapist. She is reading responses here that are hurting and not supportive. Right now she is in grave need of understanding and support.

 

I am truly sorry that aussiegirl66 is not getting the kind of responses she was hoping for and, at this point, I don't want our site to be responsible for her further pain. If this was a situation we could change, I would leave this thread up. However, our members are who they are and they give it to people the way they see it. In some cases, because of communication and other barriers they may not fully grasp the situation but they do their best. I do feel this thread contains some excellent advice, especially early on...items posted almost three weeks ago.

 

assiegirl66, just please promise us all you will get professional, one on one, counseling as soon as possible so this situation can improve for you. Thank you!