We were both married... I told his wife and it ended really, really badly!

[MistyK]

 

However, we are not mental health experts. Nor are we here to give mental health advice. The OP needs to seek out her mental health help, her therapist or a more drastic or intensive care experience. This is not the place for this type of advice. Nor IMO is it the responders responsibility to be aware of cater to any mental health issues the OP may have.

 

 

It's not about catering, it's about not aggravating. Honestly, is it wise to push this woman to a point where she's not safe? Anyones want THAT on their conscience?

[tinktronik]

It's not about catering, it's about not aggravating. Honestly, is it wise to push this woman to a point where she's not safe? Anyones want THAT on their conscience?

 

The advice is the same Dex would give any other poster on this board.

 

Apparently everyone, including the OP, knows she is diagnosed as BPD. It is clearly recognized that she thrives on attention, wether positive or negative. The greatest risk to her well being is a sudden withdrawal of attention and so this forum is being used as an excellent place for people to speak their minds freely and openly about the behavior that she has brought our attention to.

 

Affording her open and honest opinions about that behavior may serve her well in making better decisions in the future should she choose to do so. BPDs are well known to be resistant to therapy while engaged in said therapy affording them a handy excuse for inexcusable and symptomatic behavior. Being straight with her like:

 

Stop stalking people.

 

or

 

Stop drinking.

 

or

 

Stop attempting to cheat on your spouse.

 

or

 

Stop blaming others for your poor behavior.

 

Straight talk may well be the most effective form of therapy she ever gets and is unlikely to be what she is receiving from her therapist unless he or she is aware of the truth of the OP's behavior.

 

If the OP is "aggravated" then she does indeed need to check herself in to a inpatient facility, in order to keep both herself safe and others as well; just as previous poster have suggested.

[fooled once]

Because fooled once, she isn't psychotic or suicidal. She has stated that she has borderline personality disorder and OCD. Having personality issues that lead you to great interpersonal difficulties don't qualify you for inpatient hospitalization. She explained this herself.

 

Repeatedly raising the issue of inpatient care obviously pushes her buttons, so why do it? Especially when she's already addressed it. Let it go!

 

Borderlines, when feeling victimized, invalidated and annihilated (as she's stated she feels) either love you or hate you, and quickly turn their hatred into self-loathing, and then become suicidal. We are seeing here that she is spiraling down. She's said as much in her most recent posts.

 

Because inpatient CAN be done -- I know of several people who have done it.

 

She called a hotline twice in one day; she knows she needs help yet .....

 

She can at least have a 72 hour evaluation.

[PhoenixRise]

Op

 

If you are still reading here please stop. Step away from the computer. Focus on your real life and getting well.

 

I am getting the feeling that you crave attention so badly that even negative attention will do. It seems that this is what has driven your interactions with MM and maybe it is what is driving you here since you mentioned in your original post that you would face derision here.

 

I don't think you are being helped here. I don't think it is possible for nameless faceless posters here at LS or on any internet forum to help you. You need face to face, in real life help and I hope you get it.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dex,

It is time to lay off here. You're trying to talk to her like she's a sane person who is just being selfish.

 

 

you and I finally agree on something.

[KonfusedinCanada]

you and I finally agree on something.

 

I second that (third that?) Dex - harsh is good - but most likely will get lost on the OP as there definitely seems to be a fair bit of crazy going on here

[KonfusedinCanada]

It's not about catering, it's about not aggravating. Honestly, is it wise to push this woman to a point where she's not safe? Anyones want THAT on their conscience?

Misty - well said and I agree

[MSUE]

this is just one big hot mess...you lost grip on what reality really was and is and you are still in that stage...you misinterprited everything about this man and his actions...and because of your mental health issues that are not only apparent but have been there before...it just fueled the fantasy even more...I don't think anyone is questioning the fact that your feelings for this man are real...you fell in love or whatnot...although its hard to distinguish between falling in love and obsessing as there is a very fine fine line.

 

truthfully I still feel and think that this man did not wrong you by telling you to stop and that he didn't want to communicate with you...there's nothing wrong with that...you can't force yourself onto someone who doesn't want you...we all know how you went about it basically stalking him

 

you need to continue taking care of yourself and maybe consider going inpatient again...because it looks like you might need more than just a weekly session...what happened with this man and what is in your head do not match and is almost as if you are in some form of denial...this obsession has been very self destructive

 

someway somehow please understand that this man owes you nothing...not a darn thing...

 

if some responses are getting to be too much I agree with whomever said stay away from the PC...also how about printing the whole thread and sharing it with your therapist?

[aussiegirl66]

Op

 

If you are still reading here please stop. Step away from the computer. Focus on your real life and getting well.

 

I am getting the feeling that you crave attention so badly that even negative attention will do. It seems that this is what has driven your interactions with MM and maybe it is what is driving you here since you mentioned in your original post that you would face derision here.

 

I don't think you are being helped here. I don't think it is possible for nameless faceless posters here at LS or on any internet forum to help you. You need face to face, in real life help and I hope you get it.

 

 

PhoenixRise, I will respond to you, just to let you know I am O.K. in terms of not wanting to do anything to myself. I understand that what I did by pursuing him was stalking and that it was wrong and that he had a right to refuse any more communication with me. What happened was humiliating and embarrassing in addition to be extremely distressing for me and yes, I did crave any sort of attention from him, no matter if it was negative. He probably realised that that is what "pushes my buttons" and used that fact against me and that is why he refused to answer any of my sms's or emails and that is what makes it hurt all the more, too and makes me think of him as a cruel man. I know and understand what everyone has said. It just hurts like hell and has left me quite depressed and I am not sure whether I will be able to complete my studies, or just fail everything as what I have read here has been quite shocking and it really doesn't make me want to go on with life in a very enthusiastic way. I am on medication anyway.

 

I would like to reply to each of the other posters, but I can barely contain my tears when I read this and my husband has seen me and my depression and also doesn't want me reading this as he sees me crying and not being able to do anything for hours or days on end. I am not sure what to do. I can only wait for a referral from the therapist I saw last week to another therapist which I will get on Monday morning.

 

I think I have made it perfectly clear that being in a psychiatric hospital is going to do nothing and I am not eligible for admission, anyway. That fact seems to be lost on some of the posters here. I understand how they can say that I should be in hospital, given what I have done to this MM, but the fact is hospitalisation can't do anything for me. They can put me on stronger, anti-psychotic-type meds, but I am not psychotic, so I don't qualify for admission. Neither am I depressed enough to qualify for in-patient admission, nor am I self-harming. Therefore, I can't get admitted to hospital.

 

I understand and feel my pain only too well - I am not in any "unreal" state about the reality of what I have done, because if I was, I wouldn't feel so much pain on reading these posts. Anger yes, because everyone says he was justified to ignore me IN THE WAY HE DID, but mainly just self-hatred at my refusal to accept "no" alot sooner than I should have and in the way I caused him stress by him having to go to the police, hang-up on me three weeks ago and have the letter sent from my mobile phone company about the last 3 text messages I sent him.

 

I understand what everyone is saying and the effect of reading these posts is real. I am not brushing off what is being said to suit my skewed or disturbed view of reality. It is not that I fail to see what everyone is saying is not correct, as it is really shocking me, but the pain I feel in knowing that I have lost this man forever is really very difficult to bear. I am not saying this because I want to get involved with him again, but I have to live with the fact that there is someone out there who hates my guts so much that the best thing he can do is to forget me, and that is difficult. I hope he is happy in his life, but of course he must be as he doesn't suffer any sort of mental illness and if still decides he wants sex on the side, I am sure he will be more careful in choosing a woman in the future.

 

I disagree with anyone who says that he did not annihilate me. While he was justified in doing so, the fact remains that that is what he did.

 

Anyway, I just have to learn to deal with pain and that is the most I can probably get out of therapy. I don't think I will get myself involved in a situation like this again.

[aussiegirl66]

MSUE..just to reply to your post...I wanted to say thank you for your post, you are right. Yes, I think you are right...Unfortunately it is too late for him - he is gone forever and I only have myself to blame for it and yes, I cannot blame him as he was justified in his actions. It won't happen again though, I can assure you and if I means I have to live on heavy medication for the rest of my life to ensure it doesn't happen again, then so be it. I will discuss this with my psychiatrist --about being on heavier medication as a type of "prophylactic" against me forming delusional thoughts about men again.

 

I really can't cope with reading alot of these responses - it just brings me to tears and then just makes me feel numb because I don't know how to deal with the pain this situation has brought me and the fact that it is too late. I had every intention of taking all this thread and all the responses to a therapist, but as I said to PhoenixRising, it is too late now, the most I can learn now is to deal with the pain, because as I said, I am definitely not going to contact him in any way, shape or form again. That has at least been one good outcome of the postings - that I will be able to block any desire I have to ever contact him again.

[MSUE]

AG continue to work on healing...as it will not be an overnight success...its going to take some time along with the right guidance and the will power ..sometimes it takes multiple therapists visits till you find the right one for you...there's a certain chemistry needed...and yes you may need heavier medication now to help you till therapy kicks in...you may not...and it also doesn't mean you'll be on them for life...there is truly no way to know...that's why you need to continue seeing a psych...let him or her figure that one out

 

 

BTW how are you feeling today?

[aussiegirl66]

AG continue to work on healing...as it will not be an overnight success...its going to take some time along with the right guidance and the will power ..sometimes it takes multiple therapists visits till you find the right one for you...there's a certain chemistry needed...and yes you may need heavier medication now to help you till therapy kicks in...you may not...and it also doesn't mean you'll be on them for life...there is truly no way to know...that's why you need to continue seeing a psych...let him or her figure that one out

 

 

BTW how are you feeling today?

 

Hi MSUE, I am feeling pretty bad, thanks for asking. Just lots of sleeping in and ignoring my studies and other responsibilities such as household tasks, and not really interested in doing much besides eating to stop feeling hungry when I can. When I read these posts I just end up in tears and then really numb, but I keep on reading, anyway. The study I am doing is really difficult and it is going to mean I need to muster up any shred of self-esteem I have left (after he has destroyed it all) to get through this semester without failing and hence squandering all the fees these subjects cost.

 

Also, I can't understand why I get notification from my tracking program that he read a previous email I sent him, but not the first one about how I got the letter from my mobile phone company and how I would never contact him again, which he would have seen when he went to read the previous one, as the day he read that one was the day I sent the first one of two about never contacting him again. I want him to get the message that I will never have any contact with him again, as I don't want him to suffer not knowing what I will do next. As my one of my previous text messages said that I "won't give up" I need to let him know that I HAVE given up and that I am defeated and that he has finally won in his efforts. I know the email tracking program works, but I am baffled.

 

Anyway, I really don't care about myself, because I deserve what I got, it seems - all I think about it how happy he must be to have done actions towards me such as hanging up when I rang and getting that letter sent from my mobile phone company about my last few sms'. I guess he has a right to be happy and to deserve to be happy, because as you say, he has done nothing wrong besides rejecting someone he didn't want in his life, so why should I wonder about that? He is probably getting all the sex and love and attention he wants from his wife now, now that she is not pregnant or whatever, or who knows where he is "getting it"? He sounds like he has a pretty sound ego structure to cope with it all.

 

A guy who runs a personal development program here in Australia who you can ring on for support anytime, however put it another way. He said that "little aussiegirl" was just looking for love, just looking to be happy, like everyone else on the planet and that this man just annihilated me, but that somewhere I got the message somewhere in my childhood or formative past that it was O.K. to be annihilated, so I just kept on doing the same thing to him, which was contacting him and getting even more annihilated in the process. Anyway, it is too late for rationalisations, the damage has been done.

 

All I know is that reading all this stuff has brought it up for me again, and it makes me feel like he really has destroyed me and that no matter what I do in life to make myself feel better, no matter what I achieve, no matter what I do to give to others in my volunteer work, to think about my husband and other family members's needs, no matter how I "move on" from all this, it is all just a farce really, just a way of passing time in life until death, as I have it on my conscience that this man really hates me, and that for reasons only beknownst to him, he only thought of himself, not how much he destroyed me all those many months ago back in 2007 which set-up the train of events which was to follow.

 

As I said earlier, I think reading these responses has really hurt and really shocked me. On the other hand I must really thank all the posters for the time and trouble they have gone to in posting because I guess I needed to be shocked into never contacting him again - so to all posters, I thank you very much. I can see my thread has gone down the list now so I thought I should thank everyone.

 

Thank you MSUE and everyone else.

[silverfish]

Is there someone you can talk to who is close to you - sister or mum maybe? You sound like a good person, but you've lost your way somewhere. You need someone to look after you right now. Has your H read the posts? If not please make him, and please get some help xx

[MSUE]

Hi MSUE, I am feeling pretty bad, thanks for asking. Just lots of sleeping in and ignoring my studies and other responsibilities such as household tasks, and not really interested in doing much besides eating to stop feeling hungry when I can. When I read these posts I just end up in tears and then really numb, but I keep on reading, anyway. The study I am doing is really difficult and it is going to mean I need to muster up any shred of self-esteem I have left (after he has destroyed it all) to get through this semester without failing and hence squandering all the fees these subjects cost.

 

Also, I can't understand why I get notification from my tracking program that he read a previous email I sent him, but not the first one about how I got the letter from my mobile phone company and how I would never contact him again, which he would have seen when he went to read the previous one, as the day he read that one was the day I sent the first one of two about never contacting him again. I want him to get the message that I will never have any contact with him again, as I don't want him to suffer not knowing what I will do next. As my one of my previous text messages said that I "won't give up" I need to let him know that I HAVE given up and that I am defeated and that he has finally won in his efforts. I know the email tracking program works, but I am baffled.

 

Anyway, I really don't care about myself, because I deserve what I got, it seems - all I think about it how happy he must be to have done actions towards me such as hanging up when I rang and getting that letter sent from my mobile phone company about my last few sms'. I guess he has a right to be happy and to deserve to be happy, because as you say, he has done nothing wrong besides rejecting someone he didn't want in his life, so why should I wonder about that? He is probably getting all the sex and love and attention he wants from his wife now, now that she is not pregnant or whatever, or who knows where he is "getting it"? He sounds like he has a pretty sound ego structure to cope with it all.

 

A guy who runs a personal development program here in Australia who you can ring on for support anytime, however put it another way. He said that "little aussiegirl" was just looking for love, just looking to be happy, like everyone else on the planet and that this man just annihilated me, but that somewhere I got the message somewhere in my childhood or formative past that it was O.K. to be annihilated, so I just kept on doing the same thing to him, which was contacting him and getting even more annihilated in the process. Anyway, it is too late for rationalisations, the damage has been done.

 

All I know is that reading all this stuff has brought it up for me again, and it makes me feel like he really has destroyed me and that no matter what I do in life to make myself feel better, no matter what I achieve, no matter what I do to give to others in my volunteer work, to think about my husband and other family members's needs, no matter how I "move on" from all this, it is all just a farce really, just a way of passing time in life until death, as I have it on my conscience that this man really hates me, and that for reasons only beknownst to him, he only thought of himself, not how much he destroyed me all those many months ago back in 2007 which set-up the train of events which was to follow.

 

As I said earlier, I think reading these responses has really hurt and really shocked me. On the other hand I must really thank all the posters for the time and trouble they have gone to in posting because I guess I needed to be shocked into never contacting him again - so to all posters, I thank you very much. I can see my thread has gone down the list now so I thought I should thank everyone.

 

Thank you MSUE and everyone else.

 

yikes...well I'm glad you are responding so at least we know you are hanging in...

 

as far as your self esteem it was not him who destroyed it...and as far as you wanting him to know that "you have given up" the best way to let him know its to stop all together and I trust that you can handle that...difficult yes...but doable...you have to

[aussiegirl66]

Is there someone you can talk to who is close to you - sister or mum maybe? You sound like a good person, but you've lost your way somewhere. You need someone to look after you right now. Has your H read the posts? If not please make him, and please get some help xx

 

Hi Silverfish...thanks for your post. I can't really talk to anyone in my family and my H doesn't want me to read these posts if they are too upsetting, but I am O.K., I can step back from the computer when I want to. I think he understands the gist of what has been said and how many posters feel sympathy for him as the wronged, hurt H of the woman pursuing the Other MM, so that is O.K. My husband seems to be tough enough to cope with it and we do discuss it all. I have one friend who has helped me, she used to be a lawyer and tried to scare me into leaving this guy alone and the implications of continuing to not leave him alone, but it didn't work, and I can't just rely on her all the time, but it looks as thought I have got what I needed by posting on here, thanks to the great posters on here.

 

I bought the book "The language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie, which is really helpful, even though it is meant to be read in a diary or day-to-day format, I am reading it straight through. Though I wince at myself when I think of the things that I did which caused him to do the things he did, I am really sad and really regretful that things had to end this way, and that he is still hostile to me after all this time, but I just have to put it out of my head. Thank you.

[aussiegirl66]

Untouchable Fire...well the short answer is that I have obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, so basically I have issues around loss of control and loss. The strange thing is, that while I had very controlling parents, I am not like that to others, I am pretty much an easy-going person, except when it comes to the possibility of losing them or something, or after they or things have gone. That is when I really panic.

 

That is the short answer. The long answer would probably require a psychoanalytic explanation is probably not appropriate for here. I am a bit touchy about this as one of the responses he said when I asked him by text as to why I had destroyed everything was due to my "psychobabble, inability to relax and over-analyse everything." I felt really insulted by that, as it blamed me for everything, dismissed his part in things going wrong, and what if that was my profession - to analyse things, or if it was just my analytical personality, so he was having a go and what could be my occupation and/or my personality. I could have said something about his personality defects, but I didn't. Just not nice, IMHO.

[aussiegirl66]

I just wanted to say thanks to those posters above, thanks for kicking someone when they are down and I hope you got your entertainment value out of it - they know who they are and I am not singling out any-one in particular, who may have contravened the code of Character and conduct, subsection dealing with Civility and Respect of this site, as quoted below:-

 

"Character and conduct

 

Civility and respect

 

We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.

Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant"

Just letting you know that I tolerated the put-downs because I felt ingratiated to posters who posted on here and that in my sad state I just accepted whatever was thrown back at me, but that it really hurts and I wish I could throw more pithy Australian insults at you, but of course, I can't

 

Oh and the full quote is: "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" !

[bentnotbroken]

I don't know about anyone else, but the OP is being fed by the negative comments and the fewer she gets, the angrier she appears to become. We really shouldn't feed into her issues any more. She needs something that we really aren't equipped to give other then prayers for a complete recovery. Just a suggestion.

[aussiegirl66]

I don't know about anyone else, but the OP is being fed by the negative comments and the fewer she gets, the angrier she appears to become. We really shouldn't feed into her issues any more. She needs something that we really aren't equipped to give other then prayers for a complete recovery. Just a suggestion.

 

bentnotbroken...sorry, but I have to disagree. What you have said is not true and it is up to each individual to make their own judgement about me, based on what they have read from other posters. I don't appreciate comments like "there is crazy going on, etc" and even worse from earlier posters, and it has taken this time for me to work out how abusive these posts have been and how unfair they are and how they go against the Terms of Use of this site.

 

I can assure that I am NOT being "fed" by the negative comments (if by that you mean encouraged to post, then I am not - I am merely standing up for myself), but that in fact, that they upset me very greatly and that I doubt other people would tolerate some of the comments that have been posted about me from the beginning of the thread, if it were said against them, regardless of whether they had a mental illness or not.

 

I thank you for your concern and assistance, but I find your comment condescending and extremely patronising. Moreover, I have no wish for prayer of any sort. I would appreciate it if you kindly refrain from trying to influence the forum with your opinion about this, especially when I have every right to voice this particular grievance. Thank you.

[bentnotbroken]

bentnotbroken...sorry, but I have to disagree. What you have said is not true and it is up to each individual to make their own judgement about me, based on what they have read from other posters. I don't appreciate comments like "there is crazy going on, etc" and even worse from earlier posters, and it has taken this time for me to work out how abusive these posts have been and how unfair they are and how they go against the Terms of Use of this site.

 

I can assure that I am NOT being "fed" by the negative comments (if by that you mean encouraged to post, then I am not - I am merely standing up for myself), but that in fact, that they upset me very greatly and that I doubt other people would tolerate some of the comments that have been posted about me from the beginning of the thread, if it were said against them, regardless of whether they had a mental illness or not.

 

I thank you for your concern and assistance, but I find your comment condescending and extremely patronising. Moreover, I have no wish for prayer of any sort. I would appreciate it if you kindly refrain from trying to influence the forum with your opinion about this, especially when I have every right to voice this particular grievance. Thank you.

 

 

Then hit the alert button and complain to the mods and they will deal with it properly. Again I urge others to consider what the repercussions might be but it is just a thought and my opinion. You are all adults and do what you see fit to do.

[bubblegum]

Hi Aussiegirl, glad to see that you're dealing, even if it is excruciating to do so. I'm very happy to hear that you're seeing another therapist on Monday, talking with your psychiatrist about adjusting meds, etc etc. That shows that you're truly working to move forward in a healthy manner, and it takes courage to do so.

 

I don't think you should feel obligated to address every post that is added to your thread, especially those that are redundant. I realize, as you've stated, that you believe everyone that has taken the time to respond to your thread deserves the respect of your response, but sometimes it isn't necessary; it is your right to decide that certain issues have already been addressed and are too upsetting, too harsh, too whatever... If you think that "ignoring" certain posts is terribly disrespectful to posters, consider that you may be projecting your own issues of feeling invalidated when you perceive yourself being ignored.

 

Further, I suggest you have compassion for posters as well. Some have been cheated on and carry that baggage with almost every post they make, on every thread they choose on which to post. Remember, everyone comes here with a wound of some sort or another. I bring this up because when reading through your thread I often find myself thinking that some posters don't seem to have compassion for the pain you're going through -- regardless of why you're in pain, or whether or not you're responsible for your pain -- but simply the pain in and of itself. Regardless, reminding yourself that others here are suffering and have suffered romantic pain, and might be bringing that into their posts might take the sting out of some of what you read.

 

You do seem to be oscillating between thanking all the posters for helping you realize the necessity of never contacting this guy again, and being angry at all the posters for being disrespectful and antagonistic. Perhaps you might examine that oscillation?

[MSUE]

AG,

 

not everyone here is going to be ok with your actions in this particular situation regardless of mental health playing a role...a lot of people and families have been trough hell and a lot of pain because of a person exhibiting the same bahavior as you...you have to understand that...and have perspective...yes you are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and I feel for you...but when you come to a site like this you need to be prepared to expect all different reactions and opinions as some have been in your shoes, some on his and some on the W's

 

you can't come here and expect for everyone to feel bad for you and have that nurturing that you are craving and need right now...its just how it is

 

anyhow...how are you feeling right now?

[aussiegirl66]

".....You do seem to be oscillating between thanking all the posters for helping you realize the necessity of never contacting this guy again, and being angry at all the posters for being disrespectful and antagonistic. Perhaps you might examine that oscillation?

 

Hi bubblegum..yes thanks again, I realise it appears that way..I am thankful at all the posters such as you and MSUE and many others who didn't make fun of my mental health issues in the way that some have in quite cruel ways (though one in particular has vacillated - if you look closely you will see an earlier taunt post and the later post(s) which is a bit more sympathetic) and if you read back you will see those that stand out - so I don't take that back..I am however grateful for the posters who have drawn my attention to the fact that the way I reacted to him in the way I did was because I have mental health issues and that if I didn't it would have been easier to cope with the rejection alot sooner and less painfullly.

 

I also understand that many on this particular thread have been wounded through being betrayed by their spouses, and that this affects their particular perspective and that they also see someone like me as 'fair game'.

[aussiegirl66]

AG,

 

not everyone here is going to be ok with your actions in this particular situation regardless of mental health playing a role...a lot of people and families have been trough hell and a lot of pain because of a person exhibiting the same bahavior as you...you have to understand that...and have perspective...yes you are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and I feel for you...but when you come to a site like this you need to be prepared to expect all different reactions and opinions as some have been in your shoes, some on his and some on the W's

 

you can't come here and expect for everyone to feel bad for you and have that nurturing that you are craving and need right now...its just how it is

 

anyhow...how are you feeling right now?

 

Hi again MSUE and thanks for checking in on me again - it is really very nice and thoughtful of you!

 

Yep....I understand that threads in this category are particularly sensitive because of the ones who have been hurt by betrayal of their spouses and I can sense the hurt and resentment in them towards someone like me coming along with their pain compared to the pain they find themselves in. I can certainly feel like what it must feel like to be betrayed, too and I also know that I have emotionally betrayed my husband.

 

I don't expect everyone to feel bad for me...I don't really know what to expect but I have been overwhelmed by kind messages and messages which have shocked me at the same time.

 

I don't know what I feel really MSUE, is worry and shame about what I have done. I guess if I knew that one day he could forgive me for the way I acted to his rejection, then I would be happy, but somehow I don't think that is going to happen because a) that requires a really deep understanding of me and insight on his part which he is not capable of and he has no reason to spend time on doing and b) because of his latest actions which really tell me alot about what he thinks of me (hate, anger, fear, indifference or all of these) -- that is the hard part for me in going on and putting this behind me, I think.

[bubblegum]

I don't know what I feel really MSUE, is worry and shame about what I have done. I guess if I knew that one day he could forgive me for the way I acted to his rejection, then I would be happy, but somehow I don't think that is going to happen because a) that requires a really deep understanding of me and insight on his part which he is not capable of and he has no reason to spend time on doing and b) because of his latest actions which really tell me alot about what he thinks of me (hate, anger, fear, indifference or all of these) -- that is the hard part for me in going on and putting this behind me, I think.

 

 

First of all, answer this simple question: why do you care so much what he thinks of you? (I have more questions, but I'll ask one at a time, in order to keep things as clear and precise as possible.)