Crazy with imagination? or is it real?

[Driving Miss Crazy]

It doesn’t come to mind another instance where I’ve dealt with the feelings I am having now. I can’t even out and I am driving myself crazy.

I have a new BF, of about 3 months. 2 weeks ago he drops this ‘bomb’ and says his XGF came to him for help. She is loosing a place to live and my BF offered for her to stay at his place for a while. (I know very little of the XGF, never cared to ask details of their relationship, time frame, etc. My usual MO is that I really don’t care. We all have pasts. We all have had previous relationships. Now we are with each other. End of story.)

When he told me about the offer he extended to the XGF, I thought Oh NO. I won’t do it. I won’t go for that. That is just too much to ask of me. There is no way I can feel comfortable in a relationship with him knowing that the XGF is at his home. I told him he had to make a choice; if he wanted to stay with me in the current way we are, he would have to tell her ‘no’ and advise her to go to her parents, family, someone other than him! If he choose to let her in, then I could only be friends with him.

He chose me. And I was OK for about 2 days. Then weird things started happening. I started becoming ultra sensitive to his comings and going. I asked that he give me the ‘end’ of the story when he told her she couldn’t stay there, I needed the closure that she found an alternative solution or at the very least, he was off the hook. Apparently, that conversation between the two of them has yet to happen. She never came back to him to firm up the move in. So he never got the chance to tell her no. Doesn’t that seem strange? Here she was desperate and now she’s no where to be found? She supposedly doesn’t have a phone either, so he can’t call her. Whatever. Yes, I am having a hard time believing what I am being told.

In addition to all of this, my BF has a problem with me visiting him at his apartment. Now, I must mention that he has been this way since day 1. So his lack of invitations is not new, I am just now REALLY sensitive to the fact that he won’t have me over. I have been there 3 times. And the last was 2 nights ago because I MADE him invite me over. (He thinks I’ll judge him because his living abode is not as nice as mine. Not so, I don’t care about his income or the amount of material things he has.)

So I have now worked myself into a sick-frenzy, convinced he is covering up, the XGF did move in and he won’t have me over to see what’s really going on. When I was there 2 days ago, there was no evidence, no lingering smells of hairspray, and I hate myself for even thinking to notice these things.

I really don’t think he’s cheating, I really don’t think the XGF is sharing space with him, but he’s still doing weird things. Last night he wouldn’t talk to me on the phone while he was in his apartment. How weird is that! I asked him why and he just says he has problems, but won’t elaborate. He insisted on sitting outside in cold Fall weather to talk to me. He did finally go in, but not after he deceived me by going into the basement laundry and said he was in his home. He had no explanation. This is driving me nuts. I don’t want to convict him on circumstantial evidence. But I have got to get a handle on my suspicions and I don’t have a clue how. Can you help me?!

[befuddled1]

Hi there,

First of all, I don't think you're being paranoid or reading too much into things, not at all. So much of what you wrote about, sounds suspicious.

 

The clincher was him not wanting to talk to you from WITHIN his apartment. That, to me, would indicate that "someone" might be there, and he doesn't want to talk with them around.

 

If I were you, I'd definitely pay a very unexpected visit to his apartment to see what the hell is really going on. If he doesn't let you in, then you should seriously consider dumping his arse because I think that would prove that something's up.

 

I'd be very curious to know just how long ago him and the XGF broke up, how long they'd been together, etc. I know that past is the past but if he broke up with her a week before you and he got together, there might still be some unresolved business there......maybe she left him and he's been "on the rebound" and she's now "back" and wanting to reconcile. You need to get to the bottom of this, and if you can't, to your satisfaction......then you need to do your best to move on to someone who is straight with you.

 

Keep us updated.

[Driving Miss Crazy]

Thanks for writing, although, it's not what I wanted to hear. I am sitting here in my chair with my stomach in knots. He's due over here in about an hour, we both took tomorrow off to celebrate my birthday. I so want to play ostrich, stick my head in the sand and enjoy his company. We have so much fun together.

 

I want to share more information;

 

I didn't mention in my original post that last night he did eventually go inside to his house and talked to me for a long time. But not at first, as I mentioned above. And, he called me at 6:45 this morning, from bed. I knew he was home, his cats were meowing in the background.

 

Second, he spends about 5 out of 7 nights with me at my house. I know nearly all his comings and goings and there is never too much lost time. I don't know when he'd have time for an affair. However, the subject I think is, is XGF staying at his house?

 

I am just bugged with myself that I am watching him. I've never been the jealous type. I think I have panic attacks and anxiety over all this and it prevents me from thinking logically. I find myself setting up tests to try and catch him or to see how he reacts to confirm my suspecions. I hate that! I hate it when someone does it to me!

 

I like the idea of an unannounced visit, but I don't like it. Make sense?

 

Ugh!