wiseup Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2]Just to give you some background info. K and I used to be in the same phd program and he transferred last semester. Not b/c of me though, he had been planning for that for a long time, way before he met me. Anyway, the drama of being the OW is, as everyone here knows, very, well, dramatic. I was really upset right before my finals last year cuz he was disappearing on me every couple of days(I didn't know he was married at the time). I failed one final. A personal record. I had always been a straight A student. Now i am taking the class again. Very humiliating. But it's something I have to do. Anyway, after throwing me under the bus for 5 months(4 days and 2 hrs), he just IM'ed me. I have been strict NC all this time and I blocked him. He used another screen name just now. Pls read it and tell me how I did. Feels like this is what I've been waiting for for 5 months. An ******* without a heart. (9:44:08 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]Did you ever pass that organic first level exam?[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:45:30 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]no, but i will, and i will get an A, just watch[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:45:47 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]just like i got an A on spectroscopy last semester, without u[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:46:17 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]Yea, no doubt that you will[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:47:02 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]There is no need for hostility though, I was just wondering...[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:47:15 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]i am not hostile[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:47:30 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]i am simply making a statement[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:47:41 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]Cool[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:48:07 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]Are you T/Aing any classes this semester?[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:49:07 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]u know, i've wondered for 5 months what would u say to me if we will ever talk again[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:49:24 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]but chitchatting is not really the way to go[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:49:44 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]Hmmm.. I'm not sure what you were expecting me to say[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:50:05 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]I was just wondering how you were doing, that's all[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:51:02 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]And whether you passed that exam[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:51:40 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]I find those exams sort of pointless anyway, seeing how they don't really decide anything[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:52:22 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]in 4 months i will let u know that i got an [/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:52:23 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]A[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:52:44 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]I know you'll do fine[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:53:06 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]and even if you don't, it's not like they will kick you out of the program or anything[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:53:18 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]so no worries[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:53:29 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]how's p-chem?[/sIZE] [sIZE=2][COLOR=#204a87](9:53:52 PM) [/COLOR][/sIZE][sIZE=3]c: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]i dont really want to talk to u[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:54:10 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]Ok then[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:54:21 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]I'll go tend to my reaction[/sIZE] [COLOR=#cc0000][sIZE=2](9:54:48 PM) [/sIZE][/COLOR][sIZE=3]K: [/sIZE][sIZE=3]Have a good one[/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiseup Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 (9:44:02 PM)K: Did you ever pass that organic first level exam? (9:45:30 PM) c: no, but i will, and i will get an A, just watch (9:45:47 PM) c: just like i got an A on spectroscopy last semester, without u (9:46:17 PM) K: Yea, no doubt that you will (9:47:02 PM) K: There is no need for hostility though, I was just wondering... (9:47:15 PM) c: i am not hostile (9:47:30 PM) c: i am simply making a statement (9:47:41 PM) K: Cool (9:48:07 PM) K: Are you T/Aing any classes this semester? (9:49:07 PM) c: u know, i've wondered for 5 months what would u say to me if we will ever talk again (9:49:24 PM) c: but chitchatting is not really the way to go (9:49:44 PM) K: Hmmm.. I'm not sure what you were expecting me to say (9:50:05 PM) K: I was just wondering how you were doing, that's all (9:51:02 PM) K: And whether you passed that exam (9:51:40 PM) K: I find those exams sort of pointless anyway, seeing how they don't really decide anything (9:52:22 PM) c: in 4 months i will let u know that i got an (9:52:23 PM) c: A (9:52:44 PM) K: I know you'll do fine (9:53:06 PM) K: and even if you don't, it's not like they will kick you out of the program or anything (9:53:18 PM) K: so no worries (9:53:29 PM) K: how's p-chem? (9:53:52 PM) c: i dont really want to talk to u (9:54:10 PM) K : Ok then (9:54:21 PM) K : I'll go tend to my reaction (9:54:48 PM) K : Have a good one Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I would have NOT responded period. Only good thing you said was "I don't really want to talk to you." Anyway, change your IM to something new now so he can never IM you again with a new screen name. He was fishing and to see if you would react. Anyway, he's an ass and him telling you "I'll go tend to my reaction" was said to see how you would react. Good you didn't take his bait. Forget him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiseup Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Anyway, he's an ass and him telling you "I'll go tend to my reaction" was said to see how you would react. Good you didn't take his bait. Forget him! WWIU, I am not sure if you got what he's saying by that. We are both chemistry majors. He meant he's in the lab, probably synthesizing something. But you could be right. He was just being passive-aggressive. As if I was gonna say "oh no, please stay, talk to me, tell me you love me". I think I finally see him for who he really is. A master manipulator. A tin man who needs a heart. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Yes he is. And next time its him just ignore him. Hes got nothing more to offer you than he did before he just needs to know that you still care for him. Because that is what they do. Not your job to babysit his ego or massage his self esteem Let him go im his wife... Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Just ignore him. And it is sad that you can count down the days/hour/minutes almost to the last time you had contact. He is still taking up too much space in your head. If I remember correctly, nothing physical ever happened, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiseup Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Just ignore him. And it is sad that you can count down the days/hour/minutes almost to the last time you had contact. He is still taking up too much space in your head. If I remember correctly, nothing physical ever happened, right? Yeah, it's an EA. Even though there were lots of passionate long hugs and kisses. Still, I'd say it's an EA. Nothing physical. Maybe that's why it didn't mean a thing to him. Men are pigs. Most time it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
whatisgoingon Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Yeah, it's an EA. Even though there were lots of passionate long hugs and kisses. Still, I'd say it's an EA. Nothing physical. Maybe that's why it didn't mean a thing to him. Men are pigs. Most time it's true. I totally agree with the men are pigs. Link to post Share on other sites
lovely12 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Wow! After 5 months of no contacting. He must still really like you. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm with fooled, ignore him. He's on a fishing expedition. If you must respond, just direct him to the farthest pond. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I'm with fooled, ignore him. He's on a fishing expedition. If you must respond, just direct him to the farthest pond. Isn't if funny that he thinks you miss him and hopes you're all desperate and s*** to see him? LOL. You handled it all right. Next time don't respond at all. Let him see that you're on and totally ignoring him, but only if you've got enough restraint. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Isn't if funny that he thinks you miss him and hopes you're all desperate and s*** to see him? LOL. You handled it all right. Next time don't respond at all. Let him see that you're on and totally ignoring him, but only if you've got enough restraint. I agree. But I really loved the "I don't really want to talk to you". Perfect. Slams the door quite effectively. Kudos, wiseup! Link to post Share on other sites
mourningMM Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I feel for you, and proud of you. I got an email from a guy I dated about a year ago. Back then I felt like something was off the last few months I was seeing him...and later found out he'd been seeing someone else. We'd had an open arrangementment; but he got engaged weeks after we broke off...I have a sneaking feeling that I was an OW without knowing it...because I doubt a woman would get engaged to someone who was seeing other people. But who knows. I started to twitter...and he found me there and started "following" me about two months ago. He found my LinkedIn profile last month, and asked to connect to me. We are in the same profession, and I figured, why not be polite. So then he emails me to see how I've been. Ok fine, I can just give a nothing response, and then he continues the email exchange.... And now it is like watching a TV show with the sound off....I can tell what all of the next moves are....and I can bet that soon I'll hear that his wife is out of town, or they are not getting along, or he just misses me....blah blah blah. But you know, he'll never really say enough and then he'll want to get togehter for a drink....and at that point I have a plan. I will send him his wife's email address and their phone number along with a very short note asking whether he wants me to include her on the appointment...it is really easy to find. Of course, knowing him, he'll say yes and hope for the male nirvana of having his cake and eating it too...at the same time. Pigs, yup, ALL MM and MW who string along OW and OM have a fair portion of pork in their psyche. So my question is how do you like your pork? For me, I've got high cholesterol, and stay away from it now because of the probability that it will break my heart. But I do like to hear that sizzle in the pan, and smell the bacon...just before I burn it and throw it in the trash! I think WWIU, wiseup, White Flower and eveyone else are right; glad to hear that others recommending that we face these challenges with humor and sass, and a big dose of self-respect. This forum always gives me what I need, a virtual dose of reality! Link to post Share on other sites
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