LittleGemini Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 i'm new to this so hopefully i dont sound dumb or anything... so here goes: i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for going on 8 years (since highschool). we just recently broke up and he refuses to give me a real reason, more of avoiding the question, but what i did get out of his answer was that he never forgave me for making a horrible mistake. i did cheat on him, twice actually with two different guys that have been and remain in my life (strictly friends now). once with a good mutual friend of both of us, and the second with my ex-boyfriend. I have always been honest with him, I told him what i did both time and he seemed to have accepted my mistakes and moved on, or rather so I thought. i explained that i have no real reason for doing what i did, i figure it was just lust, something that 17 year old hormones couldnt help. it has been 6 years since my mistake and like i mentioned earlier, out of the blue he says we need to talk. so we did, and in the end we broke up, or from what it feels like are just taking a break from each other. we have moved out from our house and are living separately now, but he doesnt really act any different towards me. we still do the same things, go to movies, eat out, the occasional romp. this confuses me to no end, cuz he said we were threw but then he turns around and acts like nothing happened. i still love him very much, and frankly i find it very difficult to accept him as just a friend... my real question is, do you think its just a temporary situation that we will overcome and get back together? is this just a break? how do i regain his trust, cuz obviously just being honest with him and not making the mistakes again didnt help... what do i do now? Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 i'm new to this so hopefully i dont sound dumb or anything... so here goes: i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for going on 8 years (since highschool). we just recently broke up and he refuses to give me a real reason, more of avoiding the question, but what i did get out of his answer was that he never forgave me for making a horrible mistake. i did cheat on him, twice actually with two different guys that have been and remain in my life (strictly friends now). once with a good mutual friend of both of us, and the second with my ex-boyfriend. I have always been honest with him, I told him what i did both time and he seemed to have accepted my mistakes and moved on, or rather so I thought. i explained that i have no real reason for doing what i did, i figure it was just lust, something that 17 year old hormones couldnt help. it has been 6 years since my mistake and like i mentioned earlier, out of the blue he says we need to talk. so we did, and in the end we broke up, or from what it feels like are just taking a break from each other. we have moved out from our house and are living separately now, but he doesnt really act any different towards me. we still do the same things, go to movies, eat out, the occasional romp. this confuses me to no end, cuz he said we were threw but then he turns around and acts like nothing happened. i still love him very much, and frankly i find it very difficult to accept him as just a friend... my real question is, do you think its just a temporary situation that we will overcome and get back together? is this just a break? how do i regain his trust, cuz obviously just being honest with him and not making the mistakes again didnt help... what do i do now? I'm not sure. Do you want to hang on and wait for him to make up his mind? You could be waiting forever. Have you sat him down and said 'this isn't good enough for me?" You need to establish that. Since you can't accept it the way it is, I'm not sure why you are continuing it. You want different things. He wants to act like he is in a relationship, but not actually have the ties to one. You're young, is this really what you both need right now? Shouldn't you be trying to figure out what's right for you? It's hard right now, you feel like you need closure, answers, but what you really need is a good hard look at yourself, find it in you to say no to him, and start enjoying you. A break is something which must normally be stated, many R's have them. I've had them, it works sometimes. But they usually involve both parties knowing it's just a temporary stint, and not seeing each other. Talk with him about it, ask what you are. If it not the answer that's right for you, then I'm sorry, show him the door. Also about the cheating, granted it was bad, you were very young, and admitted it. If it was the reason for him breaking up with you, he would have done it before now, and wouldn't be messing with your head now. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 my real question is, do you think its just a temporary situation that we will overcome and get back together? is this just a break? how do i regain his trust, cuz obviously just being honest with him and not making the mistakes again didnt help... what do i do now? It sounds like he just kind of hit a wall about the cheating. Chances are he is trying to rebuild the relationship by just starting over in his head. If you care about the guy... just give him some time and some space. If he really doesn't want a relationship anymore... then he will move on. Seriously, he still hangs out with you because he still has feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
LaDiva Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 It sounds like he just kind of hit a wall about the cheating. Chances are he is trying to rebuild the relationship by just starting over in his head. If you care about the guy... just give him some time and some space. If he really doesn't want a relationship anymore... then he will move on. Seriously, he still hangs out with you because he still has feelings. Do you think a possible bout of NC would work in this situation. The fact was stated: she cheated, and seemingly he said it was okay, but 8 years together and for him to NOW not know what he wants seems a bit sketchy to me. If you guys have moved out into separate residences, maybe a NC would tell all. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Do you think a possible bout of NC would work in this situation. The fact was stated: she cheated, and seemingly he said it was okay, but 8 years together and for him to NOW not know what he wants seems a bit sketchy to me. If you guys have moved out into separate residences, maybe a NC would tell all. I would only suggest No Contact if she had decided to leave the relationship behind permanently. If she wants to be forgiven and move forward... she needs to go along with his emotional reboot. You women are like emotional high speed blenders... while most of us men are like mortar and pestle. It can take a long time to process this kind of stuff, especially when actually confronting it can rip your self esteem to shreds. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 So after 8 years of him letting you think he had forgiven you for your cheating, now he wants to break up and said he ''can't never forgive you''?? I would say there is something more into it. Maybe he is just using this as an excuse for this own guilty or who knows, maybe he has recently cheated... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleGemini Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 thanks, for all the input! hopefully we can figure this out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 i'm new to this so hopefully i dont sound dumb or anything... so here goes: i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for going on 8 years (since highschool). we just recently broke up and he refuses to give me a real reason, more of avoiding the question, but what i did get out of his answer was that he never forgave me for making a horrible mistake. my real question is, do you think its just a temporary situation that we will overcome and get back together? is this just a break? how do i regain his trust, cuz obviously just being honest with him and not making the mistakes again didnt help... what do i do now? There's a saying... "Fool me once..." - You've probably heard of it? This is the type of situation that you'll have to deal with after cheating on someone. You have to understand that there is a cloud over your boyfriend's head and he's trying to decide whether you're worth keeping. Right now, he's at a stage where he's trying weighing out the pros & cons of your relationship over the last 8 years that you've been together. You may ask, "Why does he act like we're still in a relationship?" Well that's easy, it's all that he has known mentally for 8 years, so it's only natural that he acts this way, but everyday he's probably reminded that during those 8 years, while he's been faithful (maybe?) you have betrayed the most precious gift that anyone can give you: Trust. That said, unfortunately, there's no way to tell what decision that he's going to make. You can't base it off assumption or someone else, because everyone's different. However, since you've cheated twice, at this point it may be leaning towards a permanent break up. Link to post Share on other sites
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