4givrnt4gtr Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I really wished I wouldnt be one of the people who posted with that title... But i guess thats just how it is. He was telling me how busy he is and how excited and happy he is with his new life. How he hadnt realized how miserable he had been living in my city. He then said he just wished he could see me more, that it was getting too hard for him. I said i missed him a lot as well and I worry that i will be forgotten with all the fun he was having. He said he wouldnt do that but he was worried cuz he was so busy and school was his main priority. I said that I understood that and that all i really needed was a call or a text throughout the day. He said he needed more than that. He said the distance was getting really difficult so I asked him if he wanted to break up. He said no but he felt like a mess and that this past weekend (surprised visit) he felt really bad cuz we couldnt really do too much. I told him that I didnt need to do a lot, that i just wanted to be with him. He said he understood but that he thought we really needed to create more instances where our relationship can grow, yet he was too busy. So we he called. We talked a bit more and he bassically ended up saying he felt like he was holding back. That he hadnt been able to get to the place where he was sure he loved me. That he had wanted to get there before he left but for some reason he just couldnt. I asked him why he thought that was, and he said he didnt know. He had tried everything he could think of but after 9 months, he still didnt feel it and didnt know if he was ever going to. I told him that in that case it was best if we just stop right here. That you cant force yourself to love anyone and its just silly to sit here and try to come up with ways where he can fall in love with me. HE said he felt bad cuz he wanted it to work but that since his school was his priority plus not being able to get over whatever he needs to get over to be able to love me he just didnt know it was difficult. I bassically told him that maybe we should just move on. He was busy as it was and really didnt need the extra pressure of having a girlfriend 500 miles away whom he didnt even love. He agreed. So we broke it off. I feel like sh*t. all our plans, all our hopes down the drain. But i guess the writting was on the wall to begin with. I just wish i learn to force myself to heed it whenever I actually see it. Sad sad days Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I know, it's a b*tch isn't it, watching things like that, dying before your eyes, and throwing every remedy you can at it, but it's just futile... Do you realise it's for the best? Cliché, I know... but with time and age on your side, plans are really easy to change. The great thing about plans, is that they're for us, mainly, not for anyone else. Selfish as it sounds, when you make plans with a SO, you must consider the consequences, how beneficial they would be for you, and if they don't work, how you work things out in such a way as to give you a soft (as possible) landing. So the plans never got started on, did they? So they weren't plans, they were just ideas floating around. An idea is a thought. And a thought is changeable. Hope you recover wuickly, but I'll be honest with you - i think you'll do fine. But remember the NC rules. And stick to them. because the way he sounds, he's a bit of a prevaricator, and i don't think - if you give him that opportunity - that he'll move out of your life so easily.... hugs! TM Link to post Share on other sites
carvidep Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 *hugggggggggggggggggg* Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm so sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Katherineos123 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Im sorry 4giv But it seems to me from your other threads that you were doing every wonderful thing you could do to keep the romance and the intimacy alive in your LDR. And with is schooling and the distance, he just wasnt able to do the same. But now, you have the opportunity to seek out a new person to fufill that void that you had with your ex. Its a new start! You certainely cant say that your never put in the effort. Its so very hard to de-couplize... But, Im with Tara.... stick with no contact, as difficult as that may be. I hope that you feel better soon. You seem to be handling this well. Stay Strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I found myself a little empty and a lot saddened when I read your post. Im so sorry and you know you have lots of friends and support on here whenever you need us. Someone, somewhere out there, is a very lucky guy even though he doesnt know it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 :(Thank you so much for everyone's support. I feel really really sad. Very empty and kind of like a zombie. What scares me the most is that he has not been the only one who likes me, just not enough. In fact, its the pattern of all my relationships. There is something about me that though men enjoy my company and feel like they like me they just cant fall in love with me. They either cut it short and kick themselves for not being able to love me for years (as one of my exs has done). Or they drag it on and on hoping that time will allow them to feel it. I just want to know what is it. What is it about me that they cant love? I wish i could figure it out somehow, i just dont know how. Actually we both were trying to figure it out, to see if we could fix it. I could tell he really really wanted to love me, he just couldnt, and it broke my heart. I think Im gonna take a couple of years off of dating. Get myself together, trying to figure out what is it that I do wrong. Maybe someday I will figure it out. For now I can barely breath. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Sigh. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm writing because I can empathize with what you wrote in your last post. I too went through a series of 6 to 12 months relationships where the guys "liked me" but didn't "love me". That has, fortunately, changed. I'm not sure why you have that pattern, but I can tell you why I had it: I worked too hard at relationships. I would be too understanding. I took on too much too early. The planning, the making sure my partners were ok. I was always caring for them, not paying attention to whether or not they were caring for me - or, even caring for the relationship. Plus, the fact that I would work harder then them to maintain the relationship likely meant that they kind of felt alienated from it. So now, when I find myself worrying about how an R is going and what I can do about it, I stop myself and wait and see if my partner will come up with something. When I have an issue, instead of showing up with a solution, I tell my partner about the issue and often let him come up with a solution. Basically, what I do is leave my partner more room in the relationship. ((4giv)), you took the right decision here. You do deserve better then being liked and you will be loved and cherised by some lucky guy! In the meantime, taking time off is a great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Ingenue Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm so sorry 4givrnt4gtr. I was so saddened to read this. Stay strong and remember that you deserve a partner who fully and completely loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
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