My Lover vs. Family

[Bunnii]

Hi everyone.

 

At the moment I’m facing a decision that I don’t know if its right for me or not. Please read my story and tell me your opinions.

First of all, I’m a 18 yr old highschool student, in my last year, ready for tietary studies next year. I live with my parents and a older brother. My mum has been physically bullying me and mentally abusing me ever since 5 years old until around 15 years of age. I never had the courage to call the cops or ring the helpline or have done anything to ‘punish her’. Now that I’m older, she has stopped the physical abusing, but continued with the emotional attacks. They are verbal putdowns, tramping on your self esteem, telling you to do this and that while she chills when you are very busy and she knows it, yell and howl at you for no reason or make a problem up when it wasn’t a problem in the first place, telling you to do something but critizes you in anyway she wants, constantly interrupts your sleep when you haven’t slepted well for months, doesnt care about how you feel when she puts you down to hurt you like “I don’t want you to be my daughter anymore” and “Get out of the house” and “I’m so sick of you” and “look at you, u’re worser than our dog” etc.

I’ve told my boyfriend all that, who’s at the moment in America. I’ve meet him on a online game, and he is 25. We webcam everyday, talk everyday, and I have been with him for 2 months. He’s he can be a very playful person, but also a very very serious person when he needs to. He knows what is right and what is wrong, and have a very nice personality. He knows what I need, and understands that if I didn’t love him back, it didn’t matter, because he only wants me to be happy. I’m in new zealand and he’s in america, but he still insists to be with me. Initially he knows it won’t really work for us to be together, but as time passes, our love became stronger and stronger everyday. He told me he had made a decision to have me and be with me. At the moment he’s working on his thesis for his last year of tietary studies, everyday, very hard, for our future together. He is 100% trustworthy and gives all his love to me. I trust him very much.

When I’ve told what my mum does to me, he got very worked up and said I deserve better than that. Because overtime, he knows my personality very well. I talk to friends online way more than I do with my parents. I will never talk to mum because everytime I try to communicate with her, she yells at me and makes me feel horrible and sick. I avoid talking to her to protect my remaining self esteem and confidence. My boyfriend has planned out a future for us together, changing his original plan for the sake of me. He said that once he gets out of tietary studies, he will find a job, make money for the both of us plus my tietary study fees in america, and take me formally, away from my parents. He will also pay the one way ticket by sending it to me via mail.

My future occupation is 3D animation modelling. In New Zealand, it isn’t such a high demand because the market isn’t high. But in america, there are alot of animation companies and plenty of opporunities to develop on, and the demand for this position is high.

The only thing that is holding me back is - my family. I can frankly say through these years with my parents, I don’t love them at all. I’m only thankful for what they have given me as education and alot of extra activities out of school, and also the responsibility to pay back my parents. But on the other hand, my mum really doesn’t deserve to be paid back for torturing me and abusing me all these years. And my boyfriend really hates my mum for torturing me. I told him i can’t just leave them in NZ and fly off, but he said I’m too soft and kind. He said he will take me away, regardless, because he will take better care of me than my mum, and he guarentees that.

Both of us can’t wait to see each other in real life, because we really want to hold one another. We really ca’t wait for another 4 years which is after I’m out of university and MAYBE I can go to America, so 4 years is a minimum, it may take more than 4 years for me to go to america and meet him. This is quite a torture for both of us, because we really want to hold one another and we love each other so much. He’s very serious about picking me up out of this house, and I’m touched by it.

The question is - should I let my boyfriend take me away from my parents and leave everything behind here, and start anew with my boyfriend who’s already going to have for me a place to stay, money to live, money to have tietary studies, and time for my boyfriend and I to be together?

or

Should I stay and remain at this home where I am still being verbally and internally abused and sad most days, and without being able to be in my boyfriends arms until at least after 4 years?

Please reply asap..

Thanks everyone.

[TaraMaiden]

One question....

 

 

YOU REALLY EVEN NEED TO ASK - ?!?

[Bunnii]

One question....

 

 

YOU REALLY EVEN NEED TO ASK - ?!?

 

lol..

 

I dont want this to be a rash decision or decided emotionally which can be baised..

[Els]

Uhh.

 

You do need to consider what happens IF you happen to break up with your bf, though.

 

Would you have any means of surviving then?

[sally4sara]

Uhh.

 

You do need to consider what happens IF you happen to break up with your bf, though.

 

Would you have any means of surviving then?

 

I walked out of my mother's house at 17 with nothing but a trash bag of clothes in the middle of winter......I have never regretted it.

 

One can always survive on their own and learning this lesson is one of the most valuable.

 

Good luck OP. Get up, get out, and get gone! And as fast as you can, learn to do without your BF even if you decide to stay with him and everything is rosey.

[Els]

While admirable, that may not be applicable to everybody. The OP sounds like she's relying completely on him when she leaves; in fact, her question was 'lover vs family?', which implies that she would be leaving them because of him. Not for herself and not by herself. Thus this is something that she should consider.

 

I honestly could not survive by myself, because unskilled jobs in my country pay a minimum wage of 4 bucks an hour. You could barely rent a room and pay the bills with that, let alone make time and money for education, which you need to move up.

 

The OP will be moving to USA, too. She won't be able to get a job to support herself if so. She'll be completely dependent on his finances.