Hi, I'm new, 6 months now, my MM just filed

[VictoryisMine]

Oh Lord Lord Lord, unless i have had one to many Bud's tonight, i'm confused with what the heck Carhill is talking about....

[whichwayisup]

WhichWayisUp, I feel in my opinion, she has no business with me....

 

Then maybe you need to stop drinking and maybe tomorrow some of what I'm saying and what others are saying might make more sense to you.

 

If you honestly feel she has NO business to speak to you, or with you - Then you really don't get it.

[VictoryisMine]

Good luck -- sounds like a great guy!

Oh yeah, we're just two... terrific... scumbags.

[carhill]

We haven't yet heard the whole story of the M from the OP, and never will, simply because she'll never know it. When people ask me about my divorce, I tell them two things. One, I think my caring for my mother had a negative effect on my marriage and, two, I think my wife was unhappy. That's the extent of what I would say to anyone, even a close friend. I just don't believe in airing dirty laundry. I did, in the moment, meaning contemporaneously, air a couple of particularly hurtful things to my 'cheating partner', but quickly gathered myself up and never did that again. OTOH, the OP's MM is positively glowing about his W (except that little part about him not being sexually attracted to her) and wants the OP to talk with her so they can all 'get along' and live happily ever after. Does anyone see something wrong with this psychology in the midst of divorce? OK, he doesn't love his W.....but why encourage the OW to talk with the W? More mental challenging, I fear.

[VictoryisMine]

Oh yeah, we're just two... terrific... scumbags.

WhichWayisUp, i know, i know. Believe me, i have thought about a lot of things. I think of HER a lot. I know how she feels.

 

I know that he might very well tire of me. I know this. I told him i'm aware of this. I told him i have no problem going 360 if i suspect he's pulling my leg.

[carhill]

Oh Lord Lord Lord, unless i have had one to many Bud's tonight, i'm confused with what the heck Carhill is talking about....

LOL, trust me, you don't need to drink for me to confuse you

[VictoryisMine]

We haven't yet heard the whole story of the M from the OP, and never will, simply because she'll never know it. When people ask me about my divorce, I tell them two things. One, I think my caring for my mother had a negative effect on my marriage and, two, I think my wife was unhappy. That's the extent of what I would say to anyone, even a close friend. I just don't believe in airing dirty laundry. I did, in the moment, meaning contemporaneously, air a couple of particularly hurtful things to my 'cheating partner', but quickly gathered myself up and never did that again. OTOH, the OP's MM is positively glowing about his W (except that little part about him not being sexually attracted to her) and wants the OP to talk with her so they can all 'get along' and live happily ever after. Does anyone see something wrong with this psychology in the midst of divorce? OK, he doesn't love his W.....but why encourage the OW to talk with the W? More mental challenging, I fear.

I have told him i know narcissists all too well.

[carhill]

Telling is one thing; knowing is another; acting on that knowledge is something completely different.

 

Make sure your (and his) actions and words match. A PSA brought to you by LS

[VictoryisMine]

Y'all have a great evening, i'm heading to bed. Gonna start a thread tommorrow about why men marry. I have a slight clue to why, at least from the reasons i have heard aside from my MM. Where are those smiley icons?

[carhill]

You'll find those in the full reply area. They're just UBB smilies and I've used them for nearly 15 years now on the internet so I just type in the text that generates them.

 

I will say you've been a good sport. Hope things work out

[georgia girl]

Victory,

 

I was just trolling and happened across your thread as I'm waiting for my grass to dry so I can mow my lawn.

 

First, I think you're infatuated with this guy, not in love with him, because quite frankly, you don't KNOW him. You can't love what you don't know. It's okay, infatuation is the best part of love sometimes. But you're old enough to not delude yourself.

 

Secondly, think about the partner you have just chosen. You mention that you had a partner who cheated and that it devastated you. Yet, you have purposely selected another cheater. Why? Do you genuinely believe - despite the volumes of history out there - that your brand of love is enough to keep a cheater faithful? Especially at some distance where he will neither have to keep up appearances to you nor pretend around his own friends that he's being faithful? Nearly every woman who meets a cheater suffers the same fate as the woman from whom she "took" her man.

 

Finally, think about who you are and what you really want in life - outside of this romantic fantasy you have built. You are probably like most women - you want a fulfilling love life, a stable, economically sound home life and a good career or life outside of your home. However, you are now willing to pitch all of those things and wait around for a guy who may or may not be divorcing, who is definitely living in his home (surrounded by a social network who will most likely support his marriage) and will see you/call you sporadically.

 

I hate to say it, but this guy is cheating you already. He's cheated his wife and now he's cheating you and robbing you of the opportunity to have a good life, just so he can have a sporadic, intensely emotional physical interation with you.

 

From one woman to another: he's no prize. Drop him. Heal. Move on. It's your best path to happiness.

 

Oops... grass is dry!

[whichwayisup]

You mention that you had a partner who cheated and that it devastated you. Yet, you have purposely selected another cheater. Why? Do you genuinely believe - despite the volumes of history out there - that your brand of love is enough to keep a cheater faithful? Especially at some distance where he will neither have to keep up appearances to you nor pretend around his own friends that he's being faithful? Nearly every woman who meets a cheater suffers the same fate as the woman from whom she "took" her man.

 

Excellent point(s)..

 

I'll add too, this guy cheated on the woman that he said vows to infront of their family and friends.. What makes you think you're more special that he'd never cheat on you in the future? You'd be just a girlfriend, not a wife.. Just something to keep in mind.

 

I also agree with the you don't know him well enough. You are in the honeymoon stage and can't be objective, see his flaws, bad habits, plus ALL that you feel is based on feelings in an affair setting, not 'real' life.

[jennie-jennie]

Not about winning. I have fallen in love with this man and go figure, he's married.

 

Welcome to LS, Victory! You seem to have a nice and relaxed attitude to your relationship with MM.

 

I agree with your words above. That is how I look at it as well:

I love him and he loves me, and he happens to be married. Just like any other circumstance that needs to be dealt with.

[georgia girl]

Victory and jennie-jennie,

 

I understand that you care for these men and I genuinely feel for you. Who ever wants to share a partner? It's just an awful situation.

 

My concern - very genuinely for both of you - is that a) you don't realize that you are sharing, regardless of what your partner says (you have no idea what he's saying to his wife), and b) that you are deliberating setting yourself up to get so badly hurt.

 

Yes, there is a chance that your relationship will work out, at least in the short term, but what about the long term? Won't it forever be in the back of your mind that your partner has a tendency to react intensvely to a new woman? That, despite his commitment to you, that he's done this before? Won't you be fearful when he goes somewhere new without you that he may meet another woman?

 

Intensity and sexuality fade somewhat with time. It's replaced with contentment, familiarity and a shared history. That, to me, is the best part of love. I love the hot and steamy sex, but when you move into that stage where so much shared history and contentment weaves into lovemaking, then it's just truly amazing. Maybe not so wild, but genuinely amazing.

 

These men, whether or not you want to admit it, should be at that point in their relationships with their spouses. Yet, they are trading it for something hot and steamy. That's because men are truly wired differently from us. So, the question becomes, what happens when you transition from hot and steamy? Doesn't he go searching?

 

It may sound like I'm judging and I truly am trying not to. I just think that you are deluding yourself when you, your lover's spouses and everyone in general, deserve so much more. We let these guys get away with this crap and they hurt everyone who loves them. Why don't we just shun the hell out of them????

[jennie-jennie]

Georgia girl:

"Victory and jennie-jennie,

 

I understand that you care for these men and I genuinely feel for you. Who ever wants to share a partner? It's just an awful situation.

 

My concern - very genuinely for both of you - is that a) you don't realize that you are sharing, regardless of what your partner says (you have no idea what he's saying to his wife), and b) that you are deliberating setting yourself up to get so badly hurt."

 

The end of a relationship always causes pain, whether the man is married or not. That is the price you pay for having loved. The same thing happens if your partner dies. Should you not dare love because you might lose the one you love?

 

 

"Yes, there is a chance that your relationship will work out, at least in the short term, but what about the long term? Won't it forever be in the back of your mind that your partner has a tendency to react intensvely to a new woman? That, despite his commitment to you, that he's done this before? Won't you be fearful when he goes somewhere new without you that he may meet another woman?"

 

I was not "a new woman". We were high school sweethearts, so, no, I am not afraid of this. Also I meet his needs which his wife does not.

 

Should not a man have the same fear about me in that case? I never promise anyone I will stay with them forever, I expect to stay with them forever, but I never promise since it is impossible to promise to love someone for life. Love does not give itself to will power.

 

 

"Intensity and sexuality fade somewhat with time. It's replaced with contentment, familiarity and a shared history. That, to me, is the best part of love. I love the hot and steamy sex, but when you move into that stage where so much shared history and contentment weaves into lovemaking, then it's just truly amazing. Maybe not so wild, but genuinely amazing."

 

I have been in several long term relationships, and the sex (on my behalf at least) has always stayed hot and steamy. Might be because of my high sex drive. I tend to stay in love for decades as well.

 

 

"These men, whether or not you want to admit it, should be at that point in their relationships with their spouses. Yet, they are trading it for something hot and steamy. That's because men are truly wired differently from us. So, the question becomes, what happens when you transition from hot and steamy? Doesn't he go searching?"

 

It was the non-existant sex life in my MM's marriage which was plagueing him to the point that he was prepared to step outside his marriage. His W's sex drive has always been so much lower than his, wheras his and my sex drives are compatible. No problemo.

 

 

"It may sound like I'm judging and I truly am trying not to. I just think that you are deluding yourself when you, your lover's spouses and everyone in general, deserve so much more. We let these guys get away with this crap and they hurt everyone who loves them. Why don't we just shun the hell out of them????"

 

Because he satisfies so many of my needs, more than any single guy has ever done.

[VictoryisMine]

Uhh, you expect her just to hand over her husband to you with a big fat smile and NOT be upset/angry, or try to fight for him? WTF.

 

Anyway, disreguard my other post about the kids, I read they have none.

I don't have to answer to HER. This is between THEM.

 

All he had to do is say NO to my proposition, or even tell me BYE today. Uhh and WTF is right.

[VictoryisMine]

Excellent point(s)..

 

I'll add too, this guy cheated on the woman that he said vows to infront of their family and friends.. What makes you think you're more special that he'd never cheat on you in the future? You'd be just a girlfriend, not a wife.. Just something to keep in mind.

 

I also agree with the you don't know him well enough. You are in the honeymoon stage and can't be objective, see his flaws, bad habits, plus ALL that you feel is based on feelings in an affair setting, not 'real' life.

Okay.... Wow, everyone listen up.

 

Picture a woman just standing, in front of her is... a married man she has been having an A with.

 

Next to the MM is another man, 100% single.

 

She has to choose one, which one is best for her? Which one is most probable to cheat on her and hurt her?

 

BOTH OF THEM! In a heartbeat.

[VictoryisMine]

Victory,

 

I was just trolling and happened across your thread as I'm waiting for my grass to dry so I can mow my lawn.

 

First, I think you're infatuated with this guy, not in love with him, because quite frankly, you don't KNOW him. You can't love what you don't know. It's okay, infatuation is the best part of love sometimes. But you're old enough to not delude yourself.

 

Secondly, think about the partner you have just chosen. You mention that you had a partner who cheated and that it devastated you. Yet, you have purposely selected another cheater. Why? Do you genuinely believe - despite the volumes of history out there - that your brand of love is enough to keep a cheater faithful? Especially at some distance where he will neither have to keep up appearances to you nor pretend around his own friends that he's being faithful? Nearly every woman who meets a cheater suffers the same fate as the woman from whom she "took" her man.

 

Finally, think about who you are and what you really want in life - outside of this romantic fantasy you have built. You are probably like most women - you want a fulfilling love life, a stable, economically sound home life and a good career or life outside of your home. However, you are now willing to pitch all of those things and wait around for a guy who may or may not be divorcing, who is definitely living in his home (surrounded by a social network who will most likely support his marriage) and will see you/call you sporadically.

 

I hate to say it, but this guy is cheating you already. He's cheated his wife and now he's cheating you and robbing you of the opportunity to have a good life, just so he can have a sporadic, intensely emotional physical interation with you.

 

From one woman to another: he's no prize. Drop him. Heal. Move on. It's your best path to happiness.

 

Oops... grass is dry!

I seen many personalities in my time of dating. This one is new to me, and it's making me crazy because if there is something wrong with him (I know, i know, cheater) I haven't seen it ... yet.

 

So far, i have no reason to not to believe him.