NoIDidn't Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I don't see why you need to call the police. All she did was call and leave messages. I imagine if they were threatening, you would have said so. No need to jump to the nuclear reaction so soon over some phone calls. Do they have kids? How long were they married, if you know? I hate to laugh, but I did at the point where you say he said that "he would do it, if she took too long" (rough paraphrase). Sounds like he was trying to play the strong man part for you. I don't find that very attractive, but my feelings don't matter really. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 January '09 big Hurricane. He is a contractor. Him and many others came to town to help rebuild. He stayed in town for three months. Went home 15 hours away. Comes back and forth now. Ah, a trauma bond. Makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 No i Didn't, he makes okay money, a contractor. When he 'had' to move back into his house with his wife, i told him he can come stay with me, but work was dwindling down.... here. He said there was no way he could free load off of me. I would love for him to come stay with me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 If he's willing to pull up stakes and move 800+ miles from family and home, he sounds serious. Tell me, OP, when he says things that lead you to believe he might do this, is it sweet whispers or a concrete plan? If, as JB intimates, he's using you as an exit affair, he'll have a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 I don't see why you need to call the police. All she did was call and leave messages. I imagine if they were threatening, you would have said so. No need to jump to the nuclear reaction so soon over some phone calls. Do they have kids? How long were they married, if you know? I hate to laugh, but I did at the point where you say he said that "he would do it, if she took too long" (rough paraphrase). Sounds like he was trying to play the strong man part for you. I don't find that very attractive, but my feelings don't matter really. If she were to keep calling i would of called the cops. Could be another thread but, she has no business with me. I've wrassled a few, just a few women in my time running with married men (knowingly married and unknowingly married men). At one time she was gonna drive here. MM was so nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Do they have kids, though? Or was she just calling to speak to you? I wonder why he was so nervous about her saying she was going to drive there. What does he have to be nervous about if he wants out? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I don't know why everyone finds this so implausible. He sounds like a guy who wanted out of his marriage, and used the affair as a catalyst and excuse. Not all MM have affairs and string OW along forever... I agree. This sounds like a classic exit affair. These don't last for long at all as affairs. They usually do leave right away. Some of those post on the boards sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 If he's willing to pull up stakes and move 800+ miles from family and home, he sounds serious. Tell me, OP, when he says things that lead you to believe he might do this, is it sweet whispers or a concrete plan? If, as JB intimates, he's using you as an exit affair, he'll have a plan. I don't think he will move here where i'm at. He mentioned it once or twice vaguely about building a house here, but that could be in the heat of the moment. I never been married, but if he were to ask, just maybe. I'm crazy about him, he is all i think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Do they have kids, though? Or was she just calling to speak to you? I wonder why he was so nervous about her saying she was going to drive there. What does he have to be nervous about if he wants out? Thay have no kids together... or at all. We're all in our 40's. I don't know exactly what she wanted to talk to me about, aside from the obvious. He might of been nervous about the 15 hour drive in the middle of the night. MM has never said a bad thing about his wife. He says he married her 5 years ago because she was crazy in love with him. She's pretty, kind. A good person. He says he is just not sexually attracted to her and it should of ended a year ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Well, i hope y'all don't mind me hanging around for a while, lol. I got two months to kill. All i know is all i wanted to do is boink this sexy man and carry on. I have fallen for him big time. He is nothing like i have known. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Well, i hope y'all don't mind me hanging around for a while, lol. I got two months to kill. All i know is all i wanted to do is boink this sexy man and carry on. I have fallen for him big time. He is nothing like i have known. Boink? lol...sorry-just never heard of it used in very serious matters/relationships. OP, just be careful...it's been mentioned by some posters that this could be an exit affair....yes, there is such a thing--some "victims" (using that term loosely) have posted here---and the devastation is monstrous when the MM decides he does not want a "serious" relationship "just yet". Are you not even just a bit curious as to what the soon-to-be-x-wife (stbxw) wants to talk to you about? What did your married man (MM) say when you told him his stbxw had been calling you? Did he discourage you from talking to her? Did he say, go ahead talk to her (because it does not matter to him)? BTW, if all goes well with his divorce and your relationship progresses...are you willing to relocate to where he is? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 He says he married her 5 years ago because she was crazy in love with him. She's pretty, kind. A good person. He says he is just not sexually attracted to her and it should of ended a year ago. OK, so she's pretty (I assume this to mean physically pretty) and she's kind, and a good person. Pretty unattractive traits. These type of women typically turn me off. Then..... here it comes..... 'she was crazy in love with him'. Every man's nightmare. A pretty, kind, decent woman who is crazy in love with him. OP, are you sure you want to boink this guy? I mean, really? Then, lastly 'He says he is just not sexually attracted to her and it should of ended a year ago.'...... OK, so it took him dating, engagement plus four years to figure out he wasn't sexually attracted to her? I mean, we are talking about a 40 year old man here, not a teenager, right? I'm globsmacked Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Boink, sorry, me and him joke about that... because that's all it was supposed to be in the beginning. Exit affair, never heard of that expression before. But yes, i have thought of it's definition, only recently. Not really curious about what his W has to say. Messages said, he does this every now and then. "For two weeks i am nothing and you are everything..." Of course i keep that in mind, but i don't believe it. He did not discourage me from talking to her. But i did get the impression he wanted me to answer her calls. This was three , four months ago, i think i might of even asked him does he want me to answer? I can't remember. No, i wouldn't move. No way. My job. Link to post Share on other sites
Heartford Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Not really curious about what his W has to say. Messages said, he does this every now and then. "For two weeks i am nothing and you are everything..." Of course i keep that in mind, but i don't believe it. Why don't you believe it? Link to post Share on other sites
sadintexas Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 You don't want to move and you don't think he will move, so will you be happy with a LDR when he becomes free? At that point, I don't see where it's much different than what you have now. Why are you waiting for the divorce (since you were okay that he was married in the first place) in two months? What do you see will change between the two of you besides the fact that he isn't legally tied to someone else anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 OK, so she's pretty (I assume this to mean physically pretty) and she's kind, and a good person. Pretty unattractive traits. These type of women typically turn me off. Then..... here it comes..... 'she was crazy in love with him'. Every man's nightmare. A pretty, kind, decent woman who is crazy in love with him. OP, are you sure you want to boink this guy? I mean, really? Then, lastly 'He says he is just not sexually attracted to her and it should of ended a year ago.'...... OK, so it took him dating, engagement plus four years to figure out he wasn't sexually attracted to her? I mean, we are talking about a 40 year old man here, not a teenager, right? I'm globsmacked Carhill, as you know many have posted here on LS how sexual attraction to their spouses has waned through time......look at how many have posted about their "sexless marriages"...! By the way, did you mean gobsmack? just curious because I don't think I have ever heard of "globsmack" and new terms/words interest me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Carhill, I really, really, truly have thought about this too... The 'took him dating, engagement...' I asked him about that. No direct answer except what i said he had said, pretty, madly in love with him... Could be another thread, but there are people out there who are terrified to be alone. I have told him this. He stresses that there was a time in his life that he lived alone for 5 years and was very happy. I personally think he is 'afraid' to be on his own. But that's okay. I want him! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I haven't spoken to her. She left messages, 3 of them in one day. She sounded really shakey, not yelling, but said we (her and i) need to talk. And i did tell him, if she calls me again, i will have the cops at her door. He was with me at this time, spent a week. I don't think she will withdraw the papers. I could be wrong of course. You steal her husband (he allowed it ofcourse) but she just wants to talk to you and YOU want to call the cops on her? That's pretty messed up. DO they have kids? IF so, dammit, have some respect for her as the mother of their kids. She will BE IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER (that is, if they have kids) in some sort of way. Anyway, sounds like you've WON, so just chill and don't be so mean to her. Show some empathy and know that she's in alot of pain because her H seems to have chosen you over her and their marriage. Don't flaunt it in her face and DON'T call the cops on her. Anyway, sounds like you and the MM deserve eachother and it's the best thing for her in the long run so she can find a great man who isn't such a big schmuck. W is the one who filed. She wanted to. It took her three weeks to do it. She does not want the divorce. But she wanted to file .... for some .... dignity. I know... I know... He told her if she takes too long he would be the one to file. The thing is, why did he move back home? If they are divorcing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Heartford, because i want to believe in love... for now. She could be telling the truth, but maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Good luck -- sounds like a great guy! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 she has no business with me. Uhh, you expect her just to hand over her husband to you with a big fat smile and NOT be upset/angry, or try to fight for him? WTF. Anyway, disreguard my other post about the kids, I read they have none. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Carhill, as you know many have posted here on LS how sexual attraction to their spouses has waned through time......look at how many have posted about their "sexless marriages"...! By the way, did you mean gobsmack? just curious because I don't think I have ever heard of "globsmack" and new terms/words interest me.LOL, I figured I had made up a new word (I do that). There's really something similar? Off to search dictionary. I think I might have heard it on a Star Trek episode or something... Anyway, if this guy's wife was all these things and still wanted to boink him (assuming she was/is crazy in love, it follows), only a mentally challenged moron would change his original position of eternal erection and want to seek out 'true love' with someone else. Or a cheater Of course, I'm speaking as a cheater who had none of those things in his marriage. A marriage of Hoover proportions; the dam and the vacuum cleaner. OP, I'm going to opine 'danger', ala Lost in Space. The robot wasn't always wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 You don't want to move and you don't think he will move, so will you be happy with a LDR when he becomes free? At that point, I don't see where it's much different than what you have now. Why are you waiting for the divorce (since you were okay that he was married in the first place) in two months? What do you see will change between the two of you besides the fact that he isn't legally tied to someone else anymore? I'm not gonna lie, i want him to move here... with me. I'm almost sure he will, but i give it a year, more, less. First, i wanna see this divorce go thru. With me being so madly in love with this guy, i really didn't think he would file for divorce, but ... i'm patiently waiting. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 LOL, I figured I had made up a new word (I do that). There's really something similar? Off to search dictionary. I think I might have heard it on a Star Trek episode or something... LOL...cute.. Anyway, if this guy's wife was all these things and still wanted to boink him (assuming she was/is crazy in love, it follows), only a mentally challenged moron would change his original position of eternal erection and want to seek out 'true love' with someone else. Or a cheater Of course, I'm speaking as a cheater who had none of those things in his marriage. A marriage of Hoover proportions; the dam and the vacuum cleaner. Well...challenged, yes...mentally---debatable. To some being sexually satisfied to someone you are sexually attracted to is worth given up a what appears to be a "perfect" spouse. In my case, I have always maintained that the fact that I was married to my H should have been enough for him to be loyal and faithful to me....regardless if I slept with him or not....he thought otherwise....! The damn, mentally challenged goof! I tell ya. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VictoryisMine Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 WhichWayisUp, I feel in my opinion, she has no business with me.... No kids, they have no kids... at all. I wouldn't touch a man ten feet with kids, no offense anyone. Even MM told me have empathy. He says 'Godamn, i just told this woman i'm in love with another woman....' Been single all my adult life, but was with a guy for 8 years and all he did was cheat on me. by the time he was done with me, i weighed 90 pounds. I know the pain, the mutilating pain. No sarcasm, i know the pain. Not about winning. I have fallen in love with this man and go figure, he's married. Link to post Share on other sites
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