pbrown Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I've been with this guy for 10 years. We have lived together for the last 7, and we have two little girls. While i was pregnant with our first we went different directions, well we ended up working things out. We have talked about marriage and all i hear is excuses on why we cant so i get a feeling he isn't ready. I feel like there is something that he is holding on too and can't seem to let go in order for him to make this commitment . I love this man for many reason and plus he is the father of my two children and i feel like its time for us to make a commitment to each other. I want this more than anything. I feel like as the days past wanting this is just pushing me away from him. It makes me feel like im not the one for him, that he does't love me as much as i think he does and i feel like he is holding on to someone from the past.. I feel like Im wasting my life waiting on him when there is someone else that would love to have someone like me, that would love to have a commitment relationship like i do. I feel lost and confused. Why doesn't he want to make a commitment?? Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I dont know why he doesnt want to make a committment because I dont know him. What I do know is that he isnt going to do it, regardless of the fact that you have two children together. Are you all living together? Does he support you? Are you living like a family? If so then who cares, why are you so dead set on this? I know it makes you feel bad, but if you already have him around all the time, you may have to settle for that, for the sake of the children. Provided of course that this is the only way he is bad for you. If you cant live without the marriage thing, you may just have to split up. Whatever you do though, make a decision. To live like this forever being unhappy is an unfullfilled life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Why doesn't he want to make a commitment?? Speaking bluntly, why should he? Whatever he would want from you - sex, children, co-habitation, commitment, etc, - he's getting outside of matrimony. I understand why you want to marry but, as things stand now, why would he ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Neutrino Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Pbrown : You never mentioned what reasons he gave for not wanting to get married, I think this is important - please elaborate. I refuse marriage on principle grounds (mainly my strong objection to religion, but I'm not so big on civil marriages either) it clashes with my life philosophy, so BF and myself chose for a partner's contract - in the eyes of the law (EU) it is equivalent to a marriage and additionally allows us to add our own set-up in case of mutual assets, inheritances, separation, etc... Maybe this would be a good option for you ? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 The obnly reason he should marry, is for the legal protection of your futures - his, yours and the children's. pensions, property, insurance, inheritance... it all matters in the eyes of the Law, whether you are married, or if you are not. If he refuses to marry, tell him at least making a clear-cut will is vital. but emotively? That's his business. I don't hold with marriage, and I've been there twice. It's outdated, over-rated and absolutely no guarantee of security at all. Link to post Share on other sites
VictoryisMine Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 TaraMaiden, I LOVE how you say it. "Its' outdated, over-rated and absolutely no guarantee of security at all" I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Maybe like my friend (10 years together and 2 kids too) it is just part of his makeup. My friend is a loyal and monogamous as they come, but I know him, and he always wants to have that option, that just in case, that he is not tied down. No idea what her views are on the subject. What makes it even more silly is she converted too for him. I also must say to those who claim it is outdated, you may be right, but always comes from multiple divorcees or those who play the field and are searching for something better..... Yes I am cynical.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 ....I also must say to those who claim it is outdated, you may be right, but always comes from multiple divorcees or those who play the field and are searching for something better..... Yes I am cynical.... well those who have divorced more than once, (and I do not play the field myself, but I know what you mean) are the ones who have removed the rose-tinted spectacles and who realise that Life is not straightforward and that "'Til death us do part" is completely unrealistic. It is. Unless of course, we're talking murder...... Multiple divorcees are the ones to trust on this matter, rather than those who embark on marriage and think it's for life, because they really don't realise the work required and the effort involved. The figures speak for themselves..... When you look at the statistics - that 50% of marriages end in divorce - I (as another cynic) am left wondering how many of the remainder are actually satisfactory, let alone happy...... Link to post Share on other sites
asireen Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Speaking bluntly, why should he? Whatever he would want from you - sex, children, co-habitation, commitment, etc, - he's getting outside of matrimony. I understand why you want to marry but, as things stand now, why would he ??? Perfectly said!! Just make sure he takes care of your children you had together till they are at least 18. If he is a good father, that is another big positive. After they turn 18, you can make your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
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