What the hell is going on here?

[WWDDFD]

Okay, I have a long and confusing story, and I'm really really confused right now and I don't know what to do about it.

 

Background Information:

 

I am an author, I have just finished writing my second book last month. I am 23 years old, and I'm fat. Writing makes me almost no money, so I supplement my income with a crappy part-time job selling shoes at a department store. I've always been an introverted person, having managed to call a total of one girl in my entire life, and ask another one out (shot down in flames; this was way back in highschool though). When I got into college, all of my time for social activities, etc, completely disappeared, and so did my interest in women. Eventually college got easier, and I found myself really really bored, and a publisher approached me about writing a book (2 years ago), and I promptly agreed. When this happened, I had even less free time than before, literally staying awake for 3-4 days at a time, juggling school, writing, and my part-time job.

 

Basically, the past two years have been awful to me; I've gained a ton of weight, went a little crazy, and I've had no time to do anything but work. That's all comming to a change now. I graduated in May, and I finished my second book last month, vowing to never write again.

 

Two months ago, at my part-time job, a pretty woman came up to me and gave me her telephone number, and asked me to call her. I obliged, though I almost did not, because I was quite frankly a little scarred that this was a joke of some sort (it's happened before). But anyway, I did end up calling her, and we got to talking, four times in the next three days. I was so far behind in the writing of my book that I told her I would have more time to talk to her later on, so I told her I'd call in a week or so.

 

Anyway, I fell even more behind on writing, and didn't end up calling her back for an entire month. She said she understood completely, and she would have called, but she accidentally lost my number. So anyway, she says she'd love to go get lunch with me sometime, but I was still very busy writing, so I told her maybe in a week; ended up being a week and a half before I called again, and then we decided to go to lunch sometime the next week, but we didn't know our work schedules, so we put off making plans until later.

 

Here's a rough timeline of what has happened ever since:

 

Week 1:

Sunday:

- I call her at around 6pm, get her voicemail, tell her I've got my schedule

- She calls back at 7pm, she's at work, can't talk long, she'll call me back later tonight; we both have off on wednesday, so we'll make plans to go out then.

- She never calls back

 

Monday:

- I call, voicemail, tell her I'll be home all night

 

Tuesday:

- I call, voicemail, tell her I'll be home all night and tomorrow morning

 

Wednesday:

- I call about 11am, voicemail, ask her if she's okay and everything, say I'm worried

- She calls at 2pm, says she has to go to work, they had an emergency; she'd like to go out on thursday afternoon. She mentions that she doesn't have to go to work on Saturday until 7pm.

 

Thursday:

- She never calls

- I call, voicemail, say I'll be home after 10pm, I say I have my lunchbreak on Saturday from 4pm to 5pm, and I'd like to go out with her then

 

Friday:

- She calls, says she overslept yesterday, but my plan sounds great, she'll meet me at my workplace, and we'll have lunch. She made a point in saying there's a 100% chance she'll be there.

 

Saturday:

- She never shows up.

- I call at about 10:30 when I get home from work, voicemail; ask what happened.

- She calls back a second later, says she overslept; she caught a nasty headcold. Says she'll call Sunday night.

 

Week 2:

 

Sunday:

- She never calls

 

Monday:

- I catch her on her way home from work on the phone, says she's still sick, but maybe we'll do something on Wednesday; promises to call on tuesday.

 

Tuesday:

- She never calls

 

Wednesday:

- I call, voicemail. At this point, I leave a message telling her that I suspect I'm annoying her, and ask her to please just tell me if she doesn't want me to call anymore.

 

Thursday:

- She calls during a power outage, but my old phone still works. At this point I don't have to go to work because the power is out; she makes a point to reassure me that I'm not annoying her and that she's just sick and that's making her act weird. Tells me she'd like me to call back later that night since I don't have work.

- Power comes back on, work calls me in

- I leave her a message, saying they called me in, I'm sorry about it.

 

Friday:

- I call, voicemail, just say I'll be around and she can call if she wants

 

Saturday

- Worked all day, fell asleep early

 

Week 3:

 

Sunday:

- She calls at night, says she's feeling better, would like to go out on thursday, since we both have off. We had a nice long conversation. Promises to call Monday night.

 

Monday:

- She never calls

 

Tuesday:

- She calls, we have another nice conversation, reaffirms that she'd like to go out on thursday; says she'll call wednesday either before I go to work, or after I get home.

 

Wednesday:

- She doesn't call before I go to work

- at around 10pm, I leave a message telling her I'm home from work

- at around midnight, I'm exhausted, leave another message telling her I'm going to bed, ask her to call in the morning.

 

Thursday:

- She calls at 2pm, says she has to go somewhere for a bit, then we can do something. That's okay, since I had a flu-shot appointment at 3pm, so she tells me to call when I'm done.

- I'm done at 3:45pm, I call, voicemail. I tell her I'm back, ready to go out.

- She never calls back

- at around 6:30, I leave another message, telling her that she's really confusing the heck out of me, and ask her to please call.

- It's 8pm now, long past the time we could have gotten lunch or dinner.

 

 

So that's where I am now. What the hell is going on here?

[BEASTIEGIRL]

Any word yet?

 

It sounds like you guys just can't get it together. Sometimes that happens even if the guy and the girl are interested. I don't think this is a case of rejection - you're just getting lost in the shuffle.

[WWDDFD]

no, still no call.

 

 

I just left her a message telling her I'm going to sleep now; damn flu shot is making me woozy.

[sunnie23]

i hate to say it, please don't take this the wrong way, but you've smothered her.

it sounds like she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she's giving you excuses.

 

i'd give her a tone of space, maybe a week or so. then call, just to say hello, maybe ask her to go for a coffee sometime. tell her to call you when she'd like to go.

 

then it's the horrible waiting game. give her time to call you and don't contact her at all. if she doesn't call back in about a week, move on and cut your losses.

 

i've been in both situations, had guys come on too strong/came on to someone too strong. it really sucks and happends to the best of us!

[moimeme]

She consistently fails to deliver on promises. Do you really want to go out with this person? I really suggest you forget this one and find another person because I'm fairly sure she'll continue to disappoint you - in many more ways than this.

 

It is just common courtesy to call to break a date. That she never does is not at all a good sign. That you aren't properly upset with her over this also not sending a good message - basically you are letting her know she can walk all over you and you'll still come back for more.

 

Please rethink this person. I suspect if you ever do go out with her, you'll be real sorry you did.

[mfrmboy]

I agree with moimeme. If she can't keep her word now, what if any kind of relationship could you have.

Sounds like she's not a very considerate person. Mabye too self absorbed to think of anyone elses feelings.

Good Luck !!

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by moimeme

She consistently fails to deliver on promises. Do you really want to go out with this person? I really suggest you forget this one and find another person because I'm fairly sure she'll continue to disappoint you - in many more ways than this.

 

It is just common courtesy to call to break a date. That she never does is not at all a good sign. That you aren't properly upset with her over this also not sending a good message - basically you are letting her know she can walk all over you and you'll still come back for more.

 

Please rethink this person. I suspect if you ever do go out with her, you'll be real sorry you did.

 

It's just that before she came along, I never even thought women would ever be interested in me; and what she's doing to me makes me think I was right in the first place. I'm 23 and I've never been on a date... it's just the way I am, and I'm determined to make this work.

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by sunnie23

i hate to say it, please don't take this the wrong way, but you've smothered her.

it sounds like she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she's giving you excuses.

 

i'd give her a tone of space, maybe a week or so. then call, just to say hello, maybe ask her to go for a coffee sometime. tell her to call you when she'd like to go.

 

then it's the horrible waiting game. give her time to call you and don't contact her at all. if she doesn't call back in about a week, move on and cut your losses.

 

i've been in both situations, had guys come on too strong/came on to someone too strong. it really sucks and happends to the best of us!

 

Yeah but I've already told her that she can tell me stuff like that; last week she made a point in telling me three times that I definitely do not annoy her at all, and that she likes calling me;

 

I just don't understand why she would call me, tell me to call back in an hour, and then completely disappear! If she was trying to avoid me, she wouldn't have called in the first place!

[yogi-mon]

The fact that you tabulated so much info tells me this:

Your paying way more attention to this relationship than she is.

Forget it and move on..

 

This kind of thing amazes me how how much people will dwell on

something without using common sense.

 

[cdn]

Whatever motivated her to ask you to call her in the first place was either disingenuous or is no longer there. She's had ample opportunity to make good on any one of her many promises to get together and has not. Clearly, you are not a priority to her. Move on and find someone who wants to be with you.

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by yogi-mon

The fact that you tabulated so much info tells me this:

Your paying way more attention to this relationship than she is.

Forget it and move on..

 

This kind of thing amazes me how how much people will dwell on

something without using common sense.

 

 

It's not that I'm dwelling too much; I just have a *very* good memory. Almost photographic. I can remember conversations I had with people over 7 years ago.

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by cdn

Whatever motivated her to ask you to call her in the first place was either disingenuous or is no longer there. She's had ample opportunity to make good on any one of her many promises to get together and has not. Clearly, you are not a priority to her. Move on and find someone who wants to be with you.

 

This is what I'm not getting though; I told her I suspected that I'm not interesting or I'm annoying her, and she made a point to assure me that that wasn't true! What the hell!

[EnigmaXOXO]

Take a little breather and wait for her to call you. You've gone over and beyond reciprocating the initial interest she showed in you. I suspect she might just be suffering from a case of the cold feet. Or as Moimeme mentioned, she might just be irresponsible...and perhaps even a bit scattered.

 

As for you, work on that self-esteem. I can tell you as a female, there are those of us who are attracted by qualities that go far beneath the surface. Whatever you think your physical flaws might be, your intelligence, charisma, confidence, motivation and kind heart will be enough to attract plenty of female attention.

 

Once you simplify your life a bit and free up some time for socializing, I think you'll find there will be a lot of people who will enjoy your company and conversation. Don't focus so much energy on just one prospect simply because you've already stretched yourself too thin.

[moimeme]

it's just the way I am, and I'm determined to make this work.

 

 

There is no 'this' to make work. You aren't in a relationship with this person. You are in a perpetual game of telephone tag. I know this was your first possible date, but don't cling to it that tenaciously - this isn't necessarily a good trait. A real good trait is to be able to understand when something is futile and move on to something more worthwhile.

 

Remember this saying 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference'.

[trying]

I would suggest you stop calling for at least a week.

Give her the chance to call you first...and go from there.

It sounds like it is not the right time...or she is really messed up!

[WWDDFD]

Here's an update on the situation:

 

 

Friday:

- She calls at around 1:30, apologizes. She got called into work and forgot to take her cellphone, and couldn't call to tell me. Says she'd still love to meet me sometime this week, before she has to go back home for thanksgiving (about 200 miles away), so she'd love to meet for lunch on Monday. Says she'll call on Saturday night.

 

Saturday:

- calls, we talk for an hour, longest conversation yet. Says she'll call sunday night and we'll make plans for monday afternoon, because she has to go to work at 4pm

 

Sunday:

- doesn't call

- I leave a message telling her I'll be up until 2am, or she can call me in the morning on Monday

 

Monday:

- doesn't call

 

 

ARGH. It's now past lunch time, and I don't know what the **** to do anymore.

 

 

Should I just give up? I don't know what to do anymore; I know she's just going to call again sometime later completely unexpected and act like this never happened; I'm always so afraid of telling her that I'm getting frustrated. Should I finally tell her this? I have difficulty telling people things like this, but could it hurt? I'm really getting annoyed by this, and I don't want to take this anymore.

[yogi-mon]

Here is some VERY easy to understand information.

IF you liked a girl, and you forgot your cell at work,

what would YOU do? You would goto a pay phone,

you would do whatever was possible to get in touch

- that is - if you were really conserned that this person

hears from you.

 

do the math man. Just move on. Keep to your walking routine

and in a couple of months she will be sorry she didnt

call you back.

 

If she calls, tell her your busy, tell her you'll call her

tommorrow.. and dont.

see how she likes it.

[WWDDFD]

this is just so confusing though... why the **** would someone keep telling me they really want to go out, call me and talk for an hour, and then disappear?

 

Is this normal?

[EnigmaXOXO]

I second Yogi-mon:

 

GIVE UP!

 

This goes over and beyond just being a bit "scattered." This flake is either toying with you, or she has something (or someone) going on in the background besides just a hectic work schedule.

 

Turn up the volume on your BS detector! Something here is waaaay off!

[lostforwords]

Dood, damn near every one of your posts your either knocking yourself down or your trying to get reassurance from her that your not annoying her etc... etc.... You lack self esteem that is a given...... but your probably coming across to her as being a needy person.... by all the phone calls your making, you telling her youll be up till 2 am..... etc.,... etc... id say drop her like a bad habit.... shes already scared off..... give her time now, she'll call you if shes really interested and would you even want to waste your time on someone who just cant seem to get her s*** together let alone trying to be friends with someone who cant get his together....... you definately need to work on your self esteem.... realize you do have more to offer someone than to sit and banter your life away with someone about whether they are going to call or not...... this is just a back and forth game to you and yoru really not seeing that shes already gone..... ofcourse shes gonna be nice and answer your calls seeing as how you probably appear to be a fragile person already..... but quite frankly you really need to get your self esteem up...... so the next time you run into your dream you have the right frame of mind to dealing with a relationship CONFIDENTLY!!! good luck

[Torntoshreds]

I see the problem right away. You are calling her wayyyyy too much. That will chase a woman away immediately. Girls (generally) like to have a little bit of a challenge when landing a man.

 

 

Week 1:

Sunday:

- I call

 

Monday:

- I call

 

Tuesday:

- I call

 

Wednesday:

- I call

- She calls at 2pm, says she has an emergency at work

 

Thursday:

- I call

 

Friday:

- She calls, says she overslept

 

Saturday:

- I call

- She calls says she is sick

 

Week 2:

 

Monday:

- I call.

 

Tuesday:

- She never calls

 

Wednesday:

- I call

 

Thursday:

- She calls - says she is sick

 

Friday:

- I call

 

Saturday

- Worked all day, fell asleep early

 

Week 3:

 

Sunday:

- She calls, promises to call the next day

 

Monday:

No call

 

Tuesday:

- She calls

 

Wednesday:

I leave a message

I leave another message

 

Thursday:

- She calls at 2pm, says she has to go somewhere for a bit

- I call, voicemail.

- She never calls back

- I leave another message, I ask her to please call.

[WWDDFD]

okay well she called today, about an hour ago, says she overslept again, had insomnia and didn't fall asleep until 5am. Keeps telling me that she'd love to go out, going to call tonight after work, and we'll do something tomorrow.

 

 

I don't know anymore.

[WWDDFD]

I'd just like to make a note that I don't feel like I should be hard on her about this; I'd feel guilty doing so; after all, I *did* blow her off for a whole month. I don't really feel like I have any right to be angry; I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

[Leikela]

Follow these simple rules and see what happens.

 

For example, she said she would call you tonight. If you haven't heard from her by the time you plan on going to bed, DO NOT call her!! This is very important. She left the ball in her court so just wait until you hear from her.

 

There's nothing more annoying then someone calling you when you said you'd call them and they constantly do it repeatedly. If she says she's going to call you and doesn't, SO BE IT. Don't go chasing after her. That only makes you look weak.

 

By stepping back from the situation in the calling regard, you'll have a clearer image of what is going on. To be honest with you, if I was very eager to go out with a guy I wouldn't be "over sleeping" or "forgetting my cell phone" and using them as excuses as to why I didn't call. S**t, if I was interested, I would call when I said I would! The writing is on the wall. Choose to read it or not.

[WWDDFD]

thanks, I'll try that.

 

 

I'm just very new at all this