Post-breakup rule guide

[sean001]

kit, that's a good question -- they didn't have a very serious relationship and obviously she realized pretty quickly what she was doing (avoiding me), although I still haven't quite forgiven her for it because it was very hurtful.

 

But the bottom line is that now she is back, it's been a couple weeks, and I still feel ambivalent. I truly care about the girl and want this to work, but I'm just not happy. It's almost like there is too much of a hurtful history that I haven't quite gotten over. Plus I'm really unsatisfied with the level of communication. Every day I debate on whether to get out of this or not and I think that the moment of "reunion" should be a happy time, right? Maybe my expectations are wrong.

[lost_in_chgo]

Reconciliation take some work and communication. You have to sit down and talk whatever issues you have out in a cooperative no threating way.

 

Try reading this. Even if you don't follow the religious aspects, there are some good interpersonal communication points in here:

http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/1/8/article_04.htm

 

or:

http://ww2.survivinginfidelity.com/library.asp

despite the incredibly irritating and unnecessary abbreviations scattered throughout the articles.

[sarah12]

I agree with lost.

 

This girl needs to be cooperative in talking to you about the issues that you had, or else nothing will change and the relationship will break again. It seems that she is taking the easy way out by refusing to talk about it. If you really want this to work, you have to be firm with her, sit her down and let her know that if you don't fix things, it won't work and you'll be on your way. It looks like an ultimatum has worked with her in the past, so you may want to consider that, as harsh as it seems.

 

Also, be sure that she knows that you want to talk about it. I know that one of the mistakes I made with a guy I recently dated was that I didn't fully bring out the issues between us and instead just made jokes about it here and there, hoping that it would make me feel better and make us better by just laughing things off. It didn't work and I should have just come right out and dealt with the whole thing. Anyways, bottom line is, make things clear with her.