some insight . (boys you apreciated)

[vainla]

I posted this one on the wrong board I guess. i hpe this one is the most appropiate.

Met a guy. I wasn’t attracted to him, but liked the attention. He was so all over me when he came to introduce himself to me, I just thought that was the way he was, not that he was attracted to me or anything. I have never seen him before. The thing is someone has just told him I had just gotten divorced and a I was a couple of days away from getting my own place. He later told me it was lust at first sight. He said as soon as he saw me, he wanted so much to have sex with me. I wonder if it was only because he knew I had just become “available.”

 

We ended up having sex two weeks after. He was visiting only for the summer, so I was very aware it was only a fling. I supposed he had some sex buddies and I told him repeatedly it was only a fling. I didn’t want him to believe I was getting attached even when I was developing feelings for him. To make him feel more comfortable and since I thought he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by me falling for him, I told him I was giving time to time so I could date a guy I very much liked (which was true at that time). I thought he would feel more comfortable knowing that.

 

Anyways, we became very close sexually. It gradually became like an addiction, we needed to have longer sessions of sex and more frequently. We started having sex, and ended up making love. It was wonderful other than he would interrupt at times to ask if I still had plans to run after the other guy.

 

I tried not to be affectionate after love making, both because I was fighting the attachment, and because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but many expressions of affection started to show on our love making. I knew he was leaving town and I kept reminding him it was only a fling mostly as a way to keep my own distance emotionally.

 

Two days before he was about to leave, I told him I had something for him. He was very eager to find out what it was. I told him I would give it to him that night. He just smiled and told me he was going out of town that night and he would stop by my place when he came back. I thought I would surprised him before he left and I went to his house. I crushed when I saw this girl kissing him passionately. She was pulling out on his driveway and her car had plates from out of state. I just drove away. I later found out he had a girlfriend and she came to town to take him back home. I felt horrible. I stayed at a friend’s house very far away from our town. I could not even bare the idea of running into them. I went back home when I thought he was gone.

 

Then he texted me and asked if he could stop by to get his “gift”. He told me he could not go without it, so he decided to stay an extra couple days. I told him I found out about his gf. He said he was sorry, and started the blah blah blah that I was very sweet and so on. I just cut him right there and told him what I found out. I told him he should had let me know he had a gf, even though it was only a fling, and that I had the right to decide if I wanted to get involved with a man in a commited relationship. I told him to never talk to me again. Then he was a jerk to me and turned it around. He told me I said it was only a fling.

 

What difference does it make what I said? He had a girlfriend before we started to have sex. It was a fling for him since the get go, and it’s OK with me as long as it does not make me the other woman.

 

Now I found out he is moving back to our town. We have common friends. I fell for him. How am I going to survive this?

Men are so insensitive. Have no respect for women and their feelings.

I am so embarrassed. I won’t be able to bear that. How can I ever face him again? If his girlfriend comes with him how am I going to face her?

also, what the heck was he thinking? Why wouldn't he be honest when I kept telling him it was only a fling anyways?

[imagine]

What have YOU learned from this encounter?

[loveslife]

Oh man, what a painful experience! It's so weird that you have all these mutual friends and not one of them told you he had a girlfriend?

 

It sounds like you're not the one who should feel ashamed though. He is! If you run into him then know you did nothing wrong. He did.

 

In the future, it's probably a good idea to get to know someone for a while before having sex.

 

You'll get past all this.

[Hkizzle]

The answer to your question is success rate. He lied to improve his chances of getting you in bed, since he knew if he was honest the possibility of rejection is higher.

 

I mean if a conman was going to sell a faulty product, is he really going to tell the customer it's broken? He won't get it sold then.

 

It's deception 101.

 

There are 3 types of men.

 

The really good ones will back off if not interested in a woman to avoid leading her on.

 

Many will aim to have sex with a woman even if not interested, but will let her know where she stands.

 

Then there are the guys that use deception to increase their chances.

 

Also, don't have sex with a man too early on, say in the first month because you can't control hormonal release. In fact I don't understand what's wrong with society these days, why do so many people think sleeping around isn't without consequences?

 

A lot of women start off wanting a FWB or something casual, but what they don't realize is their body will be releasing pair bonding hormones that will get them romantically attached to the guy in many cases.

 

Google oxytocin, that is one example.

 

But really, women can be cruel to men too. It's more a matter of bad people are cruel.