So Clueless! Need Help!

[Jo]

OK, I met my best friend (BF) about 2 years

 

ago now. We met at a Pub, it was the first

 

time we met and it just so happened that we

 

kissed that night. Well, after that (for

 

whatever reasons) we kind of didn't talk for

 

a while even though we had some of the same

 

friends. Anyway, we then started talking

 

and found that we really did get along very

 

well. From then on we talked a lot and went

 

out together every once in a while. We

 

always had fun and I always knew that I

 

didn't just think of him as a friend but I

 

just felt that I was too young to be in a

 

relationship.

 

But then it happened that I met this other

 

guy and we got together, so I got a

 

boyfriend anyway! I have been with my

 

boyfriend for about a year and I really like

 

him, but he has a tendency of late to not

 

treat me totally great and my BF has seen

 

that (please refer below!)

 

It was just that my boyfriend and I had been

 

having a few problems and I went to this

 

party one night after having a huge fight

 

with him and my BF was there. I was pretty

 

upset and as the night went on (and so did

 

the drinks!) I eventually ended up telling

 

my BF all about the problems my boyfriend

 

and I were having. Anyway he was just

 

unbelievably sweet about it all as he gave

 

me a nice, comforting hug he told me that

 

everything would work out alright. That he

 

wouldn't let anyone hurt me and then he hung

 

around with me (trying to cheer me up!) for

 

the rest of the night. Deep down I really

 

knew that I wanted to kiss him, but of

 

course I couldn't (wouldn't) as I could

 

never cheat on my boyfriend.

 

Well it was months afterwards, when one

 

night I went out with my boyfriend and his

 

friends to a Club and brought my BF along.

 

Well my boyfriend is insanely jealous of my

 

BF and was not impressed that I'd brought

 

him. So we ended up having yet another

 

fight and I was really upset and asked my BF

 

if he could drive me home. My BF agreed and

 

we left, as he once again made me feel a bit

 

better on the way home.

 

It was on the way home that we got talking

 

and something came up about that party we

 

were at months ago and my BF just kind of

 

blurted out that I looked really cute that

 

night as a single tear had rolled down my

 

cheek, and that he had kind of wanted to

 

kiss me. Well I was a little shocked, to

 

say the least, and just kind of ignored the

 

comment. Although it was a bit later on

 

when I couldn't help myself as I asked him

 

why he had wanted to kiss me. Well it was

 

then that he told me that he had wanted to

 

kiss me that night, because he wants to kiss

 

me every time he sees me. That he had liked

 

me for all the time we had been friend's and

 

thought I was 'pretty much perfect'. He

 

said I was sweet, kind, beautiful, generous,

 

he could tell me anything, we got along

 

great etc..etc.. I was so shocked (and

 

flattered) and didn't know what to say, but

 

had to admit to him that I too had more

 

than 'just friends' feelings for him too.

 

We kind of sat there for a while discussing

 

things but were both pretty shocked about it

 

all.

 

Well we I left and he went home and we

 

talked the next day. He told me that he

 

could hardly sleep and in some way had

 

regrets about telling me but it was also a

 

big weight off his shoulders. We discussed

 

things further as there had been a lot of

 

things pointing towards this previously but

 

we had both put them down to the fact that

 

we were such good friends.

 

Anyway, now I'm totally lost. My BF makes

 

butterflies fly around in my stomach and I

 

like him a lot and don't want to hurt him.

 

But my boyfriend 'can be' a complete

 

sweetheart and hurting him is that last

 

thing on my mind. I don't know what to do.

 

Plus, my boyfriend is having a bit of a hard

 

time of late and I don't want to add to his

 

problems or kick him while he's down, if you

 

know what I mean!

 

So any help, any suggestions, any advice,

 

anything would be great. Even tell me if

 

you think I'm a real cow for all this.

 

Anything! Please...

[Nina]

My father always told me that if you find the man who makes you complete, who challenges you to be a better person, who supports you and loves you no matter what, you sould be with him. It sounds to me like you love your best friend. Go for it. There's no reason to stay in an unsatisfying relationship.

[Miranda]

You sound like a wonderful girl. Stay that way!

 

If things aren't working our with your boyfriend, you should break it off with him. There is no good reason for you to stay with him as a girlfriend, even IF he's going through some hard times. You can still be a friend to him (if possible)...Don't let guilt keep you with your boyfriend.

 

Your Best Friend also sounds like a great guy...

 

I'd say seize the day!

 

:-)

[Tony T]

My vote is with the above two posts on Nina and Miranda. Both are absolutely correct. Get rid of this boyfriend you have that doesn't seem to ring your chimes completely.

 

You can't go through life trying to make everybody feel good and to please everybody. You have to please yourself.

 

You're a bit confused right now. Take a break now and try not to think about all this for a while. Relax and refresh yourself. Then make a decision based on which one of these guys is nicest, kindest, and makes you the happiest.

 

Also, consider which one it would give you the most pleasure of making happy as well.

 

Then make your move. If your boyfriend gets run over by a Mack Truck, don't even let that interfere with making whatever decision makes YOU happy.

 

Nina and Miranda are right on!!!

[Jo]

First of all, thanks a lot for responding to my message. I think your father sounds like a very wise man. I know that I shouldn't stay in an unsatisfying relationship, but it's just hard. As I said I don't want to hurt anyone, but I guess that's probably kind of inevitable! Anyway thanks again.

[Jo]

Thanks for responding to my message. As you could probably tell from it, I am quite confused at the moment. I guess I kind of know in my heart that it's not right to stay with someone just they are going through a tough time, but that's not the only reason I am still with him. As I said he can be just the sweetest guy in the world, but, it's when he wants to be! And your assumption is right, my best friend is a great guy! Thanks for your perspective, I'll be sure to keep it all in mind when I have a good old think about my situation. Thanks again.

[Jo]

Thanks for responding to my message. I have actually been debating whether or not I should post it for a couple of days before I actually did (I'm a little cautious to say the least, which is probably why it's also taken me so long in thinking about what to do about my problem!). I have read quite a few of the other messages and there responses, to which a lot of them are from you. I was kind of hoping you'd reply actually. You seem quite wise in your ways and always have something insightful to add, so thanks for taking the time to respond. I think you made a good point. Some time out and away from it all could be a good idea. I'm pretty sick of worrying about it all and really do want to be happy. Anyway, so thanks again.

[Tony T]

It's extremely kind of you to thank each person personally for responding to your post. You are a very sweet lady, underscoring my earlier proclamation that you deserve the very best and to be happy always!!!

[Jo]

Not a problem at all. I mean you guys took the time out to respond and try to help me out so why shouldn't I thank you personally. It was the least I could do. But about the very sweet lady part, I wouldn't be so sure! But thanks for the good wishes anyway.