sparkel Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Here's the situation i am going to try and make it short but I really need some out side help to bring me back to earth. First off my situation is a little complicated (which doesn't help anything). I met this guy at work (isn't that always how it starts). When we met I was married - not happily but married. Just this year my marriage took a turn for the worse.. the guy (lets call him Jim for the sake of things) and I started to become very good friends. We worked closely together, started to go for coffee's and lunches during work .. then started getting together outside of work. He would always look my way, do something to ensure we were working together, if we went out with a group of people he would take the empty seat next to me - even if there were other empty seats.. About 6 months ago I seperated from my husband and me and Jim started to spend more time together. The more time we spent the closer we got to the point now where we will fool around... pretty much do everything but go all the way. At one point he did make a comment about likeing me and that he could see us being a couple, but that he wouldn't try and pursue anything until 6mos-a year. Shortly after that my ex found out about us and from there things have gone weird between me and Jim (i know not shocking but still)... Jim and I still get together, go for drinks, talk online (we used to talk daily..not it's every once and a while), we still fool around (have not had sex tho). I know's it's very soon after my relationship, but I really like the guy and I think he still likes me too, but is a little wary of my situation. I have told him how I feel, and he has told me that the timing for him is not right, he doesn't think I am ready for another relationship and for him he needs to get some things in his life settled. He also made a point of saying it wasn't me he didn't want but a relationship thing. We decided that we wouldn't change anything, still talk, fool around and everything, and when I say we it was a mutual decision. He still wants to be around and made sure that I was ok since I was the one who started the conversation. That was a couple of weeks ago and since then I have been trying to step back.. I avoided him for the past week and a half and out of the blue over the weekend he txt'd me to see how things were and mentioned that he hadn't seen me for a while. He made plans to go out for drinks and everything. (normally it was me trying to make plans with him). I get that at the moment we are Friends with Benefits, but my feelings haven't changed and I don't think his have either. Am I reading into things..? Is there any possible chance that this can turn into something? IF there is a chance.. what do I do.. still avoid him till he makes contact? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Avoiding someone will bring you closer? Does that even make sense? If you play this idiotic avoidance game, you're going to lose him. He'll think you've lost interest. It's compounded by the fact that if you've always been the initiator, he'll really see your avoidance as a sign you've lost interest. I will say this though. I don't think it'd be such a good idea to jump back into the relationship bus until you've resolved all issues with your past marriage. I think that's what this other guy is doing, he's making sure he's not just a rebound fling and that he actually means something to you. Which could be why he's opting to take things slow. Has he ever been married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkel Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 He has never been married.. and what you say about him not wanting to be a rebound.. is what I have been thinking. and I don't want him to be a rebound.. in any way. He does mean something to me.. we have talked many times about relationships and we both are on the same page. we would be good together.. we both are very clear that we want a partner.. not just someone to be around. I get that there is no magic fix that will make this happen tomorrow.. it just would be nice Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 WTRanger nailed it! Good to see some sensibility in taking it slow. Why rush the rest of your good times that are just around the corner. I had an endearing friend who pretty much laid it on the line when I was transistioning thru a long term relationship. He said- Rule of thumb. - "NO serious relationships for one full year. Get to enjoy your life, your friends,your family all those things that took a back seat when that person was in your life. Adapt to the change. Above all else, Learn from your breakup and leave it in the past. " that last part hit me like a ton of bricks. How we think our tansistioning friend really wants to hear the wooes of past errors. I think you are wise for being concerned yet respectful of this gent. You seem to have your head on straight. Best to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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