BREAK UP POLL, everyone tell me how your story ended

[justwannabehappy]

Hello, everybody, I have been posting and searching all through this Breaking up Forum, we're all in the same boat. Going through the same thing like everyone else, I want perspective.

 

I'm Curious about a few things, so now I'm gonna try to host this BREAK UP POLL!!

I hope you will all participate, help and support each other!!

Tell me, all of you that had went through and/or are currently being on a break with your love one, this is my ultimate question:

 

"HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS HAVE ACTUALLY GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER WITH YOUR LOVE AFTER A BREAK OR BREAK UP AND HOW MANY OF YOU DIDN'T?"

 

Give me a brief descrition of your story and state your outcome.

I think all of us are eager to see the statistics as to see where our own chances stand.

[ncguy34]

I dated a girl for one year and met my current girlfriend during the relationship. I did not want to date 2 women at the same time and so I broke up with old girlfriend. I never dated her again.

[Arabess]

I have never gotten back with anyone after a total break up. I've found whatever issue brought on the break up in the first place.....keeps resurfacing. After awhile....it's like beating a dead horse. Some problems in relationships just aren't "fixable". Sometimes even a great relationship can run it's course.....and then it becomes apparent BOTH people should pack up and move on.

 

Then again, I have an elderly neighbor. She divorced her husband in her 20's. Both of them went their own ways. In their 50's, one was divorced and the other was a widow. They found each other and remarried. They are totally in love and happy.

 

I guess one never really knows how 'love' with another person is going to turn out.

 

(For me though, the thought of getting back together with my ex husband is NAUSEATING!!!!)

[yogi-mon]

But I _ALMOST_ got back with an old gf.

 

Almost.

[imjustagirl]

My boyfriend broke up with me a few days shy of our 9 month anniversary....a week later, he decided we'd try the dating thing again...

 

We're still back together, and things are going strong...granted it's only been 22 days 5 hours and 32 minutes

 

The reason why he broke up with me in the first place is other people around bothering him to ask me to marry him...instead of asking me, (which we've now talked about), he freaked. Now we're both under the understanding that marriage is in the future (3-5 years), not right now.

[Leikela]

It depends...

 

There are those relationships where you break up/get back together/break up/get back together, etc, etc, etc... It's cyclical. I was in one of those for 8 whole years. I finally realized that it would NEVER change and ended it for good. We never got back together.

 

I then moved on to another relationship and ended it after 5 months and refused to take him back.

 

I am in a relationship now, going on 9 months, so there's no way I'm going back with the ex. I think ultimately you break up for a reason and especially when you're young it's because the other person wants something more or someone else.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Never gotten back together with anyone I had left. Of course, I was never one to throw in the towel and admit defeat until I was 100% sure that it was over.

 

It takes a l-o-n-g time for me to make an important decision, but once its made, the 'thinking process' is done so there's no need to second guess it.

[gwennebe]

I have gotten back with about 2 or 3 boyfriends after we had broken up. None of them have obviously lasted but..... I have noticed that I am very good friends with ALL of my ex boyfriends I have been with for more than three months. At one point in time not matter what they have contacted me sometimes three months down the road some times 6 years but they have contacted me wanting to get back together. It's so ironic, like none of them can deal with me when they have me, they think I'm so tough to handle and then they get out there and realize I was the best they ever had, but usually by then I'm over them and don't want to date them. So then we just stay friends. The funny thing is, the most current ex knows all about this and he still broke up. Guess he wanted to see for himself. Who knows. I'm just going to go out and power date and not get involved with anyone for awhile. I'm sick of the same old crap.

[imjustagirl]

I would just like to point out that you guys are scaring me, making be believe that my boyfriend and I are not ment to be

[quankanne]

I have only dated two exes after a break-up. the first was my first BF, and we ended up as FWB. I worked for him whenever I was between jobs, and we slept together from time to time, which was a bad mistake because not only was the sex awful, it just had not place in Part 2 of our relationship. I've wondered what the hell I ever saw in him as a boyfriend, though as a boss, he was really pretty cool to work with.

 

other guy is the one I married. It's worked out really really well, but to be honest, I'm really surprised we ended up married because there were so many things going against us (distance factor, the fact that he'd been burned by marriage before, his personal problemls). However (and this is for you, Imjustagirl), there are times you understand that a relationship is just meant to be and you weather the rough patches.

[Callisto]

Never gotten back with anyone after a break-up was finished.

[Leikela]

you guys are scaring me, making be believe that my boyfriend and I are not ment to be

 

Don't be scared. We are all individuals with separate experiences. That doesn't neccessarily mean that our endings will determine the fate of yours. You said your boyfriend flipped about the prospect of marriage right now and you said you worked things out and things are good. Follow your instincts!

[julieg]

i have had lots of bf's and have stayed friends and gotten back together with a lot of them. except for one. the one guy who i loved but was too young to settle down (4 year exclusive) for good with. i could not go back to him after i broke up due to my true feelings and fear of rebreaking his heart. so tragic and sad. reminds me of the movie spendor in the grass.

[Addison]

I've gotten back together with my ex-boyfriends before but obviously that didn't work out. As for my most recent ex that I'm still trying to get over, it wasn't so much a matter of getting back together as it was never completely ending things even though he was dating someone else at the same time. But, ultimately he chose her and has turned into a complete ass so I don't forsee us getting back together. Wanting to and needing to are two completely seperate issues. I always want to believe that if we just try one more time it will work. But in reality, we're both the same people and nothing ever really changes for good. I do hope that we can be friends though... down the road of course. Its too hard for us right now, but I've managed to be friends with all my other ex's so I'm hopeful for this one too. After all, he was my best friend over everyone else. Sometimes I think thats the part thats the hardest to let go of. Thats sometimes what keeps me going back.

[justwannabehappy]

Thank you for Participating!!! It really means a lot!!

 

Okay, now For those of you that had gotten back with you ex, how did it happen?

Who broke up with who in the first place, and who crawled back or initiated the getting back together? How long did it take? Why did you take them back?

 

For the others, though you haven't gotten back with any of your ex, had any of your ex actually called you up one day regretting that they left you and want you back though you didn't take them back? What did they say? How long down the road did your ex made that call after the breakup?

 

Again, please give me a brief summary and state your outcome. THANK YOU!!

[calithin83]

I've been with my b/f for 2 years and 11months..we had like 2 mini break ups which lasted 2 days...which i ended cos i was confused or mad at him for something, then there was a breakup we had when we were together 2 years and 8 months this august 25th..it was bad..we werent getting along at all..and he was putting his friends before me, or so it felt that way...then he broke up with me...it was actually serious and he didnt wanna take me back..so i gave up and was like whatever..

 

so after 3 weeks of no contact..he finally came up to me at school and acted like he wanted me back, and finally i decided to go back with him...so we have been back from...oct til now...November...and actualyl things are cool and im happy im with him but its hard because i still have some grudges of things he did to me, that even though we have talked about it..its hard to let it go and thats why maybe i think its better that i would have moved on or would have made him beg for me to come back to him..instead of letting him just come back so easily...

also its hard to trust someone completely after they break up with u and dont care about ure pain.....and then when they miss u decide to come back to u and expect for u to easily forgive and forget...

 

so basically im in this relaityonship but its hard to trust him cos he has hurt me already...and i really dont know whats gonna happen...i love him and im trying to let go and trust him but i always feel like hes gonna hurt me again or something..so sometimes i wish i could just be strong enough to break up...but i dunno.....its weird...maybe 2nd chances are bad.

[sunnie23]

I've had two serious bf's in my life. the first i dated for nine months when he broke up with me. he was my first love, my first everything, and our break up left me devastated. when i thought i was over everything, i sent him an e-mail. the e-mail led to drinks, which led to sex, which led to us getting back together. i sent the e-mail about a month after we broke up.

 

we ended up breaking up again about three months later. we both agreed we'd only gotten back together out of convienience and the magic just wasn't there anymore.

 

my last bf and i broke up two months ago and haven't spoken since. i've moved on and have found a wonderful new man who makes my heart flutter.

 

i no longer believe in getting back together. but, if it's going to happen, these are the rules

 

1) you must have been broken up long enough for both people to look at the relationship objectively

 

2)both must have dealt with the problems/issues that broke you up in the first place

 

3)you must start again from the beginning.

[UCFKevin]

Wonderful rules. Wouldn't want it any other way.

[NEONINK]

I once pined for an ex for over a year of my life. I dreamed and dreamed and wished and wished. I hoped and prayed that maybe one day. I watched as she moved on with life and someone new. I waited and cried, just knowing if the chance ever came up again, I would not fail to be there.

 

Well... one day along the way, the chance did come back up. And I realized at that moment when she pleaded her own love for me... What the hell was I thinkin?

 

It's one of those moments when you say, "Oh My God..."

 

Someone new entered the picture for me, and I was completely over it and looking forward to a new chapter in life. Of course, life sucks sometimes and books have bad endings... And now I'm single again, trying to date new people, and now pining over that last one. Oh My God.

[shopgrl]

sunnie23- I totally agree with your rules. I think that if you don't follow those rules, your 2nd time around won't work. My bf and I had been dating over 2 years. We broke up for a mth for different reasons but it all boiled down to we had been taking each other for granted and not treating each other good (stressful time in both of our lives). He initiated the break up and I guess I agreed.

 

We had no contact for the mth then we ran into each other and talked about everything. He told me how much he missed me and wanted to give "us" another shot. I knew that was what I wanted but I was scared and so was he. Anyway, after about a week of talking, we decided to start over. This was the first time I had ever gotten back together with an ex. The reason I got back together with him is b/c I truly love him with all my heart and he makes me the happiest girl in the world. It's not b/c I couldn't live without him, it's b/c my life is so much more enjoyable with him in it.

 

We have been back together for a mth now and things couldn't be better. As crazy as it sounds, I'm happy that we broke up . The mth apart gave us time to reflect on our relationship and figure out what we need to work on to make it work. We are actually starting to look at houses to buy and I'm guessing/hoping to get a ring in the near future b/c he knows that I want to be engaged if we are going to live together. So-- I think the 2nd time around can work if that's what you both truly want and are willing to work at.

[mattdad]

I dated my first real girlfriend for about a year until I found out that she'd been seeing a married man on reserve weekends. One day she came out of the blue and told me that he'd promised to leave his wife for her!

Well, this floored me, but I thought she was 'THE ONE!'. So I hung around for about five more months, sleeping with her on occasion but more importantly being ready for when he'd dump her!

We had an amazing night of sex on Valentine's Day - the next day she went to see him and I'd had enough. I finally found my self-respect and dumped her!

How'd we get back together???

Well, a few months later she called and told me she was pregnant (oops). I married her for my son's sake.

The marriage lasted almost 7 years buyt the trust and love was surely lacking...as it turned out, history repeated tiself and she found another married guy to mess around with on reserve weekends!!!

I guess some zebras can't change their stripes...

[sarah12]

For the most part, I don't believe in getting back together with an ex unless you follow the rules that were stated above.

 

I'll admit though that in my most recent "relationship" with this guy, we broke up and got back together within a month - complicated story - guilt from his ex crowded the relationship ..but now we have broken up again..and probably won't get back together for a while at least...

[thelurker]

test

[thelurker]

mine took forever, but two weeks ago, we broke up for good. me and my bf had been living together for the past two years, knew each other for three. he was not "boyfriend material" as my ex girlfriend told me when i first met him. but i'm stubborn and trodded on. after awhile, i just felt that it would be ok to have him as a companion. anyway, after all kinds of drama (his gambling, infidelity, owing me money, no affection, etc., etc.), something just clicked in me as we were watching tv one evening. i tried to start a convo with him and he lashed out at me. i just WENT OFF on him then and there and it got ugly!

 

i told him to pack up and leave that instant. after about 15 minutes of my hystrionics, he started packing, but refused to leave just then. i gave up and went to bed, locking the bedroom door. in the morning, he left. i felt so light and free!

 

i didn't hear from him until the monday after. he STILL thought we were just "having an argument"!! i had to be very cold to him, because he is the type of person who will just blow off whatever he doesn't want to hear. anyway, he came by the weekend after to pick up a check that came in the mail for him, and sat down. i told him he couldn't stay and would have to go. he said his car had broken down in the parking lot of a store down the street, so i drove him over to get a boost. his car started and he drove off. i thought FINALLY he's gone for GOOD!

 

well, wouldn't you know, he calls 15 minutes later, saying his car is broken down again, and would i come help him. it took all my nerve, but i had to say no. he was begging me to come to him, but i just hung the phone up. i HAVEN'T heard from him since.

 

i know some of you may think i'm cold and have a heart of stone, but until you've walked in my shoes...you can't have a relationship with someone who refuses to talk. the pain he caused me was enormous.

 

i'm so glad he is gone...anyway, my breakup story for what it's worth.

[claudia]

I was messing around with icq and meet this really kool person and we started chatting and eventually we became really good friends. We always said that once anyone of us gets money we will visit each other .In September 2002 we became much closer and definitely deciding we would meet in the following year . So February came and he finally comes to see me .and i mean sparks flew it was love quick and really quick we had such a good time . I eventually went over to his country in July and again we had a great time.

 

From the start of this relationship we both knew what we getting into ,meaning the distance factor which was solved cause i had no problem moving to his country( i was going to move to england even before i meet him so relocating was not an issue) . For once i was truly happy i had a man that was just everything i wanted , his family and friends seemed to embrace me and welcome me with open arms while i was there.he told all his friends in my presence how much he loved me and wants me to be his only .

 

this is where the problems started when i returned home he started acting really distance to me and telling me stuff like maybe we wait two years before i come there to live ,he keeps seeing me leaving family behind and going to start from scratch i told him people have done it before me and will do it after me its a risk in life . so here we are he now really distancing himself and before long he told me his feeling for me has changed and he thinks we should loosen up a bit and he is so confused but he wants me to be his friend .Now almost four months later this person will not even speak to me online anymore and having a conversation with him now seems like pulling out teeth . early on in the break up i asked once if we will get back together and he said that not a good idea ,after that it was hardly any other contact between us . I hoped we could have repaired what went wrong but that does not seem likely i just have to move on .

 

sorry for lenght but thanks for reading my story