BREAK UP POLL, everyone tell me how your story ended

[girliegirliegirl]

The ex whom I was in love with-my first true love wanted to remain friendsafter our break-up. He insisted on it actually.

 

I loved him but he didn't love me enough to want to be with me after a year of being together. Although he didn't technically end it; I did because he couldn't give me what I wanted, my heart was completely broken.

 

I tried the friends thing but it made me miserable. After 3 years I had the strength to cut contact and haven't contacted him in 10 months. Its the best thing I ever did. Whenever I cut contact in the past he never tried to contact me but was enthusiastic about being friends when I contacted him in weakness, or when I thought I could just be friends.

 

This time no contact is forever. I don't even miss him. Don't care what he's doing with his life and won't ever accept crumbs again. He will always have a place in my heart but my first true love experience has definately been filed to the past where it belongs.

 

The second ex actively pursued me and was passionate about me for months on end, then suddenly lost interest. After trying to break-up with him 3 times telling him he's allowed to change his mind and not want me and him insisting that he loved me and wanted me I just told him its over and made no contact.

 

This one actually contacted me 8 months later! I was friendly and gave the strong hint that I had moved on. He got the hint, contacted me once more to wish me well and never contacted me again.

 

Even though it seems I dumped them I was the one actually dumped because they didn't want me and didn't have the guts to break it off so they treated me in such a way that I had to dump them to move on with my life and stop the sadness and suffering that they were putting me through.

 

Ex number 3 was passionate and loving, full of promises of the future, attentive etc for months.Everything was so perfect, so right. I thought, woo hoo-someone who's love gets stronger with time not weaker. In the space of a week he changed and broke up with me in the meanest and most cruel way. He was so angry at me and hurtful. Naturally I was shocked since I didn't do anything. He didn't accuse me of doing anything but acted like I did. He never contacted me. Its been 4 months now. I see him around and he acts like I am the enemy, lifting his nose in the air and acting like he does not care.

 

His friends are shocked at his behaviour and are very nice and sweet to me when they see me. They thought we were in love and would probably get married and can't believe that he broke up with me. They don't ever mention him to me and I don't ask. After asking for a chance to chat about it all initially and he ignored me, I never contacted him.

 

Naturally in this case I am completely clueless to what happened. I am still suprised he hasn't even tried to contact me since he was so passionately in love with me, passionate about our future, grateful to fate for bringing us together, commenting on us connecting on all levels and the special bond we share quite often.

 

But from what I can see on this site, men only want and pursue the women who don't want them, e.g the ones who break up with you for whatever reasons they have inside are not likely to come back, or somebody else's girlfriend or someone who obviously is not interested-basically unavailable girls.

 

The ones who try to stay friends(men or women dumpers) do so because they either feel guilty for hurting you or are selfish and want an 'in case' or a spare.

 

Or they are just clueless that they are hurting you by remaining in your life as friends when you love them and they are not 'in love' with you.

 

They are looking for someone else while you are feeding their ego by hanging on taking the crumbs they throw at you to keep you there. You stay there in hope that they will change their mind and realize they want you after all-which is also unlikely.

 

So basically the conclusion drawn is,

 

If the woman breaks up with the man for no good reason you can see:

 

She has moved on and doesn't want you. She is either on the lookout for someone new or has found someone new. She may come back to you if the new guy didn't work out, use you if you are obviously available and doting on her-which you probably are because it is she who dumped you. Then she will move on to the next guy.

 

If the man breaks up with you for no apparent reason:

 

He has moved on and doesn't want you. He may keep you as a spare, use you, do the friends thing. Ultimately if he wanted you he wouldn't have left.

 

The ones who truly want you will want to work on anything wrong in the relationship while they are in it!

 

Again, an exception is if they couldn't cope with what they percieved as going wrong and come back willing to talk about it and most importantly wanting to work on it. Again, looking at this site it is quite rare for an ex to come back in this case, but it happens once in a blue moon.

 

The best thing to do when dumped is grieve as much as you want, learn to love being in your own company, accept that you don't know how long you will BE in your own company, go out and create your ideal life for yourself-don't wait around for someone else to do that for you because its impossible. By the time you do all this you will feel safe enough to let go of the idea of your ex coming back and wonder why you wanted that to happen anyway, when you are living your ideal life and are happy all on your own.

 

They say your ideal man/woman is round the corner from your ideal life.