35 And Still With Mommy !!!

[Periegh]

AFTER 2 YRS AND 10 MONTHS I HAVE CALLED IT QUITS.

 

MY X IS 35 YRS OLD AND STILL LIVES AT HOME WITH HIS MOTHER. HE IS THE YOUNGEST OF 3 BOYS. BOTH ARE MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. ONE IS 49 AND THE OTHER IS 51. THE X OWNS HIS OWN BUSINESS, HAS RENTAL PROPERTY, TAKES CARE OF HIS MOTHERS HOUSE, CAMP AND A FEW JOINT VENTURES WITH HIS BROTHERS. HE GETS NO HELP FROM THE BROTHERS. THEY DONT OFFER TO HELP IN ANY REGARD TO THEIR MOTHER. IM SURE IT IS DUE TO THE FACT THAT BABY BROTHER STILL LIVES AT HOME. THE MOTHER IS 73 YRS OLD. THE BROTHERS WILL DROP OFF THEIR KIDS (AGES 2, 3, AND 7) AND THINK NOTHING OF IT. THE WOMAN CANT EVEN PICK UP THE YOUNGEST...WHAT WOULD SHE DO IF SOMETHING HAPPENED?!?!! THE CONDITION OF HER HOUSE IS SOMETHING I CAN NOT DO JUSTICE FOR IN WORDS. YOU CAN NOT SIT ON ANY FURNITURE, SLEEP IN A BED OR PUT ANYTHING ON A COUNTER. EVER HORIZONTAL SURFACE IS PILED TO THE CEILING WITH ****! THERE ARE WALK WAYS THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE TO GET TO VARIOUS ROOMS. IT ISNT DIRTY, JUST CLUTTER EVERYWHERE. IF THE HOUSE WERE TO EVER CATCH FIRE, ANYONE IN THERE WOULD NEVER HAVE A CHANCE TO GET OUT. THE X OFFERED HIS MOM NEW FURNITURE IF SHE CLEANS OUT THE HOUSE. HASNT HAPPENED YET. HIS WAY OF LOOKING AT IT IS...IF SHE CLEANS IT OUT ILL BUY HER NEW FURNITURE BECAUSE IT WOULD COST ME MORE THAN THAT TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT OR I WOULDNT HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF WHICH WOULD TAKE UP TO MUCH OF HIS TIME. OH, AND MOMMY IS UP HIS ASS ALL THE TIME.

 

THE X BASIS HIS WHOLE LIFE ON MONEY. HE REFUSES TO MOVE OUT OF MOMMY'S HOUSE BECAUSE HE STATES HE DOESNT NEED ANY MORE BILLS. BULL****! HE HAS NEVER LIVED ANYWHERE BUT HOME ALL HIS LIFE. HIS FATHER PASSED SOME TIME AGO. SO I BELIEVE THERE IS MORE TO IT THAN JUST MONEY. I HAVE TRIED TO TELL HIM THAT YOU NEED TO MOVE OUT. THERE IS ALOT ABOUT LIFE HE HAS NO CLUE ABOUT BECAUSE HE HAS NEVER EXPIERENCED THEM ON HIS OWN. HE SAYS AND DOES WHAT HE WANTS, WHEN HE WANTS, DUE TO THE SIMPLE FACT HE IS STILL AT HOME.

 

WE NEVER WENT OUT FOR A NICE DINNER, WENT AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND, I HAVE NEVER RECIEVED FLOWERS OR A GIFT JUST "BEACUSE." HE TOLD ME LAST NIGHT..."IF I WERE TO BUY YOU A PAIR OF EARRINGS AND WE BROKE UP, THEY WOULD BE GONE, JUST LIKE YOU." THAT WAS VERY UPSETTING TO HEAR. IF IT DOESNT BENEFIT HIM FINANCIALLY... THEN I GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER TO HIM.

 

MYSELF, FRIENDS AND BROTHERS GET ON HIM ALL THE TIME ABOUT LIVING AT HOME. HE JUST DOESNT LISTEN. HE HAS HIMSELF CONVINCED HE IS DOING THE RIGHT THING.

 

AS FOR ME, I AM A SINGLE MOM. I HAVE RAISED MY SON ON MY OWN SINCE DAY 1. HE IS NOW 9 YRS OLD. IN MY LATE TEENS AND EARLY 20'S I MADE SOME BAD CHOICES IN EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE WHICH LANDED ME IN ALOT OF TROUBLE WITH THE LAW. IT HAS BEEN BEHIND ME FOR QUITE SOMETIME NOW. I HAVE GONE BACK AND GOTTEN MY HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA AND WILL BE ATTENDEING COLLEGE IN 2 MONTHS. I HAVE ALWAYS WORKED 2 JOBS... 70+ HOURS A WEEK TO MAKE SURE MY SON AND I HAVE THE THINGS WE NEED AS WELL AS MONEY TO DO THINGS AND GO PLACES. I AM VERY INDEPENDENT AND HAVE NEVER NEEDED A "MAN" TO "MAKE IT." WHENEVER THE X AND I WOULD HAVE THE "LIVING WITH MOMMY" DISCUSSION HE WOULD CRITICIZE ME FOR BEING A SINGLE PARENT AND BEING IN THE "SITUATION" I AM IN. I WAS WITH MY SONS FATHER FOR THREE YRS... AND I AM THE ONE WHO LEFT HIM!!! IT WASNT LIKE I GOT KNOCKED UP FROM A ONE NIGHT STAND AND DECIDED TO KEEP THE BABY. AND I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT "SITUATION" AM I IN? THE X SAYS I WILL ALWAYS STRUGGLE. I GUESS STRUGGLING TO HIM IS IF I DONT HAVE THOUSANDS IN THE BANK, I AM SCREWED. WHATEVER!!!

 

OUTSIDE HIS MONEY ISSUES, I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. I CONSIDERED HIM MY BEST FRIEND. HE IS A SWEETHEART, GREAT PERSONALITY, FUNNY, CARING AND A GREAT LOVER. WE ARE SIMPLY WONDERFUL TOGETHER. HE IS VERY GIVING BUT DOESNT APPLY IT IN THE RIGHT WAYS. I HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT BUT, HE HAS AN EXCUSE OR JUSTIFIES EVERYTHING. I JUST CANT GET THROUGH TO HIM.

 

I AM MORE OF A SELF RESPECTING, MORAL AND DO THE RIGHT THING TYPE OF PERSON AND HE IS THE MAKE MONEY NO MATTER WHAT TYPE. I TRULY BELIEVE SINCE HE HAS NEVER HAD A PROPER UPBRINGING AND ALWAYS LIVED AT HOME, HE HAS GONE ABOUT THINGS HIS OWN WAY AND NOW IS TO SET IN HIS WAYS TO LET SOMEONE "IN." WE WOULD BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT WONDERFULLY BUT HE HAS CHOSEN TO FIGHT ME EVERY INCH OF THE WAY.

 

I JUST CANT TAKE ANYMORE SO I HAVE GIVEN UP. I HAVE KNOWN IT FOR MONTHS THAT IT WAS GOING TO COME DOWN TO THIS. IT WAS EXTREMELY HARD TO DO IT BUT I REFUSE TO SIT BACK AND WAIT FOR HIM. THERE ARE 2 PEOPLE HERE. HE DOESNT TAKE ME INTO CONSIDERATION IN ANY DECISIONS HE MAKES. ONLY HIS WALLET AND MOTHER MAKE UP HIS MIND. WHEN 2 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER THIS LONG AND ARE IN THEIR MID 30'S, ISNT IT TIME TO MAKE SOME DECISIONS AND TAKE UR PARTNER IN CONSIDERATION WHEN U MAKE THEM? OR AM I WRONG? WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? AAAAHHHGGG! I WANT TO SCREAM.

 

ITS HARD TO GET MAD AT SOMEONE WHO IS CLUELESS. THAT IS THE ONLY REASON I STUCK IT OUT SO LONG. I WAS HOPING HE MAY LEARN OR EVENTUALLY CATCH ON. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!

 

AND BTW...I NEVER WANTED HIM TO MOVE IN WITH ME. HE HAS ALOT TO LEARN ON HIS OWN FIRST. I HAVE NEVER TRIED TO RUSH ANYTHING WITH HIM. I AM NOT IN ANY RUSH MYSELF. I WAS HAPPY WITH THEY WAY THINGS WERE TO A POINT. HE REALLY NEEDS TO GROW UP AND BE HIS OWN PERSON INSTEAD OF EVERYONE ELSES. I HOPE I HAVE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. I BELIEVE I HAVE. ALL THE INPUT I CAN GET WOULD BE HELPFUL. THANKS!!

 

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS ENDED UP HERE, I WANTED IT IN DATING...SORRY!

[Jamie31]

NO SHOUTING!!!!!!!!!!

 

When you use all caps, it is considered shouting and is very rude...not to mention hard to read. So please next time, use proper capitalization when necessary.

 

Thank you very much.

[Arabess]

Well, to begin with, if she is 73 and can't even pick up a child....how is she expected to clean a house needing that much work? Can't all the kids and wives get together an sort out the mess?

 

To me, he has three strikes against him:

1. It doesn't seem he is helping his Mom in the capacity that he should.

2. He's too cheap to even take you out or buy you a gift.

3. He isn't really showing any signs of being responsible or committed to anyone....even himself. He can run a business....but not his own life.

 

Now, if you love him....you love him. There really isn't anyway to change your heart. But GEEZ Periegh...can you just IMAGINE spending the rest of your life with someone like that? I'd be afraid something would go terribly wrong and I'd end up having to live in that pig sty of a house and keep those kids.....LOL!

 

After almost 3 years together....it's going to be hard for you to walk out of this relationship. But.....I SURE WOULD!

 

Arabess

[shopgrl]

periegh-- Aside from the fact that your boyfriend is 35 and still living with his mom, he's too f*cken cheap! Come on now, after 3 years he's never bought you a gift or a nice dinner? What the hell is his problem?

 

I think this man is too set in his ways (as I think you said) to change. From your post, it sounds to me like this guy is content where he's at--living with mom, being a landlord and business owner. He sounds pretty selfish to me.

 

Unfortunately, there are people out there who don't want to share themself or their wealth with anyone else and he may be one of them. I know a guy who sound's alot like your ex-- He's in his 40s though and lives alone-- but he ownes businesses, income properties and a beautiful home of his own but he is soooo damn cheap no girl can put up with him.

 

You made the right move girl. Did you tell this guy why you were leaving him? Maybe once it sinks in his thick skull that you're gone, he'll have a rude awakening and try to reconcile with you and hopefully change. Best of luck to you. There are plenty of men out there who aren't still mommy's boy-- I promise!!

[Nostalghia]

ROFLMFBO! This has got to be the most HILARIOUS thread ever!

[FreeMe]

You did the right thing. Don't look back. Don't even consider seeing him again. I went through something similar for over two years and I can tell you that it will never change. The only difference was that my ex's parents were insane control freaks too. Sounds like your ex's mom is kind of a doormat. Either way, your ex is NOT healthy. You are indepedent and what you've done in taking care of yourself and your son is extremely admirable and you deserve someone who appreciates that, not someone who puts you down for it. My ex did the same thing. Just because he was too big of a whimp to ever do some of the things I did (like put myself through college) he would put me down for them. It was his way of justifying what a coward he was but it still hurt me and caused me to doubt myself. It also hurt to not be given gifts and not be taken out to nice places. I started to feel like I didn't deserve things. Now in my new relationship, I'm half afraid to order something above average price on a menu if I want it and I have to force myself to do it. I'm sure nothing good would come out of you staying with that guy.