courtneyy Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I'm 19 and I've been with my ex for almost two years and it was perfect in the first few months..he was sweet, charming, and romantic. We were really good friends for a few years before we started dating, we definitely have a history...well after those first few months it slowly started getting worse, we'd argue more often over really dumb stuff, and he'd start to push me and hold me down so i couldn't leave his house. It began escalating and got worse, i ended up breaking up with him about a month ago because i knew the abuse was wrong and nobody deserves that, but not having him in my life was horrible..idk what to do, he means the world to me, even if we don't date. I care about him so much as a person, we've been through a lot together...and when i'm around him even just trying to be friends i can't help but have feelings for him, it's as if we can't ever be "just friends". I have this amazing connection with him that i'll never have with anyone else..other than my family, he's the only other person who i feel completely comfortable with. But, my parents will never forgive him for what he did to me, and how much stuff he put me through..which, him and i don't blame them...but idk what to do. I want to be with him so badly because i really do believe that he's changed, he realizes that the only thing in life he needs is me, and why would he want to do something stupid and immature to ruin it. As long as he has me, he's happy and there's nothing to fight about. He's going to college in january for his phd and he's getting a car soon and a job, he's doing what he can to better himself, but i don't think my parents will ever accept him. I also feel bad because when i did break up with him, in order for me to try and get over him, i never talked to him and i thought negatively about him...so my parents think i'm never dating him again, and they've heard me say how much i hate him and he doesn't deserve me, etc..but in reality, that's not how i really feel. I'm thinking about maybe going to therapy...like couples therapy to work this out and see if it's really worth it. For now, we're just seeing eachother every couple days and keeping in on the down low until we know for sure that its different this time..and then i'll have to approach my parents :/ ugghhh any advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 How can you love someone who treated you like a punching bag? In order to love someone else you really have to love yourself. You do need to get in counseling so that you can understand what is happening to you. By going back to him you have simply sent a message to him that his behavior is acceptable. I would suggest that you cut him off and stay in counseling until your self worth and self esteem are in better shape to be in a r with anyone. He is a very disturbed person and you are addicted to HIM. Its not love. Its obsession. Link to post Share on other sites
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 You should read this book called Confusing Love with Obsession, When being in Love means being in Control, by John D. Moore. He has a few other books like it that might be good to read as well. Anyway, it's normal to feel that way but you should realize that it probably isn't a good decision to keep going back. Educate yourself girl, don't become a statistic. Link to post Share on other sites
LooksLikeRain Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I'm 19 and I've been with my ex for almost two years and it was perfect in the first few months..he was sweet, charming, and romantic. We were really good friends for a few years before we started dating, we definitely have a history...well after those first few months it slowly started getting worse, we'd argue more often over really dumb stuff, and he'd start to push me and hold me down so i couldn't leave his house. It began escalating and got worse, i ended up breaking up with him about a month ago because i knew the abuse was wrong and nobody deserves that, but not having him in my life was horrible..idk what to do, he means the world to me, even if we don't date. I care about him so much as a person, we've been through a lot together...and when i'm around him even just trying to be friends i can't help but have feelings for him, it's as if we can't ever be "just friends". I have this amazing connection with him that i'll never have with anyone else..other than my family, he's the only other person who i feel completely comfortable with. But, my parents will never forgive him for what he did to me, and how much stuff he put me through..which, him and i don't blame them...but idk what to do. I want to be with him so badly because i really do believe that he's changed, he realizes that the only thing in life he needs is me, and why would he want to do something stupid and immature to ruin it. As long as he has me, he's happy and there's nothing to fight about. He's going to college in january for his phd and he's getting a car soon and a job, he's doing what he can to better himself, but i don't think my parents will ever accept him. I also feel bad because when i did break up with him, in order for me to try and get over him, i never talked to him and i thought negatively about him...so my parents think i'm never dating him again, and they've heard me say how much i hate him and he doesn't deserve me, etc..but in reality, that's not how i really feel. I'm thinking about maybe going to therapy...like couples therapy to work this out and see if it's really worth it. For now, we're just seeing eachother every couple days and keeping in on the down low until we know for sure that its different this time..and then i'll have to approach my parents :/ ugghhh any advice?? There is such a thing called a cycle of abuse. I see the pattern beginning for you. I've lived this. You definitely need counseling. His treatment of you is uncalled for. No matter what issues there are, abuse is not justified. EVER! Don't allow him to lure you back in with sweet talk and promises of never doing it again. Unless he gets help too, the pattern will continue. People can change, but only if they truly want it and work for it. I'm sorry you have gone through this. Your parents love you and don't want to see you hurt. It's a difficult thing as a parent to see your children treated badly. Rain Link to post Share on other sites
SierraRose Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 There is such a thing called a cycle of abuse. I see the pattern beginning for you. I've lived this. You definitely need counseling. His treatment of you is uncalled for. No matter what issues there are, abuse is not justified. EVER! Don't allow him to lure you back in with sweet talk and promises of never doing it again. Unless he gets help too, the pattern will continue. People can change, but only if they truly want it and work for it. I'm sorry you have gone through this. Your parents love you and don't want to see you hurt. It's a difficult thing as a parent to see your children treated badly. Rain Ditto here. Been there, done that. Abuse is a cycle, do yourself a favor and RUN. Go No Contact and don't look back. I highly recommend getting into counseling. Surround yourself with good friends; they WILL be your strength when you are weak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author courtneyy Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 thank you all for your advice and support, i appreciate it. i am going to see a therapist by myself to talk about everything and see what her thoughts are on it, i just honestly feel like he has a totally different mentality about everything in life..and after not having me, he realizes i'm all he needs and he doesn't want to ruin that...so who knows if he'll really change or not but i definitely have my guard up. thank you again Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 It's not relevant if you love him or not. He'll destroy your life and you need to get away from him. Go ahead and love him - from a great distance. Link to post Share on other sites
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 i just honestly feel like he has a totally different mentality about everything in life..and after not having me, he realizes i'm all he needs and he doesn't want to ruin that...so who knows if he'll really change or not but i definitely have my guard up. thank you again To me that right there sounds unhealthy, it's that kind of "obsessive" behavior that causes people to become abusive. When they think you are the only one they can be with, and can't stand the thought of losing you, it leads to worse things - i.e. stalking, hitting, kidnapping, death. I think he needs therapy too, i'm not saying he can't change, but at the same time people need to realize these things about themselves before they can have a healthy relationship and make things right. I don't mean empty statements just to keep you from leaving, I mean a straight up epiphany! You guys should cool it for awhile girl, it sounds like warning signs to me. Link to post Share on other sites
soorens Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Move on, get agreesive with other women. Ask people out man, or just talk. But end that relationship already, I know you care about her but just get it over, or block it out. Remember this lesson, never love someone else that love's someone else. Lol, did that make sense? And never! get married to them until that love is resolved. Women can be so so cold man, you just have to suck it up sometimes. _______________ PuzzPorn has full-length free porn videos Link to post Share on other sites
Author courtneyy Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 do you see my username? i'm a girl, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
soorens Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 if you love her, then you have to tell her! because you're gonna constantly wonder what could have been if you had told her how you felt. you only live once, so live it with who you love the most. good luck! and everything happens for a reason _______ PuzzPorn has full-length free porn videos Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts