sandrosiglio Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 I JUST RECENTLY...ABOUT 2 DAYS AGO GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND NOW SHE HAS ENDED THINGS COMPLETELY. I SHOULD START BY SAYING A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT OUR PAST. WE DATED FRESHMAN YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL...SHE WAS MY FIRST AND I WAS HER FIRST...WE HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP AND SPENT ALOT OF TIME TOGETHER. WE WERE TOGETHER ABOUT 5 MONTHS WHEN SHE ENDING THINGS. SHE SAID SHE STILL LIKED HER EX BOYFRIEND BUT THAT SHE DID STILL LOVE ME. I TRIED TALKING WITH HER AND TRIED TO MAKE THINGS WORK OUT BUT SHE WOULD NOT TALK TO ME AND REFUSED TO SEE ME. I REMEMBER CRYING ON HER STEPS AS SHE JUST LEFT ME THERE..."TELLING ME SHE HAD TO GO EAT"..... LITTLE BY LITTLE I GOT OVER HER. BUT I GOT OVER HER BY BEING ANGRY WITH HER AND JUST PURELY HATING HER (THE VERY THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE) WE DIDNT TALK, DIDNT LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER, AND AVOIDED ONE ANOTHER. DURING THIS TIME THOUGH I KNEW THAT DEEP DOWN I STILL LOVED HER AND ALWAYS WOULD. I ALSO THOUGHT SHE DID SOMEWHAT FEEL THE SAME BUT WAS JUST AFRAID. SO THREE YEARS (SENIOR YEAR NOW) PASSED WITHOUT US SAYING A WORD TO ONE ANOTHER...AND A FRIEND WHO TALKED TO HER TOLD ME SHE HAD TOLD THEM THAT IT KILLS HER WE DONT TALK. SO ONE NIGHT I MESSAGE HER ON AOL AND WE BEGIN TALKING...SHE TELLS ME SHE WROTE ME ABOUT A 6 PAGE LETTER A MONTH AGO CUZ SHE JUST HAD TO GET SOME THINGS OUT. SHE NEVER PLANNED ON GIVING IT TO ME BUT IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS SHE EVENUTALLY DID. READING THE LETTER JUST MADE ALL MY OLD FEELINGS COME ALIVE AGAIN...SHE TOLD ME IT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE SHE HAS EVER MADE AND THAT SHE HAS CHANGED AND SUCH AND SUCH....SO WE GO OUT ONE NIGHT....HOOK UP AGAIN...AND WE STARTED OUT AGAIN.... WE HAVE FOUGHT ALOT DURING THIS RELATIONSHIP...AT FIRST IT WAS ME FIGHTING WITH HER ABOUT THE PAST...WHAT SHE DID TO ME AND WAT SHE HAS DONE WITH OTHERS...SHES WAS VERY EASY WITH PEOPLE AND THAT REALLY HURT AND BOTHERED ME. IT KILLED ME TO KNOW THAT SHE WAS WITH OTHERS AND I NEARLY ENDED OUR RELATIONSHIP NUMEROUS TIMES BECAUSE OF IT. I REALIZED THERE WAS NOTHING SHE COULD DO ABOUT IT AND THAT IT WAS IN THE PAST SO I FINALLY WAS ABLE TO FORGET ABOUT IT. RIGHT AROUND THIS TIME SHE HAD GONE ON A CRUISE AND MET SOME GUY. WHEN SHE CAME BACK WE GOT INTO A FIGHT BECAUSE SOME OF THE EMAILS SHE SENT ME SEEMED LIKE SHE JUST WANTED TO ANNOY ME. SHE SAID THINGS LIKE YEA WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT TILL 3AM JUST GETTING TO KNOW THESE KIDS. AFTER THAT FIGHT SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS VERY CONFUSED AND DIDNT KNOW IF SHE WANTED TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE. NOW AT THIS TIME SHE HAD TOLD ME SHE DIDNT LIKE THIS KID BUT SHE WAS GOOD FRIENDS WITH HIS COUSIN WHO WAS ALSO ON THE CRUISE. WHILE WE WERE ON THIS LITTLE BREAK WHERE SHE WAS CONFUSED SHE HUNG OUT WITH THIS KID AND HIS COUSIN(GIRL). ONE NIGHT SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS STAYING OVER THE GIRLS HOUSE...BUT I ENDED UP FINDING OUT SHE STAYED AT THAT KIDS HOUSE...SHE STILL TOLD ME SHE HAD NO FEELINGS FOR HIM BUT SHE DIDNT WANT TO DRIVE HOME...AND SHE WENT THERE JUST SO THE GIRL COULD SEE HER BOYFRIEND WHO WAS FRIENDS WIT THIS KID. WE HAD GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER BUT I REALLY DID NOT TRUST HER...I HAD PUT A PROGRAM ON MY COMPUTER THAT COPYIED EVERYTHING SHE TYPED INTO A FILE. ONE NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO WORK AT NIGHT AND SHE WAS STAYING AT MY HOUSE FOR THE NIGHT I TURNED IT ON. WHEN I CAME BACK IN THE MORNING, I SAW IN THE FILE THAT HER AOL PASSWORD WAS THE KIDS NAME "FRANKIE" AND THAT SHE HAD A CONVO WITH HER FRIEND AND TOLD HER SHE DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO "BECAUSE OF ME NOW"...SHE ALSO DIDNT REGARD ME AS HER BOYFRIEND WHEN TALKING TO HER ONE FRIEND SHE SAID SPOKE OF ME AS HER EX-BOYFRIEND. I FLIPPED AFTER THIS AND TOLD HER I JUST WANTED TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE FOR AWHILE BECAUSE EVERYTHING WAS A LIE. SHE HAD A BAD HABIT ABOUT LYING ABOUT THINGS IN THE PAST ALSO. I DID THIS AND SHE WAITED FOR ME...AND THE WHOLE THING WITH THE KID FRANKIE WAS OVER WITH TO...SHE WAITED FOR ME FOR ABOUT A MONTH...I STILL SAW HER BUT OTHER PEOPLE ALSO... IT BOTHERED HER AND SHE GAVE UP A FEW TIMES BUT THEN WOULD ALWAYS TELL ME SHE'LL WAIT NO MATTER HOW LONG...WE ALSO HAD ISSUES OF HER SEEING ME MORE OFTEN AND HER SHOWING SOME AFFECTION AND THAT SHE CARED MORE. WE AGAIN GOT BACK TOGETHER......IT SEEMED LIKE EVEN THOUGH WE SPLIT UP A COUPLE TIMES...WE WERE NEVER REALLY APART...WE ALWAYS KNEW DEEP DOWN THAT WE WOULD BE TOGETHER..... ITS BEEN ABOUT SIX MONTHS AND THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE WERE ABLE TO BE WITH ONE ANOTHER...SHE OFTEN HAD TO BABY SIT...AND WE DIDNT GET TO SEE EACH OTHER MUCH...THIS PAST WEEK I ASKED HER IF SHE THOUGHT WE SHOULD STILL BE TOGETHER AND SHE SAID YES AND NO....YES SHE LOVES ME AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME...AND NO THAT SHE DOESNT REALLY HAVE THE TIME....WE LEFT AT THAT AND DIDNT REALLY DECIDE WHAT TO DO...THE NEXT MORNING I REMEMBERED THAT SHE WAS GOING OUT WITH HER FRIENDS...NOW I DIDNT CARE ABOUT THIS EXCEPT FOR ONE REASON: SHE SAID SHE KNEW SHE DIDNT HAVE TIME FOR ME, BUT YET SHE HAD TIME FOR THEM...SHE COULD SPEND TIME WITH THEM BUT NOT WITH ME.... NOW I WAS ONLY THE ONE WHO WAS AROUND...SO WHENEVER SHE WAS ABLE TO DO SOMETHING I WOULD GO OUT WIT HER...IT BEGAN TO REALLY BOTHER ME..IT WAS LIKE SHE ALWAYS HAD SOMETHING ELSE TO DO...AND THIS WAS WAS JUST TOTALLY SET ME OFF SHE I CALLED HER UP AND WAS JUST VERY VERY ANGRY AND SAID SOME THINGS I SHOULDNT HAVE SAID...I SAID THIS WAS ALL A MISTAKE AND SHE WAS THE WORST GIRLFRIEND AND SUCH....NOW I SAID IT OUT OF HURT AND ANGER... WE DIDNT SPEAK FOR 2 DAYS AND FINALLY I CALLED HER AND ASKED HER IF SHE WAS HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS WERE...SHE SAID SHE IS....THAT BEING TOGETHER WAS JUST TOO MUCH STRESS AND DRAMA...AND IT WILL NEVER CHANGE... I'VE TOLD HER HOW SORRY I WAS FOR WHAT I SAID...BUT REALLY I DONT THINK THATS WHAT IT IS ABOUT...I THINK SHE JUST WANTED AN EXCUSE TO GET OUTTA THE RELATIONSHIP....DEEP DOWN I KNOW SHE CARES FOR ME....SHE STILL TELLS ME THAT SHE LOVES ME BUT THAT SHE JUST CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE...I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD TO CONVINCE HER BUT THERE IS NO CHANGING HER MIND....I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...I REALLY DONT FEEL LIKE I CANT BE WITHOUT HER. I WAS NOT HAPPY THE 3 YEARS I DIDNT HAVE HER, I LOVE HER AND NEED HER. SHE SAYS WE FIGHT TOO MUCH BUT THE REASON WE FIGHT IS BECAUSE I DONT SEE HER MUCH AND THATS WHAT I FIGHT ABOUT...I GET MAD WHEN SHE ALWAYS HAS TO BABYSIT AND SUCH...AND WHEN SHE PUTS OTHER PEOPLE OVER ME...NOW WHEN I TRY AND TALK TO HER SHE'LL JUST PICK UP TELL ME SHE HAS TO GO AND THEN WONT PICK UP ANYMORE. I DONT KNOW HOW TO SHOW HER THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT IF SHE WOULD JUST TRY A LITTLE HARDER....SHE HAS GIVING UP AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT LETTING HER GO AND SEEING OTHERS, BUT SHE IS REALLY THE ONE I WANT TO BE WITH AND THAT MAY JUST CAUSE HER TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THAT. SHE WONT SEE ME, TALK TO ME, AND AVOIDS ME. HOW CAN I GET HER BACK...NOW I SEE THAT A LITTLE TIME WITH HER IS BETTER THAN NO TIME AT ALL...PLEASE ANY ADVICE WOULD BE VERY APPRECIATED.... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 It's hard to put this into words Sandro....but it seems to me like YOU are the one who criticizes everything she does. She is a young girl in high school who DESERVES to hang out with her friends, earn a little babysitting money and date other people during the 3 years you were broken up. You say you will accept less time with her now because a little is better than nothing.....but you know what? As soon as she gets back with you....you'll start making demands on her all over again. She is correct....the stress and drama wouldn't be worth it....regardless of how much she may care about you. Being that obsessed with someone you only dated for 5 months 3 years ago....to the point of you yelling at her....is just too much. If she was MY daughter...I wouldn't want her to go out with you at all. She is too young to have to put up with you yelling at her and saying negative things about her character. I'm not implying you are a bad person.....I just think you need to spend some time looking inward or maybe get some counseling to figure out why you handled this relationship in such a controlling way. Once you address THAT issue and make some changes.....she may even be willing to try again with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandrosiglio Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 i really do not see this though...she admitted to me that the first time way back 4 years ago it was her fault and she was sorry...i totally understand i was wrong about bringing up her past....but i was very insecured and my instincts turned out to be right as she was on the verge of leaving me again....and its not like she told me that she wanted to just see each other...we were always very very serious...the only fighting we did recently was about when we would see each other...i know i would rather have someone fight with me about seeing me than just not care that she didnt see me....she would babysit about 3 days a week...and then she started doing it on friday and sat. she said she didnt mind doing it...but then i didnt get to see her....and when i was with her her phone would just ring constantly and eventually she would have to go somewhere else....it was like i never really had any real time with her.....and i just felt like i was totally not wanted...maybe i am wrong i dont know please give me your opinion here...what can i do to make this better...what do i do about her...do i avoid her...do i keep telling her how i feel even tho she doesnt want to hear it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandrosiglio Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 we are both in college now.....we started out freshman yr of high school...went 5 months....started end of senior yr....ended couple days ago Link to post Share on other sites
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