LoveLace Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Hi all, it's been a while since I've posted much. I just figured I would catch up about my good friend C, who is still very much a part of my life...a huge part...it's progressed into daily contact and getting together for anytime our schedules allow it (which is only 1-2 X a week at most). Now, we can't imagine life without each other. We heavily support each other with everything that goes on in our lives, professionally or socially, whatever. We hang out with "other couples", which he doesn't have a problem with at all. We now plan things weeks ahead of time, as opposed to days, although we still have our spontaneous things as well. He claims to be very much over his Ex, and most recently, announced he's "given up" on looking for someone because of his travelling for work, yadda yadda. He hasn't had any dates in a pretty long time. A couple months ago or so was the last time dating ever came up, which was the 2nd time for that, which I'm sure LS knew about...he seemed pretty ademant about not going there with he and I. I was fine with it, still just happy to have his friendship. Moved on like normal, hung out like normal. Decided to join a dating site that he had also been involved with, but he is no longer. In the beginning, I was getting rained on by interested men, who all turned out to be pretty much jerks before it even worked up to a date. But when I started to tell C about all the guys I was meeting one day, he snapped that he was busy, and avoided me for 2 days. Later that week, we were hanging with a couple I'm close with. He apologized to me for being "moody" lately. He was playing with my hair, caressing my neck, and gazing at me with his eyes...it was weird, just because it was more affectionate than he normally gets. But I wrote it off. He must just have moments that he feels a little closer. But the extra affection of this manner didn't stop there. And while he's gone working on weekends, he constantly wants to know what i'm doing, doesn't seem to like long gaps of time I might go without texting him...he just appears to get more and more attached all the time. Now, I'll be picking up more hours at work and he expressed concern that we won't get to hang out as much because of it...but I think we hang out enough already. He's made comments that we don't get to hang out "very often"...but it's plenty often enough for me. Just earlier this week, after hugging goodbye, he made this conscious effort to lean in and plant a kiss right on my mouth. I'm not talking tongue here. But he'd never said "goodbye" like that before. Again, I wrote it off as a friendly thing. Some friends say I need to ask him about this. But why be the one to bring up "us" again? Nope, not going to do it. I'm fine with just going with the flow. Though he does say he likes to take it very slow with women...he will only hug on a 1st date, according to him. If I'm at a bar getting hit on, he just loves pretending to be the "boyfriend" to scare them off (because it's usually a total loser or something). My friend's husband and C get along pretty well. He tells his wife that it's obvious he enjoys being with me, and we totally act like a couple so they dont understand why we are not just "dating". Her and I joke that I have a boyfriend I just don't sleep with, lol. And everyone who meets him, loves him to death, and tells me how cool he seems to be, and how good he treats me. My friends say it's strange that knowing my feelings doesn't make him back off - he's done nothing but the opposite of that. When the kiss happened, I kissed back in the friendly way that i assumed it was supposed to be. Otherwise, I pretended not to notice. For this weekend, he's asked me about my plans like 20 times! I still feel very lucky to have his companionship. But I guess at this point he might be confused...aside from that, we have no plans to stop hanging out anytime soon, in fact he appears to want it more than he used to. When we see each other now, it's like we've missed the hell out of each other, takes me into his arms and holds me. No one (maybe including himself) is understanding what is really going on with him. But since I refuse to talk anymore about it (unless he wants to), I'm still just coasting the waves and I'm perfectly happy with it. Mean time I still try to meet other men and use a dating site...however I get minimal if no success from any of it. So that's where it is right now. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Can someone give LoveLace some advice here? Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Hey SadandConfused, don't you have an opinion? Anyway, LoveLace... this C is your friend. I remember you two even had the talk about this and he repeatedly said he just didn't see you that way (even talking about sex if i remember correctly). When you'd mentioned the idea of dating together, he'd even said it'll be like dating his sister, right? At first i thought you just gotta stop over-analyzing your friend here. I always thought C sees your friendship as too valuable, but with the kiss on the lips. I just don't know anymore. Friends don't just kiss like that. What's changed? By the way, how long has it been since C broke up his last relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 ... just remembered something else, forget about the kiss because its just the same as when "he'd tapped you on your behind" that time, right? It means nothing based on C's pass actions. Look, this long time friend of yours had plenty of chances to make a move, especially since he knew how you felt about him. But nothing happened. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would have sent a clear message to you by now. No mixed signals. No confusion. Please LoveLace, stop getting carried away with this infatuation with C, your giving yourself a unnecessary hard time. Your looking for every detail to mean something, when in reality, they don't. Look, it sounds like you got a great friendship here (10yrs right?), so leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
broken umbrella Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 When I saw your post Lovelace, I really had hoped that things would have progressed between you too. I am disappointed. From your post, you clearly are not looking to be "just friends" with him. You still analyze every interaction between you two, looking for signs that he feels more. Then backtracking to the " i don't care anyways, I just want to be his friend" when you don't get what you hope for. You clearly are not fine with just being friends. You need to admit this. To yourself and to him. You are in a Pseudo-relationship with him, it looks like a relationship, but it's not. All I can see from your posts is that he is getting all that he wants from your "relationship", but you are not. Mean time I still try to meet other men and use a dating site...however I get minimal if no success from any of it. Are you really trying to meet other men? I will bet you are not. You spend all your spare time with C right? If he cannot buck up and treat you as a girlfriend, then you need to MOVE ON. Otherwise you will be heartbroken when he turns up dating some girl, while you have wasted you time hoping that he will start seeing you as more than a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Hey SadandConfused, don't you have an opinion? Anyway, LoveLace... this C is your friend. I remember you two even had the talk about this and he repeatedly said he just didn't see you that way (even talking about sex if i remember correctly). When you'd mentioned the idea of dating together, he'd even said it'll be like dating his sister, right? At first i thought you just gotta stop over-analyzing your friend here. I always thought C sees your friendship as too valuable, but with the kiss on the lips. I just don't know anymore. Friends don't just kiss like that. What's changed? By the way, how long has it been since C broke up his last relationship? You sound just like my friends in saying that...to throw a kiss in the mix is just...well, mixed. That's why I just pretended not to notice, or get excited about it. I don't know what's changed, or what prompted that I should say. And it really doesn't matter because it's not clear enough of a sign that he might feel differently...it's a different kind of behavior for him, though. It's "platonic dating"...a series of get-togethers or what have you, with no romance. But we do all the things coulples do, from eating together to going to the movies, and text every single day, even hanging out with other couples, etc. For someone who supposedly doesn't want to be dating you, he certainly doesn't mind if it appears that way. Yes, Umbrella, I continue to make endless attempts to meet men, but I rarely get out in very social situations that are not all couples. My friends are all married, their friends are all married, and sew in. I'm too old for the night club/bar crap, and I don't have single friends who's lives allow this for them, anyway. I've been on a dating site for a couple months. At 1st, I was talking a bit with a few guys at a time. When I told C about it, he got moody and avoided me for 2 days. So now, I just don't tell him about any of it. I figure it's just a guy thing so I'll keep it to myself. I've been on dates that he doesn't even know about. But you know what, online dating sucks, 90% of the time, they show up as way less attractive than their picture, or something else that makes them totally undesirable. I DON"T mind our platonic situation, in fact I love it. The part that sucks is one of us will get put on the back burner one day, if one of us meets someone. Other than that, I could stay this way forever. I didn't come here to ask if he's changing his mind, geez, I just came to update. We've gotten much, much closer since I've talked about him last...and that's it. I don't feel I need any advice. I'm happy...we fill a void for each other, I think. It really does make us both less lonely, so why the hell not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 Well, I'm an idiot..I guess... It happened again last night...we were giggling about something in his car, as he went to drop me off. We are giggling and next thing I know, our faces are right in front of each other's. And I reacted the same as I did last time...a fast kiss and jump out of the car. I could have easily made that whatever I wanted...but I freeze, I don't seize moments, so I freeze. I guess I'm scared? I'm telling you...he went in...and I chose not to make it count. I WAS drunk...but then you'd think I'd have some balls then...oh nooo...so that's it. I might as well just make a concsious effort to go in for the big one now. But oh wait, I have to grow some balls 1st, that's a problem...all my friends ask "what is wrong with him? what's his problem?", etc., but my gosh apparently it's me I should be asking that about. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Hey LoveLace, i guess this is another update huh? lol. Don't worry i'm not gonna jump all over you & throw advice in your face this time. I just find this friend of yours interesting, 'cause i have never heard anyone that gives so much mixed messages for such a long period of time. Is he a indecisive person? And does he behave like this with anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 It's okay Od, because this time I was kind of looking for advice...well not advice, but I want to know why I freaked out last night...guess only I can really know the answer to that, though. Cuz I don't want to lose my friend?..perhaps. Because I'm afraid of feeling what a real kiss might make me feel?...that's possible. But I really don't know for sure. Just like you, my friends find him quite interesting as well...perplexed by him, to say the least. It might be easier to understand if we could say I'm not very attractive...but that's not true...of course your friends will tell you that, but I've also had plenty of pretty attractive men in my lifetime who thought so too..so no one seems to think that this is his problem...I can't even begin to list all the things that people say after meeting him, and after several times of meeting him, not just once; and after seeing him interact with me: "He's scared" (nah)..."He just wants to take it slow"....this is actually logical because he does say he likes to take it very slow with women. But that doesn't mean it pertains to me. Also this: "He's a perfect gentleman around you, because you are his female friend and he doesn't want to be disrespectful like some guy that's just trying to get you in the sack". (whatever...)..."He totally loves being with you, it's obvious". I don't take any of that too seriously. Anyway, it's for darn sure we got awfully close to making out last night. And I think the reason we didn't is because I freak out and take off. The question is why I freak out... I can't say he "behaves" this way with anyone else, because I'm really the only woman in his life that he spends any time with what so ever. All he's really known in his life is serious relationships. Not the type to go for a one night stand..in fact he's the type to behave like a woman when this happens and say, "I can't believe she hasn't called!"...I've joked with people about him maybe being gay...lol...but it's clear he's not that when he sees a hot chick on TV or something...hehe...as for indecisive, yes I'd say he is at times. I think maybe he's never been a situation like this before, because any woman he's been this close has been his actual girlfriend. We have an acquaintance-ship that goes back many years, and now we are best friends, maybe he's not sure why he's so attached to me...maybe he's just plain not sure what he's feeling. And maybe the truth is that i don't know what I really want either, I don't why else I would freak out when I get the perfect opportunity to let a magical moment take place...because after that comes "Uh...so what does this mean? Does this mean we are together?...what now?"....you know, that kind of thing...I'm not good at that stuff. I'm a bad communicator. (Believe it or not). If I can avoid any conversation like that, I will. Which is strange, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 ...this time I was kind of looking for advice...well not advice, but I want to know why I freaked out last night... Because you were scared about what would happen next. You literally jumped out of the car. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 Because you were scared about what would happen next. You literally jumped out of the car. lol. Yea, I guess that's why...because it changes the dynamic of a friendship...ugh, I mean that's kinda scary. "Jumping" out of the car is an exaggeration, but it was like ok well see ya!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
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