alixlewis Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and we love each other very much. Because we live in two different countries (I live in Canada and he lives in the States), we don't have the ability to talk by phone so we have to rely on instant messaging and a limited amount of texts to communicate--- the problem is after a month and a half of this impersonal form of communication and our conflicting schedules, the distance seems to get bigger and we start to constantly fight and end up in situations, like the one we are in right now, where I just want to give up, throw in the towel and leave. It's just that sometimes breaking up just sounds so much easier and freeing. But I know it's not an option because I love my boyfriend very much and I know I don't want a life without him in it. ANYWAY, any advice about making the distance not such a huge strain on our relationship would be a great help! I just want to figure out a way to make my relationship work better so we don't continue this ritual of always fighting when we near the six week mark of our separation. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I'm just wondering why the phone is not an option for you two? My partner and I are currently in two different countries also, only he is in Asia and I am in the states. We talk on phone regularly, we also use voice chat. Not that talking on the phone can save a relationship or not, but it helps the pain of missing them. So why are you two not able too? Just trying to understand the dynamics a bit better.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tori2103 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Sometimes it does seem easier to just give up, but REAL love is never easy. Love takes courage. Have you tried joining an MMORPG game? Have you tried using a video or voice chat program like Skype? It may make the distance less noticeable if you can hear or see each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alixlewis Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I'm just wondering why the phone is not an option for you two? My partner and I are currently in two different countries also, only he is in Asia and I am in the states. We talk on phone regularly, we also use voice chat. Not that talking on the phone can save a relationship or not, but it helps the pain of missing them. So why are you two not able too? Just trying to understand the dynamics a bit better.. Costs too much lol... Canada doesn't have a good international plan with the U.S... The texts alone cost me about $250 a month already so I don't want call charges on top. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 the problem is after a month and a half of this impersonal form of communication and our conflicting schedules, the distance seems to get bigger and we start to constantly fight and end up in situations, like the one we are in right now, where I just want to give up, throw in the towel and leave. You want to give up because of the lack of contact or because of the fighting? Why is it that you are fighting? Is it bickering and unhappiness, insecurities, feeling unloved, etc? It doesn't sound like it is the distance but underlying feelings that are not being addressed and resolved. It's just that sometimes breaking up just sounds so much easier and freeing. But I know it's not an option because I love my boyfriend very much and I know I don't want a life without him in it. Well, then to me breaking up doesn't sound easier. If you truly love him and want only him in your life then I would think breaking up is not freeing at all but the complete opposite. ANYWAY, any advice about making the distance not such a huge strain on our relationship would be a great help! I just want to figure out a way to make my relationship work better so we don't continue this ritual of always fighting when we near the six week mark of our separation. So the fighting is always about the same timing...? I am not quite sure I understand this part. I am in a intercontinental LDR with limited communication as well and have made steady progress at a better and better relationship so there are certainly tips I can give - however - the answers to the questions I have asked will have some influence as to which direction you should go. I have had to deal with a multitude of communication problems culminating in the latest where we do not get to talk often because of expense. I can empathize more than you could possibly imagine. It is tough but it is survivable. In fact the distance can help make you stronger as a couple than you ever would imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Costs too much lol... Canada doesn't have a good international plan with the U.S... The texts alone cost me about $250 a month already so I don't want call charges on top. Ok, I highly reccomend getting magic jack. I have that and you get free long distance across the us, and to canada. You pay 40 bucks up front and that covers you for an entire year. No more month to month charges; it doens't help ME for any other reason than got rid of my 50+ a month phone bill. But I think that could be very helpful for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Ok, I highly reccomend getting magic jack. I have that and you get free long distance across the us, and to canada. You pay 40 bucks up front and that covers you for an entire year. No more month to month charges; it doens't help ME for any other reason than got rid of my 50+ a month phone bill. But I think that could be very helpful for you. Oh that is a fantastic idea!! Link to post Share on other sites
Country_Girl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Costs too much lol... Canada doesn't have a good international plan with the U.S... The texts alone cost me about $250 a month already so I don't want call charges on top. Are u talking about a cell phone or home phone? My bf is in Canada (I'm in the states) & he can call me unlimited from his home phone for $20 a month. You should get unlimited texts, you don't get charged extra texting to canada (unless u go over your texting limit)- this is true for all providers. Link to post Share on other sites
SophieA Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I just want to let you know you're not alone when you say that around the 6th week things get tough. I'm amazed at the strength of some of the ppl on this forum *cough IG cough * ..the ones that can go months and even YEARS:eek: without seeing their SO and keep their relationship strong and healthy. It seems like for me as well around the 6-8th week I start getting extra sad and irriated about the distance. Really the only thing that helps me is a visit. I've been fortunate in that we haven't had to go longer than 9 weeks without seeing each other. If you can't do a visit- you should really try skype. Sometimes seeing his face and hearing his voice is really all it takes to calm down and realize why you're holding on... Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I just want to let you know you're not alone when you say that around the 6th week things get tough. I'm amazed at the strength of some of the ppl on this forum *cough IG cough * ..the ones that can go months and even YEARS:eek: without seeing their SO and keep their relationship strong and healthy. It seems like for me as well around the 6-8th week I start getting extra sad and irriated about the distance. Really the only thing that helps me is a visit. I've been fortunate in that we haven't had to go longer than 9 weeks without seeing each other. If you can't do a visit- you should really try skype. Sometimes seeing his face and hearing his voice is really all it takes to calm down and realize why you're holding on... Ahem -- thank you for that acknowledgment. Keeping a journal of the wonderful sweet things that are said at random is very helpful. I no longer have to do this but it was very important and kept me sane in the beginning (the first couple of years) when we were both working out issues such as insecurity and jealousy, etc. If something happened and we couldn't talk such as the phone lines going down I had his words to comfort me. It is still a fantastic thing to look at when I am reminiscing. There is so much love and caring in those pages. Being really honest with fears when they'd surface really helped too. We both committed to assisting the other through the bad times (insecurity or fears) when they happened and not judge the other person who is 5600 miles away with thoughts running rampant. Each of us has had to call on that promise at times and we still do. Not as much now of course but sometimes life situations just trigger a need for reassurances. I think that is perfectly natural especially in an LDR. Link to post Share on other sites
looking4 green grass Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 My BF is on another continent, Skype is our best friend. We use the web cam a lot. We don't always use the audio b/c it's not always good quality, but looking at him do normal things, like putting on socks, really helps me to remember what he's like in person. Plus, it's free if you have an internet connection to talk computer to computer. But my LDR has a designated ending time, he comes home in November for GOOD! wooooooooooooooo! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts