delajoonal Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 me too lis!!!! keep replying and i am here and waiting for every PM you send... we will get thru this...OK.... your mom and X are NOT worth YOUR life... you are very important and precious and God put you here for a reason... i know you believe the same way i do...so keep THAT in mind... we love you...and we are NOT going to let you fall.... keep posting and keep PMimg me and tojaz and everyone else..we will come up with solutions to this day.. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Thats right Lis, were here for as long as it takes. Just keep talking. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I'm here too! Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 please lis.... if i can do this so can U.... you are so brave to post a thread reaching out... please...keep PMimg ME and tojaz...and keep posting.. we ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH... you are such a gentle kind soul and you deserve the best in life.. just know we all LOVE YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Lisa I know I PM'd you with some hopefully practical advice. But you could also try the Citizens Advice Bureau for getting some clearer idea of housing, benefits, support etc that may be available to you http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/ Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Dela's right. It takes a lot of courage to reach out. There is fight left in you! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Shes still talking everybody, I think shes going to be OK. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Lisa In in your first post you said you were a bad person, because you have abusive mother and an ********* ex. NOT Somehow, someway get out of there. I understand your agraphobia, I too have suffered from it at times, it is something you can overcome. You will find help. Have faith, let it happen Your friend Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Holy cow batman, I leave to work on my vehicles & come back to this?? Lisa I want to thank you for posting, for sharing how you are feeling, for trying to look for direction to get yourself out of this mess...... There has been some great advice. I am sorry but I don't know what it would be like having a mom like that, but I do know no human should be treated like that & there is lots of places you can go for help. Just throwing this out, but what about a place for battered woman? Would they be able to help you? Life throws some pretty mean stuff at us sometimes but remember; God doesn't give us anymore then what we can handle..... Go back & read dgiirls post, she started with nothing & has come a long ways. Hang in there girl, you will find a way, you will overcome this "BIG" bump in the road, but you will look back later & see how much growth happened because of this. HUGS!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 Thank you to all of you for caring. I just wanted to post b/c I can hear the worry in all your posts. Please don't worry, I'm not going to act on the thoughts right now. I won't lie, it's an option, but I won't do anything at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 WE LOVE YOU LISA... WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE... HECK, MAYBE SOME OF US ARE 'THERE' RIGHT NOW??????? AND YOUR POST, YOUR VERY BRAVE POST/THREAD IS SAVING SOMEONE ELSE AT THIS VERY MOMENT....KEEP THAT IN MIND TOO LISA... YOU REACHING OUT HERE ON LS...IS ACTUALLY SAVING YOUR LIFE AS WELL AS.......POSSIBLY..SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE TOO;) WE ARE ALL HERE AND STANDING BY...JUST KEEP US POSTED ... AND REPLYING TO MY PM'S TOO..OK;) P.S. NO I AM NOT YELLING..I JUST GET STUCK ON ALL CAPS AND TOO LAZY TO GO BACK AND RE-DO IT...SORRY.. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Your situation and circumstances will change in time. The feelings are strong but they are not overpowering, you are still here, fighting. You have reached out, and that is something to be proud of. All of us here hurt, really hurt and we have all had these thoughts. I had another day of complete sadness yesterday but this morning felt fine! Your home situation stinks big time and no one should have to hide in their bedroom. You would be better off in a shelter and those people that work there will help you find your own place and set you on the right track to being independent. You may have to move into a sh*thole and eat cheerios, but you will still be alive!! None of us have a crystal ball, good things can be just round the corner. Dead is dead my dear. Do you believe in God? Billions of years of torment, God is unforgiving for those who commit suicide. You are tough, smart and you are being dealt a really sh*tty hand. Fight back. Get out of that house and under the control of your mother. Don't give her the power. Don't give your EX the power. Love yourself and give yourself a break. Talk to your family doctor, get some medication, take whatever there is on offer. Do not, DO NOT be WEAK. Your life has a purpose, you are still young, so many years left and believe me, things will get better. But, you must do something. It's tough, yes, but make those phone calls. Get out of that house and make those calls and pack your stuff and go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 Thank you, all of you, today was a very bad day. Please nobody worry i will not do anything daft! I have to get through this somehow, how, I don't know yet, but somehow. Thank you to everyone for all the love and support. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Thank you, all of you, today was a very bad day. Please nobody worry i will not do anything daft! I have to get through this somehow, how, I don't know yet, but somehow. Thank you to everyone for all the love and support. Yeah, Lis, just come here, let it out, get those bad feelings out here. We'll listen, we're here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
silverfish Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 **** Lis I feel for you! I know a bit about the mother thing, and it's taken me years to break free from her control freakery. She kicked me out once too. I know it's not much but have you thought about something like this? http://lady2.bridgewater.it/modules/myAds/onlineads.php?section=SDSU there are often live in care jobs, that offer free accomodation too. It's something I considered in the past. There was one down here which was 10 hrs care a week for free board. It's not ideal with how you are feeling etc but it could be a short term solution if all else fails with your mum to help you carry on studying. Most unis have emergency pastoral care too and may be able to offer practical help. Also with your medical condition have you been to the doctor and discussed incapacity benefit? I know these things take a while to sort out sometimes though. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/UniversityAndHigherEducation/StudentFinance/Extrahelp/DG_171615 If she won't let you use the phone tell her you can't move out. Don't be scared of her, she's in the wrong. Try and be assertive as you can and state that are are trying to comply with her wishes by sorting yourself out, and you will repay the cost of the phone calls / rent when you are in a position to do so. I hate confrontation too, but whenever I had to deal with my mother I thought of how I'd treat my children, and how my grandma treated her, and realised that SHE is the freak. If you don't feel strong enough to say it, maybe write it down? Sorry if these are all daft ideas - I am better at practical support than emotional support I guess, but you obviously have a lot of people here who think really highly of you. It's hard to believe in yourself when you've been through so much, but sad fact of life is some people just love to kick you when you are down and it's NOTHING to do with you xx Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I knew you were a fighter.... Even when you thought the worst you still had made options.... finding a job and a place to live.... I too wanted to go to school and could have got the funding... if I could have lived with my mother.... Very Very last resort.... detrimental to my health.... Instead, I am 6 weeks break up, I have sold jewerly, had a garage sale, filed bankruptcy, lost my job, have a trial date the 15th for a judgement....... applied to anything and everything... find myself in a position of not being able to pay bills for Sept..... I did have a friend offer to move in with her with no rent.... Do you have that option???? Walking on eggshells sucks.... and I percieve that is where you are now.....When I said to my attorney.... Life Changing events.... His reply.... you still have 30-40 years of life.... this bankruptcy will be nothing when you look back on it..... This too will pass!!!! Just seems overwhelming right now... when he mentioned how much he felt I had so many years to live.... that I believed him and perhaps things could get better for the future.... You don't know what the future holds.... and I felt maybe it is bad now, but I would not want to miss out on how my life could unfold for the better!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
gw326 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Lisa, While i don't know you personally i can relate to your feelings as i have came very close myself to acting on what you are feeling.If it wasn't for my family stopping me i probably would've overdosed on pain medication.They made me realize its not worth it as everyone who cares about me will then be in pain,and most of all my two young boys would be without a father. Now i understand your situation with your mother and all,but as others have said theres a lot of people that are here that care about you.Everyone here and has helped tremendously with not only my situation but countless others.I don't see any reason why we can't help you also get through these rough times.Get it all out ,it'll make you feel better.Good luck and keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
singledad2 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 What can I do for you? There must be something. You have helped me through this. I want to help. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Thank you, all of you, today was a very bad day. Please nobody worry i will not do anything daft! I have to get through this somehow, how, I don't know yet, but somehow. Thank you to everyone for all the love and support. You'll get through it sweetie, just like i've told you all along, your stronger then you'll ever know! NOW DON'T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN...... PLEASE, I've never typed so fast in all my life!! I'm proud of you! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Its often the case when one is going through a separation / divorce that the Storms of Life coming rolling over in over us one after the other. During these times in our despair we are tempted to make short term decisions with long term consequences that work against in our attempts to regain control and to put our lives back. Suicide is one of those. I hope your feeling better, and although you will have to work at it? Things can and will get better, and you can and will achieve your goals and objectives. Clear your mind of these thoughts, roll up your sleeves and set about re-building your life. Instead focus on improving yourself, your life, and your situation. You've got a lot thrown at you in a short time, and it can be overwhelming at times. Obviously you need to find somewhere to live and a way of supporting yourself ~ and the most obvious place to start would be at the University for both. (Not sure how English school are set up) When I went to university after retiring from the Corps, I got a job in the registrars office as a clerk. I would work a little, go to class, come back work some more, go to my next class. I could have lived on campus ~ but a 38 year old male retired Marine wouldn't mix well with your typical college student I would have them doing push-ups, leg lifts, scrubbing the toilet with their tooth brushes inside a week! Slow down, calm down, ~ and chill out. (That's what I had to tell myself over and over and over) from the stress of it all when I was going through it ~ and yes I had to move back in with my Dad when I first retired out of the Corps for about six months) Regardless of how old you are? When you move back in with your parents your automatically back to being a teenager. Rather than connecting the dots in a straight forward manner in a n effort to reach your goal? Look at alternative routes and alternative plans. Formulate redundant fall back plans. Rather than setting a time line to do A, B, C, and D in X amount of time, come up with alternative time tables. We all tend to think that our own personal situation is the absolute worse when in truth? There's always someone who's worse off than we are? Just as there are always going to be those that are better off. But the absolute truth of the matter is that we're all worse off than some, but better off than most. We also tend to worry about things, that in a matter of weeks we forget about and never come about to begin with. In fact? 90% + of what we worry about never comes about. No good ever came of worrying. And no amount of worrying is worth a damn ~ let alone a dime. You've your whole Life a head of you. Your purpose in this life may never be reveled to you. I've often thought that mine might be to be the great, great, great, great grandfather of the individual that found a cure for AIDS, cancer, or the solution to lasting world peace? You already have in so many ways touched the lives of so many people here at LS. People who are half way across the world, and that you don't even know, and wouldn't know if they came up and smacked with a kiss and a hug for having being there for them! People who's lives something you said or did forever changed their lives. And that includes the "lurkers" here that read your words of wisdom and advice ~ but never post. The mathematical law of permutations states that if you wanted to determine the total number of a given outcome, (such as the seating of six dinner guests) you would multiply 1 X 2 X 3 X 4 X 5 X 6. Which would yield 720 different possible combinations. Think about that? I you just touched the lives of six people and changed their lives in a fundamental way, and each in turn passed what you passed on to each of them to six other people? The number is staggering and mind blowing. And yet history is replete with such people. With that ~ I will pass on the words of Dear Abby that applies to almost any situation that one will face in life: "This is only temporary ~ and this too will pass." Link to post Share on other sites
ryepatch Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 i just want to add my voice to the chorus for what it's worth. i don't know if you've tried antidepressants, but i've been on them two weeks and for the first time since my wife left i felt for a little while today like i might consider not killing myself if she doesn't come back. i'm on the cusp, hopefully, but last night i was close. tomorrow could be a much better day for you. i also may have to give up my cats who we've had nine years, i have no job, am borrowing money i could never pay back from my parents just to endure more pain. . . i've been feeling since joining LS that i'm at the bottom of the barrel of people here, so incredibly psychologically dependent on my wife and my family is crazy and i couldn't even stay with them for a night and no job and i'm terrible at making friends! but now i realize we're all at the bottom sometimes. get out of the house! find somewhere to stay for a short while and try not to think about the future! it seems like total hell to you and me both but who knows? i feel like i've had bad luck all my life, but then there's periods of good luck! it can't last forever! it's just about getting through this time where everything seems impossible and there are no good options! we've got to find short term solutions, all of us, figure out the big stuff later! try antidepressants! try anti-anxiety pills! they don't fix your problems but they calm you down and help you make decisions, sleep, whatever you need to do! hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 What can I do for you? There must be something. You have helped me through this. I want to help. Lisa Like I said! I was raised in a little town in Alabama that had a total population of 700. But because it was rural? We had a elementary through high school. There were three teachers there that had become teachers back in the 1930's and taught for forty years. One taught English One taught Math And the third taught Science This little school in a town of 700 people has churned out more successful businessmen, lawyers, MD's, veterinarians, technicians, etc than you would think possible. And its was because of this trio of teachers (and the rest who had to meet their standard of education) Hell I've a degree in Business Admin ~ Finance. But its because of high school level math, english, chemistry and science classes that I have the job I have today! They've touched and changed the lives of so many~ Just as you have in the short time you've been here at LS! You've got a lot more going for you than you know Kiddo! And you've got a lot to offer others and the World! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Lisa, the fact is you have options, more options than some of us had/have. Abusive backgrounds, they are a bi****, but we get past those. I would have to go to another thread to post mine. Outlive the past, because living in it is not worth it. Stay in uni, follow your dreams I've gpg a veru gpp friend who had to who has to put up wht the wht BS...mpve be bspmg/ Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Lisa! ....Get a grip! Read your post again...It is full of excuses! You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. No one, who doesn't want to, can end up on the streets or die of famine in the UK! You have many options! I am not sure which uni you are going to, but it will be either Marjon / Plymouth or Exeter. All of these have excellent student support. I know because I used to teach at one of them. They all have affordable student accommodation. As a student you can get overdrafts from most banks. Your lectures and tutorials should be no more than 10 hours per week max.! You have time to find work. Work for the Uni in the cafe or restaurant. Meals are subsidised at most unis. You can get hardship grants. Apply to the uni and to the Local authority. Get a 0% credit card to help you ntil you qualify. Beg and borrow, but get that law degree! That will be your saviour for two reasons: 1) Studying will occupy your mind. 2) You will be investing in a brilliant career. Let me tell you, we've all been through extreme hardship. AND yes, when you are down, the blows keep coming. But all humans have the ability to be tough. Rise to the challenge. Summon your inner strength. You will get through this! You are in my thoughts. Hang in there Lisa! Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 Lisa! ....Get a grip! Read your post again...It is full of excuses! You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. No one, who doesn't want to, can end up on the streets or die of famine in the UK! You have many options! I am not sure which uni you are going to, but it will be either Marjon / Plymouth or Exeter. All of these have excellent student support. I know because I used to teach at one of them. They all have affordable student accommodation. As a student you can get overdrafts from most banks. Your lectures and tutorials should be no more than 10 hours per week max.! You have time to find work. Work for the Uni in the cafe or restaurant. Meals are subsidised at most unis. You can get hardship grants. Apply to the uni and to the Local authority. Get a 0% credit card to help you ntil you qualify. Beg and borrow, but get that law degree! That will be your saviour for two reasons: 1) Studying will occupy your mind. 2) You will be investing in a brilliant career. Let me tell you, we've all been through extreme hardship. AND yes, when you are down, the blows keep coming. But all humans have the ability to be tough. Rise to the challenge. Summon your inner strength. You will get through this! You are in my thoughts. Hang in there Lisa! Nomad1 Thanks Nomad, but this is not an undergrad degree, it's postgrad (it's a 3 year undergrad degree taken in 1 year, a law conversion, it converts my Psych degree to law),here is my timetable Mon-10-10.45-Land law lecture 11-11.45-Equity+Trusts Seminar 1-1.45-Contarct Law Lecture 2-2.45-Contract Law Lecture 2 Tues- 10-11.45-EU law lacture 1-2.45-Tort Law lecture Wed- 10-11.45-Pulic law lecture Thurs-10-10.45-Equity and trusts lecture 11-11.45-Criminal law seminar 2-2.45-Land law lecture 4-4.45-Equity and trusts lecture Fri-10-10.45 Land law tutorial 11-12.45-criminal law lecture That's just under 15 hours a week, with a recommended study time of an additional 30 hours a week in order to pass, and that is what the Law Society estimates. So 45 hours study a week for a pass rate of 40%. Needless to say I would like to pass with at least 60% if not higher otherwise secuting a training contract will be even more difficult, so I think about 60 hours of study a week. It's not so much the lecture hours as it is the private study and how the lectures are set out over five days, I also have to volunteer wednesday afternoons at the CAB in order to get relevant work experinece, again to secure the training contract.Maybe a part time job evenings might be a go, if I can get one, there aren't many jobs about in Devon like there are in London. If I was still in London it wouldn't be a problem, completley different here as you know, you used to live in Totnes! I don't qulify for uni accomodation b/c my parents live close, 30 miles. Thanks for your support. Anyway, she seems to be calming down, thank God. I'm still going to look at options to get out of here, even if she backs down. I can't live like this. Silverfish-I will look into that care idea, thank you so much for that, that may be a solution for me to get out of this h**l hole. Link to post Share on other sites
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