Author LisaUk Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 i just want to add my voice to the chorus for what it's worth. i don't know if you've tried antidepressants, but i've been on them two weeks and for the first time since my wife left i felt for a little while today like i might consider not killing myself if she doesn't come back. i'm on the cusp, hopefully, but last night i was close. tomorrow could be a much better day for you. i also may have to give up my cats who we've had nine years, i have no job, am borrowing money i could never pay back from my parents just to endure more pain. . . i've been feeling since joining LS that i'm at the bottom of the barrel of people here, so incredibly psychologically dependent on my wife and my family is crazy and i couldn't even stay with them for a night and no job and i'm terrible at making friends! but now i realize we're all at the bottom sometimes. get out of the house! find somewhere to stay for a short while and try not to think about the future! it seems like total hell to you and me both but who knows? i feel like i've had bad luck all my life, but then there's periods of good luck! it can't last forever! it's just about getting through this time where everything seems impossible and there are no good options! we've got to find short term solutions, all of us, figure out the big stuff later! try antidepressants! try anti-anxiety pills! they don't fix your problems but they calm you down and help you make decisions, sleep, whatever you need to do! hang in there! Thanks for your support Rye, I know your situation from your original thread. I have been concerned for you since reading that. I am pleased to hear that you feel like you are at last coming out of the dark place that it seems all of on here are in at one time or another. Even admist your own pain you are here reaching out and helping me and others to overcome ours, that is an inner strength. You have it, just keep using it and you (and I ) will get through all this. I'm sending you a virtual hug as well :love:, as I just read your post on my other thread "a not so nice side effect". I understand this, my ex sat holding my hand on the sofa just two days before he left, a couple of weeks before he left he commented on how much he loved it when we went to bed together, it made him feel happy, safe and secure. I don't understand it either, a red flag is loss of affection and sex, neither of us experienced this it seems. In your wifes case possibly b/c she is ill. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Lisa I liked the demon lady, to me it said watch out world Have you been able to attend your first footsy game? Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
ryepatch Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Thanks for your support Rye, I know your situation from your original thread. I have been concerned for you since reading that. I am pleased to hear that you feel like you are at last coming out of the dark place that it seems all of on here are in at one time or another. Even admist your own pain you are here reaching out and helping me and others to overcome ours, that is an inner strength. You have it, just keep using it and you (and I ) will get through all this. I'm sending you a virtual hug as well :love:, as I just read your post on my other thread "a not so nice side effect". I understand this, my ex sat holding my hand on the sofa just two days before he left, a couple of weeks before he left he commented on how much he loved it when we went to bed together, it made him feel happy, safe and secure. I don't understand it either, a red flag is loss of affection and sex, neither of us experienced this it seems. In your wifes case possibly b/c she is ill. i'm really glad to hear you're back from the brink, lisa, i'm still about five feet away from it but for the first time i glanced in the other direction. i feel like some of us are looking for a plaace to put our love since our partners don't want it. . . i'm on LS mostly to distract myself and kill time and get some commiseration and support, but i'm starting to find meaning in responding to others when i can. . . i don't really have answers, though, and i'm afraid of stepping on toes. you're an inspiration, and this thread really helped me realize i'm not the only one who feels totally defeated and is barely making it through. i hope to be as strong and loving as you've been in a few months' time. :love: back at you! Link to post Share on other sites
obscure Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Wow, I was gone for a few days and things got scary. After reading the entire thread I am so glad to hear you are doing better LisaUK. My stomach knotted up when I read the first post. I wish I could tell you how often I feel the same way you do. Just don't give up ever. Find the strength any way you can. Bless you and please don't give into the temptations. Find friends, family, or someone that can help you if you ever get to the point where you are about to find yourself on the street. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Hello Lisa, How is my friend doing today?????? Just work on making it thru today & worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.... Any updates?? Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Hi PW and everyone Thanks once again for the support. Things at home have calmed down some what, although the way my mum is, it is probably only a matter of time before it all kicks off again. Indeed, I am still walking on eggshells, but that has been the case my whole life. I went into uni yesterday, I can't apply for uni accomodation until after the 26th September, but I met up with some friends form my course and one of them tells me there are some bedsits (private landlord) avaliable in her friends building that I may be able to afford. Another freind has offered for me to stay at her house (shared house), anytime during the week that I like if it gets too much at home to give me a break. I didn't go into detail, just said things at home could be a bit difficult. How nice is that?! There truely are some lovely, caring people in the world, all you here on LS included. The hurt of the ex is fading, but catches me unawares and sometimes strongly, I think last weekend it was particularly raw, b/c of what happened at home and also b/c Monday was the 6 month mark. Ruepatch, you aren't stepping on toes, your support and advice is most welcome and so helpful and caring to all of us on here. We're all in this together and we will all get each other through this! Link to post Share on other sites
singledad2 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Sounds like great stuff. hope you take your friend up on the time away form home until you can get into the uni residence. Hang in there. Looking forward to more good news for you. Link to post Share on other sites
semperdolens Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 hey, stay strong... I've had many dark days myself, so I know... but hey I'm still here... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 bloody parents... I've lived with an abusive and violent father for 18 years of my life and it's dreadful... needless to say that I hate him and I hate my mother for not acting on our defence... Lisa, if you need any help, you can PM me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 bloody parents... I've lived with an abusive and violent father for 18 years of my life and it's dreadful... needless to say that I hate him and I hate my mother for not acting on our defence... Lisa, if you need any help, you can PM me... I'm sorry you had that life Giotto and thank you so much for your support, it's much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I'm sorry you had that life Giotto and thank you so much for your support, it's much appreciated. don't be sorry for me, I did escape to uni eventually and now I'm in a different country from them... for many years, though, I did wonder if all fathers were like that... it takes time to re-adjust to normality... unfortunately, I'm still seeing them (because of the children) and I really could do without that... I hope you are ok at the moment... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 don't be sorry for me, I did escape to uni eventually and now I'm in a different country from them... for many years, though, I did wonder if all fathers were like that... it takes time to re-adjust to normality... unfortunately, I'm still seeing them (because of the children) and I really could do without that... I hope you are ok at the moment... I'm doing well Giotto, thanks for asking. The thing with my Mum is that she can be nice, she isn't always abusive, but just one little thing and often something you wouldn't think would, can set her off into an almighty rage. Hence the walking on eggshells. I guess for the time being I have to try and stick it out. I can't apply for uni accomodation until after the 26th September and it is highly unlikely I will get a place in halls (dorm). I will be out of the house from 8am until 8pm every day Monday to Friday, starting next week, so I'm hoping that with spending little time here I will be able to avoid another rage?! I was out the majority of today at uni, went to court and watched a gang date rape trial, very disturbing! But I was out of the house and have hardly seen her. I went to court with some of the other students on my course and then we went to the pub for dinner, then the libary and when I got home tonight, I realised I had not thought about the ex all day. This thought pleases me, I hope it continues! Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Lisa Great news, one day closer to your goal. Someday it will be two days. The library was part or my salvation, so much to learn, and I didn't have time to think of the ex Link to post Share on other sites
KellyP Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Lisa, I am so glad that you made it through your unhappiness. Tojaz once told me that the difficulties in your life and every experience good and bad will make you who you are. He's said many times that if he hadn't had such a crappy life, that he wouldn't be the man he is. Or something like that. It really does help to look at things the way he does sometimes. Somehow, it keeps him going. Speaking of Tojaz, have you heard from him lately? I got a very scary E-mail from him last night and haven't heard back. Thats not like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 Lisa, I am so glad that you made it through your unhappiness. Tojaz once told me that the difficulties in your life and every experience good and bad will make you who you are. He's said many times that if he hadn't had such a crappy life, that he wouldn't be the man he is. Or something like that. It really does help to look at things the way he does sometimes. Somehow, it keeps him going. Speaking of Tojaz, have you heard from him lately? I got a very scary E-mail from him last night and haven't heard back. Thats not like him. Hi Kel, I heard from him this morning, he's going to be ok I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 Well, that was short lived. What is wrong with me, why am I still crying over him? Will this ever end? I have this really strong urge to call him and yell at him about what he has done to me and how he has betrayed me. What is wrong with this man? Why does he not comprehend what his actions have done and does he not even miss me at all? How can you not miss someone you spent 18 years with? Urgh. Link to post Share on other sites
KTMRider33 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Hi Lisa, Glad to see you've got back to a better place. I think most of us stare into the abyss every now and again, it's ok as long as you can pull yourself away from the edge. At least we have a few days of the South West's finest weather to look forward to....get yourself down the beach and breath in some of that salty air, it's great food for the soul.....plus you may get to perv on some hot surf dudes;) Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Lisa - Here is a link that you might find helpful. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ Good luck Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
KTMRider33 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Well, that was short lived. What is wrong with me, why am I still crying over him? Will this ever end? I have this really strong urge to call him and yell at him about what he has done to me and how he has betrayed me. What is wrong with this man? Why does he not comprehend what his actions have done and does he not even miss me at all? How can you not miss someone you spent 18 years with? Urgh. Nothing wrong with you Lisa, nothing at all.....Not sure we'll ever lose the scars, but we will heal in time. I know that urge so well, I still have to deal with STBX about the kids, and I have to fight the feelings and just be civil, as it would serve no purpose. They cannot or will not understand what they have done, not yet, but I believe one day they'll see it, we just won't be there anymore. I spoke to my sister a while ago, her ex had multiple affairs and was on a yo-yo coming back and then leaving her again. The last time it happened she was at the lowest point in her life, and truly torn apart (I now know how she felt).....but she said to me, she now looks back and genuinely says to herself thank god he left me.........she is so happy now. Don't get me wrong she still remembers the hurt, but realizes without that, she would not be living the wonderful life she has now. I hope we can do the same......... Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Nothing wrong with you. If it were anyone else posting what you just said you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with them, so don't be any harder on yourself. What your ex did is right up there with one of the worst ways to leave another human being - your state of mind is completely acceptable. After all the time you two spent together, he must be reminded of you everyday. Not sure if that's a good thing to hear or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 Lisa - Here is a link that you might find helpful. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ Good luck Nomad1 Hi Nomad I'm not sure if I have misinterpreted the article in the link, but it seems to be referring to co-depandency. I am not, nor have ever been co-dependent. My pain and anger has nothing to do with control. EDIT Sorry so rude of me, thank you for taking the time to post it. I will re-read it, perhaps I misunderstanding it? Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 LISA Journal, then once you are done tear the paper up in as small of pieces you can & vent by doing that. Getting a hold of him & sharing with him will just make you feel worse....... HUGS Girl!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 LISA Journal, then once you are done tear the paper up in as small of pieces you can & vent by doing that. Getting a hold of him & sharing with him will just make you feel worse....... HUGS Girl!!!!! PW, your post was Godsent! I was just about to start a new thread asking if anyone could spare 5 mins to talk some sense into me! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tempted to call him and let rip right now! Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Hey Lisa. Are you two in contact at all? When was the last time you spoke to him? Resist at all costs!! If you saw my recent post you'll see that I'm sometimes dying to get in touch with her, but I don't, because it will reinforce the rejection! RESIST Link to post Share on other sites
Author LisaUk Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 Hey Lisa. Are you two in contact at all? When was the last time you spoke to him? Resist at all costs!! If you saw my recent post you'll see that I'm sometimes dying to get in touch with her, but I don't, because it will reinforce the rejection! RESIST Hi SHB No contact for over 3 months (I've stopped counting, which I guess is progress in itself?) I went NC b/c every time I spoke with him, even if it was on a legal or admin matter (like the bank messing up the closing down of our joint accounts, for example), he was aggressive and nasty with me. I even sent him is cheque books (bank screwed up, got sent to my new address), he didn't even text to say thanks! So, NC b/c it is hurtful to talk with him. I know I shouldn't call him and I won't. I just have a very strong desire to call him up just to have a go at him, I guess you could say I am VERY ANGRY today! But I won't. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts