hubby wants to be single again

[carra]

hi, i have a dilema about my husband of one yr and 3 mo. we just seperated a week and a half ago, because we have been fighting. i didn't see him for a week, but when i did see him, i told him how i felt about love and how i wanted us to communicate better. anyway, he said thats what he wanted to hear from me and kissed me. we kept kissing, and he said how much he missed me, and cares about me. i ended up sleeping over at his house and then leaving for work. here is the problem, while i was driving to work, my husband called me and basically said he needed more time apart, and how he was thinking about being single again. so now he says he is confused, and so am i. has anyone experienced this before, and how do i get him back?

[SoleMate]

That must have been quite a fight to break up a marriage. Did the furniture get broken?

 

You may or may not be able to get him back. (Do you want him back knowing that he may not STAY back?)

 

To give it your best shot, I suggest:

 

1) Joint counselling

 

2) No more sex until you are back in a bilateral committed marriage

 

Good luck!

[celpet]

I suppose not every situation is the same...but for your own sake consider if he is having an affair. My husband moved out of our home six months after we were married. I was so devasted and confused. All he would tell me was that he was not sure if he was still in love with me and thought he might need some time to be single. Well, after four months of crying my eyes out and begging him to come home to talk or at least try counseling, I discovered he had been having an emotional and sexual affair with a young girl in his office...and ultimately, we legally separated after I confronted him and he admitted he was in love with her.

 

Please...save yourself the heartache...in retrospect...I should have known...but I just never believed he would do that to me. I thought it was my fault...something I did or didn't do.

 

Anyway...I know it doesn't mean it has to be the same for you, but if my experience can help anyone...at least that is something.

[celpet]

I forgot to mention...during the six months after my husband moved out and prior to our legal separation, he too kept going back and forth...sometimes it was in the span of a few hours...he would call and tell me he wanted to come home and try again, and then a few hours later he would call back and say that he made a mistake. I lost 20 pounds...I couldn't eat or sleep...it was the worst experience of my life...all b/c my husband was too selfish and too much of a coward to just give it to me straight. Please, just don't let this happen to you. Its been almost eight months since this all started...and while I've started to eat again, I still have trouble sleeping and concentrating...my rage is so intense, that sometimes its all I can think about.

[NotaBadGuy]

To Celpet and Carra,

 

I understand your situations but from the males point of view. I married in May of this year. Things went as expected for the first couple of months. Maybe a little more stress due to schooling, but that was known prior to marriage. Sometime in October, she started going over to and talkiing on the phone with this fella locally. I did not know it for some time until I caught her over there at 1am twice. She passed the blame to me of course. I am still the bad guy. Anyways, after catching her the second time, she moved out and her things were gone the next day. She has filed for divorce and says that the marriage was a big mistake and that she never loved me to begin with. I sure thoutght different at one point in time. She did and has not even wanted to try to work things out. I told her I would do anything, that I took my marital vows seriously, and was not going to just give up on her. She said that she just did not love me and that it would not work. She even said that I was in denial and that I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and deal with it like she has. The whole time, talking with this other guy on the phone and going to see him at every time possible. But he is just a friend as that story goes. I was served with divorce papers. My wife has nver admitted to messing around, but I was not born yesterday.

 

I understand your dilema. I do not understand why my wife would just give up on the marriage after 6 months. She won't go to counseling and she adimantly denies she has done anything wrong. When confronted about being alone with another man at 1am in the morning, she stated that he was just a friend and they were talking. But it was only discovered she was there when I found her vehicle there once and she hid her vehicle another time. She was supposed to be studying at a friends house for an exam the next day.

 

She then said, that even if she goes through with the divorce, that she still wants to be friends with me because I have been a special person in her life. Then I get the divorce papers. I never imagined that she would turn her back on the intitution of marriage or just give up on us like she has. I especially did not think I would catch her at another man's house at 1am in the morning.

 

I have also lost weight and am trying to battle my way through my final exam schedule. I have also blamed myself and continue to do so. I feel somewhat responsible for the situation, but know there was nothing I did outside study late at the school to make her find refuge somewhere else.

 

If there are signs of an affair, they should be fairly noticable if you take the time to look. Nonverbal cues are widespread. I guess passing the blame is figured into the equation too. I have never thought about stepping out on my wife and cannot figure out what this guy has to offer that I don't. And I cannot understand how you can be married one day and 6 months later you give up. Just my thoughts. Good luck to all. It is not the easiest thing to deal with, especially during the holidays. Sorry so long.