Broseph Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Yeah i broke down this morning, been awhile coming that one Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 Normal,man! Your break ups's still fresh. I went through that for the first couple weeks and one day the well ran dry. I took my ex back a month ago and just broke it off this past Sunday. Not one tear has been shed and I really don't think it will be. I'm now numb to her and her bullsh*t ways! You too will be there before you know it. It's like one day you wake up and ACCEPT that it's over for good. Acceptance is the key to healing. There's no closure or anything.. It's all in accepting you are in a situation you have zero control over and never will. Link to post Share on other sites
Broseph Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 So u did take your ex back praying? Amazing how stuff moves in circles. Thanks for the insight, I too find it nice to support others makes it feel like we are not alone Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 For a month and then woke the hell up, as it was a HUGE mistake on my part. Nothing had changed with her. She was/is still a selfish,high strung, controlling, person! It was horrible! Not only was she still the same.. All of the reasons I moved out from our shared house were still there plus the new cheating issue. That's why I say once they want to leave, let them go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 That's what makes it so hard for my situation. There weren't any major things that I can pick on and use them as leverage to help myself through. She just deems it as our personalities don't match for what she wants to be with for the rest of her life. I gues that should be enough for me to say WTF and let her go, but at the same time I could see issues with the way I had been acting (too much time on games etc) that I have already changed. That being said it is all too late. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 (too much time on games etc). ehh... Lets bust out some xbox live just to spite her! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 That's what makes it so hard for my situation. There weren't any major things that I can pick on and use them as leverage to help myself through. She just deems it as our personalities don't match for what she wants to be with for the rest of her life. I gues that should be enough for me to say WTF and let her go, but at the same time I could see issues with the way I had been acting (too much time on games etc) that I have already changed. That being said it is all too late. I strongly disagree that you have no major things you can pick up to get yourself through. She spent more time with ANOTHER man at your engagement party than YOU. She began losing weight, sharpening her appearance with the intention that once she succeeded she would give YOU the heave ho, but you were a comfort until then. Love her? Normal, you just broke up. But actually raising children and putting your wellbeing into her hands? Come on now, you can't tell me you don't know deep down it isn't right. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 I strongly disagree that you have no major things you can pick up to get yourself through. She spent more time with ANOTHER man at your engagement party than YOU. She began losing weight, sharpening her appearance with the intention that once she succeeded she would give YOU the heave ho, but you were a comfort until then. Love her? Normal, you just broke up. But actually raising children and putting your wellbeing into her hands? Come on now, you can't tell me you don't know deep down it isn't right. I missed all the warning signs but over time of NC and reflection i picked up on them. Losing weight and changing appearance is a classic example i saw. You will see the signs eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 The only signs I got were the last minute canceling of plans, which was very unlike her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 She didn't lose weight or change her appearance, I don't think that I said she did in any other post did I?? There were definitely signs that showed a change of character near the break up... Again things that I attributed to her work situation. It was simple stuff like leaving dishes to be washed in the sink (she would always wash up straight away if she had anything). We had still gone out like a month before it all happened and I remember her taking my arm to put it around her. Gar, now that I saw her and said what I did I am back close to square 1 in my feelings about my own recovery. Went out on the town with the hockey guys but still felt so alone... Now just to push through the time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 So it turns out I am a glutton for punishment. I decided today that I was going to unblock her and her family from my MSN. Sure enough she spoke to me straight away. She was apologising for being at the hockey since she felt as though it upset me. I told her that I was happy she came and since we just lost our final I was a bit more emotional than I would have wanted to be. From there she asked me if I wanted the bridge climb tickets for myself. I ended up telling her that we should just push the day we are going back a week or two. So I will still be doing it with her... As much as I don't want to be pushed into the friends role. I also don't want to keep doing the avoidance thing either. I know it will ruin me to see her move on, but since I love her I would rather she be happy. If over time she wants to give us another chance, great. If not, too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Broseph Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Last night I went to watch a football game with a friend, who in turn is my ex's sister's fiancee. Everything is always ok to begin with but toward the end of the night I had a moment because I found out something about my ex that I felt was such a massive shift in her character that it like it was part of the reason she left me. It's so annoying to be out having a good time then all it takes is one stupid trigger What was the news that you heard bud if you don't mind me asking? I feel the same way and I got one of those this week, she sent me the stupidest most impersonal email ever... this is the person Ive been with 4 years and you send me an email like im a stranger it really pissed me off. Although I feel im doing better that got me sad once again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 It is quite stupid really... Her sister is getting married in November and apparently she said she is going to strip down to her undies on the hen's night. It's just one of those things that gives just enough for the imagination to go wild. Like, would she be doing it while they are at home with just the girls?? Or would she be willing to do it out at some bar on the night?? The girl I knew would never do it out and about, but now I just don't know. In then end, I'm not supposed to care... Link to post Share on other sites
Broseph Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Yeah I know what you are saying though, this would probably touch a nerve in me too although I guess it seems harmless. The thing that sucks about hearing stuff like this is that it gets your imagination going a bit which is never good when you feel the way you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 It's funny how as children we are trained to have good imaginations as it is what is supposed to make us more creative in life. Pffft. 8 weeks on and I am carrying a torch for her strong and high. Being out on the town last night I found that I could look at girls but barely more than a fleeting glance. I still feel as though if I did anything I would be cheating. I have made some moves that I guess are positive toward recovery, but I also know there are a few more obstacles to navigate. She blocked me from facebook about a week or two ago. That helped me a bit although I wish I was the first to do it (I had limited what she could see on my profile). I had made the move to block her on MSN messenger as well but I was still seeing her sign in. So finally I made the move to delete her contact so I just don't know any more. I found that seeing that was enough to make the mind wonder what she was up to. For example, on a Friday night I saw her sign in at about 7 through to about 10pm, then sign off. I started thinking well, she could have just gone to bed. But then of course old devil on the shoulder tells me she has now hit the town. So yeah, it's been good for me that I finally deleted her. I know I will keep hearing things about what she is getting up to whether I want to or not. The biggest challenge for me is going to come in November when I will be at her sister's wedding. I was originally going to be one of the groomsmen but was relegated to guest with the whole break up factor... Link to post Share on other sites
Broseph Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Its been a month and I feel the same way about girls, I mean some of them look so good but even thinking about approaching them would seem like cheating. It is amazing how influential facebook and myspace are in these situations. You sound like a pretty straight up guy to me, I think I'm very similar and its strange the games that can get played suttlely and with someone who you though that never would happen. To me, it sucks because i thought I found a person who would always look after me and i guess I learned that isnt the case. This is the one last hurdle that I appear to be facing right now, although I am sure their are many more waiting that i am not sure about. I have my big decsion coming on Wednesday as its her bday, I havent spoke to much (LC) twice in the 3 and 1/2 weeks since break up but we agreed I would call her on her bday. I kinda dont want to know but I dont want to send a message that I hate her or anything. Its just the last few times we spoke we have both been on verge of tears, last time she did cry. The other dilema here is before our break and in July and August i was collecting peoples signatures to put in a big card for her from all our friends. At that point I just concentrated on overseas people and around 20 people sent me scanned signed messages and a few sent pcitures of themselves holding cards. Now i wont give the card but I am thinking of sending a few of the emails forward to her, these were good people who helped me out and some of them are funny and cool. I feel i would be cheating them if I didnt send them. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 For the cards from others, I would say send them. Since in the end they are sentiments from others. I can't say I know this is the right thing to do, but it is probably what I would do. Hell, there is never a right and a wrong. As for the call, I'm really not sure. A few other people recommended a book on these forums of which I have now read, and I reckon it would be worth your while hitting it up before you make your decision to call. It's called "No More Mr. Nice Guy". I think I am starting to post this in too many threads that I starting to look like a damn ad for it but anyway. I found for me that I could relate to a lot of what it said, and straight away I felt stronger for reading it. Most importantly I think if you are going to make the call, hold yourself together. Keep it short and to the point (make notes beforehand if you have to). Don't get stuck on talking about the break-up etc. Most of all, don't expect anything from it at all. Remember you would be making this call because YOU want to. Take charge of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Day 10 of NC. I am going a bit nuts here. Trying to keep myself busy but I just keep going in circles. Went for a run, it didn't last nearly as long as I hoped it would. Monday's seem to be hard because there is not much to do. No-one is around of available to talk. I don't have a lot of friends to talk to... I know I could live without her. It's just there were so many things that were just right. Last Friday I finally finished building a computer for her mum and dropped it over. While I was there she decided to watch a video on Venice. Venice was my ex's idea of the most romantic place she knows. I had hoped to go there with her on a honeymoon. Her mum was keeping the engagement ring for safekeeping. While I was there I decided to ask for it. I was going well for the 2hrs it took to set up the computer. But after I asked for the ring I couldn't hold together. I had a happy time for some reason this morning. It was weird. Unfortunately that high is gone at the moment. Much like I had read about Exit, I too have made quite a few changes in myself. It's a pity these changes don't occur until it is too late. Just trying to get through each day... Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 So here I am day 11. Last night my ex contacted my friend/flatmate asking if I was available to talk online (since I had blocked and deleted her on MSN). He ended up telling her I wasn't home (heh 10PM Monday night and I'm not home... sure). Anyway, this morning she sent me an SMS telling me that she has mail to drop and and is wondering if I will be home at 5PM today. I haven't yet responded to the SMS and am torn on what to do. I really want to see her and if I do meet her I believe I can keep things together and enjoy the time. I don't really want to play games but really life is a game. I am tempted to say I won't be able to make it but can't really see that as a good idea. Argh. If she didn't want to string me along she would drop the mail in the mail box, or get someone else to do it. Maybe that is me reading into it too much. She also hasn't yet seen the new place I am living in so I guess she can use this as an excuse to see it. If I say yes to her and let her come around she is getting everything she wants and will likely have her fix. If I say no she might feel as though I resent her but it will mean she won't have full control. I don't like this game. XBox is so much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 Any thoughts anyone?? I have 5 hrs to make a decision... (well 5hrs until it is 5PM here) Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Dude, you are coming across as needy and weak. You need to man-up and go complete NC. She is playing you like a violin, and you are eating it up. Forget this woman. Get you clothes on, go out and find somebody new. Tell your friend to tell your ex to leave your mail in the box, and that's all. Everybody goes through breakups, you will be fine, when you realize that she is only doing this to "let you down, easy", not because there is any hope of a reconciliation. Forget about November or the climb. Put her out of your life, alltogether. Every time you give in to her , she loses more respect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 WTF have I done... I was out tonight with a mutual friend that is here on holidays from the UK. My ex ended up showing up for a bit at one of the places we went to but she left early. She tried to just chit chat with me like we were aquaintances forever. Anyway, I tried to power on through the night be the mutual friend ended up going home so I decided I would walk home (10kms). Anyway, on the walk home I ended up up texting my ex... Surprise surprise I haven't got a response. Mind you I did find out a bit more about everything from the mutual friend. Apparently my ex had been doubting things before I dropped the question... If only I had known. It seems like once she realised she was an attractive girl and had pulling power she couldn't handle the power she possessed. Good luck to her I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
wondering_girl Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 hey logitech, what did you text her if you don't mind me asking.. i know easier said than done, i was HURTING sooooooo bad when i woke up this morning, like chest pains, seeing her won't help at all, and they're right about the mail thing, she definitely knows you are there... still for her.. ya know? but all we can try to do even everything SEEMS so RIGHT with them is to leave them in the pieces on the floor and move on. i still have panic attacks and sometimes i can't sleep, my bf of 4 years well i thought i knew him, has gone disappeared.. and i don't even know him anymore and left in silence. i'm sorry we're all going through this Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 Heh, well it is quite stupid actually. I wrote gonna walk past your dads car yard soon, i remember once you told me a ting about this place. Guess I will never be that one... She replied at 5am (3hrs later) aw kale! was gonna say it was good to see ya having fun tonight! Hope we can share some fun times soon :-) It appears I enjoy punishing myself since it's my own actions that keep this up. Link to post Share on other sites
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