should guys look at porn when they are married?

[Huney_Gurl56]

My husband and I have been married for almost two years. We had dated for 6 months before I found out I was pregnant. I was 17 at the time and he was 24. We ended up getting married. I loved him to death. He was my everything. Or at least that is what I thought before I married him. It seemed to me like I was his everything. I was all he needed in life. Me and of course our baby. But the day we got married, the more he seemed to change to this whole other person I didnt know. As time went by I kept finding out all these horriable things. Like nude pictures of his ex-girlfriend, love letters, porn, talking to other women telling them he would meet them places when I wasnt around (He never did). I checked up!! But as time went on we fought and fought about the porn and everything else that he WANTED TO DO... THINGS THAT MADE HIM FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY. All I got out of the 1 1/2 years that we were married was heartache, tears, depression, lost alot of weight.. figuring that maybe if I looked like a supermodle maybe he wouldnt need to look at other women (sexually, or not). Just to let you know I am a very insecure woman as it is. I have always been that way. And now he just makes me feel that way even more. But, the more time went on I finally got him to stop... or at least I thought I had. The other night we were talking and he had told me that when he goes TDY (he is in the Air Force) that he masterbates to porn. That he goes out of his way to get it. I thought to myself "he dosent even go out of the way to do ANYTHING with or for me". Which makes me feel really bad about myself. Then of course these past couple of days I cant sleep, cant eat ( I weighed 96 pounds) I have lost 3 lbs in 3 days. So now I weigh 93 lbs. I am depressed. I just feel like I am not good enough for him. Someone please help me. I am tired of feeling this way. Why does he do this to me!!?

[Kathi]

I can relate to how you feel. I was 17 when I started dating my husband. I became pregnant soon after. During my pregnacy I left him because I felt that he valued drinking and his friends more than me. We started dating again and were married when our son was almost a year old. Two months after we were married he got activated with the army for 1 1/2 yrs. Things were difficult during that time. When he came homem he accused me of having an affair saying that he didn't trust me. Which was odd because normally I had the trust issues with him because of all the things he had done during our relationship. A few weeks ago I found porn sites in his computer history. when I confronted him, he denied at first then said it was because I was not sexual enough anymore. Well I told him I would be more sexual if he would stop looking at porn because it made me feel as if I was not good enough for him. Well not an hour ago I look on his laptop and what do you know. Porn sites again! I called him at work he says he has not been looking at porn that the sites pop up and get logged into his history. I find this hard to believe. Now he says that we have a huge problem because I do not trust him and I think that he is lying to me. What do I do? Tell him flat out that you are lying to me and i'm p***ed! or do I just believe what he says and see if it happens again? I love him and I am afraid to be alone and have to raise my son on my own. I don't know what to do. I am a wreck. I feel like I'm in a messed up world that is against me.

[Angel]

Men that neglect the marital bed to do "other" things are sick and lack CHARACTER. It is all about CHARACTER. These men need individual counseling. BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT.

 

You need to concentrate on what makes you happy----get healthy, the weight loss is scary. You need to get individual counseling. You need to find out why you stay with a man that disrespects you. Forget fixing them----they can only do that and a sick addiction like that will be impossible to fix unless they want to. It is a matter of character-----and you can't fix character, you must marry it.

 

Sorry, just my opinion. I am sorry for your pain and good luck.

[grey-butterfly]

Here's my experience. My fiance had a porno magazine in his bathroom he used while he was single and dating along with a Maxim Bikini calendar in his living room next to his phone. Mind you this man is fixing to turn 46....

 

I said that he should respect the fact that I was in his life now and dispose of the porn mag and bikini calendar or that once we get married and I move into his house I would bring my hunky firemen calendar with me to hang along side his bikini calendar and I'd bring a magazine of men with hard ons to put in my lingere drawer next to my vibrator.

 

Needless to say he didn't think that was funny but he got the point.

 

I told him this...."Honey don't do anything you don't want me doing". I also asked him if he'd be willing to jack off in front of me while looking at his porno mag and he said "No". Another thing I said was "Don't do anything you are not willing to do in front of me"!

 

So far this settled things. I think all it takes is for some men to get a dose of their own medicine to make them realize how some things bother us girls.

 

Men can separate love and sex. Looking at porn to them has nothing to do with their love for us BUT many women find this disrespectful - like cheating. I don't care what any man says - when you look at porn and jack off you are having sex with another woman - the woman you're fantasizing about at the time.

 

If men see their wives or girlfriends masturbating to a magazine of men with huge hard ons do you think they'd be ok with this? Case in point.

 

Dr. Phil had a show on this and said that if a man is married or in a committed relationship he should not be looking at porn either on the internet, videos or talking in sex chat rooms. It's offensive and disrespectful and is considered cheating.

 

If my fiance plans on buying another porno mag to look at and jack off to while we're married then you can bet I'll be at the closest adult video bookstore buying a magazine of my own (preferably one showing firemen with big hoses in it)!!

 

I think men who found their wives or girlfriends stashing porno mags showing hunky men with huge winkies would change their tune!

 

 

yeah i'm definitely going to do this, THANKS