Onyx Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Honestly it doesn't bother me that my husband looks at porn. He all but gave it up when we got married because he had the sexual stimulation and contact that he needed. We found out I was pregnant, and between all the morning sickness moodswings and general crappy feelings I had we stopped having sex. It didn't bother me that he went back to looking at it. The way I see it is that everyone needs thier stimulation. Chris asked me if it would bug me that he would watch porn when our sex life died down, we talked about it and agreed, different strokes for different strokes. Talk to each other about it. Talking goes a long way in a relationship especially at the begining of a marriage when both parties are still learning about each other and forming thier own boundaries. Good luck, I hope this helps, Onyx Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 You have no right to change a person even if you are married to them. Marriage doesn't mean ownage. It means committing yourself to someone else with that connection being love & understanding. My fiancee & me watch porn all the time, its usually her who asks to rent some. We've also been to strip clubs as well. If you trust and love your mate enough then you should be secure in yourself and in the relationship that this won't harm you but actually bring you closer together. I would rather my fiancee be happy then miserable and doing things the way I want them done. Sounds like you need to communicate better. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I just read this thread (a long one - 52 posts!) and "moimeme" mentioned that "there are plenty of ladies who REALLY enjoy watching exactly that! {men masturbating while looking at porn} Can I ask (or maybe I should start a new thread) if that is really true. Would that be a turn on ar enjotyable for a lot of women? Would it be just seeing any man do this, or just your man? I find it very suprising. I know guys get off wtaching girls masturbate, but I never thought women felt the same. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 If it's that one special guy I am really into, I would LOVE to watch him pleasure himself, while I stroke related body parts or just hold/kiss him. Nobody has been willing so far... The last taboo.... WHY???? Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 SoleMate, I think I would feel like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing - pleasing my woman :0 It would seem totally selfish for me to masturbate in front of a woman. It would take a lot of convincing that she would really rather watch me masturbate, and then I would probably feel like she is really saying she doen't like me inside of her. It's a catch-22 no-win sititauion! Best of luck with your man Cheers, A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
CosmoGirl1391 Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Here's what I think about it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t35427/ Link to post Share on other sites
hercuhero Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 well, im fairly old-fashioned, and i've got my ideals so I don't think you should actively look at women besides your spouse. passing thoughts are natural, but to keep looking isnt right. Cuase you've already cheated on your wife in your heart then. IIf the oppurtunity actually arises, how hard will it be to say no? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Can I ask (or maybe I should start a new thread) if that is really true. Would that be a turn on ar enjotyable for a lot of women? Would it be just seeing any man do this, or just your man? There was once an episode of Sex TV about women looking at porn. Women often go for gay porn because there are no female bits to have to look at - it's all male. Plus, gay porn often features men masturbating, which you hardly ever see in regular porn. I don't know the numbers of women who enjoy this, but I'm sure there are way more than you think. It is HOT to watch!!! A turn-on? Absolutely! If it's that one special guy I am really into, I would LOVE to watch him pleasure himself, while I stroke related body parts or just hold/kiss him. Nobody has been willing so far... The last taboo.... What a drag! I have been very lucky - nobody's refused me yet I think they were made to feel ashamed of it when they were kids and can't get over that However, I've found that once they see how much you enjoy it, they get over their inhibitions fairly fast Link to post Share on other sites
optional control Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Personally, as a chic, the only turn on about male masterbation is when my bf and I materbate at the same time or if he is masterbating in front of me to me...otherwise, masterbation is pretty private, as most people do it alone. As far as porn goes, I would rather watch chics in porn than men anyway. I like lesbian porn as well, not that I have any, but given the choice, my preference is chics. I have never been with one & maybe never will, but, I find naked orgasmic chics way hotter than dudes masterbating!!! Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 some of you are such whiners.. the ones who say all that stuff to women who may have insecurities with their guy watching porn.. so, they have some insecurities.. just like everyone else. the people ragging on them and telling them that porn is no big deal.. you obviously have control issues.. maybe you live through porn cuz that's the only environment where you feel safe to be a pervert.. i bet half of you would never even be willing to do most of the things in porn. some of that stuff is downright raunchy.. it's telling guys to "cum all over that bitch's face, etc." a lot of porn does degrade women and treats them as nothing but holes. now why wouldn't a wife or gf have trouble with this kind of porn? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I find naked orgasmic chics way hotter than dudes masterbating!!! And I find them deadly dull. Which just goes to show.... wait for it.... 'different strokes for different folks' (rimshot and sounds of groans reverberating throughout LS) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest too Posted April 4, 2004 Share Posted April 4, 2004 Originally posted by guest some of you are such whiners.. the ones who say all that stuff to women who may have insecurities with their guy watching porn.. so, they have some insecurities.. just like everyone else. the people ragging on them and telling them that porn is no big deal.. you obviously have control issues.. maybe you live through porn cuz that's the only environment where you feel safe to be a pervert.. i bet half of you would never even be willing to do most of the things in porn. some of that stuff is downright raunchy.. it's telling guys to "cum all over that bitch's face, etc." a lot of porn does degrade women and treats them as nothing but holes. now why wouldn't a wife or gf have trouble with this kind of porn? Well said! Link to post Share on other sites
alittlelost Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Hi I was reading all of the relpys and they help a alittle, but I am still lost. My husband and I have been married for 7 yrs and porn has been a problem. Yes, I kinda figured he lookes at it but there has been times I have wondered about if this is getting in the way. He has done all the tricks, hidden it, lied about it and then finally I said to him fine look at it, BUT PLEASE NO MORE LYING!!!! Well, I went shopping with my 4 yr old daughter and left my 8 month old son with my husband. Came home thought all was well until the next day I sign on and my husband had accendently maked all 15 porn sites he visited the day before and they all came up. I called and confronted him at work and of course he lied again. I am really trying very hard to forgive him at this point but he did this while our son I hope was in the other room. Oh by the way he fessed up whne I threanted to call the internet company and find out if this was him or some mistake. I mean how far is to far???? Need some fed back people, should I keep him or get out before it gets ugly????? Link to post Share on other sites
tess Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 alittlelost, moderate viewing of porn by your husband should not be a problem, as long as he keeps it to himself and does it when he is alone. when it comes to your kids, i agree with you wholeheartedly. he has absolutely no business doing things of that nature when he is supposed to be watching his kids. that is sick, irresponsible, and very inappropriate. do you have worries that he may have an addiction to porn? cuz if he could view that type of material when he was supposed to be babysitting.. well, that sounds like he has a problem. i think you need to be honest with yourself here.. do you think he has a genuine problem? if he does, it will most likely rub off on your children.. esp. if he does it when they are home. please think about everything thoroughly. you could always find another man.. but never other children.. put you and your kids first. Link to post Share on other sites
catspajamas Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I watch porn with my husband. I actually like it. I just make sure it has a fair amount of weenies in it. ha ha ha ....really though if it is not a problem now why should it be later. If it really bugs you it should bug you now too!! Guys aren't likely to change, would you rather know he does it or have him do it behind your back. Link to post Share on other sites
lizzarddawg Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Porn always destroys a marriage. It may not end, but it is certainly gone. Ladies don't fool yourselfs if your man is using porn he is cheating on you. If not physicaly its mentally. You people have all just totally forgotten God huh? Jesus said, He who even looks upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultry in his heart. Now I sure that most of you have written God and Jesus off long ago, but keep in mind their principals and laws are witten within your genetic code. Man has an almost uncontrolable desire to have sex and the only thing that keeps him from cheating on his wife or girl friend is he's morality and love responsibiliy he has toward them. Unfourtunitly, most of the men in this room have long ago given in to the animal lust and go thru life trying to make their girl friends or wifes feel guilty for their "Nagging or Bitching" about their porn use. Those men are at the present filthy hearted selfish boys who have never grown up. Those of you ladies who know what I'm speaking of keep your heads high and for those on the fence because of the presure don't be swayed: Porn is bad. If your dating a guy who is looking at porn, be warned your asking for failure: he won't stop without the help of good Christian men and God. Sex is a beautiful thing...there are men out there who are respectible and who treate women with respect by understanding that their viewing porn hurts their loveones and they choose to not give in, but respecfully understand the hurt they are putting their loved one thru. I could go on and on and on, but for those who want to listen will and those who want to not they will angerly Bitch...........and Bitch and Bitch why? because their addicted!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they know it. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 I am Jewish...there is nothing wrong with porn...SEX IS OKAY!!!!!! My future honey loves porn and he would never cheat on me.... It is not the girls in porn..........it is the act of voyerism.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetmind20 Posted May 15, 2004 Author Share Posted May 15, 2004 lizzarddawg, i appreciate your viewpoints, and no matter what other people may say, i respect your view. i have thought from your point of view quite often actually.. it's just that i feel i'm in some kind of emotional bind. i love this person, and he has been the only one i have ever been with. ever been emotionally, sexually intimate with- it's hard to think that my gut feelings maybe correct- that it will destroy our relationship in the end. i have tried to pass it off as nothing, and even tried to get involved with the whole porn thing because i tried to see where he was coming from. but it just made me feel worse because i was trying to make something feel right when in my heart, it felt wrong. all i keep hearing around here is that it's normal. my guy tells me it's natural; i say it's a choice. my gut tells me it's immature, disrespectful and destructive.. but i have had no one back up my inner feelings until you. thank you, lizz. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 the issue ain't the porn. It's if two people in a relationship feel strong opposing views about something. And that something can be anything. Re porn, lots is insulting and degrading to women, but not all. I don't have much experience, but I've seen a couple of very erotic films and enjoyed them. Watching porn isn't cheating- but lying and sneaking about it is. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 Porn always destroys a marriage. Untrue. If you are going to make such statements, please cite statistics and reputable studies. It may not end, but it is certainly gone. Ladies don't fool yourselfs if your man is using porn he is cheating on you. If not physicaly its mentally. Again, untrue. The men do not want the women in the pictures. They want their own spouses. Someday, ask some guy if he'd trade in his wife for one of the ladies in the pictures. You may find the odd cheeseball who'd say yes but most won't. You people have all just totally forgotten God huh? Jesus said, He who even looks upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultry in his heart. He also said 'judge not lest ye be judged', 'love one another' and told us to forgive. Those men are at the present filthy hearted selfish boys who have never grown up. Nope. They're just living with the biological facts of their lives and trying to deal with them without cheating. Bitch and Bitch why? because their addicted Occasional use does not connote 'addiction'. Link to post Share on other sites
truax0214 Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 I know how you feel.... My husband and I got married in february, and he does it to. We even broke up a yr ago because of it. Then he stopped doing it for a few months after we got back together. Now hes started up and our marriage is getting to the breaking point because of it. But when it comes down to it, I don't think that he should have to sacrifice it for me. I am completely paranoid about it but only because our own sex life isn't that great. But if it's because of your own insecurity u need to find a way to be ok with it, like I'm doing. Just remember, you're the one he comes home to at night, not a naked woman on a peice of paper. And just because he leans towards pictures of naked women, doesn't mean he's any less interested in your body. If you think about it that way then just because a man watches porn, that would mean he's not interested in real women. All it is is just a fantasy. I can't say all women look at porn, but I'm pretty sure all of us our guilty of the same thing, we do it to, we just don't need the visual. Link to post Share on other sites
MagicChance Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 All you people who don't see anything wrong with men masturbating to porn - here's my question. Why can't men put all the energy they use into jacking off into pleasing their wives/girlfriends instead? I offered my husband sex whenever he wanted while we were married - anal, bondage, talking dirty - whatever turned him on I was willing to accomodate him (as long as it wasn't sick or painful). Our sex life to me was dull and bland - I wanted it to be wilder and more open. He was like a robot. I blame this on his porn fixation. He jacked off too much to porn I think he became numb to real sex. He said he used porn while he was single just as a release an he always felt lonely and disgusted afterwards. This man desperately wanted to be married. But yet I married him and wanted a fantastic sex life - it never happened no matter how close I got to him. I felt he turned to his porn mags more than he wanted to please me. Finally I just felt left out and unfufilled sexually. I divorced him. I can't be married to a man who turns to porn to fulfill his needs. I have needs to and I love sex just as much as the next person. So all you high rollers that say porn is ok - let me tell you it killed my marriage and made me leave my husband to find more fulfilling sex elsewhere. I'm now with a guy who prefers me anyday over jacking off to porn. He thinks he's hit the jackpot with me because I'm willing to please him. I made the right choice - my exhusband's other wife left him for another man too. He just doesn't get it and probably never will. He'll live a sad lonely existence sitting on his toilet with his dick in his hand and porn mag in the other. I feel sorry for him (and other men) who can't put all that energy they use while jacking off into a successful marriage or relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Magic... you ended up with the dud in the bunch... I mean no disrespect what so ever... Just telling you how I feel..... I would rather have my honey at home watching porn than out at the bar...(for some strange reason women find him hot) I am sorry that it ended in divorce... I know that it was hard (been thru it) I wish you the best in life and may a higher power bless you ...................... Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 It was the most insulting thing in the world to me, when my husband couldn't get or keep an erection with ME, nor could he orgasm with ME, nor was he the least bit interested in sex with me, saying, "Sex isn't important to me." WE WERE NEWLY WEDS! HE WAS A 25 YEAR OLD MAN! Yet sex wasn't important to him? If it wasn't important, why did he need Playboy? Why did he lie to me to get it? If sex was so unimportant, how come he could jack off to porn for an hour a day? THAT'S why I hated porn. I hated that he hid it. I hate it that he denied me sex. I hated it that the only way I could get him to respect me enough to make love to me, was if I gave him a blow job whenever he wanted. Otherwise, he'd just use porn and jack off. He's conditioned me. If I don't give him what he wants, when he wants, then I've been trained that I'll get NOTHING. If you think our sex life hasn't improved 100 fold since we got rid of the internet, you'd be crazy. If you think we didn't fight constantly when he ordered pay per view (WELL before I even found OUT ABOUT IT, WE WERE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS) you'd be crazy. He's turned back into a great husband recently! I hate porn. When we first got married, I didn't care. I used to look too! It just got so bad, and I never got sex. It was insulting that my own husband would rather have a porno than me Do any of you know how that hurts? Do any of you know how it feels that your husband doesn't love or respect you enough to quit doing something that hurts you? WHO CARES IF HE ENJOYS IT! IT HURTS ME! It's not like him asking me to give up chocolate. He doesn't have to FIGHT with chocolate for my affection. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Sex and porn are totally different things, with different emotional investments, and different purposes. Women who think like you do will continue to have problems with it. This is what we mean when we say, "Porn is not the problem". Porn isn't your problem. Your problem is a lack of intimacy, and an inability to reconcile that with healthy communication. The reason it's easier to blame porn for your problems, is because that's totally not your fault, whereas you play a part in communication. When a couple can't communicate, it's time for counseling. Or else, the relationship will fail. Link to post Share on other sites
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