should guys look at porn when they are married?

[Jason 2003]

OTTER....they have a name for men's so-called (yes it may be a holdover from "caveman" days) need for sexual variety..."The Coolidge Effect"....more here:

 

http://www.heretical.com/wilson/coolidge.html

[blind_otter]

Well this explains a lot:

 

Although the Coolidge Effect is somewhat diminished in force within primates, and perhaps especially so in humans who have moral compunctions to deal with in addition, vestiges of it are nevertheless apparent. Before marriage it is usual for men to initiate intercourse at a fairly high frequency with their fiancée. After a few years of marriage, however, the husband's sexual appetite begins to wane and an apparent reversal of libido may even occur, with the now frustrated wife demanding more love-making than her 'tired' husband is able to supply. He, of course, is still perfectly capable of being aroused by his mistresses and office girls and, if fortunate enough to secure an invitation to an orgy, would have little difficulty completing intercourse with two or three anonymous young women in the course of the evening's festivities. Sex therapists see many men who are reported as 'impotent' by their wives but who privately confess to considerable prowess with a succession of mistresses. Clearly, this is more of a social problem than a medical condition.

 

But I am still curious as to why this is so clearly evident in males of ao many species, and not necessarily in the females.

[HappyInNJ]

I have to say again, that porn is a killer in marriage.

Turn that desire towards your partner!

[Jason 2003]

Well I've witnessed a few heated debates on other websites regarding this business about men and their "natural" instinct to stray. I think the bottom line is yes, the male has always felt the need to coupulate with as many females as he can in order to spread his seed as far and wide as possible thus insuring his genes continue on down through the ages. However this is 2004 not 16,000 B.C. and today's man does have a fairly well developed brain...he doesn't always use it...especially when it comes to sex....but it's there. So he can think things through and figure out that marriage is the best way to have a happy and stable life, to bring up childen, and to love and be loved.

 

But sometimes the "old brain" takes over and the result is two types of guys-- the the risk taker, seeking sex outside the home. And for the man who wants his cake and eat it too, there's internet porn.

[flavius]

I'm not sure that I would predict that a smarter brain will arrive at a different conclusion than the more primitive brain when it comes to sexual preference. After all, on a purely sexual level the primitive brain makes damned good choices even without benefit of higher education.

 

The question is not one of sophistication, but one of contentment. Not a matter of brain, but of soul.

[zara]

that my argument about women developing a masculinized sexuality is then the best way to keep a male. i.e, exhibit a tendency towards visual stimulation by other men and deny unquestioned availability to the male in order to secure male effort to continue relations. in other words "keep em on their toes" or "treat em mean, keep em keen". Thus preventing boredom or complacency. This certainly explains why the men to whom i have made it quite clear i am not interested pursue me wiyth such vigour. How sad...

[Eliza]

I was in a long term, live-in relationship six years ago where my boyfriend and I used porn from quite early in our relationship.

 

I hadn't really had anything to do with porn, but it just kind of happened that we integrated it into our sex life and we achieved a fantastic balance of 'exciting sex' as well as 'beautiful lovemaking'.

 

He always made me feel number one in his eyes and he was more turned on by the fact that I enjoyed using porn to spice up our sex life.

 

I think this worked so well with me as we were always up front and honest about our use of porn and, the great majority of the time, used it together. I felt some control over this aspect of our sex life.

 

However, during the space of a year, my boyfriend had several friends get married and attended their bucks nights. One of them was held at our home with a stripper invited to entertain. Obviously, I was asked to leave for the night. I was shattered at the thought of this, as it was one thing for my boyfriend and I to enjoy porn together, it ripped me apart to think that a bunch of men would be going silly over this woman in my home.

 

I got over it after a couple of days but started finding her business card with little messages like, 'here's my phone number' etc for my boyfriend. I also found out that there was quite a bit of contact between the men and the stripper going on. My boyfriend's friends had set this up as they knew I was upset about the issue. Anyway, we worked it out and I told myself I just had to get over it - it 'is what men do'.

 

But after a few bucks nights that year I started feeling sick about the whole issue and bad about myself to the point I didn't want him near me and, being a larger girl all my life, I stopped eating and lost all self confidence. The relationship ended not long after for other reasons, however I started to become a bit of a jealous person, which probably didn't help.

 

Since then, I haven't had any proper relationships until the beginning of this year when I met my current boyfriend. He lived out of town, so upon visiting his home, I would see 'girlie' books scattered around the house (not hidden) and porn videos in his cabinet. It started bringing back a few feelings of hurt, but I tried to ignore them as he seemed very much in love with me. Our sex life was pretty low key, which was hard for me as I am a very sexual person who loves regular sex, but I figured, that it part and parcel of living away from each other.

 

One day he was in town visiting and I found a porn magazine in his car. I was pretty hurt, but saw it was an opportunity to tell him about my previous experience and how it affected my confidence and my eating etc. He apologised saying he had been on his own for a long time and it was just something he did, which I understood.

 

He promised he wouldn't buy it again if it was going to be such a big issue. I apologised that I felt that way, I hated being like that, but couldn't help it. I hoped that that was the end of the issue for both of us.

 

I moved in with my boyfriend just a few months ago. I requested that he put his massive pile of porn magazines and videos in the shed so it didn't raise any problems. I suspected he still used it anyway and I confronted him a couple about it. He denied using it each time.

 

The move has been a difficult transgression in general with me relying on him greatly for support and security. I have often been homesick and emotionally fragile and to me, sex is a great connection between two people to make them feel fantastic and loved. The support I needed wasn't there and neither was the sex. That created enormous frustration with me and started making me doubt myself again, which scared me. Knowing, from his use of porn, that he obviously liked women and exciting sex, yet didn’t have that with me, is very hurtful.

 

Anyway, just recently our 'new living together problems' came to a head and he decided to go away and 'sort himself out' as he was the one who had some insecurities that were impacting our relationship.

 

I was so thrilled when he came back saying all the right things that he loves me and we made love that very day. The next night, on our way home from our first dinner in ages, I found a porn mag in his car. I just flipped - and he told me "to just get over it". He bought it when 'we weren't together'. It hurt that at the first opportunity to buy new porn, he did, even though my heart was broken for a huge variety of reasons and I had been under enormous stress since I moved in.

 

Not only had he broken his promise not to bring porn into our relationship, he had been careless in me finding it and had actually been using it while he was 'away sorting things out and missing me terribly.' If he had sexual urges, if I was on his mind so much, why couldn't he think of me?

 

I just feel sick thinking about it and immediately my mind clicked over and I automatically stopped eating again. We talked it through and seemed ok but that night he wouldn't make love to me. I told him this was the perfect opportunity to prove to me that I am beautiful in his eyes and the porn doesn't mean anything, but he just doesn't make the effort to have a satisfying and exciting sexual relationship with me.

 

I am afraid that our lack of sex will ultimately be the end of us, and that even though he knows my insecurities, he doesn't make an effort to make me feel like a sex goddess even though he tells me all the time he loves me and I'm the one he wants to be with forever.

 

I don't want to settle for anything in a relationship, but this is a big issue for me, because he enjoys porn more than me even though I'm ready and rearing to give him the 'time of his life'!!

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Eliza

I don't want to settle for anything in a relationship, but this is a big issue for me, because he enjoys porn more than me even though I'm ready and rearing to give him the 'time of his life'!!

 

You are settling. This isn't about porn. It's about your BF acting like an a$$. You just got back together, he should be trying harder, not telling you to get over it.

 

But it is a mistake to relate your exBF to your current BF. They are not the same person, you do the current a disservice. It really sucks when you have to deal with the emotional baggage from your lover's past relationships. It's not fair to the new person. If you still have issues, see a therapist and take care of that before entering into a new relationship. I don't mean to be harsh, but you're setting yourself up for strife and difficulty if you bring in too much baggage from old relationships.

 

I really do think this isn't so much about porn. It's a lot of stuff that you are bottling inside - you don't even say why you ended the first relationship, only that it was "unrelated" to the paragraphs-long story you wrote prior to that statement, which indicates to me that the stripper issue really WAS a major thing, as it SHOULD be!

 

But you allowed yourself to become a person you don't like (jealous), that is a major issue.

[Jason 2003]

Eliza:

 

Both men are being insensitive.

 

Most guys who like porn and are heavy users don't leave magazines (magazines! didn't think anyone actually bought porn magazines anymore!)lying around in plain sight and will make an attempt to hide the porn, especially from a girlfriend as opposed to a wife.

 

The stripper thing tells the whole story about the first guy----he obviously had no consideration for your feelings.

 

As for the second fellow it sounds to me like your insecurities and causing you to pressure him.

 

Young guys are always horny and they can usually masturbate AND have a perfectly normal sex life with their partner. Porn is so easily available that it is part of many (it may be most) young men's sexual lives. And for most it's really nothing to worry about.

 

For a woman of your age and marital status (single) I would say just ease up on him. That being said, there are danger signs to watch out for which you should take into account in any relationship but can (and should be)a relationship breaker if you are considering marrying a man who exibits the signs of being heavily into porn/masturbation.

 

--your sex life dwindles down to almost nothing for no apparent reason---be honest with yourself about this because many things besides porn can cause this-- mainly problems in the relationship.

 

--he has difficulty getting and/or holding an erection during intercourse---in an older man this may be just a natural part of aging and Viagra can usually sort it out. In a young man who previously had no problems, it could be porn related. In young men this is especially true because many young guys are "up" for sex a few times a day so masturbation shouldn't cause this unless he is masturbating frequently and is therefore "spent"

 

--He can get an erection but cannot ejaculate. Again Retarded or Delayed Ejaculation can have many causes but for a young unmarried couple the primary reason for this (an unaroused state) is rare. It is mostly seen in couples who have been together for many years where the man has come to prefer porn over partner sex.

For a young couple, barring other causes of R.E., the usual reason is again that he's used himself up masturbating and has raised his orgasmic threshold so high he can't have an orgasm. Or, R.E. can also be caused by the heavy porn user being so used to the feel of his own hand and the strong porn fantasy, that a "real" girl can no longer Stimulate him physically or psychologically enough so he can't ejaculate.

 

It sounds to me like although porn and strippers are involved here, Otter is right about porn not being the primary problem. AS you can see by the danger signs above, porn can get out of hand and cause serious problems. But I don't think (from what you wrote) that it has escalated to that level in your case.

 

Ease off the pressure a bit. Don't let your own insecurities complicate the situation. So many women blame themselves when the men in their lives use porn and that is just plain silly when it comes to the "recreational" porn user, especially if he is a single man at the age range where he is in his sexual peak.

 

If you really want to stay on with him try ignoring the problem and see what happens. After a few months if it is still driving you nuts and he doesn't seem willing to work on the things that are bugging you then you are free to leave. Dating and premarital relationships are for sorting out your preferences in a man, a time to find out what you like and more importantly...what you DON'T like.

[loudog]

Originally posted by Jason 2003

OK, I'll take your bait.......men like variety, women get old, lose their looks, childbirth ruins their bodies, men have always been, and will always be attracted to younger, more beautiful or, in some cases just different women than their wives. Men get old too but women are not as sexually stimulated visually as men are. As long as their is intimacy, most wives are content. Oh sure they may not like hubbie's big gut or bald head, but they are more easily able to see beyond that to the person inside. For men, saggy tits, a fat ass, wrinkles and a jelly stomach are just a wee bit harder to ignore in the bedroom, especially when you can call up a perfect hardbody 18 year old with the click of a mouse. She won't keep you warm at night but she will get you very hot. Sad perhaps, but this is the truth of the world in this internet age. Anyone who has read the thousands of posts by women (here and elsewhere) complaining about their husband's porn use realizes what I say is true.

 

Jason

 

I'll agree with you on this one...you shouldn't be the only one to take the heat on this truth of the world. It however goes beyond just the rapid decline of the female body with age. As the body goes down so does their attitude. I.e. they don't look as good so they don't feel as sexy. This is a downward spiral...the guy might look past the physical issues but when the attitude becomes jaded stale etc. then there is little excitement left at any level. Oh and we can't forget the falling hormonal levels that just help this whole situation along. But the real killer is the jaded cynical attitude that many women develop past 35. As we all know the greatest sexual organ is the brain and if that's not into it everything else is meaningless.

 

Porn just becomes an easy substitute for a failing lack of sex at home.

[izzybelle]

i have to admit that i find this whole issue and discussion of porn fascinating. and i know, that for many women, and probably rightly so, it's a cause of major concern when it starts interferring with the relationship. but like some of the other posters here, as a woman, i have no major problem with it, until it becomes a relationship effecting issue.

 

when i was newly divorced i had a FWB relationship that lasted a few years. he was also newly divorced and had lived with a wife who had hated sex. and i do believe that he had turned to porn for a release, and i couldn't blame him at all. but we had fun with it. we frequently would watch movies and as he told me on numerous occassions, he just loved to watch me watch them. i, like a previous poster (ok, i'm too lazy to go back and figure out who said it) would get the giggles. and my friend is definitely one of those male, well over 40 types, who i knew lusted after women with younger, firmer bodies. but i also knew, and teased him regularly, that the chances of him meeting and "getting" one of those women was only going to happen in his dreams. and yes, it was teasing, i wasn't being cruel! his ex, constantly fought a losing battle with the effects of age on her body. although she's only 5 years older than me, i had fought that battle and won. so for him, in spite of the fact that i wasn't built like many of the women in the magazines, web sites, and movies, i know that although porn was an enjoyment for us both, he was perfectly happy having sex with me and was, at those times, not thinking about what was going on on the screen. i know this, because he would turn it off, usually to an "awwww the dialog was just getting interesting" comment from me!

 

loudog, i know we've "corresponded" elsewhere on the lack of sex drive in women as they get older, and it is indeed a sad state. i grew up in a household where my mother, routinely, told me that sex was awful, it was meant for procreation and that men were pigs, of sorts, for expecting us to cater to their wishes. i'm not saying that all women in that generation (or in that religion, my mom is catholic) subscribe to that thought, but i have to wonder whether that has something to do with all of it. but you are right, the mind is the major killer of sex in many cases. my father, who i suspect looked at porn, was on the verge of having an affair when i was in my 20s. i will admit that the thought of it upset and disgusted me at the time, but having learned so much more about my mother and her attitudes towards sex, i guess in many ways i wouldn't blame him for looking at porn and even for considering having an affair. she hated sex.

 

but not all of us women over 40 have given into the war with age without a battle, and some of us, for the most part have won (i think it would be hard to say that someone who's a size 4 has lost). and our attitude remains positive with the right partner and watching porn can become a joint activity instead of a "substitute."

 

i'm more curious to see what will happen with the generation that are in their teens and pre-teen years now. in many ways, they can't easily escape porn, or at least mild porn. the sites pop up on the computer with a "misplaced' click of the mouse. it's on tv, in songs, commericals, videos. and so much more of their lives are infiltrated with innuendo and out right blatent sexual content. as kids we waited for the latest issue of national geograpic to arrive so we could see the mostly naked natives. the kids now wait for the latest issue of victoria's secret catalog (or fashion show), or the SI swimsuit issue to come out. i think it will be interesting to watch what happens with this generation and their views on porn as they get older.

[Eliza]

Thank you blind_otter. This is the first time I have used a chat room to air some personal issues!

 

I really appreciate your comments. I think you confirmed what I know is true, but I guess it's hard to stop feeling the way I do.

 

The thing that upsets me the most is that I have been rejected sexually in this current relationship (I live with this man) even though I would do anything for him, but he still uses porn. That's the issue and, maybe if he puts his efforts into me, the issue might ease off a bit.

 

You are right about bringing past insecurities in to this relationship. My whole life I've been in relationship with people who have MAJOR emotional issues and it's bloody hard. I can honestly say this is the only hang up I have as a woman, so let's hope I can ignore it and time will heal.

 

Thank you again,

 

Eliza

[Eliza]

Hi Jason 2003

 

Thank you for your sensitive male point of view, I really appreciate it! I think I will try ignoring the issue and see how it sits with me in the long run.

 

I guess the hardest part to accept is that it's just what men do. I think guys get away with a lot because of this attitude. In this case, it can cause such a big uncessary rift in a relationship.

 

I don't think many women would continue doing something that upsets their partner, we just don't see the value in it. I know when I am in a relationship I can hardly be bothered with a wandering eye let alone satisfying myself sexually with anyone else but my boyfriend.

 

Anyway, hopefully if we get this relationship back on track he can make me feel like that goddess and I won't be threatened about the porn so much!!

 

Thanks again

 

Eliza

[Eliza]

My man is 39 and I am 31.....so he's not some young, horny guy (unfortunately?!?!)

 

I guess I'll take it as a compliment that I sounded so young!

 

Eliza

[CurvyGurl]

Originally posted by sweetmind20

hi,

 

my boyfriend and i recently got engaged.. he has always been a typical guy with the fascination with porn and whatnot.. but now that we're going to get married, do you think a new line needs to be drawn because he isn't a bachelor anymore? i was wondering people's opinons.. it bothers me a bit.. but i know it will probably bother me more if he does it and he is my husband. i'm just wondering if it is only fair to tell him to stop because we are married. thank you!

 

 

Depends on what's ok with you. If it's not, this is a discussion and a decision you have to make for yourselves before the ring goes on. IF you decide that it's ok, I don't feel it's something you can go back on later so make sure that's the decision you want to make.

 

 

For me, it would be a no go. I believe all men are visually stimulated and like pornography, but I don't believe all men are addicted to it and HAVE TO HAVE IT. I will not have it in my house. In fact I dont think I would even be attracted to someone who HAD TO HAVE it... it's indicative of other obsessive and addictive behaviors and that's baggage that is difficult to deal with.

 

Just my take!

[moofer]

tell him that it bothers you and if he cares about your feelings, he'll quit doing it.

[Jason 2003]

I'm just passing on what I've learned about men and porn over the years. But I must stress that although young men do have a higher sex drive than men say, over 40 (yes, I know there ARE some very horny 45 year olds out there) they also tend to be very flexible, especially if they are in love. If he really cares and his lady love hates porn, he'll willingly give it up, unless he's is a very heavy user. The danger is after 10, 15, 20 years of marriage when men tend not to be so flexible about what they do or no longer feel they have a reason to be.

 

And by the way Eliza 39 is NOT that old...well maybe in Dog years.....

[Zoot]

I think men put looking at porn in the same category as looking at power tools. It makes them smile and remember they CAN be creative.....but possibly aren't. It's like a fairy tale for them....one which they ARE NOT paticipating in. So...why care? It's only in their dreams anyway.

[Jason 2003]

Originally posted by Zoot

I think men put looking at porn in the same category as looking at power tools. It makes them smile and remember they CAN be creative.....but possibly aren't. It's like a fairy tale for them....one which they ARE NOT paticipating in. So...why care? It's only in their dreams anyway.

 

 

Zoot---I can't agree with you here. If porn, especially movies dowloaded from the internet, were viewed by men the way you describe, some men would not get so heavily involved, many to the point were they actually prefer the porn over real sex. A man's ability to put himself in the shot so to speak while viewing porn and masturbating cannot be underestimated. For some it can be an experience as sexually arousing as partner sex in real life and again, for some hardcore users, it can be a better experience, especially imarried men who have grown bored of sex with thier wives.

 

The 50 year old guy married for 25 years feels that he is there with that 18 year old blond with the gigantic boobs, or in the 3 way with a black, asian and an hispanic girl. Internet porn offers unlimited content and unlimited fantasy. Men are heavily aroused sexually by the visual and with a little amount of imagination he's there having sex with women (or men) who he would never in a million years be able to have sex with in real life.....unless of course he's very rich.

 

Never underestimate the power of men's imaginations and porn. If you're primary input for arousal is visual then all that is missing is the physical sensation and a man's hand can feel just as good as a woman's vagina for many men who are heavily into porn. The fact the it is stressless sex- no money changes hands, no risk of disease, nobody to please but himself etc. just adds to the allure of internet porn.

[7on]

Well I for one was addicted to porn perhaps from 7th grade onto 11th and maybe 12th (I realized I had a problem in the 11th and weened myself away through the 12th). I got to I guess what you'd call a "healthy porn viewing" that I restricted myself to one website that'd i'd purchase membership for one month a semester. Well then I ran into this girl... I don't know what happened but porn just stopped exciting me. And the thing is that this girl and I haven't even been sexual yet, and all I can do is think about her. About 2 weeks ago she mentioned being friends with benefits (which I've been unable to exercise since finals started the next night and then we had winter break, but I did help her with some art projects - both art majors yay!). I've even forced myself to try and look at porn to get her out of my head, because otherwise I'd be calling her all the time and perhaps scare her away. She doesn't want to go fast so I'm letting her lead naturally - she's had 2 BFs so far both for 2 years. Their breakups were because of his friends and the lack of communication.

 

Anyway, personally I think marriage should mean love. Looking at porn, in my mind, is the same as cheating. However, I also believe the woman should want to be sexy for her husband. Though I'm not suggesting surgery. Men in general are just selfish boys.

 

Which is why I'm weird o_O And why so many people think I'm gay. WHY!!!!!

 

I think marriage counciling may be in order. But I'm still all new to this love thing.

[GenieAutomatic]

My first husband never had any desire to look at porn much less other women - he loved me and used his free time for cleaning his fishing reels and doing guy things. Our marriage was great - I felt loved and respected. Unfortunately he passed away after being in a serious car accident.

 

Now the man I've been dating for over a year now is wanting me to marry him. He's got a porn addiction (to raunchy magazines). I didn't ask him to give up looking at them I just asked him how he'd feel if he knew I looked at magazines of naked men with huge hard ons and he didn't like it one bit and said he didn't want me looking at other men for sexual gratification.

 

A bit of a double standard ain't it?

 

I think it's a matter of being with a man who either needs porn or who doesn't. There are some decent guys out there who don't live for masturbating and porn. We need to clone those ones!

[wildanduntamed]

I am engaged as well, and have seen many of my friends get into the same kind of prediciment you are describing. However, and this may not seem to be so - called typical of many females I know, but it is my opinion none the less...so, here goes:

 

Your fiancee had this "habit" of sorts before you came into his life, face it, he IS human, with needs.

 

If a habit of his is to sit and look at these books, or use them to enhance his own pleasures, then who are you to decide that it should stop? It is not as though he was out with these women in the books to have them fulfill his "needs". Nor do I think you would like to have him tell you to stop using whatever other methods of satisfaction you have, being human and all as well. I am sure you are not without sin in this area either, there must be something you have in your life as well.

 

As grown adults you should be able to accept that each one of you has certain ways to curb the desires, and nobody can tell you or force you to stop. I think that it may be wise for you to step back a little and realize this, as you are preparing to become his WIFE, not his MOTHER! You do not have the right to tell him that he can't look at a book, or anything else for that matter.

[Jason 2003]

Women who's fiances or boyfriends look at porn alot and have a big collection should be cautious. It's not about "mothering" the guy and trying to be the boss, it's about not wanting to marry a man who 10 or 15 years from now will end up wanking off to the computer every night instead of having sex with you,

[wildanduntamed]

Jason, Don't get me wrong, it is not that mothering is the sole reason, i just meant that you can't go around trying to change people, if this is something he is acustomed to, then who is she to say what he can or can't do?

I just know the relationship I have with my fiance and just know how we interact, I do not know their personal situation, just assuming. I just know that in my case, I would not look at him and say that he couldn't is all.

 

Thanks for your input!

[Girl Guest]

Man Myths perpetrated on women in regards to porn:

1. I wouldn't hide it (LIE) if you didn't make such a big deal about it. Except that -- even in this "enlightened" age of acceptible porn --men have been hiding it long before they were married: in the bathroom, in their bookbags, under the car seats, on the top shelf of the closet, etc. No enlightened men I know have it out on the coffee table. Why? It offends Mom, the sister, the girl friend, the wife... Why? Cause it's wrong. It dehumanizes, it insults, it degrades... it makes women into things that look good and therefore please me, the man. I.e. It does not talk. It does not have feelings. It cannot contribute to the situation other than look perfect. It takes away from a womans worth... A HUMAN'S WORTH. And since when is it fine to lie, so long as it's for a good reason?

2. It's OUR fault for making it a big deal by getting hurt feelings or giving ultimatums. My fav advice is the idiot that said this girl could minimize the damage porn does by just being cool about it. IDIOT, you just admitted that damage was done, and yet it's her responsibility to keep it minimal?!!?

3. It's no big deal, everyone does it. Wow, that's a mature intellect at work there. My 7 year old has better excuses than that... Let's all say together... "If So-n-so jumped off a bridge, would you? And does that make it right?" Mom 101. Even better are those that have to "wonder" about men that don't look at porn. We cain't have us no thinkin' men or men with them standards and definitely none o' them fellas that can control their bodies. Lynch 'em. Right. Men are animals better off left in a pen so they don't get out and hurt themselves or someone else? This is the arguement you're going for?

4. It's a healthy sexual outlet. Really? I don't remember being issued a porn magazine at birth. I do however recall being issued an imagination to use as I please. Funny thing about imagination is that I create the content, I don't have it fed to me by the internet or tv. Noone is hurt or degraded by it. It doesn't contribute to the perversion of society. No one knows what goes on in there except me. Not cache to clear or cookies to erase. No annoying spam pooping up as I do my job. No hiding it when my husband comes in the room. Also, I think that, in a relationship, there are two opinions deciding on the healthiness of any sexual outlet. If He is getting it on and She is not... that is not healthy. To then advise that She should therefore get it on too... well then that creates two people masturbating and no sex and no relationship. Why be married?

5. He's fine, she's lacking. A wife enjoys sex with her husband. He enjoys sex with himself while looking at a picture. Yet the woman is advised to look at what kind of porn turns him on and emmulate it. Woo him back. Spice things up. Get kinky-er. Lose weight. Get a boob job. Be more open minded. Get some self-esteem. Don't nag. Talk to him nicely. Be honest... but not too honest. And I quote Patrick Star, "Who are you people?!"

 

Men do what works. This myth in particular definitely works. It makes it seem an easy fix and some self improvement too. Yet those of us experiencing this know that it doesn't work, because the problem behavior is not with us. It's with the man that gives every excuse he can manage in order to continue his behavior, even though it makes his wife feel like ****. Afterall, at this point we've been told all the myths: 1. it's our fault, 2. it's our fault, 3. it's society's fault, 4. it's normal, 5. We aren't stimulating enough.

 

 

All of you in defense of porn are living a life of instant gratification with no thoughts or concerns of the future 5 minutes from now. It is not something that HAS to be a part of your life. It's just something you can have in your life that is easy and makes you feel good. And that's great if you're single! Grease up and go to it. I could care less. Doesn't make it right or healthy though. It makes you lonely and unable to emotionally connect with women... a problem that will only worsen over time. Bring a significant other into the picture and the result will be destructive. And just because you have a few women out there that make the bad decision to make porn for you to look at, does not mean that the rest of women should be ok with it. Far from it.