Should i tell the counselor anyways?

[TwinkletOes26]

My mother is currently in counseling for depression the counseling has helped some but not much shes still controlling,suspicious and overly critical to everyone around her. The other day she claims she heard something fall and picks the lock to my room and looks in there to see if i had snuck a boy in(she claims that wasnt what she was thinking but i know better). I havent had a bf since i broke up with my fiance over a yr ago. She has always alluded to the idea that i slept around when in fact ive only had one partner my exfiance. She has yelled and screamed at me over the littlest things. She got angry the other day a bill collector called FOR HER at about 5 pm saying it was important bc they were going to put it on her credit. I tried to wake her up and tell her it was urgent and she refused. I told the lady to call back later. 20mins later my mother comes in my room in a rage screaming that she can sleep how ever long she pleases its her house. I just said ok you are right to get her to shut up. This kind of issue goes on constantly..she even tries to control her husband. She gets mad if he turns on nonchristian music. She says its a sin to listen to secular music. Well on the suggestion of someone i spoke with online they said to keep a log when she starts going into one of her rampages so when the counselor speaks to the whole family i could remember and tell the counselor about her "episodes".

 

My mother is not telling the counselor the whole truth. She acts as if shes perfect and the people around her are the reason she is the way she is. She refuses to look inside herself and see that her actions affect others. The counselor is only getting one side and not the whole picture. My mother found out that i was keeping a log(snooping through my purse) and threw a fit demanding i not tell the counselor anything just nod and smile.

 

I want my mother to get better but she wont if she doesnt tell the whole truth about how he acts and behaves towards her family and situations. Should i tell the counselor anyways the whole truth and just weather the storm that will ensue afterwards or just grin and smile until i can move out?

[Tayla]

group counseling should be a safe haven where all parties can speak their mind. Its the counselors responsibility to hear all sides and find ways to work thru the issues. Clearly rumaging thru others personal property is a HUGE no no. It violates ones trust. Sounds like your mom is deliberately sabatoging any levels of trust. So long as she THINKS its within her rights to do so, she will continue. The problem with the person like that is they are rarely able to see the flaws within themselves. why they are dern near perfect ! ( in there own little magical kingdom)

[TwinkletOes26]

group counseling should be a safe haven where all parties can speak their mind. Its the counselors responsibility to hear all sides and find ways to work thru the issues. Clearly rumaging thru others personal property is a HUGE no no. It violates ones trust. Sounds like your mom is deliberately sabatoging any levels of trust. So long as she THINKS its within her rights to do so, she will continue. The problem with the person like that is they are rarely able to see the flaws within themselves. why they are dern near perfect ! ( in there own little magical kingdom)

 

nail on the head tayla i am just stuck here bc i cant find work (dern economy ) so i will catch hell if i reveal anything she doesnt want me to. Im thinking of EMAILING the therapist.

[missdependant]

I would recommend moving out ASAP, as she will continue to treat you terribly.

 

And yes.. tell the counselor. Your mother sounds like she has a very serious mental condition. I doubt she is happy with herself right now, especially if she can't even come clean with her counselor about her behavior. She is likely not proud of who she has become, and probably needs more help than she realizes. If you are uncomfortable talking to the counselor in a group session, send a letter or talk in private briefly. Let him/her know your thoughts and concerns, and advise of how you are concerned that it may effect your personal life.. request that the counselor not tell your mother that you approached him/her.

 

Do you get along better when you're not living together?

[TwinkletOes26]

I would recommend moving out ASAP, as she will continue to treat you terribly.

 

And yes.. tell the counselor. Your mother sounds like she has a very serious mental condition. I doubt she is happy with herself right now, especially if she can't even come clean with her counselor about her behavior. She is likely not proud of who she has become, and probably needs more help than she realizes. If you are uncomfortable talking to the counselor in a group session, send a letter or talk in private briefly. Let him/her know your thoughts and concerns, and advise of how you are concerned that it may effect your personal life.. request that the counselor not tell your mother that you approached him/her.

 

Do you get along better when you're not living together?

 

yes def when i lived away from her i didnt have to deal with her bs. She constantly is critisizing everything i do. Anything i come up with to do she puts down and she always says "if you dont want to hear other people opinons then you need to move" well dern right i do but sadly jobs are hard to come by or i would GLADLY.

 

When i was younger she would always imply that i was having sex. Even to the point of making me take a pregnancy test when i was 11 bc my period was TWO DAYS late. COnstanlt went through my things...she even reprimanded me for writing a boy a "love note" (i was 14 lol my first crush) nothing bad just do u like me yes or no type bs. She would smell my hands to see if i was smoking mj and this was in 5th grade ..i didnt know what mj was until like hs LOL LOL.

 

So i think things will be mch better once i get out. I dont think ill say anything bc i want there to be peace while i live here but once i move i will be emailing the counselor.

[Lucky_One]

You say she is making your life hell regardless. So no matter what you say, she is going to make your life hell.

 

Thankfully, she is going for therapy, and is working on getting the help she needs. Try working WITH the therapist rather than against him/her in order to help your mother, rather than try to go against what the therapist is attempting.

[missdependant]

yes def when i lived away from her i didnt have to deal with her bs. She constantly is critisizing everything i do. Anything i come up with to do she puts down and she always says "if you dont want to hear other people opinons then you need to move" well dern right i do but sadly jobs are hard to come by or i would GLADLY.

 

When i was younger she would always imply that i was having sex. Even to the point of making me take a pregnancy test when i was 11 bc my period was TWO DAYS late. COnstanlt went through my things...she even reprimanded me for writing a boy a "love note" (i was 14 lol my first crush) nothing bad just do u like me yes or no type bs. She would smell my hands to see if i was smoking mj and this was in 5th grade ..i didnt know what mj was until like hs LOL LOL.

 

So i think things will be mch better once i get out. I dont think ill say anything bc i want there to be peace while i live here but once i move i will be emailing the counselor.

 

 

Wow.. I don't like to criticize other's parenting styles, but it sounds to me like she has a very serious disorder.. her behavior is obsessive, and not healthy for her. I'm glad she is in counseling, and hopefully she can come clean with the doc. She is obviously hurting everyone around her. I'm sure her counselor sees through the nonsense.. psychologists usually can. ;-)