Concerned about male friend...

[Annabella]

Alright, one of my male friends seems to be very angry, hostile, and depondant about relationships. He's 31, an elementary school teacher, and he waits tables on the weekends...He's very bright, a deep thinker, and has a lot of great things going for him- except for relationships. But he just keeps meeting the wrong women.

 

But the things I have heard coming out of his mouth!

 

After the last girlfriend, he's become even more pessimistic and anti-woman. (We can all understand that momentary feeling after we've been hurt.)

 

Women have dumped him for stockbrokers and high-moneymakers.

 

(One ex left him for a wealthy guy who hits her! How horrible.) He says he doesn't make enough money for many women our age. (I don't care how much a guy makes, as long as he can support himself, like I support myself). And, in the extremely yuppie, high-tech area we are in, with the BMW's and Mercedes...people's values ARE a bit skewed.

 

I told him he was just meeting the wrong type of women, that there are men AND women who are motivated by money- don't just blame women. Our society feeds consumerism to us, and we can choose to listen or not...

 

He's convinced that he will always be alone, and he even said he wished he liked men, because women have given him such torment. I laughed and told him that was absurd, and he was being melodramatic.

 

He's starting to sound (what I think is) childish and simple-minded: 'I hate the female species. Women are poison. ' He sounded honestly angry. I mentioned that he was not going to attract women with that kind of attitude, and he should probably go to Tibet to become a monk. He was considering the Peace Corps. He wants to swear off women friends and girlfriends.

 

Now, is this guy just extremely over-sensitive? I have never heard such talk of pain and feelings from a man before, it's just not accepted culturally for males, so I don't know what to think.

 

I am assuming that his self-esteem is suffering. Is he on the downward spiral to depression? Any suggestions, comments, etc. will be apprecitated.

 

Thank you.

[Tony T]

As you think, so shall it be.

 

Thoughts are extremely powerful. Every single thing you see with your eyes was once a thought, in the mind of our creator, a builder, an inventor, an auto designer, etc.

 

If your friend thinks all women are after money, that's what he will attract. If he always thinks he will meet the wrong type of women, that's exactly what he will meet.

 

If he changes the way he thinks, starts feeling adequate and attractive, many of the RIGHT women will flock to him. It may sound hokely, but he's just plain giving out weird vibrations.

 

The only way things will turn around for this man is for him to undergo a major transformation of thought.

 

Self fulfilling prophesies are everywhere.

 

The reason people have money problems is because so many people say to themselves, "Everytime I get a few dollars ahead financially, my car breaks down or I get a big bill and I'm back in the hole." So that's how it always turns out for him.

 

Tell him to go to a bookstore and buy some bestsellers on positive thinking. They are in the self help section.

 

It may take him a bit of time to develop a more positive attitude but if he doesn't he is condemned to a very lonely and miserable life.

 

I also totally agree with everything you said you told him. He is EXTREMELY lucky to have such a caring friend as you!!!!

[billy the kid]

Annabella, you sound like you really care for this guy, and if so stick by him at his side, that is what he needs most.. "a friend".. one day he will meet Miss right.. who knows she might be sitting right under his nose..

Alright, one of my male friends seems to be very angry, hostile, and depondant about relationships. He's 31, an elementary school teacher, and he waits tables on the weekends...He's very bright, a deep thinker, and has a lot of great things going for him- except for relationships. But he just keeps meeting the wrong women. But the things I have heard coming out of his mouth! After the last girlfriend, he's become even more pessimistic and anti-woman. (We can all understand that momentary feeling after we've been hurt.)

 

Women have dumped him for stockbrokers and high-moneymakers. (One ex left him for a wealthy guy who hits her! How horrible.) He says he doesn't make enough money for many women our age. (I don't care how much a guy makes, as long as he can support himself, like I support myself). And, in the extremely yuppie, high-tech area we are in, with the BMW's and Mercedes...people's values ARE a bit skewed.

 

I told him he was just meeting the wrong type of women, that there are men AND women who are motivated by money- don't just blame women. Our society feeds consumerism to us, and we can choose to listen or not... He's convinced that he will always be alone, and he even said he wished he liked men, because women have given him such torment. I laughed and told him that was absurd, and he was being melodramatic.

 

He's starting to sound (what I think is) childish and simple-minded: 'I hate the female species. Women are poison. ' He sounded honestly angry. I mentioned that he was not going to attract women with that kind of attitude, and he should probably go to Tibet to become a monk. He was considering the Peace Corps. He wants to swear off women friends and girlfriends. Now, is this guy just extremely over-sensitive? I have never heard such talk of pain and feelings from a man before, it's just not accepted culturally for males, so I don't know what to think. I am assuming that his self-esteem is suffering. Is he on the downward spiral to depression? Any suggestions, comments, etc. will be apprecitated.

 

Thank you.