Trialbyfire Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 If you're willing to tell your story about your second marriage, I'm interested in reading about it. It doesn't matter if it's a good or bad one. Did you go into your marriage without doubts, nervousness or concerns, or otherwise? Did your marriage work out? If so, why? If not, why not? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Hi TBF. My second marriage came about, as a result of the end of my first. My first wife and I lived across the street from my second wife. As you know, back then I was a serial cheater, and was constantly being unfaithful to my first wife. My second wife knew all about this and disliked me for several years. After my divorce, I changed my life style and my bad habits. She (second wife) could see the improvement and finally was willing to give me a chance to show her how honest and real my love for her was. We have been together ever since, and are totally devoted to each other, and honest with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Thanks for sharing your story boldjack. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 No problem, TBF. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever known, inside and out. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 My first marriage was the stereotype big white wedding affair. We were together 4 years before we got married and the marriage did not even last a year. Whilst I went in to it thinking everything was perfect, it obviously was not - we were too young for a start. After a few years I met Wuggle and knew within a month that I wanted to marry him. Whilst being absolutely head over heels, it also felt very real and grounded. I knew where I was prepared to compromise and where I would not. Whilst we have since had our problems, I cannot imagine being with anyone else. To me, he is the absolute best of men. The fact that we are still together is a testament to the love that we have for each other and our determination to make it work in spite of critics. We know that there is no black and white in a relationship, just shades of grey and that we can work together to make our marriage a lasting success. My wedding with Wuggle was also in complete contrast to my first. It was very quiet and low key. But it was one of the happiest days of my life because I knew he was (and still is!) the one for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 My first marriage was probably doomed from the start by the fact that we were both 20, way too young. We were separated after she had an A and almost divorced when she got pregnant (yes, he's mine) and so tried again to make things work for 4 more fruitless years. It was a mess of bitter fighting, resentment and acrimony. I met my 2nd wife a year after the divorce and waited 3 years to re-marry. Although originally attracted to her beauty and love of life, I actually fell in love with her beautiful soul. While we've had our ups and downs, she's simply the best person I've ever known and the source of my screen name... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 My first marriage was the stereotype big white wedding affair. We were together 4 years before we got married and the marriage did not even last a year. Whilst I went in to it thinking everything was perfect, it obviously was not - we were too young for a start. After a few years I met Wuggle and knew within a month that I wanted to marry him. Whilst being absolutely head over heels, it also felt very real and grounded. I knew where I was prepared to compromise and where I would not. Whilst we have since had our problems, I cannot imagine being with anyone else. To me, he is the absolute best of men. The fact that we are still together is a testament to the love that we have for each other and our determination to make it work in spite of critics. We know that there is no black and white in a relationship, just shades of grey and that we can work together to make our marriage a lasting success. My wedding with Wuggle was also in complete contrast to my first. It was very quiet and low key. But it was one of the happiest days of my life because I knew he was (and still is!) the one for me. Wow, 4 years prior to marriage and divorced within a year? You said you were too young, how old were you? I have never been married, but am engaged to marry my fiance next year. I am interested in these stories! Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Wow, 4 years prior to marriage and divorced within a year? You said you were too young, how old were you? Met when I was 20 (he was a couple of years older), married & separated at 24. We did not actually sort out the divorce for another three years! Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 If you're willing to tell your story about your second marriage, I'm interested in reading about it. It doesn't matter if it's a good or bad one. Did you go into your marriage without doubts, nervousness or concerns, or otherwise? Did your marriage work out? If so, why? If not, why not? Thanks. First marriage lasted 21 years, ended due to my (ex)wife having an affair, lying, etc, etc. So for my second marriage I was nervous and had concerns. Having been bitten, fidelity and integrity were high on my list, as you could've guessed. Communication was, is and will always be a key factor. My second wife is a good communicator, listener and a terrific partner. We had some intense conversations about what fidelity meant to me prior to getting married as well as after. This is her first marriage and my wife is very willing to commit to the marriage, as am I. I took some time to get married after I divorced. I dated some but was using the time to get in touch with what I really wanted in a relationship. I think it would have been a mistake to jump into another marriage right after my divorce, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Hmm, so sounds like a combo of infedelity and "youngness." I think Anne was right on when she said that relationships are not black and white, there is sometimes a grey area. Interesting concept. Just from reading some of the threads on this board it seems that couples run into trouble when they just stop communicating and caring about their relationship. I think if divorce was not an option for any married couple, people would work harder at their relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Let's keep this thread about second marriages. I'm not interested in first marriages or marriage, as an overall concept. Thanks to the members who posted about their second marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Let's keep this thread about second marriages. I'm not interested in first marriages or marriage, as an overall concept. Thanks to the members who posted about their second marriage. I think people were trying to compare their first marriage to their second in an attempt to prove their point. It's your thread though so second marriages it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 I think people were trying to compare their first marriage to their second in an attempt to prove their point. It's your thread though so second marriages it is. I get it, which is understandable and appreciated. What I don't want is the focus to move away from second marriages, onto first marriages or marriage in general. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 In my case, there was no second-guessing, no anxiety or trust issues. She had known me before and knew the worst, she had seen me turn my life around and knew that I had become an honest man. The chemistry had been there since the first time we met. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I'll stick to thread but I'm not quite married yet. I am definitely going into this (2nd) marriage with a little trepidation and some doubt. I will say that the engagement is entirely different and far more communicative. I'll keep you posted! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 1st marriage lasted approx 6 years. It was not a good marriage and I was unhappy pretty much from the beginning, with small interludes of joy. When I found out he cheated I left him. The only thing that was good at all was our sex life. 2nd marriage - we dated a few years and lived together a goodly while before deciding to marry. By and large I've been very happy, but I was scared to death to marry again. I've made decisions (as has he) that would definitely have been different had we not (both) had indescribably bad first marriages. Those decisions have caused many of the problems we've experienced in the second. Though I had IC after the 1st, I don't believe that I truly managed to resolve (or even address) most of the problems I carried along with me. If I had it to do over again, I would still marry him, but prior to the 2nd marriage I would have pre-marital counseling so we could actually talk about some of our issues and possibly iron out a few things prior to the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Vlad Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 If I ever divorce my wife (we are perfectly fine, just saying) there wont be a force on this earth that could make to even think about a second marriage, never. thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Sam Spade Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 If I ever divorce my wife (we are perfectly fine, just saying) there wont be a force on this earth that could make to even think about a second marriage, never. thank you Word....... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 If I ever divorce my wife (we are perfectly fine, just saying) there wont be a force on this earth that could make to even think about a second marriage, never. thank you I think that most of us found that the issue was not with marriage but the partner we were married to. I'll also say that, considering the painful education I got the first time around, I went into my second marriage eyes wide open. Live and learn... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Thanks to the members who shared their upcoming and second marriage stories. Never say never. I wasn't sure I wanted to do this again after my first experience but here I am headed down the garden bridal path again. If anyone else has second marriage stories, please post it. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I had no doubts or hesitation entering into my second marriage (apart from not being able to breathe on the way to the ceremony ). I knew what I was doing was right for me and that we had all the right foundations in our relationship to make it a success. TBF - how about you? Nervous? Excited? Wiser? Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 My second husband and I were together a relatively short time before we decided to get married, I think possibly because we'd both experienced some pretty rubbish times so could recognise the good ones when they happened and wanted to solidify them, if that doesn't sound too gross! Also, knowing what it was like to be hurt, we're pretty careful about not inflicting hurt ourselves. I think it also helps to know where we went wrong in the past so we can be more adept at avoiding making those same mistakes. Its such a cliche, but nevertheless, it just feels right. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 1st marriage lasted approx 6 years. It was not a good marriage and I was unhappy pretty much from the beginning, with small interludes of joy. When I found out he cheated I left him. The only thing that was good at all was our sex life. 2nd marriage - we dated a few years and lived together a goodly while before deciding to marry. By and large I've been very happy, but I was scared to death to marry again. I've made decisions (as has he) that would definitely have been different had we not (both) had indescribably bad first marriages. Those decisions have caused many of the problems we've experienced in the second. Though I had IC after the 1st, I don't believe that I truly managed to resolve (or even address) most of the problems I carried along with me. If I had it to do over again, I would still marry him, but prior to the 2nd marriage I would have pre-marital counseling so we could actually talk about some of our issues and possibly iron out a few things prior to the marriage. I'm falling fast for a past love even though I am in the process of divorce. Should something come of this current relationship, I am going to insist on marriage counseling before and during the marriage. MAybe not all the time, but definitely with someone who is specifically trained in these matters. I have a feeling that if the stbx and I had done that, I wouldn't have just fielded a phone call from my lawyer right now. Bleh. Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Never say never. I wasn't sure I wanted to do this again after my first experience but here I am headed down the garden bridal path again. Hey, love conquers all, right? People can say what ever they like about marriage, but in spite of the failures, it's still cool. My advise is to read what others have done and take what you can from it. Live together before you get married if possible, I did that with my second wife and we're both glad we did. Compatibility issues usually reveal themselves during day to day living. And if you're sure, take the leap! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Hey, love conquers all, right? People can say what ever they like about marriage, but in spite of the failures, it's still cool. My advise is to read what others have done and take what you can from it. Live together before you get married if possible, I did that with my second wife and we're both glad we did. Compatibility issues usually reveal themselves during day to day living. And if you're sure, take the leap! Best of luck! I'm most definitely absorbing the information provided. Thanks to all who've posted their stories. Link to post Share on other sites
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