How come women don't give me any attention?

[Glenguy]

I'm 5'5" and have a muscular build. I'm ceratinly not a chick magnet. A lot of women ignore me too, but I do get attention from other women, because even though I'm a very laid back guy, I stand straight and carry myself in a relaxed, but commanding way. I also try to innitiate eye contact and SMILE.....and oh yeah, I talk to them in spite of my somewhat shy nature. If you're skinny, you might want to bulk up a little.....Maybe pump some iron or do isometrics.

[purgatori]

If you're skinny, you might want to bulk up a little.....

And then again, you might not. I am pretty sure that the OP already said that he works out, but speaking for myself, not everyone thinks that 'sculpted beef' is a good look; I'd rather have just about any body type than that, even if that's what androphilic women like. **** them and their twisted predilection for such a foul aesthetic. Edited December 11, 2009 by purgatori

[Glenguy]

And then again, you might not. I am pretty sure that the OP already said that he works out, but speaking for myself, not everyone thinks that 'sculpted beef' is a good look; I'd rather have just about any body type than that, even if that's what androphilic women like. **** them and their twisted predilection for such a foul aesthetic.

 

I guess I didn't read the original post well enough, but I agree.....Most women don't really care about the sculpted look, and I think this fixation on "sixpack abs" is just a fad. I don't take what women say about their physical preferences too seriously. Phsically, the biggest turnoffs for women is fat and bad hygiene. I think women care mostly about character and personality......and money, perhaps?

[purgatori]

I guess I didn't read the original post well enough, but I agree.....Most women don't really care about the sculpted look, and I think this fixation on "sixpack abs" is just a fad. I don't take what women say about their physical preferences too seriously. Phsically, the biggest turnoffs for women is fat and bad hygiene. I think women care mostly about character and personality......and money, perhaps?

 

Not really, see:

 

"Self-perceived attractiveness influences human female preferences for sexual dimorphism and symmetry in male faces" by Little, AC and Burt, DM and Penton-Voak, IS and Perrett, DI. in "Proceedings. Biological sciences/The Royal Society"

 

"Importance of physical attractiveness in dating behavior" by Walster, E. and Aronson, V. and Abrahams, D. and Rottman, L. in "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology"

 

"Effects of physical attractiveness, attitude similarity, and sex on various aspects of interpersonal attraction." by Stroebe, Wolfgang; Insko, Chester A.; Thompson, Vaida D.; Layton, Bruce D. in "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology"

 

"Physical attractiveness of face and body as indicators of physical fitness in men" by J. Hönekopp, U. Rudolph, L. Beier, A. Liebert, C. Müller in "Evolution and Human Behavior"

 

"HurryDate: Mate preferences in action" by Kurzban, R. and Weeden, J. in "Evolution and Human Behavior".

 

In sum: male physical attractiveness is a far greater determinant in sexual selection than is generally thought. When assessed by self-report measures, women exhibit preferences more in-line with social expectations, -- that is, they favor personality and SES (socioeconomic status) over physical attractiveness --, but when assessed in terms of actual dating/mating behavior, the influence of physical attractiveness is far more pronounced. Moreoever, the standards by which physical attractiveness are gauged are highly conventional (high degree of facial sexual dimorphism, muscular build, height, etc.).

Edited December 12, 2009 by purgatori

[Peaceful Guy]

I'm 5'2.

 

I sometimes get approached and hit on by some women much taller than me. So I never understood why people always think height is some sort of factor in this.

 

thank you, Leonard!!!

[selena_cat]

I read this post from the beginning and i'm not going to buy any of it.

Guys like that loves to cry and moan about how women don't pay any attention to them;however,they dont tell how many women they ignored themselves because they don't fit a cetain type. In actuality,it seems they are in the pursuit of the Cameron Diaz,Megan Fox types,and thats all tha matters. (hey not to say that its that wrong,if I were a guy,i'd hit that Megan Fox gal,but i wouldnt pass people over that dont look like that)

 

Don't mean to be harsh,but i'm not lying when it comes to this. So its not always the women that are being picky.Theres lots of great,,good looking women that get passed over by these guys,why because they don't fit the 'type'.Therefore usually,not saying always, but its the guy's attitude and extreme pickiness that keeps him single. Just my Opinion.

Edited December 12, 2009 by selena_cat

[Miko]

I have a good friend, he's about 5'7" 130lbs. Fairly average looking. He has been in the military. He think's he's the $hit! He act's like it. He's loud, cocky, sometimes obnoxious. his mental "frame" is very strong. Nobody can visibly shake him. He gets chicks(period).

 

Someone earlier said don't be cocky, loud etc. That's bull****. If you have a choice between being too quiet or too loud, be loud. If you have a choice between too insecure or too cocky, be cocky. Most women will probably disagree but I haven't met a woman who's said this that wasn't getting nailed by said cocky bastard later on.

 

Only thing is, if you're going to be cocky you must believe it, that's probably why you did better when you were working out. It's pretty hard to just change your whole outlook on yourself without good reason, like being ripped or dressing sweet or something like that. It's not that the chicks care that much but in order to feel like a bad ass you need to DO something bad ass.

[Peaceful Guy]

Someone earlier said don't be cocky, loud etc. That's bull****. If you have a choice between being too quiet or too loud, be loud. If you have a choice between too insecure or too cocky, be cocky. Most women will probably disagree but I haven't met a woman who's said this that wasn't getting nailed by said cocky bastard later on.

 

Only thing is, if you're going to be cocky you must believe it, that's probably why you did better when you were working out. It's pretty hard to just change your whole outlook on yourself without good reason, like being ripped or dressing sweet or something like that. It's not that the chicks care that much but in order to feel like a bad ass you need to DO something bad ass.

 

yuk dude! thats so funking gross!

[Peaceful Guy]

Theres lots of great,,good looking women that get passed over by these guys,why because they don't fit the 'type'.

 

too true selena..

[purgatori]

I read this post from the beginning and i'm not going to buy any of it.

Guys like that loves to cry and moan about how women don't pay any attention to them;however,they dont tell how many women they ignored themselves because they don't fit a cetain type. In actuality,it seems they are in the pursuit of the Cameron Diaz,Megan Fox types,and thats all tha matters. (hey not to say that its that wrong,if I were a guy,i'd hit that Megan Fox gal,but i wouldnt pass people over that dont look like that)

 

Don't mean to be harsh,but i'm not lying when it comes to this. So its not always the women that are being picky.Theres lots of great,,good looking women that get passed over by these guys,why because they don't fit the 'type'.Therefore usually,not saying always, but its the guy's attitude and extreme pickiness that keeps him single. Just my Opinion.

 

It definitely works both ways, you're right. I myself am extremely picky -- so picky that I wouldn't 'hit' either Megan Fox, or Cameron Diaz Still, I see the 'type' of guy that the few women whom I am attracted typically go for and, from an aesthetic standpoint, I cannot understand why I should be overlooked in favour of these men. Take Alyssa Milano, for example: I consider her to be quite attractive, and I know that even where I to move in the same circles as her, I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell, unlike the behemoth, Brad Penny. By no means am I a great-looking guy, even in the class of men whose physiognomy/physique is more towards the feminine end of the spectrum, but I do think that I am much better looking than the likes of Brad Penny or any of the other hulking nimrods that literally act like gigantic "chick magnets." The thing is, even genuinely "pretty" men like Jaye Davison or Bill Kaulitz would not have a chance with such women, either. In pretty much every other domain, women generally have an extremely refined aesthetic (moreso than most men), but when it comes to the human species, many (but not all) think that power = beauty, which to me makes about as much sense as might = right.

[selena_cat]

It definitely works both ways, you're right. I myself am extremely picky -- so picky that I wouldn't 'hit' either Megan Fox, or Cameron Diaz Still, I see the 'type' of guy that the few women whom I am attracted typically go for and, from an aesthetic standpoint, I cannot understand why I should be overlooked in favour of these men. Take Alyssa Milano, for example: I consider her to be quite attractive, and I know that even where I to move in the same circles as her, I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell, unlike the behemoth, Brad Penny. By no means am I a great-looking guy, even in the class of men whose physiognomy/physique is more towards the feminine end of the spectrum, but I do think that I am much better looking than the likes of Brad Penny or any of the other hulking nimrods that literally act like gigantic "chick magnets." The thing is, even genuinely "pretty" men like Jaye Davison or Bill Kaulitz would not have a chance with such women, either. In pretty much every other domain, women generally have an extremely refined aesthetic (moreso than most men), but when it comes to the human species, many (but not all) think that power = beauty, which to me makes about as much sense as might = right.

 

 

Whose Brad penny? I heard of that actor Joe Penny,but even he may be in his 60's now,he's yummy looking yes.

[Peaceful Guy]

It definitely works both ways, you're right. I myself am extremely picky -- so picky that I wouldn't 'hit' either Megan Fox, or Cameron Diaz Still, I see the 'type' of guy that the few women whom I am attracted typically go for and, from an aesthetic standpoint, I cannot understand why I should be overlooked in favour of these men. Take Alyssa Milano, for example: I consider her to be quite attractive, and I know that even where I to move in the same circles as her, I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell, unlike the behemoth, Brad Penny. By no means am I a great-looking guy, even in the class of men whose physiognomy/physique is more towards the feminine end of the spectrum, but I do think that I am much better looking than the likes of Brad Penny or any of the other hulking nimrods that literally act like gigantic "chick magnets." The thing is, even genuinely "pretty" men like Jaye Davison or Bill Kaulitz would not have a chance with such women, either. In pretty much every other domain, women generally have an extremely refined aesthetic (moreso than most men), but when it comes to the human species, many (but not all) think that power = beauty, which to me makes about as much sense as might = right.

 

it was refreshing to hear you speak this way! but dude, i gotta say, it sure sounded to me like you were preaching this earlier..

 

..but when it comes to the human species, many (but not all) think that power = beauty, which to me makes about as much sense as might = right.

 

i mean, you have to realize that the shallow people in this world don't define our existence, right? you're not the only one who thinks that attitude is crap.. i mean, if you spend all your time being mad at people who you consider to be "in power".. or, "on top".. then you'll totally overlook the caring people that DON'T think its okay to look at each other like objects.. seriously.

 

..Still, I see the 'type' of guy that the few women whom I am attracted typically go for and, from an aesthetic standpoint, I cannot understand why I should be overlooked in favour of these men...

 

have you really thought this through? ever considered that they might be doing you a favor by "overlooking you"? i mean, you're talking about shallow people. you wanna hang out with shallow people?

[Ariadne]

You can grow your hair long.

[Glenguy]

I have a good friend, he's about 5'7" 130lbs. Fairly average looking. He has been in the military. He think's he's the $hit! He act's like it. He's loud, cocky, sometimes obnoxious. his mental "frame" is very strong. Nobody can visibly shake him. He gets chicks(period).

 

Someone earlier said don't be cocky, loud etc. That's bull****. If you have a choice between being too quiet or too loud, be loud. If you have a choice between too insecure or too cocky, be cocky. Most women will probably disagree but I haven't met a woman who's said this that wasn't getting nailed by said cocky bastard later on.

 

Only thing is, if you're going to be cocky you must believe it, that's probably why you did better when you were working out. It's pretty hard to just change your whole outlook on yourself without good reason, like being ripped or dressing sweet or something like that. It's not that the chicks care that much but in order to feel like a bad ass you need to DO something bad ass.

 

I don't understand this trend that dictates that men need to act like unruly 13 year olds in order to attract women, and I question the intelligence and maturity of women who fall for these kind of guys. What works for me is to take an interest in a woman and make her feel good about herself. I also try to be funny and a little bit cocky (yes, some cockiness mixed with humour works!). A woman loves it if I can make her laugh. Humour, confidence, and a positive attitude are the main things!

Edited December 13, 2009 by Glenguy

[Peaceful Guy]

A woman loves it if I can make her laugh. Humour, confidence, and a positive attitude are the main things!

 

thats great! :)

[purgatori]

Whose Brad penny? I heard of that actor Joe Penny,but even he may be in his 60's now,he's yummy looking yes.

 

Some abomination of a baseball player.

 

have you really thought this through? ever considered that they might be doing you a favor by "overlooking you"? i mean, you're talking about shallow people. you wanna hang out with shallow people?

 

Yes, and no... Unless I am totally smitten with a woman, the revelation that her preferences run in the direction I spoke of is usually enough to extinguish any respect or affection I might have had for her. On the other hand, some of the most sweet-natured, intelligent, well-educated, and beautiful women I know of would satisfy your definition of "shallow people" -- that is, they are sexually attracted to what they perceive as being strong, powerful, and dominant. Then again, my own preferences might satisfy more general conceptions of what it means to be "shallow", in that I will not consider someone whom I do not think is physically beautiful as a potential partner; by the same token, physical beauty alone is not sufficient, but it is a prerequisite.

[Peaceful Guy]

..that is, they are sexually attracted to what they perceive as being strong, powerful, and dominant..

 

they told you that? i mean, it sounds like they are sexually attracted to what YOU percieve as strong, powerful, and dominant.. how do you know they don't like their smiles? or their laughs? or just the way that they listen? i feel like jealousy, or something, is getting in the way of you being at peace here.. and you SHOULD be at peace!

[Peaceful Guy]

..I will not consider someone whom I do not think is physically beautiful as a potential partner; by the same token, physical beauty alone is not sufficient, but it is a prerequisite..

 

ever heard the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? its too true, and totally relevant to this conversation. what works for one person won't work for another.. so, there's no one strong, no one powerful, no one dominant (and that really is a silly idea).. dominance submission is an outdated mindset.. however, back to the one beauty thing.. if you're looking for evidence to the contrary of what i just said check out the BBC's the human face, starring john cleese.. there's a segment in there where a guy theorizes that our perception of beauty is based on the "golden ratio".. maybe.. but then, let me ask you this: what's more beautiful, a rose, or a snowflake?

[purgatori]

they told you that? i mean, it sounds like they are sexually attracted to what YOU percieve as strong, powerful, and dominant.. how do you know they don't like their smiles? or their laughs? or just the way that they listen? i feel like jealousy, or something, is getting in the way of you being at peace here.. and you SHOULD be at peace!

 

I like that you think critically and look for alternate hypotheses, at least. In many cases, though, women have indeed told me that power/strength is what they are attracted to. They either say something equivalent to "a muscular physique is beautiful because it suggests power" or "I am attracted to big/strong men because they make me feel safe/protected." Also, the guys they end up going for usually don't have much in the way of listening skills, good humor, or anything else... they have a 'convict chique', I suppose, but I can only see that being appealing because it feeds back into the projection of power that these women are attracted to in the first place. Of course, some women will demand more mediating factors in a mate than others, and so will not consider such men for a long-term relationship, unless they are also kind, well-educated, or whatever, but they definitely have a 'you must be this tall, and this wide' policy in effect from the outset.

 

You're definitely right about me being jealous -- jealous of these men, not because of who they are, but who they are able to attract. To be at peace under such conditions would be an even more pathetic form of capitulation than the one I am forced to endure presently, and I won't have it. I'll take the jealousy, rage, and grief over some self-imposed pseudo-lobotomized denial-driven state of 'peace.'

[cognac]

I like you purgatori, you remind me quite a bit of myself. A decent looking (judging from your picture), intelligent, no punches pulled type of guy. According to the long "Character" lists women make here about their "perfect guy" we are the perfect man. I see you live in another anglophone cesspool, Australia (repulsive women are 3rd only to America and Britain), I suggest you travel around the world man, you'll notice guys like us are actually considered catches in other countries, while the gold chain wearing, baseball cap turned around, "gangsta" talking middle class suburban whiggers women shower with love and attention in our countries are laughed at and considered pariahs in others.

[shadowplay]

I am a normal guy, i work at a store where young girls come by and they don't really seem to give me much attention.

 

I'm not particularly ugly, or weird, or anything, i can be quite charming and funny if you give me a shot. My only problem is i am rather short at 5'7 and am slim as well, I know this is a huge sexual/physical turn off for most women.

 

Is there anything I can do to make me more physically attractive? I am already working out, but anything else? I know that physical looks come second to personality, but come on, looks get the foot in the door and if you dont have a physical attractiveness to women they will never be around you long enough to see your personality. This has been my experience all my life so I have been rather anti-social due to it (rather be anti-social than somebodys cuddle bitch).

 

Other than being rich or getting taller, what can increase my value in the eyes of women (outside of "confidencE" and the rest of the cliches) in your experience? Does playing hard to get or mysterious stranger work any?

 

If you just look average/ordinary, why would girls notice you? All they have to go on is looks and brief interactions. Nothing about you is standing out. You have to build something into your exterior or demeanor that makes you pop. Also, don't expect girls to come to you. If you aren't very handsome, you'll need to do the pursuing.

[Ro2Pi]

If you just look average/ordinary, why would girls notice you? All they have to go on is looks and brief interactions. Nothing about you is standing out. You have to build something into your exterior or demeanor that makes you pop. Also, don't expect girls to come to you. If you aren't very handsome, you'll need to do the pursuing.

 

Someone show me how =(

Just broken up after 2 years and don't remember a thing.

[Miko]

If you just look average/ordinary, why would girls notice you? All they have to go on is looks and brief interactions. Nothing about you is standing out. You have to build something into your exterior or demeanor that makes you pop. Also, don't expect girls to come to you. If you aren't very handsome, you'll need to do the pursuing.

 

Very true. So...you need to focus on looks AND brief interactions. Make sure you make the best of the looks you do have. Grooming, dress, maybe wear a memorable accessory or two that you like. As far as brief interactions go, yeah, you've got to 'push the envelope' of what's they 'expect' from people in a particular place, venue, situation in order to be noticed. Be more blunt, more forward, less afraid to say something you want to and less afraid to do what the hell you want to do. You can say or do just about anything you want as long as you're A: funny(don't be a 'joker' though if you know what I mean), B: comfortable doing/saying it, C: saying it 'right' and not being creepy.

 

It's MORE important how you say things than what you say. Think about all the different ways you could say 'Hi'. You could say 'Hi' creepy, sexy, friendly, angry, indifferent, nervously, hurriedly, anxiously, and most of all, confidently and with a bit of a friendly/sly smile. It's only 2 letters and 1 friggin' syllable though so there must be a lot more to it than that right? Body language, tone, eye contact and facial expressions are the elements of having a casual conversation and actually enjoy it. Most of all, have fun and try to elicit a bit of a reaction for fun, not b/c you want her to like you though.

 

Be a little sarcastic, slightly more sexual than usual, and stand up straight. Hell, treat her like your annoying little sister, she may enjoy it since if she's hot most guys treat her like a friggin gift from god or at least kiss a$$ a little bit. Make her slightly uncomfortable and be and look comfortable doing it. Have a little bit of fun with conversations is the moral of the story.

 

Obviously not the whole story but a lot of guys, including myself, need to hear it once in a while. If you want to meet a girl occasionally, that should help avoid being 'the guy I didn't notice' along with not being afraid to get her number and following up. If you want to be a pick up artist or some kind of babe magnet, there's info out there on that too but not at LShack as most people here are dealing with actual relationship issues.

[zebracolors]

Not sure if it has been mentioned already. But to the OP. Physical attributes aside, when you're working in a retail store, chances are anyone going there is not going there to try and meet other singles. Most people just want to go in, make their purchases and then go on to whatever else they need to do.

 

If you really are looking to date, you have go to more appropriate places to find women who are also looking. And well that could mean either physically or virtually if you're into that. If clubs are not your thing, perhaps join an interest group of whatever takes your fancy. You'll meet other people with similar interests and even if you don't meet a girl you're interested in, you may make new friends. Keep in mind this is just a suggestion. Good luck and hope this helps.