, so sad he's not here

[weeble78]

Hi everyone

 

Have posted several times here re boyfriend (ex) of 7 years. Last post:

 

Partner and I were together 7 years (I'm 31 he's 27) and own a house. Relationship was rocky over last 6 months or so and we became further away from each other.

 

I discovered several days ago he has been having an emotional affair with a girl at work for maybe two months and it looks like tipping into a physical affair.

 

I immediately left when discovering the emails and he called twice but I ignored them. The next day he called me, saying it had only just started getting to the whole sexual point. He relayed all the things I had done in the relationship to upset him, apologised for upsetting me and said he just wants to be on his own for a while, to grow up. I was crying and couldn't breathe, he was very calm.

 

Background is three months ago he started a new job where they're all 20 and go out constantly. He has joined in. This girl is 19 years old, smokes weed (he's against anything to do with smoking). They've been texting and IM'ing for at least two months - mostly talking about crap, saying they want to be together. She's been doing dirty stuff on web cam for him, he's been encouraging her and talking about sex mostly.

 

For the past year we had had problems with money (his) and illness (me), and our house was not a very happy one but I believed that fundamentally we'd be ok.

 

For the last month we were together we'd had a little break and decided to try and get it back together, planning the future, taking breaks away etc. He'd taken me out two weeks ago, we'd gone for the day out and done things we hadn't done for months. We also had a chat whilst out, talking like old times and he said he felt that we were coming back from the brink and he felt things were getting better.

 

So anyway, I'm left in limbo living hours away from him and we still haven't spoken face to face. I've emailed him to let him know about the flat going on the market, and about taking my name off the bills. He'd said we could meet up this weekend to talk, but I texted back saying I'd be crazy too.

 

This morning I saw a counsellor, and she suggested we chat in several weeks time when I@ve calmed down a little, and to give him breathing space. I texted him the same and he replied 'good idea'.

 

I guess what I'm really wanting to know is whether this can be saved. I feel like I've lost part of myself and feel a physical sense of loss, particularly around the time I go to sleep and he's not there to hold. Is there ever any coming back from something like this? Am I doing the right things asking him to meet up to chat in a few weeks? Am I wrong to hold out hope?

 

I hope somebody reads this with some ideas - I'm driving myself crazy with all the questions.

 

Thanks xxx

[VictoryisMine]

Take things one day at a time for now. 7 years is a long time to be together and it hurts like heck when the other person is getting 'tired' of the relationship.

 

Is there ever any coming back from something like this? In my experiences... No. You can feel the driftness, sense something is wrong... it's close to over...

 

BUT please look at the bright side.... there really is a bright side.

 

If it is truly over, please use that time ... for you. As corny as it sounds.

 

For example, get your own place (that feeling alone is priceless), get a part time job in the evenings. Make a few bucks and get to mingle with people.

 

Spend some time at a cafe or a bookstore and enjoy yourself. Not saying you will not think of him, he will be on your mind constantly but eventually you will find yourself not 'caring' so much about him.

 

You WILL definetely find someone else if that is what you want.

 

Of course hold out hope with your man, nothing wrong with that. But know that whatever happens, it will be okay.

[weeble78]

He says he feels something was broken in the relationship through all the arguing, that something feels different but he still loves me - does this really mean he doesn't love me? So confused.....