4givrnt4gtr Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 So I figured out today that my surprised visit accelerated the ending of my relationship. My SO saw it as an inconsiderate decision of my part given that he told me he was going to be busy. Had he want me there he would have asked me straight out. He blames me for having missed everything he had planned for the weekend and wished i hadnt come. Afterwards he was even less sure he wanted to continued the relationship. I felt nauseaus when I found this out and still am, but I guess the show must go on. So be careful if you ever plan something like that. You might have the best of intentions but as I found out it may come across as controlling and inconsiderate. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 It's normal to reevaluate after the end of an R, but IMO, if one partner is already having doubts, any actions of the other partner will be mobilized against said partner. So don't be too hard on yourself 4giv. If this guy had been relationship material, he would have been thrilled to see you make the effort. And he wouldn't hold your needs (to see him, to make the relationship better) against you. This relationship would have ended regardless, after a couple more weeks of emotional torture for you. This way, you can at least heal from the pain of heartbreak earlier and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 It's normal to reevaluate after the end of an R, but IMO, if one partner is already having doubts, any actions of the other partner will be mobilized against said partner. So don't be too hard on yourself 4giv. If this guy had been relationship material, he would have been thrilled to see you make the effort. And he wouldn't hold your needs (to see him, to make the relationship better) against you. This relationship would have ended regardless, after a couple more weeks of emotional torture for you. This way, you can at least heal from the pain of heartbreak earlier and move on. Thank you so much Kamille...i really needed this. I still feel horrible, despite having been me the one who decided to end it. His constant doubt on top of him saying it was just too hard made it impossible for me to go on without losing my dignity. Unfortunately (or fortunately, whichever way you wanna see it), i sent him a text telling him i miss him and hope he was well (backpedaling bassically). He completely ignored me, which tells me he definitely wanted this regardless of what he said that night. LDRs are hard, but i honestly still believe if both partners are truly invested they are doable. I guess I was just not lucky enough to have such partner this time. Good luck to the rest of you. And Lovingascrapper! i wanna know how's the planning for your girl to be with you for good is coming along! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 And Lovingascrapper! i wanna know how's the planning for your girl to be with you for good is coming along! Well.........here is what the plan is right now. Actually there is one and a backup. We are shooting for November 21. She is gonna take a one way flight out here and drive back with me to Oregon. If the November date doesnt work out the the latest date will be December 19 so that wont be too bad. I agree with Kamille on her post. I would have thought that it have been the most awesome gesture if Rayette did something like that for me regardless of what I had planned. Are you getting along ok? If there is anything that I can do, please dont hesitate to pm me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts