My MM that I lived with called the cops on me

[lkjh]

Jennie-jennie,

 

what the hell is wrong with you. You really can not see how abandoning your children to move into a apartment owned by a married man is a bad idea and yes she did abandon her kids. Parents need to put their children first, we have to raise and nurture our kids. Not treat them like side items. Your entire outlook on everything is unbelievably wrong, earlier with the Hep C and now the parenting. If you really believe this type of parenting is ok please let someone else raise your children.

 

OP,

You have to be one of the most selfish people I have ever encountered. I know you are going to think this advice is harsh or whatever but you really need some therapy. I personally hate therapist but lets be honest you need it. Can I ask how many time you have been married and divorced not counting the most recent one.

[tinktronik]

a one time happening can scar you forever

 

This is absolutely true. Let's hope these kids are either too young to remember the time when Mommy ran away with some guy, or, the father has kept the in the dark as the the true circumstances.

[lkjh]

its funny how the MM and his wife don't speak, don't own mutual property, and don't have children but yet his wife "forced" him to call the cops and she got angry about pics on his phone.

 

Lets be honest if all of that was true she could careless about what girls he has on his phone

[fooled once]

Oh for heaven's sake, the OP was NOT 'checking things out'. She MOVED - without telling her HUSBAND or her children. She stated she MOVED and would go back once a week to check on her kids. It had nothing to do with them going to school, or any of that crap.

 

She LEFT HER CHILDREN and HER HUSBAND to go live with a Married Man. Neither her husband NOR her children were aware of this. The only time her husband was made aware was after she had moved and the WIFE saw her with the wife's husband.

 

Read HER words

 

His wife spotted us out a few days after I moved there. He urged me to tell my husband. I was going to in time, but continued to travel back and forth once a week to take care of things with my sons. I was'nt ready for anyone to know what I was doing.

 

I agree with MSUE - I have no respect for any woman who puts her needs ahead of her children (and by children, I mean under the age of 18). The OP' sons are YOUNG (unless she had them out of wedlock). She has only been married 10 years. Her kids had NO idea mom MOVED.

 

Yes our children need to see that we have self happiness; but not at their expense. There is plenty of time for mom's to do whatever they need to get themselves happy AFTER the children are raised.

 

This does not mean staying in a marriage where there is no love. This does not mean denying yourself dating someone after the marriage is over. This does not mean not having a life after a divorce.

 

And I don't get the whole "Not all MM lie" crap. YES THEY DO. UNLESS they tell their wives they are going to have an affair and then DO it and the wife has FULL knowledge of it, then yes, all MM who have affairs are LIARS.

 

There are some great men out there -- I have one He isn't a liar. So I disagree again with someone that claimed people think all married men are liars.

[MSUE]

I want to THANK YOU ALL!!!

 

for having my back around here and for being on the same page...because its nothing but the TRUTH

 

JJ now this is for you....I'm glad you are not my mother...

 

OP...I'm even happier you are not my mom

 

there are very few happy endings when it comes to A's MM< MW OM and OW...everyone lies...but OP...she really took it to the next level by doing what she did...it is unacceptable, disgusting, despicable and sickening to say the least...her children were at the bottom of the list...what kind of mother does that?????

[bentnotbroken]

As I said, since I want my children to pursue self happiness as adults, I set the example. I pursue both self happiness and the well being of my children, they are not mutually exclusive. Never would I stay with a man for the sake of my kids. NEVER. I do not believe that is in their best interest.

 

So, besides your children, what other things do you prioritize before your own happiness?

 

NO one said she should stay in a bad marriage. But if the atmosphere is so bad for her, why would it be better for the children? Who actually gives a flying fig whether she stays or goes, but where she is, her children should be also.

 

 

And besides my children I prioritize not hurting others to attain what I want.

[Owl]

Lori, I'm a little confused.

 

At one point, you stated that there was nothing wrong with your marriage...insisted on it, in fact.

 

Then, later, you made a comment about divorcing him so that you could be happy.

 

Then I'm left trying to consider HOW you managed to webcam with a guy for a year...and eventually move in with him for a few months...while somehow remaining married to your husband?

 

What's the status of your marriage? Is he aware of the situation? If not, how on Earth did you manage to hide this from him? If he is...what impacts has that had on your marriage?

 

What are you doing on THAT front, given the end of the affair?

[jennie-jennie]

Jennie-jennie,

 

what the hell is wrong with you. You really can not see how abandoning your children to move into a apartment owned by a married man is a bad idea and yes she did abandon her kids. Parents need to put their children first, we have to raise and nurture our kids. Not treat them like side items. Your entire outlook on everything is unbelievably wrong, earlier with the Hep C and now the parenting. If you really believe this type of parenting is ok please let someone else raise your children.

 

OP,

You have to be one of the most selfish people I have ever encountered. I know you are going to think this advice is harsh or whatever but you really need some therapy. I personally hate therapist but lets be honest you need it. Can I ask how many time you have been married and divorced not counting the most recent one.

 

You need to grow up and get some life experience before I will even bother to talk to you.:sick:

[jennie-jennie]

So whether abandonment exists hinges on agreement between the parents? I might buy into that to some extent. But I would point out that the unspoken part of your definition is that when a parent unilaterally decides to leave the family, as you must admit is possible in the OP's case, that is indeed abandonment.

 

A parent has the right to unilaterally decide to leave a marriage/relationship. Both parents need to be involved in the decision what is going to happen to the kids.

[jennie-jennie]

And I don't get the whole "Not all MM lie" crap. YES THEY DO. UNLESS they tell their wives they are going to have an affair and then DO it and the wife has FULL knowledge of it, then yes, all MM who have affairs are LIARS.

 

There are some great men out there -- I have one He isn't a liar. So I disagree again with someone that claimed people think all married men are liars.

 

I will explain it one more time for you, Fooled once, since it is so difficult for you to understand. All MM in affairs lie to their wives, we agree on that, but not all MM lie to their OW. Yours did, that does not mean that all MM lie to their OW. What you are doing is called generalization.

 

I am happy for you that you have such a nice husband now. Too bad I can't say the same about him.

[jennie-jennie]

I want to THANK YOU ALL!!!

 

for having my back around here and for being on the same page...because its nothing but the TRUTH

 

JJ now this is for you....I'm glad you are not my mother...

 

OP...I'm even happier you are not my mom

 

there are very few happy endings when it comes to A's MM< MW OM and OW...everyone lies...but OP...she really took it to the next level by doing what she did...it is unacceptable, disgusting, despicable and sickening to say the least...her children were at the bottom of the list...what kind of mother does that?????

 

:sick:

Quick to condemnation, harsh utterings, nah, you could never be a child of mine.

[loriP]

Lori, I'm a little confused.

 

At one point, you stated that there was nothing wrong with your marriage...insisted on it, in fact.

 

Then, later, you made a comment about divorcing him so that you could be happy.

 

Then I'm left trying to consider HOW you managed to webcam with a guy for a year...and eventually move in with him for a few months...while somehow remaining married to your husband?

 

What's the status of your marriage? Is he aware of the situation? If not, how on Earth did you manage to hide this from him? If he is...what impacts has that had on your marriage?

 

What are you doing on THAT front, given the end of the affair?

My husband did some rotten things to me early in our marriage, and I did forgive him, and then a couple of years ago he tried hookin up with a close friend of mine and she told me about it. So at that point my passion for him was sapped completely. He is totally trusting of me, so it is not unusual for me to stay away a weekend and tell him I am with friends. I have never had an affair before in my life and this is my 3rd marriage. When I met my xOM I was living about 45 miles away from my H. I was living away so that our kids could attend a special school. So I have been mostly living apart from my H for the whole affair. When I moved in with my xOM, I did'nt tell my H where the apartment was, he only knew what city. Since the xOM called me into the police for harrassment I decided to tell my H the WHOLE truth. He is distraught, and I must say I know exactly how he feels. I have no passion for my H, I hope I can get it back, but right now I doubt that will ever happen and I will divorce him.

[donnamaybe]

Yeah, EVERY cheating MM NEVER has sex with the wifey.

[Owl]

It sounds to me as though you've never really "been married". Or if you had been, you certainly haven't been for years.

 

No "couple" maintains any kind of real relationship living the way you and your H have been...it's no wonder that the two of you have "grown apart" to the point where having an affair becomes relatively meaningless to you.

 

If you want a relationship...you have to invest in building one. Living apart, emotionally and physically distancing yourself from each other to the point where you're living 45 minutes away and your H doesn't even know your address is a pretty clear indicator that there's either a LOT of hiding of information from each other, or the two of you simply don't care enough about each other to HAVE a 'marriage'.

 

It sounds to me like it's well past time to divorce.

 

As far as your original question...the responses you've had on this are pretty much on the money, even if they seemed harsh to you. OM/MM ended the affair. PERIOD. Why is rather pointless...it doesn't change the situation. There's nothing you can do about it, no way you can force him to come back.

 

Focus on fixing your situation...focusing on resolving your marriage one way or another so that at least YOU can be available for a 'committed' relationship if the chance arises again with someone.

[loriP]

It sounds to me as though you've never really "been married". Or if you had been, you certainly haven't been for years.

 

No "couple" maintains any kind of real relationship living the way you and your H have been...it's no wonder that the two of you have "grown apart" to the point where having an affair becomes relatively meaningless to you.

 

If you want a relationship...you have to invest in building one. Living apart, emotionally and physically distancing yourself from each other to the point where you're living 45 minutes away and your H doesn't even know your address is a pretty clear indicator that there's either a LOT of hiding of information from each other, or the two of you simply don't care enough about each other to HAVE a 'marriage'.

 

It sounds to me like it's well past time to divorce.

 

As far as your original question...the responses you've had on this are pretty much on the money, even if they seemed harsh to you. OM/MM ended the affair. PERIOD. Why is rather pointless...it doesn't change the situation. There's nothing you can do about it, no way you can force him to come back.

 

Focus on fixing your situation...focusing on resolving your marriage one way or another so that at least YOU can be available for a 'committed' relationship if the chance arises again with someone.

Actually you have it wrong, I ended the affair and moved out of the apartment on my own. My xOM was distraught in my last conversation with him, and then the bombshell of the police calling me to tell me he made a harassment charge against me, so I went and showed the police all the calls I refused from him and the text messages he had sent me just before he made the charge. So after the police saw that he made a false police report they called him and told him not to contact me in anyway. So now as it stands we are not able to contact each other at all.

[GorillaTheater]

So now as it stands we are not able to contact each other at all.

 

While not legally true, I certainly agree that this is the way to go.

[Owl]

Calling the police and filing harassment charges against you doesn't constitute "ending the affair"?

 

I get that you moved out...that doesn't mean that the affair ended. The communication (which is the basis for any relationship) continued, although slightly abated.

 

The affair ENDED as a result of him calling the cops and filing a report against you (true or false).

 

And...he's apparently made no effort to contact you since then, right?

 

Not sure where I'm 'wrong' in this...

[lkjh]

You need to grow up and get some life experience before I will even bother to talk to you.:sick:

 

oh boo hoo, if your definition of life experience justifies such disgusting behavior who wants it? Your concept of self-happiness is just another word for selfishness. Anyone who is not willing to sacrifice for their children should not become parents.

[stillafool]

Actually you have it wrong, I ended the affair and moved out of the apartment on my own. My xOM was distraught in my last conversation with him, and then the bombshell of the police calling me to tell me he made a harassment charge against me, so I went and showed the police all the calls I refused from him and the text messages he had sent me just before he made the charge. So after the police saw that he made a false police report they called him and told him not to contact me in anyway. So now as it stands we are not able to contact each other at all.

 

 

So are you saying he called the police for no reason at all? Why?

[stillafool]

oh boo hoo, if your definition of life experience justifies such disgusting behavior who wants it? Your concept of self-happiness is just another word for selfishness. Anyone who is not willing to sacrifice for their children should not become parents.

 

I agree if they are minor children. Their welfare comes first. I certainly would never split them up. That's what my bio mom did. I missed my brothers so much I cried all the time.

[MSUE]

:sick:

Quick to condemnation, harsh utterings, nah, you could never be a child of mine.

 

i WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD WANT TO BE YOUR CHILD...ALREADY STATED THAT...MY MOM WAS AND IS ALWAYS THERE NOR WOULD SHE EVER DARE LEAVE US BEHIND OVER A MAN...SHE HAD CLASS AND PRINCIPLES AND HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT AND FOR THAT SHE IS MY IDOL MY INSPIRATION AND I THANK GOD EVERY DAY FOR HER DEDICATION TO US...SHE WOULDN'T DARE ABANDON US...5 GIRLS...AND I LOOK UP TO HER...THE BEST ROLE MODEL...NOW THAT'S GREAT PARENTING IN MY BOOK

[Dexter Morgan]

I am a MW & the OW. I met my MM 1 year ago. We are both in our mid 40's. He has been with his wife 5 years with no children, and I have been with my husband 10 years with 2 sons.

 

out of shear curiosity, what would you do if your 2 sons ended up marrying someone like you that was doing to them what you are doing to your husband?

 

 

We lived 100 miles apart. He rented an aprtment and had me move in. Neither of our spouses knew we were having an affair or moving in with each other. I moved to his town. His wife spotted us out a few days after I moved there.

 

how do you "move" there when you are married?

 

 

He urged me to tell my husband. I was going to in time, but continued to travel back and forth once a week to take care of things with my sons. I was'nt ready for anyone to know what I was doing. His wife was terrible to him

 

oh of course his wife was terrible to him. you think he'd garner sympathy to get in another woman's pants if he told you he loved his wife and she was a good woman?

 

 

and has Hep C, and not expected to live a long life.

 

so why not piss on her grave early? jesus tap dancing christ this makes me sick.

 

 

He has had 1 other affair and moved out also

 

so he has done this before. so its not about you, its about him just wanting to have sex outside his marriage. nice. and if you ever got with him, then you'd be a betrayed partner in no time yourself.

 

 

 

I want to get some insight as to what most people think about this. I would talk to my husband all the time in front of him. I think he thought i was going to go back to my husband. How long do people think the niceness from the wife will last.

 

what do you care?

 

what you should be concerned about is, are you going to leave your husband? stay with him and tell him? what? I see no concern for your husband here.

 

 

 

What are the chances he will contact me again. His marriage has been sexless since soon after their marriage, and his wife has not spoke one word to him since finding pics of me on his phone in January, so she was rejecting him and it was drinving him nuts, could this be why he returned to her so fast. Are men so upset by silence that they would do this. He was seriously rejected by her.

 

well lets see...about the rejection. part of it all might not be her medical state could it?

 

i suppose if a spouse was lying in a bed in pain, the WS would complain to the high heavens, "she ignores me!!!" gee...no sh#t? Now I realize she might not be bed ridden or anything, but christ lady, when a woman finds out she is going to die, you know, maybe sex drives go down......ya ever think of that?

 

either way, your attitude, and his, towards a dying woman are despicable.

 

so why don't you do your husband a favor and divorce him for one?

[Dexter Morgan]

I did not plan on leaving my children. I had planned on bringing them with me once I was settled. They were in school and settled where they were. .

 

ah, so you want to be the one to move away temporarily from them while cheating on their father, then move them away from their father.

 

jesus...even more despicable. you cheat, then move the father's children away. real nice.

[MSUE]

oh boo hoo, if your definition of life experience justifies such disgusting behavior who wants it? Your concept of self-happiness is just another word for selfishness. Anyone who is not willing to sacrifice for their children should not become parents.

 

 

ABSOLUTELY AGREE!!!!

 

If a mother is not capable to keep her priorities straight...meaning her children first...then do not please do not have children till you are able to do so...this type of mothers do not realize the damage that such behavior causes on their children...because they are too caught up on their so called own happiness...you won't be so happy when that child starts acting up...when they start rebelling against you and they resent you for many many many years and end up needing therapy...to recover from abandonment wether its physical or emotional...

 

JJ you are only thinking of yourself...you need to take a step back and look at it from the other side...from a child's side...think about that for a bit

[MSUE]

I agree if they are minor children. Their welfare comes first. I certainly would never split them up. That's what my bio mom did. I missed my brothers so much I cried all the time.

 

here's another example of the pain and suffering these selfish mothers inflict on their children...but apparently such mothers think its worth it...what a shame...men come and go...children on the other end do not