carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 She needs to be a better person first, so she can be comfortable with herself. I agree. Shaming her as a mother/wife isn't a healthy path, IMO. Seeing the realities of the OM/MM? Better. IME, people respond better to challenges underscored by support. OP, do you think I've been blowing sunshine up your @ss? Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Is she sincere about changing her ways. I'm not sure, but I've known of situations where spouses separate and the man gets a new woman and then the wife plays nice, but only for a little while then returns to her old ways once she know the other woman is out of the picture. His wife will most likely go back to her old ways once she has him where she wants him. If he starts straying again, she will shape up. People like this know exactly how much is needed to keep their partner. You can't put any hope to that the fact that it is hard to change your ways will lead to your MM leaving his wife. Your situation seems messy. I for one understand that you can want to go for love. Kids are not an obstacle for that. Children and a new love can be combined. However things seem messy. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 You know, GOOGLE is a friend Hepatitis C is a liver disease. Hepatitis means inflammation of the liver. Inflammation is the painful, red swelling that results when tissues of the body become injured or infected. Inflammation can cause organs to not work properly. The hepatitis C virus causes hepatitis C. Viruses are germs that can cause sickness. For example, the flu is caused by a virus. People can pass viruses to each other. Anyone can get hepatitis C, but some people are at higher risk, including people who were born to a mother with hepatitis Cpeople who have had more than one sex partner in the last 6 months or have a history of sexually transmitted diseasepeople who had a blood transfusion or organ transplant before July 1992people with hemophilia who received blood products before 1987people who have used illegal injection drugs You could get hepatitis C from being born to a mother with hepatitis Chaving sex with an infected personbeing tattooed or pierced with unsterilized tools that were used on an infected persongetting an accidental needle stick with a needle that was used on an infected personusing an infected person’s razor or toothbrushsharing drug needles with an infected person Hepatitis C is chronic when the body can’t get rid of the hepatitis C virus. Although some people clear the virus from their bodies in a few months, most hepatitis C infections become chronic. Without treatment, chronic hepatitis C can cause scarring of the liver, called cirrhosis; liver cancer; and liver failure. Hepatitis C is not treated unless it becomes chronic. Chronic hepatitis C is treated with drugs that slow or stop the virus from damaging the liver. Chronic hepatitis C is most often treated with the drug combination peginterferon and ribavirin, which attacks the hepatitis C virus. Peginterferon is taken through weekly shots and ribavirin is taken daily by mouth. Treatment lasts from 24 to 48 weeks. You can protect yourself and others from hepatitis C if you do not share drug needleswear gloves if you have to touch another person’s blooduse a condom during sexdo not borrow another person’s toothbrush, razor, or anything else that could have blood on itmake sure any tattoos or body piercings you get are done with sterile toolsdo not donate blood or blood products if you have hepatitis C http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/hepc_ez/#1 Have we finished the discussion on Hep C now? Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Back to the OP's reason for posting. You have no idea what goes on in their home. Sure, you and he were on a webcam at nights -- but I guarantee not ALL night and do you really think he is going to webcam with you when his wife is in the room? He has lied to you. He will continue to lie to you. You dumped your children for some married man. You are going to run back to him as soon as either his wife dies or he needs to get his rocks off. He isn't going to marry you. He isn't going to fully leave his wife for you. He fed you so full of lies about HIS marriage and you bought it all. Divorce your husband if you are so miserable. Those steps should have been taken before you started sleeping with someone else. His wife knows about you (from what you said) but she isn't worried about you. She knows in the end, he comes home to her and is staying with her. She is too busy concentrating on her health and maintaining a positive outlook. She doesn't have time to worry about you. And I bet he was one of these men who were forced, at gunpoint, to marry this horrible woman. Just like he doesn't have sex with her either. I am not sure why you believe all the crap you are being fed; but since you want a man above your children, I hope your H gets full custody of these kids since they aren't a priority for you. I find your behavior horrendous and I am incredibly sad that these children have to live with your behavior, they have to live with the knowledge that mom would rather run off and be with some lying loser than be there for them. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I am a MW & the OW. I met my MM 1 year ago. We are both in our mid 40's. He has been with his wife 5 years with no children, and I have been with my husband 10 years with 2 sons. We lived 100 miles apart. He rented an aprtment and had me move in. Neither of our spouses knew we were having an affair or moving in with each other. I moved to his town. His wife spotted us out a few days after I moved there. He urged me to tell my husband. I was going to in time, but continued to travel back and forth once a week to take care of things with my sons. I was'nt ready for anyone to know what I was doing. His wife was terrible to him and has Hep C, and not expected to live a long life. He has had 1 other affair and moved out also, but returned. He said after that affair wife promised she would change and be a better spouse, but after a couple weeks of him being back after the first affair she was back to her same old self, no communication, no sex, and near complete silence. He swore he would not retun to her again for that reason. He also said he did not love her, but did feel sorry for her cause she was dying. After a couple of weeks I suspected he was visitin the wife and it turned out to be true. He ended up calling the cops on me for harrassment, which I proved wrong. I suspect the wife made him call them on me, but not sure. It is very hurtful thinking he did that to me. I now can have no contact with him. I want to get some insight as to what most people think about this. I would talk to my husband all the time in front of him. I think he thought i was going to go back to my husband. How long do people think the niceness from the wife will last. Is it a sham on her part. What are the chances he will contact me again. His marriage has been sexless since soon after their marriage, and his wife has not spoke one word to him since finding pics of me on his phone in January, so she was rejecting him and it was drinving him nuts, could this be why he returned to her so fast. Are men so upset by silence that they would do this. He was seriously rejected by her. A few other things: How do you know his wife was terrible to him? Because HE told you so? Once again, he is telling you stuff - does that make it the truth? Do you really think he is going to tell you how much he LOVES his wife, how he loves having sex with her, how she is the most beautiful, loving caring women he has ever met? Of course he isn't -- because no woman in her right mind wants to hear that and if he tells you what a meanie she is, you will feel so sorry for the poor guy that you will give him all the loving he needs. How long do people think the niceness from the wife will last. Is it a sham on her part. What are the chances he will contact me again who cares what she does. It isn't YOUR business. this is THEIR marriage - you have no say so, you have no control, you have NOTHING regarding their marriage. Are you basically hoping that after a couple weeks, he will come running back to you? Do you think he is going to STAY with you? Chances are good he will contact you again. What man who is a cheater doesn't love having some other woman screwing him at his beck and call and who he knows wants him so badly she will leave her children for him. I would bet a years salary she talks to him. You are only hearing what he is feeding you. Can't you se that????? So --- are you waiting by the phone for him to call you? Will you go back to him? Will you dump your kids again to run back to this lying pig?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loriP Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Back to the OP's reason for posting. You have no idea what goes on in their home. Sure, you and he were on a webcam at nights -- but I guarantee not ALL night and do you really think he is going to webcam with you when his wife is in the room? He has lied to you. He will continue to lie to you. You dumped your children for some married man. You are going to run back to him as soon as either his wife dies or he needs to get his rocks off. He isn't going to marry you. He isn't going to fully leave his wife for you. He fed you so full of lies about HIS marriage and you bought it all. Divorce your husband if you are so miserable. Those steps should have been taken before you started sleeping with someone else. His wife knows about you (from what you said) but she isn't worried about you. She knows in the end, he comes home to her and is staying with her. She is too busy concentrating on her health and maintaining a positive outlook. She doesn't have time to worry about you. And I bet he was one of these men who were forced, at gunpoint, to marry this horrible woman. Just like he doesn't have sex with her either. I am not sure why you believe all the crap you are being fed; but since you want a man above your children, I hope your H gets full custody of these kids since they aren't a priority for you. I find your behavior horrendous and I am incredibly sad that these children have to live with your behavior, they have to live with the knowledge that mom would rather run off and be with some lying loser than be there for them. He left his wife, rented an apartment so we could be together and I moved in. I decided to go back home first. He was very angry with me, so I guess by saying I was harassing him is his revenge. I assume his wife made him do something towards me, so that he could get back into his home. By the way, they have no assets, no home paid for etc, and no children. I will still divorce my husband because I refuse to go through life for my childrens sake unhappy. I never left my children for this man. I have worked in one city and my children attend school in another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loriP Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 He left his wife, rented an apartment so we could be together and I moved in. I decided to go back home first. He was very angry with me, so I guess by saying I was harassing him is his revenge. I assume his wife made him do something towards me, so that he could get back into his home. By the way, they have no assets, no home paid for etc, and no children. I will still divorce my husband because I refuse to go through life for my childrens sake unhappy. I never left my children for this man. I have worked in one city and my children attend school in another. sure he is on webcam with me when she is in the room. he shows me her asleep, and she sleeps alot. I guess cause of the hepc Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 He left his wife, rented an apartment so we could be together and I moved in. I decided to go back home first. He was very angry with me, so I guess by saying I was harassing him is his revenge. I assume his wife made him do something towards me, so that he could get back into his home. By the way, they have no assets, no home paid for etc, and no children. I will still divorce my husband because I refuse to go through life for my childrens sake unhappy. I never left my children for this man. I have worked in one city and my children attend school in another. How do you know he stayed in the apartment? Who rented the apartment? Did he/you rent it by the hour or week? How long did you two live there together before "you went home?" How often were you actually 'living' in the apartment during the week? You can assume all you want the wife MADE him do something. Last I heard, no person can MAKE another person do anything. So what that they don't have assets? What does that have to do with anything?? You DID leave your children for him. You stated you were living with him in an apartment == did your children live in that apartment?? Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 sure he is on webcam with me when she is in the room. he shows me her asleep, and she sleeps alot. I guess cause of the hepc So since you saw her sleeping, I guess that confirms that she isn't speaking to him? Come on, he didn't sit on the phone with you ALL night. He didn't webcam with you all day so you truly have NO idea if she hasn't spoken to him since January. Hmm.... if she hasn't spoken to him since January, how did she make him call the police for your harassment charge???? Did she write it on a piece of paper? Link to post Share on other sites
Author loriP Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 So since you saw her sleeping, I guess that confirms that she isn't speaking to him? Come on, he didn't sit on the phone with you ALL night. He didn't webcam with you all day so you truly have NO idea if she hasn't spoken to him since January. Hmm.... if she hasn't spoken to him since January, how did she make him call the police for your harassment charge???? Did she write it on a piece of paper? On I am sure she is speakingto him now. Most women who don't treat their men right will eventually play nice for awhile once they find out a new woman is on thir mind. My children did stay there when they were our of school. I lived there for a month Link to post Share on other sites
Author loriP Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 On I am sure she is speakingto him now. Most women who don't treat their men right will eventually play nice for awhile once they find out a new woman is on their mind. My children did stay there when they were our of school. I lived there for a month The lease was for a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loriP Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 I was looking for answers to my dilemma on here, but my god there are some seriously angry people here. I pray I don't end up like that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MSUE Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I was looking for answers to my dilemma on here, but my god there are some seriously angry people here. I pray I don't end up like that!!! you are going to end up with you heart broken...you lived there for all of a month???????? BFD and you are surprised? noone is saying to stay in your miserable marriage for the sake of your kids...but to leave they way you did for a man...hurting your children wether you realize it or? for a co**? that's is just plain and simple wrong...and now what? was it worth it? don't think so you have no true knowledge of their marriage...your nothing but an OW...a second in place...you are an outsider...you are not there on a daily basis to see and understand the actual dynamics...there are 2 more sides missing...hers and the truth...and who are you to know they have no assets? have you seen her bank accounts? or his for that matter? a lot of what you are going for is assumptions and info provided from a man having an A w you...do you really think this man is or has been 110% honest with you? it would be absolutely foolish to believe so. and this is coming from a once MW having an A with my OM...speaking from experience There's a reason he went back to her...BTW for him to call police in you? out of the blue after telling you he "oh loves you so"? there's a gap missing in this story Get the pieces of your heart together and do the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
MSUE Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 and let me put a disclaimer here...I'm not angry whatsoever...but I'm telling you like it is from an outsiders perspective...truthfully I think you are still in some form of state of denial...this whole mess reality will soon really sink in...you are not always going to get the oh I'm so sorry for you nurturing answers as you are in the middle of a hot mess that you yourself created along w this OM Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Carhill has left the thread, but I agree with his assessment, or insinuations about what happens when the OP buys the story of the MP "hook, line, and sinker". Shame. And came here asking if the W was sincere about what exactly? The question should be why would a man that claims to love you call the police on you in retaliation? They both sound very mature..... Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I am not angry *shrug* I am just telling you MY view point from an outsider looking in. You are in affair fog -- you can't see clearly how his ACTIONS and his WORDS are conflicting. And in case you are wondering -- I was never a betrayed spouse. I was an OW at one time; and fell for the bullcrap the MM I was seeing fed me; hook, line and sinker --- just the way you are falling for it all. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Neither of our spouses knew we were having an affair or moving in with each other. I moved to his town. His wife spotted us out a few days after I moved there. He urged me to tell my husband. I was going to in time, but continued to travel back and forth once a week to take care of things with my sons I think this is why so many are angry, how you went about this. One should DIVORCE their spouse BEFORE moving on/moving in with someone else. Sounds like your husband was CLUELESS to your double life. It's just plain cruel to do to the father of your children. No respect.. You don't love your H, so why stay married to him? Just divorce and get it over with so HE can heal and find a woman who is going to love him and adore him. What you've done is put yourself in a very highly emotional situation and alot of innocent people are going to get really hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 but my god there are some seriously angry people here. I pray I don't end up like that!!! Maybe you won't, but your poor husband probably will, sadly because of your doing.. I hope that you take FULL responsibility for what you've done to him and your family unit. How you've handled this was just so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Fooled once, as I said I have done more than googled hep C. I have read studies and educated myself on hep C for several years. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases' take on hep C which you posted is accurate, although a bit on the precautionary side. I would like to clarify a few points. It is recommended not to share toothbrushes, although this is not a determined route of infection. Condoms are recommended for people having multiple sex partners, not because hep C is an STD, but because multiple sex partners increases the risk of STDs which, as we stated above, increase the risk of blood to blood exchange. As stated earlier in this thread, hep C is not an STD, although rough sex, anal sex and STDs might lead to blood exchange, so precaution should be taken in these cases. Treatment time may range from 12 to 72 weeks, since individual treatment duration according to viral response to treatment has become more and more common. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I was looking for answers to my dilemma on here, but my god there are some seriously angry people here. I pray I don't end up like that!!! True unfortunately. There are a lot of betrayed spouses here, and also other women who have had bad experiences with their married men. Because their married men were liars through and through, they tend to think all married men are. There are other forums available with only other women. Google the other woman support and you will find some. I will still divorce my husband because I refuse to go through life for my childrens sake unhappy. I never left my children for this man. I have worked in one city and my children attend school in another. I support you in this. It seems well thought through. Don't let anyone tell you that you mistreated your children. We all need to find happiness in life even if we are mothers. On the way there we may make some mistakes, but I am certain you cared for your children all along. Leaving your children with their father is not abandoning them, it is caring for their welfare. Being the other woman is a long and hard road. It is more likely than not that it will not lead to the happy ending we look for. It is very confusing to try and understand where the MM is at. Only you know enough to determine what your next step should be. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Maybe you won't, but your poor husband probably will, sadly because of your doing... Unfortunately this prediction might very well come true, since so many betrayed spouses seem to handle the discovery of affairs so poorly. I am astonished at how twisted the minds of many BS seem to be. I would rather be an unhappy other women forever than a bitter betrayed spouse lashing out for years on people in predicaments. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I'm sorry this happened to you but you dug this hole yourself. Once you realize that you can dig yourself out of it. This is why affairs and cheating are just not worth the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I'm sorry this happened to you but you dug this hole yourself. Once you realize that you can dig yourself out of it. This is why affairs and cheating are just not worth the drama. In my case I can say that the EMR has definitely been worth the drama. The benefits have way outweighed the cons. 4 years of happiness and bliss greater than I have ever experienced before in my entire life. Whatever is to come can not take that away. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 In my case I can say that the EMR has definitely been worth the drama. The benefits have way outweighed the cons. 4 years of happiness and bliss greater than I have ever experienced before in my entire life. Whatever is to come can not take that away. :bunny: An affair is like a drug and just like a drug the come down can be hell. I won't preach to you but in time you will learn the hard way. I hope you are strong enough to bounce back when you do. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 An affair is like a drug and just like a drug the come down can be hell. I won't preach to you but in time you will learn the hard way. I hope you are strong enough to bounce back when you do. I can't imagine the come down lasting for four years, so it looks to me like I am going to go out on the plus side. Link to post Share on other sites
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