pandagirl Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I met a great guy this weekend. We totally hit it off in the sense that we made each other laugh a lot and could talk really easily. He's super cute, creative, smart and a friend of a friend. Of course, at the end of the night -- after talking for 3 hours straight -- I find out he has a serious girlfriend. He facebooked me the next day, and I'll probably see him this weekend at an opening. I'm disappointed, but damn! Sometimes I feel like all the good ones are taken! Que sera. At least I know I can still be attracted to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Sounds like he pulled a "chick move" on you. Lame-o! You have a great attitude about it, though. Personally I'd be pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 When people are relaxed (ie, no pressure because they are in a relationship already) they are much more enjoyable and interesting. This should be a lesson for everyone to just be themselves and have fun when dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 And he didn't even "kampai" you I bet! (Sorry, hope that made you smile a little). OK, so acknowledge you're in a bit of a drought, PG. This is often the Universe's way of telling us we have other things to do, than focus on dating and men. Use the time wisely,and I'm sure the right situation will manifest. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Even though I'm going through a divorce, I'm still relaxed around women, as my recent trip out east here has proven. Am I sick? OP, no worries. 99% of the women I meet are married, whether they wear a ring or not. I just look around for the distant bitchy ones to see who's single Link to post Share on other sites
Vlad Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I met a great guy this weekend. We totally hit it off in the sense that we made each other laugh a lot and could talk really easily. He's super cute, creative, smart and a friend of a friend. Of course, at the end of the night -- after talking for 3 hours straight -- I find out he has a serious girlfriend. He facebooked me the next day, and I'll probably see him this weekend at an opening. I'm disappointed, but damn! Sometimes I feel like all the good ones are taken! Que sera. At least I know I can still be attracted to someone. So, are you going to take it to the next level with him or not? tal vez? Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I'm disappointed, but damn! Sometimes I feel like all the good ones are taken! Que sera. At least I know I can still be attracted to someone. Now you know what us guys feel like. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Boo hoo, Pedigree, it happens to both genders all the time. Don't kick the poor girl while she's down. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I was just being sarcastic, Kizik. I thought these kind of things only happen to the male folk. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Are you still being sarcastic? I honestly think it happens just as often to women. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Not being sarcastic anymore. That's just my perception, I guess. When people are relaxed (ie, no pressure because they are in a relationship already) they are much more enjoyable and interesting. This should be a lesson for everyone to just be themselves and have fun when dating. So would the solution then not to actively look around so that there's no pressure on yourself and make you more relaxed? I remember this time when all of my extended family's "you should get a girlfriend NOW" got to me and I spent the next 6 months looking and giving off a desperation aura. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 So would the solution then not to actively look around so that there's no pressure on yourself and make you more relaxed? We have a winner. I think this is EXACTLY the solution. Trying to do this myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 And he didn't even "kampai" you I bet! (Sorry, hope that made you smile a little). OK, so acknowledge you're in a bit of a drought, PG. This is often the Universe's way of telling us we have other things to do, than focus on dating and men. Use the time wisely,and I'm sure the right situation will manifest. word! No one should feel sorry for me! If anything, it gives me hope that at least some interesting guys are out there who can make me laugh. In the meantime, I have started taking piano lessons again, growing my own business and have started writing my book. Things are pretty good. The only bad thing is I am, er, rather sexually frustrated these days. But nothing I can't take care of myself! haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 So, are you going to take it to the next level with him or not? tal vez? Dude. He has a girlfriend. So, that would be a... no. I think he was intrigued and attracted to me, but that's part of being human and doesn't mean anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I'm disappointed, but damn! Sometimes I feel like all the good ones are taken! Que sera. At least I know I can still be attracted to someone. All the good ones are taken! To get a good one, you either have to get in there early (i.e. when you're very young) and snap someone up before anyone else has a chance to, or alternatively you have to be in the right place at the right time when a relationship ends, and snap the person up before anyone else has a chance to. It's basic supply and demand... the good ones don't stay on the market for long because they're highly desirable. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 So would the solution then not to actively look around so that there's no pressure on yourself and make you more relaxed? I remember this time when all of my extended family's "you should get a girlfriend NOW" got to me and I spent the next 6 months looking and giving off a desperation aura. Well, "actively looking" seems like a bad way to go about it. You can be alert, you can be aware, but you also need to be comfortable in your own skin...which is the hardest thing in the world to do when you are alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 All the good ones are taken! To get a good one, you either have to get in there early (i.e. when you're very young) and snap someone up before anyone else has a chance to, or alternatively you have to be in the right place at the right time when a relationship ends, and snap the person up before anyone else has a chance to. It's basic supply and demand... the good ones don't stay on the market for long because they're highly desirable. I agree. The third possibility to get one of the "good ones" would be to hope and pray that whoever's in a relationship with them fumbles badly. New question: with all this stuff about getting in there early and being in the right place at the right time, I have to ask how much does luck factor into getting a relationship? One can work out to look good, they can hone their flirting skills, and they can train their confidence. But at what point does effort give way to luck? If you think about it to get into a relationship, you have to fine someone who: -You're physically attracted to -You have a chemistry with -Aren't going to be revealed as someone who's not as interesting as you first thought them to be -Aren't going to choose someone over you (if they're "playing the field") -Isn't still getting over their last relationship -Isn't looking for anything casual Based on that, a lot of luck has to be involved right? Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Well, "actively looking" seems like a bad way to go about it. You can be alert, you can be aware, but you also need to be comfortable in your own skin...which is the hardest thing in the world to do when you are alone. I'd like to think that most people are comfortable in their own skin, who they are etc. when they're single. It's just that some (including me) stumble because we look too much. I will give the "not actively looking" strategy a go. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I agree. The third possibility to get one of the "good ones" would be to hope and pray that whoever's in a relationship with them fumbles badly. New question: with all this stuff about getting in there early and being in the right place at the right time, I have to ask how much does luck factor into getting a relationship? One can work out to look good, they can hone their flirting skills, and they can train their confidence. But at what point does effort give way to luck? If you think about it to get into a relationship, you have to fine someone who: -You're physically attracted to -You have a chemistry with -Aren't going to be revealed as someone who's not as interesting as you first thought them to be -Aren't going to choose someone over you (if they're "playing the field") -Isn't still getting over their last relationship -Isn't looking for anything casual Based on that, a lot of luck has to be involved right? It has been said that you can "make your own luck." Taking chances, recognizing opportunity...that is making your own luck. You aren't going to find someone standing in the middle of a field by yourself! You can find someone where single people go (and this was a big thing for me recently, figuring out where that was)...local bars, clubs, museums, music shows, etc. I'm not speaking like I'm an expert here, but I just started going out to places I hadn't been in a long time, and I saw someone who I'd lost touch with. She hadn't been there in months, I had just started going again...so yeah, that's luck. But my efforts to get my sorry butt out that night lead to seeing her. Know what I mean? Yeah, timing, coincidence, and chance are all very important, but so is making that first step to get out into the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Vlad Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Dude. He has a girlfriend. So, that would be a... no. I think he was intrigued and attracted to me, but that's part of being human and doesn't mean anything. I think that if he pushes this thing between you and him a little harder you will fall in his arms, apuestas? Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Based on that, a lot of luck has to be involved right? I think finding a good relationship involves having an enormous amount of luck at just the right time. You have to bump into one of the good guys at the exact time he's single and looking for a relationship, and there has to be enough attraction and chemistry and mutual interest to keep the relationship going. It doesn't matter how nice you are as a person, if you don't meet the right guy at exactly the right time then you're either going to end up alone or with a loser. Of course you can maximise the number of guys you meet by going out and dating (thereby increasing your chances of finding a good guy), and you can also hone your bull**** detector so you waste less time on the losers and recognise a good guy when you see him (so you can snap him up asap). But ultimately, whether that good guy wanders into your life at the right time is purely down to luck. Here's an example: When I was in my teens I met a great guy - handsome, intelligent, decent, looking for a serious relationship - but he already had a gf who he'd met literally a few weeks previously. She was in the right place at the right time, and I wasn't. Fast forward a little over a decade, and they're married with two kids - he's always been completely faithful, works hard, loves and supports his wife and kids, and is still just as intelligent and good looking. Of course I never had a chance with him, because his gf had already snapped him up before I met him, and she wasn't stupid enough to let go of a good man. Sadly a lot of the good relationships I see are between people who have been together since their teens or early 20s, i.e. the girls who snapped up a good man very early on. I see women my age (30) settling for what they can get because they haven't had the chance to snap up a good guy and the clock is ticking. By 30s-40s a lot of guys (and girls) come with a large amount of baggage or other issues which make them less of a viable option - so even if they were originally a good catch, their desirability has diminished somewhat. It's sad to admit, but I think if you don't snap up a good partner early on, you have less and less chance of finding one as time passes. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Quite an interesting look from the female perspective there, Thornton. I wonder if the same applies to guys as well or do they have more time and more choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Quite an interesting look from the female perspective there, Thornton. I wonder if the same applies to guys as well or do they have more time and more choices. Pedigree, I think the deciding factor is whether a woman wants to have her own kids before 40. If so, then she has less time, definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 Pedigree, I think the deciding factor is whether a woman wants to have her own kids before 40. If so, then she has less time, definitely. I've always wanted kids, but when I turned 30, I made peace with the fact that it's fine if I don't have kids and I feel much more relaxed and like I'm living to be happy, right now -- not what "could be." I love kids and I know I'd be a good mother, but for me, there's no point in planning and living my life according to one goal. Plus, I can always have kids on my own if it comes to it and I feel like I NEED to have kids and time is running out. That's the beauty of having my own uterus. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 That's the beauty of having my own uterus. Many is a day that I make that my mantra. I don't plan on using my uterus, PG. And no shame in going that route, if that's where life takes you. Link to post Share on other sites
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