Of course, he has a girlfriend.

[JohnP82]

Thornton the same goes with guys. I think it's unfair to say the good guys are taken but leave off the thought that maybe the good girls are also taken. I try not to subscribe to the thought that all of the good people are taken because if I go by that belief that would mean I'm not one of them since I'm not taken.

 

I have a relatively large group of good friends with a pretty even number of guys and girls. Most of the people sort of paired off and have been dating for years and are either engaged or married; keep in mind we're 25. Maybe I'm a little biased but my group is comprised of amazing people, both guys and girls. Good individuals with aspirations, good values, well educated (almost all of us has a graduate degree), participate in the community, etc. I do believe that they are lucky to have found their SO at an early age. Many of them are marrying the first person they dated and I don't think they would be able to handle the dating world.

[pandagirl]

 

Many is a day that I make that my mantra.

 

I don't plan on using my uterus, PG. And no shame in going that route, if that's where life takes you.

 

Of course there is no shame in that route! Also, I just babysat a one-year-old for 10 hours today, so my uterus is not feeling the warm fuzzies right now. Just tired fuzzies. haha!

 

I have a relatively large group of good friends with a pretty even number of guys and girls. Most of the people sort of paired off and have been dating for years and are either engaged or married; keep in mind we're 25. Maybe I'm a little biased but my group is comprised of amazing people, both guys and girls. Good individuals with aspirations, good values, well educated (almost all of us has a graduate degree), participate in the community, etc. I do believe that they are lucky to have found their SO at an early age. Many of them are marrying the first person they dated and I don't think they would be able to handle the dating world.

 

Sounds like my group of friends. We're older 29-31, but everyone who is now married have been together since they were 25 or younger. They're GOOD people. As well as I have known these people for the past 7-10 years, I've never witnessed any major character flaws in any of them -- no lying, cheating -- just people with lots of kindness and integrity.

 

But, they also -- as far as I can tell -- don't have any major hang ups or issues. All very good natured and well-adjusted folks, which usually means good, healthy relationships.

 

I think I'm a good person, too, except I definitely some (many?) issues that prevent me from being in a good relationships. I choose the wrong men and I probably don't give the right ones a chance. But. I'm working on it.

[JohnP82]

Yeah, most of us have known each other since middle school. Some paired off in high school and the others in undergrad. I was so shy when I was younger and that kept me from being in relationships. I started opening up in undergrad and graduate school and now I'm trying to make up for lost time. I don't think all of the good one are taken, just a little more traveled.

[pandagirl]

Yeah, most of us have known each other since middle school. Some paired off in high school and the others in undergrad. I was so shy when I was younger and that kept me from being in relationships. I started opening up in undergrad and graduate school and now I'm trying to make up for lost time. I don't think all of the good one are taken, just a little more traveled.

 

I already have it all planned out:

 

I'll marry a divorced guy when I'm 37. He'll have one child from his previous marriage. If things feel right, we can try to have another kid.

 

I'd rather be with an older divorcee, than a 40-year-old guy who could never settle down.

 

(Of course, this is all said with a giggle and not completely seriously!)

[Thornton]

Thornton the same goes with guys. I think it's unfair to say the good guys are taken but leave off the thought that maybe the good girls are also taken. I try not to subscribe to the thought that all of the good people are taken because if I go by that belief that would mean I'm not one of them since I'm not taken.

 

I think perhaps guys are often a little less demanding in what they want from a woman, and ime they usually seem to be less materialistic, so from that perspective there are more girls that guys would class as "good"... because less criteria are required for a girl to seem like a good catch, iykwim. To clarify: it seems like guys want someone decent and reasonably attractive, fun to be with, intelligent, kind, etc... while girls want all that plus a good career and financial stability (usually enough to support a family)... so girls having higher standards for "good" means there are less guys who are considered "good". Does that make sense?

 

However, I think whether someone is a good catch changes over time... a guy who may have seemed unappealing at 20 suddenly seems like a much better catch at 40 after he's got a good career and a habit of working out regularly, while a woman who was a good catch at 20 may seem like less of a good prospect at 40. This imbalance is greatly exacerbated by offspring... the woman usually has custody, meaning that a woman with children is a less appealing prospect than a man with children (as they probably don't live with him). So although early on there may seem to be more women who are a good catch, this declines over time and good women of a certain age become less plentiful while good men of the same age become more so. This would appear to be beneficial for the women who are still looking for a good man, until you realise that all the good men of a certain age are dating good women who are several years younger!

[zhsoj]

I think perhaps guys are often a little less demanding in what they want from a woman, and ime they usually seem to be less materialistic, so from that perspective there are more girls that guys would class as "good"... because less criteria are required for a girl to seem like a good catch, iykwim. To clarify: it seems like guys want someone decent and reasonably attractive, fun to be with, intelligent, kind, etc... while girls want all that plus a good career and financial stability (usually enough to support a family)... so girls having higher standards for "good" means there are less guys who are considered "good". Does that make sense?

 

However, I think whether someone is a good catch changes over time... a guy who may have seemed unappealing at 20 suddenly seems like a much better catch at 40 after he's got a good career and a habit of working out regularly, while a woman who was a good catch at 20 may seem like less of a good prospect at 40. This imbalance is greatly exacerbated by offspring... the woman usually has custody, meaning that a woman with children is a less appealing prospect than a man with children (as they probably don't live with him). So although early on there may seem to be more women who are a good catch, this declines over time and good women of a certain age become less plentiful while good men of the same age become more so. This would appear to be beneficial for the women who are still looking for a good man, until you realise that all the good men of a certain age are dating good women who are several years younger!

 

While I'm not in my 40s and I agree that at this point in my life I wouldn't want the responsibility of dating a woman with kids, I will say I really don't think this "old men chase after young girls" really has much meat to it. Frankly if I were 40 I think one of the last things I'd want to deal with is a less mature 20 year old. And who knows, if I end up being 40 and without kids, maybe dating a 40yo woman that has kids that are past the constant care age would be a real plus. Growing up I've known quite a few older childless men that have taken me under their wing so to speak in order to feel as if they can impart what they've learned to a younger generation. And I'll also point out that I truly think it's a shame that we have let popular culture see old childless men as lecherous. But I digress...

 

I do for the most part agree with your earlier post that finding someone to be in a relationship with has a lot to do with timing. I'm not going to agree that all the "good ones" are taken early though. First I don't think dichotomies are ever realistic and therefore describing someone as a "good one" is overly-simplistic. People are complex and always changing. Second I know for a fact that there are a lot of decent guys that simply fly under the radar. I'd consider myself one of them. I'd expect this to be true for women as well. After all "It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." - Judith Martin

[sumdude]

Sure seems that way sometimes. I'm 41, divorced, no kids and I know I'm one of the good ones who happened to have been married to one of the wrong ones. So I'm back out there again though not actively looking too much. I know a few like me around my age, both men and women. Good ones who ended up either with the wrong one or in a few R's that didn't work out for some reason.

 

Does seem harder to meet prospects the good way, through social networks that hang out etc because most of the folks my age are married with kids or otherwise involved so those kind of get togethers don't happen much anymore.