want advice

[swim]

hello!!

 

i am a 23 year old girl going on 24 in a few months time...i have parents who are quite conservative....i had been seeing this guy for 4 and 1/2 years alomost and when we completed our 3rd year anniversary which was a year and a half ago, i asked him if he loved me and would ever plan to marry me, and he said that he cant think about all that but that he really loves me alot too.....so we broke up and then made up after a a while coz we missed each other alot.....and this carried on for one and a half years......he used to tell me give me 6 months more and i will decide but i gave him one and a half years

 

he is 24 gonna be 25 in july and is currently gonna start his 2nd year of mba at university in america......and when he came down back home this time i had to have a final answer from him so that i could make my decision and move on....but when he came back he said that he still cant think about all this and that he has nothing to say to me, he made a very angry woman and i walked out of his life...now its been two weeks and he is still here and is leaving for the states in a few days and hasnt been calling me or trying to persue me and i to be very honest had this dying hope inside me that he would committ to me which he hasnt....he told me again to wait for him 1 more year....but i dont have faith in the trust i gave him.......

 

now a few months ago my parents made me meet this guy from england who is nice and really likes me but i dont like him coz i like my b/f (ex) but my parets are keen that i think about this other guy coz he will make me happy.......but i dont see myself with anyone else except my ex-b/f......

 

i feel really disillusioned with love and i think that its my fault coz all my friends and my family told me years ago that my ex-b/f will never marry me.....and i didnt listen to them, but now i have to move on....i feel very lost in life....with no way out.....

 

one more thing about my ex-b/f is that he is from a family with 2 sisters who have never liked me.....they are silly girls who dont like anyone.....maybe its my fault coz i am very straight person....either people love me or hate me, neway he likes to be social to the core and it used to get to me alot, he wants to know whos who and wnated everyone to know who he is also, he is star struck.....and doesnt value my intense outlook towards life!!!!! i felt sick at times looking at him talking to everyone with nothing but praises....and i mean EVERYONE!!!!!

 

also i wanna go to states to do a one year program at university.....my parents are not keen to send me there coz they wanna see me married soon.....i really wanna go!!!!

 

pl telll me where i am and what is the best approach to have in a situation like this!!!!!!

 

Thanks

 

911

[billy the kid]

hello Swim, geez sounds like you travel the world.. all I can say and it may not be much and then again everything, Swim be true to your self, take some time and think what is best for you, you know this more that the b/f or your parents, what ever you decide it will be ok, ya see life is a learning experience, and we all , every one of us makes mistakes even MASTER T.. Good luck, and I promise even if you make a wrong decession, you will learn something from it.

hello!! i am a 23 year old girl going on 24 in a few months time...i have parents who are quite conservative....i had been seeing this guy for 4 and 1/2 years alomost and when we completed our 3rd year anniversary which was a year and a half ago, i asked him if he loved me and would ever plan to marry me, and he said that he cant think about all that but that he really loves me alot too.....so we broke up and then made up after a a while coz we missed each other alot.....and this carried on for one and a half years......he used to tell me give me 6 months more and i will decide but i gave him one and a half years he is 24 gonna be 25 in july and is currently gonna start his 2nd year of mba at university in america......and when he came down back home this time i had to have a final answer from him so that i could make my decision and move on....but when he came back he said that he still cant think about all this and that he has nothing to say to me, he made a very angry woman and i walked out of his life...now its been two weeks and he is still here and is leaving for the states in a few days and hasnt been calling me or trying to persue me and i to be very honest had this dying hope inside me that he would committ to me which he hasnt....he told me again to wait for him 1 more year....but i dont have faith in the trust i gave him....... now a few months ago my parents made me meet this guy from england who is nice and really likes me but i dont like him coz i like my b/f (ex) but my parets are keen that i think about this other guy coz he will make me happy.......but i dont see myself with anyone else except my ex-b/f......

 

i feel really disillusioned with love and i think that its my fault coz all my friends and my family told me years ago that my ex-b/f will never marry me.....and i didnt listen to them, but now i have to move on....i feel very lost in life....with no way out..... one more thing about my ex-b/f is that he is from a family with 2 sisters who have never liked me.....they are silly girls who dont like anyone.....maybe its my fault coz i am very straight person....either people love me or hate me, neway he likes to be social to the core and it used to get to me alot, he wants to know whos who and wnated everyone to know who he is also, he is star struck.....and doesnt value my intense outlook towards life!!!!! i felt sick at times looking at him talking to everyone with nothing but praises....and i mean EVERYONE!!!!! also i wanna go to states to do a one year program at university.....my parents are not keen to send me there coz they wanna see me married soon.....i really wanna go!!!! pl telll me where i am and what is the best approach to have in a situation like this!!!!!!

 

Thanks 911

[Miffy]

I'm convinced one of the problems with the way people date today (getting really really intensely involved instead of just socializing flirtatiously until a serious commitment to marriage is made) is that it sets people up for situations like this, where one is so much in love with someone who just cannot or will not give one what one really needs.

 

I know that what you really want is marriage, but in lieu of a solid offer of marriage from a man you truly want to spend your life with, I suggest that at this point you should just ahead with your educational plans, or whatever else you want to do. At your age good mates are relatively easy to find, and it's better to go through the pain of leaving an unworkable relationship behind and open yourself up to the possibility of something new than to waste more of your life hoping for something that just won't happen. I know your heart can't understand this, but intellectually it's important to remember that when one door closes another one opens.

 

I hope all good things come to you. And love and marriage are definitely good.

[D.]

Swim, You have spent enough time trying to cement your relationship with your boyfriend. You will notice I did NOT say "wasted" time. All time spent in any giving situation is a learning experience. All learning is knowledge and all knowledge is good.

 

It is time now to start seeing other men. This will be difficult since you still have such strong feelings for your boyfriend. However, remember he appears not to have those same strong feelings or you would have a ring on your finger regardless of the reasons why "he just can't think about those things right now."

 

Also, from what you say, he has a different lifestyle ... one of which you do not like or approve. NOT GOOD! Do you think marriage would change that? NOPE! A marriage partner must be one with who you share similar lifestyles, goals, interests, communication, trust ... and so much more.

 

Swim, when you start seeing other men, try your best to put this long relationship with your ex in the back of your mind during your date so that you will have an open mind at to what this other man has to offer you emotionally. ALSO beware of the rebound phenominon! You know what that is. If not, it is when you automatically latch on to the first guy that comes along because you miss your ex so much, even though the chemistry you Think is there ... really isn't. This happens a lot.

 

As far as your education. It is CRITICAL to always have some trade of some kind to fall back on in order to support yourself and, in the future, your children, should anything ever happen to your husband ... unless you are an heiress to a fortune and never have to worry about money .. But even then, the economy is fickle. Get a trade of some kind, be it secretarial, receptionist, Medical Assistant, Dental Technician ... or something that you can use should necessity arise. I speak from experience here. All those I have listed take a relatively short time for school, from 6 months to a little over a year. The dental tech pays VERY WELL (I wish I had chosen that one! LOL).

 

I hope I have been of some help to you and best of luck.

 

D.