Lovely10 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 The traditional marriage vows are quite specific concerning their duration. 'Til death do us part. However, I wonder whether there is an actual intention between the parties for the union to endure for a lifetime. So, is marriage for life? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 yes......... Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Staying married for life, is optional. One goes into that committment saying the words and hopefully believing them...but the actual until death thing is always optional. In most countries its your right. And i dont care what you are thinking at the time, what your religious or moral views are...the option of divorce is right there in your face. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I think most couples have this intention when they say "I do." However people change...life happens...and intentions don't hold up. Marriage is a lot of work, and sometimes it is doomed from the start because the two are not a good match. All that said, at least half make it the distance...so something is going right. Link to post Share on other sites
foreal Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 The traditional marriage vows are quite specific concerning their duration. 'Til death do us part. However, I wonder whether there is an actual intention between the parties for the union to endure for a lifetime. So, is marriage for life? Thoughts? I think most who say "I do" go into it with the intention for life. I did. Even if there is a divorce, the marriage will always be a part of their Life- so in a sense, it IS for Life. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Marriage is a lot of work, and sometimes it is doomed from the start because the two are not a good match. All that said, at least half make it the distance...so something is going right. What percentage of the half that stays together are happily married do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 What percentage of the half that stays together are happily married do you think? And what percentage is happily married AND cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Truly deeply love my wife of 20 years. I am now certain that we are past the "point of no return". I simply cannot imagine not being with her. She acts/says she feels the same way and I believe her. I really think I just luckily married the right person. I don't think I could have "stuck it out" with someone I was not so compatible with and passionate with. The traditional marriage vows are quite specific concerning their duration. 'Til death do us part. However, I wonder whether there is an actual intention between the parties for the union to endure for a lifetime. So, is marriage for life? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 The traditional marriage vows are quite specific concerning their duration. 'Til death do us part. However, I wonder whether there is an actual intention between the parties for the union to endure for a lifetime. So, is marriage for life? I thought so, and I believe my wife did when we married. I continued to think so, right up to the time she announced her intention to leave - I think she may have stopped thinking so somewhat earlier than I did. I can't imagine very many people - for a first marriage, anyway - who would be sitting there thinking "ok, well I'll try this, and if it doesn't work out, I'll just move on." I really think everyone believes they are the ones who will break all the records, be different. I did. Being divorced, as I am now - especially having invested my heart and soul right up until the end was decided for me - as you might imagine, I'm a bit more jaded. I've managed to avoid bitterness, though there is a thin line separating the two. In retrospect - it is hard, isn't it? - to imagine a high percentage of couples remaining compatible as they double and triple in age. In that sense, maybe it is a sweet thing that "so many" do make it. Glass half full, as Devil Inside points out... And what percentage is happily married AND cheating? Ha... half-full glass gets spilled; someone must have got my dose of cynicism... I have no need to imagine some large proportion of "them" being unhappy, miserable, cheating, or whatever it takes to tear them down to make me feel better. A marriage doesn't stay a fairy tale, like there's a wedding followed by "happily ever after." I think people struggle in marriage like they do in life, and a marriage evolves as people do individually. Marriage reflects life - love, happiness, sadness, sometimes great loss... I think some people "live a marriage" like they live a life, taking what comes on the journey and moving on through it. Doesn't mean they're stuck or unhappy, it's just the life they've chosen. I didn't make it in marriage, but I'm doing OK as an individual. I see people around me who are making their marriages work, and I have no problem cheering them on. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Happy marriages are like winning the lottery. They do happen and it is great when they do but don't count on it. Chances are you will not win the lottery and chances are you will not have a happy marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Truly deeply love my wife of 20 years. I am now certain that we are past the "point of no return". I simply cannot imagine not being with her. She acts/says she feels the same way and I believe her. I really think I just luckily married the right person. I don't think I could have "stuck it out" with someone I was not so compatible with and passionate with. I am not saying it will happen but you better be ready to handle getting the divorce bomb dropped on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Happy marriages are like winning the lottery. They do happen and it is great when they do but don't count on it. Chances are you will not win the lottery and chances are you will not have a happy marriage. I am not saying it will happen but you better be ready to handle getting the divorce bomb dropped on you. Ahhh.. Half-empty glass dumped out, smashed to the floor, swept up and sent to recycling. Maybe it'll come back as something useful, like a nice ornament I can hang on my sliding glass door so the birds don't try to fly through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I am just being realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Or am I unknowingly walking into a minefield? I am not saying it will happen but you better be ready to handle getting the divorce bomb dropped on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Or am I unknowingly walking into a minefield? Every married man is living in a minefield. Any day she can turn on you and you will scratch your head wondering what the hell happened. Enjoy your marriage but remember that she can turn on you at any time and be emotionally prepared for it. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 If you asked the question 10 years ago, I'd answer with an enthusiastic "absolutely". Eight years ago, 'till now I'd answer with a dulsitory "very seldom". Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 The traditional marriage vows are quite specific concerning their duration. 'Til death do us part. However, I wonder whether there is an actual intention between the parties for the union to endure for a lifetime. So, is marriage for life? Thoughts? Yep. That is fully our intention. As a matter of fact we changed our vows and did not say Til Death Do Us Part -- we said Forever. As in IF there is in anyway to continue after death we intend to. We are both complete romantics at heart. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I went into my marriage vows believing it was for life. And I fought against the demons he brought into the marriage repeatedly until I just wore out and couldn't do it anymore. IMO, he broke the vows continuously - pretty much giving me permission to end the "til death do us part" part of the vows. When one party breaks a contractual agreement, the other party is not obligated to continue with said contract. He broke the vows 2 months in. We stayed married for 4 years beyond that (and many more "breaks" on his part). Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 He broke the vows 2 months in. We stayed married for 4 years beyond that (and many more "breaks" on his part). Wow SS_CO. That took a whole lot of strength to persevere and endure. I hope you find better now. You soooo deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Wow SS_CO. That took a whole lot of strength to persevere and endure. I hope you find better now. You soooo deserve it. Thank you, IG. I still felt guilty the day I filed, but in retrospect, I have to remind myself how much work I DID put into it. I never saw myself divorced in my 20's. I learned a lot, however...I just get to find a man this time that is as dedicated to the sacred contract that is marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Thank you, IG. I still felt guilty the day I filed, but in retrospect, I have to remind myself how much work I DID put into it. I never saw myself divorced in my 20's. I learned a lot, however...I just get to find a man this time that is as dedicated to the sacred contract that is marriage. And just as dedicated to you as he is that contract! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I am just being realistic. The upside of having extremely low expectations: you will never be disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Can marriage be for life? I think so. Just need to think about it before rushing in. My Dad proposed to my Mum 5 months after they met (I assume they only started dating for less than that) and got married after 11 months. They obviously did not think this through because though they had enough spark to carry them through their first 10 years of marriage, it steadily declined for the next 7 years before they had to keep up appearances for my brothers and I for the next 2 before finally separating after 19 years of marriage. Definitely a lesson for me to not just rush in into this when my opportunity comes up. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 "happy" marriage is such a relative term when the realities of life don't allow for perpetual happiness. Maybe "strong" marriage would be the better term? I've pointed out in another post that people go into marriage with the belief divorce is an option; they're not fully committed to the long haul, and are apt to look for (and grab) fleeting opportunities for "happiness" outside the marriage. I think that "I do" can mean forever if both people go in with the understanding that marriage is hard work, that you have to look beyond annoying idiosyncracies and habits to focus on the meat of the relationship ... otherwise, you're just fooling yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Holding-On Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Every married man is living in a minefield. Any day she can turn on you and you will scratch your head wondering what the hell happened. Enjoy your marriage but remember that she can turn on you at any time and be emotionally prepared for it. Bah This can happen in any deep relationship. Not just marriage. My father's best friend and him had a business for many years (over two decades). My father helped his friend set up a shop in a similar field but different region with the trust that they would not compete on jobs. This worked for a while but I'm sure you can imagine what happened next. Both parties felt wounded and have not talked in some years. Basically putting your heart out in any way can result in heartbreak. That is what is meant by "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" Link to post Share on other sites
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