anyone else get payback fromthe other woman and did you enjoy it

[lostforwords]

OK.. look.. everyday i come on and its a f*ucking battle.... im just getting tired of it.... ok maybe i should just shut up about it.... i just had a crap morning like everyone else does.... and im so sick of watching other people getting raked through the fu*cking coals and all the potshots.... so ya i did sit quietly and now.... im sorry i guess im like you crazyglue03 i just cant keep my nose out of it now can i? perhaps crazyglue03 if your that concerned about it try NOT being as petty as I WAS. I DO apoligize for lowering myself to take petty pot shots at moimeme as well i should refrain myself from telling her to shaddap as well, i just assume one would have common sense to know as well not to continue taking potshots considering the past few battles she has had with other people as well for insulting them...

 

as far as sandy is concerned i dont agree with making someone sick..... and taking satisfaction in watching it.... but hey people deal with problems in different ways..... good luck to everyone!!!

[Girlinterrupted]

I agree with moimme on this, no one should enjoy another's pain.

 

Now SANDY I don't understand why you would put your self through the torture of getting a detailed confession from this woman, what can she tell you that you don't already know....how good it was? Or maybe you just want her to continue lying to you. Well seeing as to how you are pushing the bulk of this on her then I supposed that it doesn't even matter to you your husband is getting away with it all by you staying with him.

 

Is it not your husband who swore to love you, who swore loyalty by you, is it not he with whom you had a commitment? Yet your worried about gaining revenge on her, I don't understand.

 

What you need to do is get rid of him, he is who ruined your lives! She didn't owe you a thing. She was just a bad choice in friends but he is who you trusted, he is who had everything to loose and chose to do so anyway!

 

I could see if you were staying for the kids but they already know, so why are you doing this to your self?

 

Your not gaining a thing by doing this in fact by staying w/ him you show everyone that you are a powerless woman with absalutely no dignity.

 

I am truly sorry that this happened to you but you need to grow up and worry about what's important.

 

Are you going to make the next woman confess too?

 

To answer your questions:

 

#1 On a scale of 1 to 10 exactly how crazy do you think I am right now? 10, it's completely unnecesary!

 

#2. If she sends the letter should I really read it or just obtain statisfaction knowing I got a little dignity back? Hey ! Control is control even at this late date.

by staying w/ him you show everyone that you are a powerless woman with absalutely no dignity.

 

#3. If she does not send the letter should I really tell her husband and children and grandchildren? They would be devasated. How about just the husband. Does he have a right to know? ( Yes I know are my motives are not entirely unselfish)

 

The children are innocent in all of this, leave them out of this! As for the husband, I do think he should know but not in the way that you plan. I think that you should tell him for the best of him not out of revenge for her.

[AprilFool]

Sandy, I know I'm not one for good advice in the love department...and my marriage is shaky at best

 

But YOU GO GIRL! Most people won't agree with me saying that, but that self centered jerk got off at your expence, so why should't you get off at his? What he did to you was personal, and you have a right (in my opinion) to take it personally. Maybe I am a phsyco, but in my opinion, they deserved every little thing they got. FINALLY! Someone who takes control and isn't a poor-pitiful-me victim

[sandy]

Thanks

I have read the posts here and ignored most of them. They get all excited about her (the OW) poor little kids. Her kids are 26 and 27 and screw around on thier own spouses (when they have one) They, I think would be delighted to get a little pay back at the sanctimonious mom who always telling them THEY are irrresponsible.

 

I won't tell her husband. Poor guy should be told before he ends up spending his life a cockold He is still young enough 55 to find a good woman. Hes retiring soon and will be home all day Then maybe she will straighten up.

 

Then I get the poor OW B.S. Look she was not in love with him and he was not in love wth her. When I offered to step aside and let them go at it niether one wanetd the other one. ( Is that not a sad commentary on thier relationship) She was not conned by his sliver tongue as she was my friend and knew the truth.

 

Here is the basics Hes an a--h--e. No doubts grade A #1 kind. But he thinks with his lttle head as do 80% of the men ( According to the APA)

She however was a woman. a friend she betrayed me as an individual and our joint sisterhood. She had the ability to empathize with my feelings and instead chose to put it and and twist it around. End of story.

 

I also noted everyone felt so sorry that my hubby barfed when he found out I knew the details and he could not B.S. me into thinking it was all her fault. Posters were so sorry he threw up twice. Hell I threw up when I found out. My daughters still upset. He can throw up too it won't kill him.

 

Then there are the ones that prognosicate he will be unfaithful again. HELLO !! OF course he will be unfaithful again I beleive that is a no brainer. He manages to go say 4 or 5 years before he starts again. My kids will be in college and safely adult by that time.

 

And last but not least some posters feel I am so pathetic to stay with him.

Pathetic?

I had a family meeting with my daughters 14 & 11. We discussed it. They pointed out that although it was a horrible thing and he needs to make amends and never do it again ( I let them have that fantasy they are still young) he was still a great Dad.

They wanted him to stay. They want an intact family. They are entering the age when young girls start experimenting with sex and boys

. I would rather have a contrite father at home sucking up to Mom and the kids than an absent father. Young girls have a habit of spreading thier legs for boys in search of a absent fathers love.

Maybe I am a pathetic woman but I am a Damn good mother.

 

Also there were the posters who thought if I got the details my eyes would burn out or something.

Folks I have and IQ of 147 and have lived with this guy for 16 years. I aleady KNOW the details

I just need confirmation to use to beat the HECK out of him,

To make her accept her own culpability and maybe thereby save her husband some future pain ( if I make her hurt enough or embarassed enough or frightened enough she may not do it again) .

And to blackmail her if she ever so much as trys to contact my family gain.

I got details of what they did in my home and I just look at the place on the rug and the visual make me want to laugh.

 

And to all the posters who were waiting for me to write back and say I was wrong and revenge feels just awful..... Sorry it still feels great.

 

One thing I did notice is that yo ucan obtain a vague feeling for each posters place in thier own relationsips by the response they post, eg other woman faithful spouse unfaithful spousel Thier backkground shows in thier posts

[Girlinterrupted]

[color=blue]I wonder though, is revenge going to feel this good to you when he does this to you again?

 

Or let me guess, you think you've punished him so he's learned right? This is the 2nd time......3rd's a charm I guess

 

A "great" mother would be example to her daughters that a woman does not need to put up with such a poor excuse for a man, that a woman should respect herself and have dignity![/color]

[lostforwords]

And to all the posters who were waiting for me to write back and say I was wrong and revenge feels just awful..... Sorry it still feels great.

 

 

Im with ya all the way girlfren... i wouldnt have relished in making him sick... however they put you thru hell and paybacks a b!tch... and its just unfortunate you have to be posting about this crap... good luck to you!!! as far as the rest of the advice givers... look at it this way... you know the old saying just nod your head and smile... kinda works the same here LOL

[moimeme]

Folks I have and IQ of 147

 

Oh, really? On which scale?

 

Thier (sic) backkground shows in thier (sic) posts

 

One would think such a brilliant human might have learned to spell someplace along the line.

 

Make whatever ridiculous remarks you wish about posters' backgrounds (a highly intelligent person would posit no such baseless theories, of course); the fact remains that you are consumed with anger and hostility and are allowing those emotions to govern your behaviour. This is not the sign of a healthy human, and certainly not of someone who could be a 'great' mother.

 

You do a fine old job of rationalization. Men who abuse women also rationalize their behaviour. People who do all manner of horrid and hateful things rationalize their behaviour but the fact is that getting into the dirt with the pigs makes you one of them. All you have done is lowered yourself. If you're proud of that, great. Same goes for the people who applaud your behaviour. I'd suggest you go see some of the people in your department and ask for counselling, however. Ask about sociopaths. There's this thing called a 'conscience' which prevents most of us from revelling in cruelty, after all.

[moonspinner]

Thank you moimeme.

[Girlinterrupted]

Revenge?

 

HELLO, YOUR STILL WITH HIM!

 

If you ask me he got off easy.

 

A few crocodile tears, a smack on the wrist and then off to bed with you again.

 

Aaww poor guy!

 

Your just making your self believe you did something about this so that you can sleep better at night when you know that reality is that for what ever reasons within your self you are too weak to leave him.

[lostforwords]

Your just making your self believe you did something about this so that you can sleep better at night when you know that reality is that for what ever reasons within your self you are too weak to leave him.

 

IS there really absolutely anything wrong with someone who choses to keep their marriage? no.... i wouldnt say she was weak.... id say she wasnt willing to let something like the affair split the marriage..... plus she got the consensus with the rest of the family.... id say it doesnt make her weak at all.... if anything it makes her a stronger person for not willing to give up on her marriage....... and to try and cope..... not everyone has the same tolerance levels.... not everyone has the same coping mechanisms.... each person has thier own definitions of weak/strength....... and you telling her shes weak.. is just an example of everyones own defintions..... i view her as a strong..... )

[Girlinterrupted]

This man has done this to her in the past and now again with her own friend, where do you draw the line?

 

I don't think she should call her self getting some dignity out of all of this, it's the opposite in fact. Going around ruining other peoples lives just because you chose to be with a man who ruined yours isn't being strong!

 

Like I said, this woman didn't owe her anything she wasn't who swore loyalty by her at the alter, it was he. If anything she should just sit back and let it happen then. If she thinks that making this woman suffer in any way is going to fix things within her self or her marriage she is in for a big surprise.

 

There will be more woman and bigger problems to come, the next woman might not be so easy to manipulate!

[moimeme]

GirlI

 

I think you're wasting your breath.

 

Some people think two wrongs make a right and glory in their 'triumphs' when they add their own wrongs to the mix. This person is clearly one of those sorts.

 

Anyway, I scarcely think her husband will stay with such a vindictive woman so the problem will eventually solve itself.

[amerikajin]

>>>Me, too. I cannot imagine anybody actually enjoying somebody else's suffering. That is literally frightening. And disturbing. It is pure cruelty and cruelty is NEVER justifiable.<<<

 

Who the hell are you??? Mother Teresa?

 

Look, she's human. Her husband cheated on her...with her best friend. Don't know how some of you might react to that, but I'm guessing the average human being might be just slightly pissed. There was no reason for her husband to make up a story about getting physical with her. Does anyone really for a single moment believe that all they did was have an occasional 1-900 phone call? Come on!

 

No, I do not think it's a good idea to seek vengeance, though it has nothing to do with this load of bull about "hurting innocent people". Innocent people have already been hurt here, and it wasn't Sandy's idea. I don't think it's a good idea because I think she's going to waste more of her time and energy dedicating herself to seeing other people fall down (which may or may not happen the way she wants it to) - time which could be otherwise better spent by getting rid of her weasel husband and getting far away from him as possible, and leaving him on the outside-looking-in when it comes to time with his children - not out of vengeance, but as a matter of pure consequence.

 

But hell...if she were to do the unthinkable, well, the unthinkable just might be understandable here. The question is whether her actions are going to hurt people unnecessarily. And that's the word of the hour here: "unnecessarily". Well, draw the line...tell us, moiememe, what's "necessary" and what isn't. Was it necessary for her backstabbing slimey weasel "friend" to go two-timing her all of these years? Ethically, the other guy and her family finds out...what's the big deal? Aren't people ultimately entitled to the truth? Maybe their family isn't going to like the truth about their beloved homewrecker, but the sooner they find out about her, the sooner they can deal with the reality about this person's character, and the sooner they might be able to change it for the better (even if it requires a little negative reinforcement).

[moimeme]

amerikajin

 

Not exactly where your tirade comes from - unless you mean the part where this woman's children and parents would also be part of the 'collateral damage'. Clearly they had nothing to do with this - if that doesn't define 'innocent parties' then I don't know what does.

 

I don't care how innocent a person is or is not. We do not take justice into our own hands. We do not mete out punishment, and we do not inflict pain in retribution for pain. The entire legal system is predicated upon these principles. They are part of basic ethics.

 

Am I 'Mother Theresa'? Funny how it is that a person who espouses ethical behaviour gets scorned and mocked and mistreated by the likes of you. I do believe a lot of what Mother Theresa believed. She was Christian as am I - and JC made it very clear that the 'eye for an eye' Old Testament version of justice was to be supplanted by forgiveness, understanding, and love.

 

I may not be perfect at this, but it is the standard I aspire to and I demand of myself that I live a life in congruence with that standard. And I'm not alone in this.

 

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[1]

Matthew 18:20-22

http://www.biblegateway.com/

[EnigmaXOXO]

I don't think that weakness or strength has anything at all to do with "holding onto one's marriage." But I also believe that divorce should only be the last resort when all other options have failed. I also don’t think its prudent to confuse anger and aggression with “strength.” The post certainly leaves one to wonder: is it the marriage Sandy wants, or absolute control over the “louse” she's married to?

 

I realize that its impossible to have all the facts, but I don’t see anything here which indicates any sense of love, devotion, or mutual respect between these two. Where’s the joy and contentment? The happy family? Is it any wonder their sex life has gone down hill and the husband considers her “cold?” --- And what woman would even want to make love to a man who habitually betrays her?

 

I have a feeling that Sandy’s resentment towards her husband has festering unchecked for a long time. Probably since the very beginning of their relationship when he hurt her the first time. Why else would she still be confiding in friends and strangers about this incident so many years later? And was it pride or embarrassment that kept her from getting the professional help they have both needed?

 

I may be wrong, but I get the sense that this relationship hasn’t been a real marriage for a long time. It has deteriorated into a power struggle with one determined matriarch.

 

I KNOW my husband is at leat 50% at fault but I KNOWhow to deal with him.

 

Sounds more like she regards her husband as one of her troubled adolescents in need of strict discipline. Perhaps he behaves like one, but a healthy relationship between two adults should not require the ‘parenting’ of either spouse.

 

And oh yes the letter about the affair I want it to make her own up to the affair and also my louse of a husband. It too easy to repeat behaviors unless they ( the unfaithful)own up to what they did. IfI have detais then I can confront him and twist it a little if you get the idea.

 

Counseling and therapy don't usually work on his type . Behavior modification with adverse conditioning might. This is the start of his adverse conditoning.

 

Now she has resumed the role of family therapist? How would she even know if they’ve never even consulted a counselor? … How about the girls? Who is going to help them cope?

 

And sorry ladies, but I’m just not buying the IQ and “Master’s Degree in Psychology” defense.

 

I would rather have a contrite father at home sucking up to Mom and the kids than an absent father.

 

I aleady KNOW the details

I just need confirmation to use to beat the HECK out of him,

 

Yikes!

 

I realize that Sandy has every right to feel angry and betrayed. Haven’t we all been there at one time or another? As humans, we’ve all fantasized about elaborate plots of revenge, and even laughed about them later after we’ve calmed down. “Control” is knowing that we can still drawl the line between emotion and action and take the wiser course. But once we allow anger to send us over the edge, the actions that follow are not healthy, productive or humorous. Certainly, not anything to gloat, cheer about, or revel in.

 

I realize we are all different when it comes to defining relationships, and our expectations in regards to what we seek in a partner. For me, I could not imagine being with someone who didn’t genuinely want to be with me. I could not browbeat, blackmail, threaten or bully someone into staying with me. Particularly if we were both miserable and unhappy. Loyalty and devotion are byproducts of love and not the rewards of emotional extortion.

 

I just want to see Sandy and her family spend the next five years HAPPY, rather than exacting their revenge on Daddy until he finds relief in the arms of another woman again.

 

…So, how would anyone suggest they get there?

[lostforwords]

Some people think two wrongs make a right and glory in their 'triumphs' when they add their own wrongs to the mix. This person is clearly one of those sorts.

 

Amerikajin

 

I think you're wasting your breath.

 

Some people think destroying a family and possibly doing further turmoil to 2 families when they add thier own "opinions" (keyword) to the mix. This person is clearly one of those sorts.

 

Anyway, I scarcely think sandy will stay too much longer with such a piece of crap husband so the problem will eventually solve itself.

 

see moimeme how it can actually work 2 ways... you telling someone till your blue in the face and getting pissed off at everyone who doesnt think like you is clearly turning you into a seething frenzy..... whats wrong with sandy having it from all sides?. shes coming here for opinions.... just because i am not one to sit and say leave the basta*rd and see what happens.. how the h*ell do you know whats right and whats wrong for her self and her family?. your opnion has been stated and like an adult moimeme, i would hope AGAIN you would refrain yourself from berating people. Perhaps she needs to put her hubby and ex friend through some s***, and once she starts to get sick of that.... maybe .. just maybe then she'll see all the strength she mustered to treat her a**h*** of a hubby could be used to get her and her daughters out of there.... see maybe she doesnt WANT to be alone just yet..... maybe she wants to see if somehow through all of the bull$hit shes been through perhaps she will triumph over it...... tsk tsk on you moimeme... i would have expected for someone to be as educated as you are and makes no mistakes on rubbing it in peoples faces..... that you would see some people dont have those strengths as maybe you do..... but then again.... i dont expect you to come to terms with my opinion or understand them for that matter.... you can lead a horse to water.... but you cant make her drink.... yeh i may not be as educated as i would like to be... doesnt mean im going to throw a hissy fit and act childish whenever someone doesnt agree with me..... just means i understand there are different avenues for people to try..... maybe she has to try more than one.

 

ps moimeme btw you look rather ravishing today!!!

[brashgal]

Wow, Sandy - I've been you! Here's how it's turned out so far:

 

Confrontation with the OWs (plural) was unproductive, one became angry and belligerent and threatened me with bodily harm; the other cold, polite but not apologetic. The first OW's husband ignored me, stayed married and occasionally still deals with my ex professionally (but I never hear from them). I think she still keeps up with my ex although I don't know that she knows about OW #2. I could still tell OW1 about OW2 but I don't want any of that drama to stick to me. I figure eventually it will all come out. The second husband filed for divorce and my ex is still with his ex.

 

So while confronting everyone and making them upset was initially adrenalin-producing and slightly satisfying, I wouldn't do it again. Do I regret it? If I dwell on it I feel a twinge. It got me nothing so I can't say it's a happy memory. I stood up for myself. But I would have done better to cut my losses earlier. Hindsight is 20/20. I do know that all our joint friends who were worth keeping up with are still my friends - they are civil to my ex but that's about it.

 

I dealt with the power struggle on and off for 3 years. Aversion-therapy didn't work in my case. I got tired of the constant struggle and I needed to reclaim my self-respect. I told him to choose - he chose her.

 

Regarding the kids - my eldest is in college and has very little respect left for his father. My youngest sees more of his Dad now than I think he did when he lived with us - men can still parent even if they don't live with the child full-time. He told me this morning that he was glad he lived with me and not his Dad (I had asked if he wanted to live with his Dad - he said he just likes to visit).

 

What kind of example do you want to set for your kids? Do you want them to see that marriage can be a partnership with love and mutual respect or do you want them to see that it's a constant power struggle for control? If you let them see that you are 'wronged' again and again and continue to take the abuse then they are more likely to allow men to do the same to them - kids learn mostly by example. They may be lucky and act deliberately not to put themselves in the same position - you just never know. What good does it do them to witness the misery first-hand? Some of it does rub off on the kids, even if you try to keep them out of it.

 

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck - this is not an easy situation to be in and you have lost a friend in the process (the OW) - it's hard to deal with the betrayal but equally sad to lose the good parts of the friendship. Ironically I do occasionally miss OW1 although I'd never admit that to her.

[lostforwords]

Thank you brashgirl..... you did what you had to do.... my guess is because you werent willing at that time to let go...... you got sick of it and seen it really didnt get you any further than it did.... finally another perspective..... perhaps maybe in 3 to 5 years times sandy will have finally realized she can be independant..... ideally we all want to just stay put not say anything to the other woman or the other spouse, leave and move on and we wish we could have listened to everyone when they told us to just leave the SOB.... however some of us do eventually learn the hard way..... not by choice but by habit, desperation as well as fear of not wanting to rip a family apart.... its good to see you post on here as you represent everyones opinion... for every reason we feel we need to tell sandy what she should be doing..... yes you would have done better to have cut your losses unfortunately not everyone thinks like that or is either not in the right frame of mind to think like that or is not ready to think like that.... i totally agree that hind sight is 20/20... unfortunately it took a long ways to see that..... no matter what anyone says till they are blue in the face..... sandy will ultimately do what she wants to do..... people come here needing advice from all aspects.... and decide on what is best for themselves at that moment..... we cant force them to take our advice..... however nice that would be...... how unlikely is it for someone to always just cut thier losses immediately......as ideal as that sounds... unfortunately it doesnt always work that way.... hence why people learn the hard way...... i just wonder if you would still feel the same way about confrontation of both ow's if he had chose you instead of her? good luck to you

[brashgal]

He had wanted to stay married to me but didn't want to give up his 'friendship' with the OW - claimed that the physical affair was over. Unfortunately he was getting all his emotional support from her, plus they were active in an organization where they saw each other and did things together all the time. Bottom line was, he wanted to have it all but it spread him too thin to be any good to either of us (OW or me). And my guess is he was lying to boot since this was the second OW - once he was tired of her he'd move on to OW3 and so on - that's my guess anyway. Who can predict the future? This did not happen long ago - it's only been a few months since he left and we were together many years. I think ultimately we are happier - the power struggle was exhausting for both of us.

[amerikajin]

>>>I don't care how innocent a person is or is not. We do not take justice into our own hands. We do not mete out punishment, and we do not inflict pain in retribution for pain. The entire legal system is predicated upon these principles. They are part of basic ethics. <<<

 

That's an opinion to which you're entitled, moimeme...but not everyone believes in turning the other cheek, nor are they necessarily obligated to. Here's one for the road: whenever you f*ck with someone, remember that there might be consequences. Truth is, revenge is acceptable in many cultures and it is "meted" out by many individuals in small doses every day. I personally do not necessarily see it as the most productive way to resolve a dispute, but if someone else does, then within certain limits of course, I say that their intended targets have what's coming to them. Maybe it's not Hippocratic oath or Biblical verse, but perhaps it IS the law of human nature. And besides, if God didn't want us to take revenge from time to time, we wouldn't have the impulse. All things in moderation, of course.

 

>>>Am I 'Mother Theresa'? Funny how it is that a person who espouses ethical behaviour gets scorned and mocked and mistreated by the likes of you. I do believe a lot of what Mother Theresa believed. She was Christian as am I - and JC made it very clear that the 'eye for an eye' Old Testament version of justice was to be supplanted by forgiveness, understanding, and love. <<<

 

First of all, I wasn't aware that I was "mocking" and "mistreating" Mother Teresa. I was merely curious as to why you seem to put yourself on a pedestal (something you do rather often, as others have pointed out from time to time). You could have said "You know, I know how you must feel, and you have every right to feel angry, but it's probably best to move on with your life"....but no, Saint Moimeme has to berate and belittle anyone who doesn't conform to her own standards.

 

Christianity's your religion, your ethic - not everyone else's.

[lostforwords]

VERY well said amerikajin!!!!! and to you I bow.......

[bark]

>>>I don't care how innocent a person is or is not. We do not take justice into our own hands. We do not mete out punishment, and we do not inflict pain in retribution for pain. The entire legal system is predicated upon these principles. They are part of basic ethics. <<<

 

That's an opinion to which you're entitled, moimeme...but not everyone believes in turning the other cheek, nor are they necessarily obligated to. Here's one for the road: whenever you f*ck with someone, remember that there might be consequences. Truth is, revenge is acceptable in many cultures and it is "meted" out by many individuals in small doses every day. I personally do not necessarily see it as the most productive way to resolve a dispute, but if someone else does, then within certain limits of course, I say that their intended targets have what's coming to them. Maybe it's not Hippocratic oath or Biblical verse, but perhaps it IS the law of human nature. And besides, if God didn't want us to take revenge from time to time, we wouldn't have the impulse. All things in moderation, of course.

 

>>>Am I 'Mother Theresa'? Funny how it is that a person who espouses ethical behaviour gets scorned and mocked and mistreated by the likes of you. I do believe a lot of what Mother Theresa believed. She was Christian as am I - and JC made it very clear that the 'eye for an eye' Old Testament version of justice was to be supplanted by forgiveness, understanding, and love. <<<

 

First of all, I wasn't aware that I was "mocking" and "mistreating" Mother Teresa. I was merely curious as to why you seem to put yourself on a pedestal (something you do rather often, as others have pointed out from time to time). You could have said "You know, I know how you must feel, and you have every right to feel angry, but it's probably best to move on with your life"....but no, Saint Moimeme has to berate and belittle anyone who doesn't conform to her own standards.

 

Christianity's your religion, your ethic - not everyone else's.

 

 

 

I nominate amerikajin's post, quoted in full above, for post of the year.

[Iamhappy]

Wow. So much venom all around.

 

Originally posted by amerikajin

First of all, I wasn't aware that I was "mocking" and "mistreating" Mother Teresa. I was merely curious as to why you seem to put yourself on a pedestal (something you do rather often, as others have pointed out from time to time).

 

Amerikajin, pardon me for saying so, but I think your hostility is uncalled for. It seems to me that a lot of other posters shared moimeme's opinion. Yet, a special brand of vitriol is unleashed on her and her alone because she happens to have a view different from your own.

 

Isn't that the point of posting on this forum - that we accept the possibility/probability that others are going to disagree with us and that they will have standards unlike our own?

 

I understand that your values may be different from moimeme's, but I see no reason why personal attack is necessary or warranted. I don't see where you would get the impression that she holds herself above others. She has staunchly defended her position on this subject and many have agreed with her but for some reason only moimeme was deserving of your diatribe.

 

You were the one who brought up Mother Teresa and you were the one who assumed that moimeme put herself on par with her. Moimeme made it clear that she shares a lot of the same values. Having similar values as another person doesn't make you that person.

 

You could have said "You know, I know how you must feel, and you have every right to feel angry, but it's probably best to move on with your life"....but no, Saint Moimeme has to berate and belittle anyone who doesn't conform to her own standards.

 

How come you can't take your own advice then? Or are you simply unaware that you are doing the exact same thing as you accuse her of doing?

 

Just something to think about.

[lostforwords]

GirlI

 

I think you're wasting your breath.

 

Some people think two wrongs make a right and glory in their 'triumphs' when they add their own wrongs to the mix. This person is clearly one of those sorts.

 

Anyway, I scarcely think her husband will stay with such a vindictive woman so the problem will eventually solve itself.

 

I believe this statement is her at her best..... what a perfect example.... because I shared my opinion... my opinion there fore is wrong?????? Who has that sheer wisdom to assume I was wrong with what i advised sandy of..... and my reasonings behind it.... i did not see anyone coming to my defense when this was said....

 

Isn't that the point of posting on this forum - that we accept the possibility/probability that others are going to disagree with us and that they will have standards unlike our own?

 

exactly iamnotnothing..... so why is it that my opinion is "wrong" but when someone else; that i dont need to mention, posts thier regarded as being "attacked."

 

amerikajin is merely stating her opinion regarding someone who feels its necessary to berate someone who does not share her opinions. Im so sick of people feeling they need to belittle people over thier views or opinions when it differs.... and its a constant battle with that person.... if you look through out this forum.... you will see almost every battle in here has to do with her.... especially her berating and belittling of people.... bullies do go away after awhile when you ignore them, unfortunately... in this case.... the bully just doesnt get it.

[Iamhappy]

I'd like to comment on what you said, but my issue isn't with you. It's with amerikajin. I've read a number of his posts and his vituperative railing at moimeme seems unlike him (judging from his previous posts anyway). There's anger there that I don't recognize and I'm not quite sure that it was moimeme's post that caused his ire.

 

(Ok. I guess I'm going to comment on what you said.)

 

Lostforwords, you seem like a good person and I've seen you give plenty of good advice and offer support to those who need it, but I feel at times, that despite your lighthearted approach to some matters, you take some things a bit too personally.

 

I understand what it feels like when you are put on the defensive, but I think sometimes you get so busy defending your stance that you don't realize that you yourself have engaged in "bullying" type behaviour. You can be relentless about a point almost, if not, to the extreme, especially when others don't agree with you.

 

You make some really good points about things, but your position almost always seems to be on the defensive - poised and ready for attack. There seems to be little room for others to express an opinion different from your own, and if, God forbid they do, the discussion degrades into name-calling, sniping, thinly-veiled insults, etc.

 

You make a point of saying that if you ignore the bully long enough, they will go away. I'd just like to point out that I don't see you ignoring people that might rub you the wrong way. You seem more intent on deliberately getting into a heated debate with certain people and taking pleasure in having others agree with you that whomever your target is is a bad person.

 

It's going to be hard to gauge your reaction to this because I'm not sure you wanted me to be so candid with you. I'm not sure if you'll consider what I said or if you will now make it a point to personally attack me if I ever disagree with you.

 

My two cents.