I made a mistkae and now im confussied

[carelinda]

Well Last weekend my husband went away with his friends to soutcarolina he behaved his self and told all his friends how good I was when he was away igot something in me kept saying he wont find so I met some guy and ended up cheating on my husband thinking he woukdnt findo ut but he when he came back iwas acting all weired because ithough imight be pregneat so ihad ot tell him what thank goodness i m not I done and that wasent good at all he got viloent a little bit ready to thorw me out and now is giveing me 2 chance but his treating me lie a kid where im punished from things and if I want to go see my mom in upstate he told me dont come back so icant even see my own mom and now I feel empty inside because the other guy iwas with made me feel imporant and fell better and treated me a whole better he gave me more aetion then my husband would ever give me so it makes me confusied rightn ow Idont know what to do and I dont know my feelings i feel if ill leave ill be messing up everything that idd have before icheated b and that imiss him a whole lot pluss ifeel like it will be hard to find someone new but it feel like idont want that but when ilook at my husband it feel like idont feel the same way anymore ifeel empty inside and when he touch me i feel like turning away but ifeel ilove im very confuissed right now Idont have kids yet and

 

Ionly been married 4yrs im 24 his going to be 28 feb Idont if we get along anymore and thats why i did it

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Let me ask you a question. If you had a car, and you noticed something was wrong with your car, would you thought it out and get a new one? Probably not because you've paid alot for the car in the first place so you would go and take it to the shop to get it inspected so as to find out what the problem is, and see if it can be fixed in the first place.

Now that seems logical, so why does it seem logical to throw out your marriage because of problems you've having and get involved with someone else without first handling the problems you're having at home to see if they can be fixed? Have you sat down and told your husband how you felt? That you don't feel he's attentive? Or what ever other problems you have? Have you patiently given him time to rectify the situation if it is indeed his fault? Have you considered marital counseling, or read up on publications that can help improve your marriage? Because if you're so quick to throw away your marriage because of a few problems that can be fixed, whereas you wouldn't throw away a car for a few problems that can be fixed, you put more value on the car than you do your own husband.

 

And as for the other guy, yes EVERYONE is attentive in the beginning, everyone is passionate in the beginning, and it's always very intense. Psychologists say it's like that in the beginning to help the couple create a strong bond. Once that strong bond is created, the intensity fades and the relationship goes from the passionate phase to the companionate phase which is actually the strongest of both phases. I'm not saying there won't be passion in that phase, it just won't be as intense as it is in the first phase, because there's no longer a need for it to stay on that "high". I guarantee you if you leave your husband for this guy, the same thing is going to happen, because that's just the way of relationships. So learn all about them before you decide to jump into a new one.

[Arabess]

Are explaining WHY you had an affair or are you asking if you should get a divorce??

[carelinda]

Im just confussied very bad that wasent the first time cheated he didnt find out aobu the other ones I think its because his not giving aetion and loveing that I need I tell him Iwant ot be holded more an cuddle but it feels like he dosent care and I know I mad a mistake of cheating but Ididnt want to be alone when he was on his trip I told him that Ididnt want him to go or ill cheat im right now confussied if ishould leave he did get violent towards me Idontknow

[carelinda]

yes thats what im asking Idont know what ot do I do feel Ilove him but ido feel empty inside when i see him

[Faerie Princess]

Even if you leave your husband. You need to speak with a therapist or other mental health professional.

 

As far as getting violent, I can't condone such behavior. Did he hit you? Beat you? Or hit the wall and yell?

 

You're cheating on him and lying to him and generally doing things that he should feel totally vindicated in leaving you over. Why does he stay with you?

 

You need to talk. You need to see a counsellor. You need to own your own actions. Your husband didn't MAKE you cheat and lie, you chose to do so. Being unhappy or unsatisfied is no excuse. If you're not willing to take responsibility for your actions you'll always find that you're unhappy. If you are willing to work through your problems, live honestly and be kind and compassionate to your husband, and he's willing to do the same to you, you can have a successful marriage.