My family is emotionally abusive

[xpaperxcutx]

I never posted my family problems on here because I find it embarrassing to have to admit that I have a mother who's willing to stay with men who take advantage of her financially rather than ending up alone. And it's even worse that I'm stuck in a position where if I voice my opinions I get yelled at for making things worse. I've been through abuse ( which I won't write here) and the emotional abuse I have from my mother and her husband is too much. If I have the ability to be financially and socially independent, then I would move out immediately and never look back. But as it is, it's impossible to go anywhere without running away and sleeping in the park.

 

Her husband is disgusting. He drinks and smokes excessively and has a temper that if provoked too far, I can imagine would lead to the physical. Even though we live under the same roof, I avoid talking or speaking to him directly, and the only person I ever interact with is my mom. Despite this, it's been 5 years of tension in this house, and my mom has been stuck in the middle. She's unwilling to divorce him because of the possibility of having to divide the assets of the apartment, but even worse she's willing to put up with his drinking and his smoking. I commented various times on having him as my stepfather, and more so when it involves him smoking in the house. They fight endlessly and ultimately, I still get blamed for being the enabler of their fights.

 

It's sad to have my mother tell me that while she loves me, she yells at me and sometimes even physically hit me for being obstinate and strongheaded. She blames me for trying to making them divorce, which while true, isn't the main driving force behind the problems.

 

I have lived in fear in this family for the last 10 years. Her last husband was abusive with both her and I, and even now I have to live with a mother who defends a man with the same traits and behaviour of her ex.

 

I have no other family. My aunts and uncles can't take me in because they live in government subsidized buildings. I can't rely on my friends, because while they can support me emotionally, they can't be there for me 100%.

 

I'm emotionally damaged. I have an eating disorder that won't go away and my mom is making things worse by being emotionally abusive. She calls me crazy and she yells at whenever she's in a bad in every word imaginable in Chinese. I don't know what to do.

[xpaperxcutx]

Tonight I commented on his smoking again ( he smokes in the bathroom and thinks the smell won't drift out into the living room). I tried reasoning with my mom but she slammed the door in my face. I tried yelling at her to get her attention but she wouldn't respond to me so I had to resort to turning up the stereo to at least get my mother to come out and listen. Instead of being a reasonable person about it, her husband decides to come out and start smashing cups and throwing chairs around. This all scared me because it reminds me of her ex husband when he would throw chairs around and hit people.

 

The worst part is that my mom thinks that I threw the chairs and cups. She doesn't believe it was him and I had to scream at her 5 times just to tell her that I didnt threw them.

[TwinkletOes26]

Papercuts im so sorry this is happening to you. You should call the police immediately if he gets physical with you. Heck you could have called with him smashing things up. This is a horrible situation to be in are you near a battered womens shelter...sometimes they will help you relocate to a place where you can stay until you get on your feet. Stay strong dear and know that their behavior no way reflects on you.

[Trialbyfire]

((hugs))

 

I'm sincerely sorry to hear what you've gone through and are going through. You're a smart lady. You're going to make it. Take whatever jobs you can so you can save up some money to move out, possibly with a number of roommates.

[Citizen Erased]

I am so sorry to read that papercut. I went through something similar when I was younger and it is an awful way to live, truly. My heart goes out to you.

 

You need to move out as soon as you can, seriously. It is dangerous for you to be there, you need to leave asap. For now, if they fight, don't get involved. I understand the wanting to stand up for your mother but she's an adult, she has to live with her choices. You cannot save her and it only serves to hurt you more.

 

I was actually 17 when I left home, almost 18, and it was the best thing I ever did. I put Uni on hold after awhile so I could support myself and I don't regret it. Whatever you have to do, you can't stay there. Your mother has proven she won't take you out of this situation, you must do it yourself.

 

Hugs to you and I'm hoping for your situation to improve.

[ehsan11]

Hi man,

 

There are many kinds of impotent think in this world family is one of them.

It gives us many think. We can not live without a family.

 

Thank you

[xpaperxcutx]

Thanks guys. Rereading what I wrote really put my life into perspective. I never like writing about my family and having put it on paper ( metaphorically speaking) tend to make things real.

 

My mom and I have our good and bad days. She tries to be a good mother but unless she's a third person looking in, she doesn't realize how selfish she sometimes can be.

 

Most of my relatives ( especially my grandmother ( her mother) ) think I should be more sympathetic and be more daughterly towards her but the way they apply their logic to things is that because she's my mother I have to respect her no matter what.

 

The apartment is more quiet now these last couple of days. Things are back to the way they are, my mom in the middle, and her husband and I in stalemate.

 

Thanks everyone for at least reading. For now I can only think about school. I think I will apply to move into the dorms next semester.

[Athena]

If I have the ability to be financially and socially independent, then I would move out immediately and never look back. But as it is, it's impossible to go anywhere without running away and sleeping in the park.

 

Wow. You can come stay with me, I live 2 hrs away from where you do. At least for a few months to either calm your situation down, or get into that dorm you were talking about for the Spring.