I need to move on ... but i don't want too =(

[Bulletproof]

Well this is a really long and complicated situation between myself and this girl i have known for about 2 and a half years now but basically to begin with we was just friends and stuff although we then like got really close, we used to stay up late at night on MSN and she would tell me all her problems (like she would never tell anyone else what was on her mind) and i would be there to help her through the hard times and there definitely was some sort of chemistry there, we went out a few times and i went round her house (and she never invites friends round) so i guess she must of had some sort of feelings for me back then, and things were going good until we started arguing about stuff ... and i think it was these arguments that put her off me and i think now i have realised how much they really hurt her, i knew she cried over them because her sister was telling me and stuff like that.

 

Well you can pretty much guess what happens next, i suppose she loses the feelings she might of had for me and moves on while i am still really attached to her and really like her and am trying to make her like me too and stuff although i soon realised she liked another guy and the arguments just got even worse ... it really depressed me and broke my heart as she was the first serious girl although we was only 15/16 at the time we was both very mature for our age group back then and stuff ... either way i eventually did what i felt was best and ended the relationship, i had a councillor for the depression and at the prom i realised i had no feelings for her as she was with the guy she liked and stuff, although she realised what a jerk he was and she came running back asking to be my friend i said no and soon after she was with another guy for 6 months (during that time i agreed to be a friend but i always planned to never really revive the friendship we had) sadly for them it ended about two months ago and i never knew this at the time and i made the stupid decision of asking her to see how she was ...

 

We flirted quiet a lot and stuff but then again we always did, i knew she wasn't just using me as a rebound as it was me who went to her first like i said i had no intentions of doing anything, we hanged out a few times and i guess i realised what a beautiful girl i had chucked away all that time ago and the feelings are slowly coming back ... i have told her a few times how i feel and i know she don't feel the same and stuff but at the end of the day i know this is stupid and i should just move on but i just don't want too, it's not that i can't because i have done it before previously, there is just a part of me saying no ... don't move on and i really ain't sure if it's because i think i have a chance with her (which i know in reality there ain't) or just because i like her that much.

 

At the end of the day there are just so many reasons going through my head as to why she might not like me that it is killing me inside ... although i think at the end of the day it was how i acted when i was younger that has really hurt her and as made her feel she only wants to be a friend ... i just can't move on, i am just so attached to her personality and no one sadly has the same personality and she just seems so perfect to me, i would love to not be selfish and be a friend but i know if i stay friends i will always be hopeing for something more to happen eventually and i just don't think that is the right way to go, and i know it will hurt me a lot if it never happens ... i just ain't sure what too do any more.

 

Should i stick around as a friend and be there for her and hope that she might develop feelings that make me seem like more than a friend to her, or should i just throw the relationship away ... although i know for a fact it will probably be revived because i will fall for her again as this is now the second time ... and advice will be greatly appreciated.