Impudent Oyster Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I never felt better... . That totally boggles my mind. I honestly cannot fathom feeling good about being someone's dirty little secret, of sleeping with a man you KNOW leaves your bed to go home and sleep with his wife, a man who would rather stick a clam fork in his eye than to have his loved ones find out about you. How could anyone possibly feel good about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 absolutely... she was over 50lbs overweight and took third place in a porkchop eating contest recently.. they also had very little in common... And yet, he obviously prefers staying married to her to divorcing her and making an honest woman of you. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Oh how silly, MM hit on women all the time, if I had a nickle for every time one hit on me I'd be rich. So do SGs. Personally I find it insulting that any SG would think I'm stupid or desperate enough to get involved with him. Because the fact is, no self-assured self respecting woman would take it any other way. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 And yet, he obviously prefers staying married to her to divorcing her and making an honest woman of you. Weird world view that requires a man to make a woman "honest".... Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 So do SGs. Personally I find it insulting that any SG would think I'm stupid or desperate enough to get involved with him. Because the fact is, no self-assured self respecting woman would take it any other way. In polite society where reasonably intelligent people dwell, a single man hitting on a single woman is generally considered normal behavior as a predecessor to a normal relationship. I guess when you've been living in La-La land you would think it strange for a SG to ask out a single woman. BTW, what color is the sky in your world? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Weird world view that requires a man to make a woman "honest".... Good thing you've verified that you're living on Earth. I was really beginning to wonder.... Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Ive rethought my position. I dont think I am "better" than she is - we both have different strengths and weaknesses. I think overall she is the better wife for him at this point in his life. While he is not happy with his relationship with his wife he is happier married to her than he would be if he were married to anyone else due to the history they share the family etc etc. I showed him how different life can be emotionally but thats not all there is to a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
StoptheDrama Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 This post made me think...I've never really considered myself to be in competition with BS as I knew he would never leave his family...I guess in some ways yes and in some ways no. I am better looking, better educated, more cultured and an activist. Now before the shots are fired I have worked in the non-profit sector for a number of years and also do a great deal of volunteer work. My recent personal failure does not determine who I am but it may dim the goodness inside of me to a degree. I have met her a few times and she is pleasant to interract with but shallow, vapid and vain. However, she is his wife and I contributed in wronging her. As he is a true narcissist (I am really beginning to believe this) they complement each other. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 In polite society where reasonably intelligent people dwell, a single man hitting on a single woman is generally considered normal behavior as a predecessor to a normal relationship. Thank god I live in a different world to that! "reasonably intelligent" wouldn't work for me. I want triple digit IQs, as the barest minimum (necessary but not sufficient condition). No guy who hits on me has a chance. I'm not a product to be chosen off a shelf. I have agency, and I do the choosing, TYVM. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Good thing you've verified that you're living on Earth. I was really beginning to wonder.... You shoudl visit some time. Earth is a really nice place. Here, women can be honest (or not) all through their own agency - they don't need men to make things happen for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasminetea Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Bloody hell. You lot have to spoilt it don't you? Bickering and bitching. Never mind 'better', you're as bad as each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 If I were better than her I would be the W and some OW would probably be feeling "less than" right now, just like I am. It sucks to love someone who doesn't love you "enough". As to "mud-slinging", I wouldn't want to fight with any of the BSs here. Unlike some of the OW I hold no bad feelings towards my MMs W. Why should I? Because she fell in love with the same man that I did, only she found him first? How could I find fault in her? How could i think badly about her, when the man I love with my soul, obviously thinks more of her than he does of me? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 At 19 and no career or college education when D-day hit....my H's OW then was better than I was. In that she was very well educated, more sophisticated(as in worldly) than I was...BUT, also a lot older than I was( and I think I had prettier hair..lol). She also told me that she grew up poor and had to do all kinds of work to be able to go to school. I was impressed with her hard work! I did not grow up poor and could not imagine the things she went through. She did tell my H that I looked like a total spoiled child-not really sure why she said that. As an OW(more than a decade later), I KNOW I look better than xOM's wife. She is 11 years older and looked it, I am 11 years younger and looked 11 years younger than my age . Plus as an artist, she looked very "hippish"...long, slightly unkempt hair, wears socks with her birkenstocks, long funky printed skirts. I think she would have benefited from one of those make-over TV shows. Financially, I have more while she depended on xOM. However, she is taller than I am, but then again, so is everybody...!!! Oh and my daughter loves me while her sons prefer their dad (xOM). But the above are just superficial stuff-I don't really know if I am profoundly better than her, as I do not really know her and vice-versa. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Not at all. I've only seen her once (she doesn't know me), and she looked so pretty & happy & I felt like crap. When I first met OM, I arranged for us all to meet spouses over at my house & that was nixed. I see clearly now he never wanted us to meet, because at first I had every intention of befriending his wife. I think we're probably a lot alike?? Don't know. I know she has him on a short leash, and no wonder huh? At one time he told me she suffers from depression. I don't, but one day was laying in bed crying all day because of this situation & I couldn't help but think he now has 2 women crying in bed all day. It made me think what life with him would REALLY be like.... So no, not better than at all. I wish we could have been friends. Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Easily, I can answer : NO. I don't feel better than the wife at all. I think we also have to remember that the only side of the W that the OW sees is what the MM tells the OW. Of course she will be villafied one way or another, so the OW doesn't think that the MM is leaving an angel at home when having the A. Link to post Share on other sites
Anis Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 If I may - as a BS considering the OW... I use thinking I'm better than the OW to cope with accepting the A. I've long ago made the list of areas one can compare themselves with another, and the ones I've planted my ego on mostly are the morality and self-respect factor. It's a quick fix to get me through a tough moment, and soon after I go back to feeling my insecurities and distantly wondering, for the millionth time, what she has that I don't. Being almost 2 years out from being told about the A, I feel like I should be farther in my healing already, and should be building myself back up by now to a woman that doesn't need to make those comparisons. Every few months i'll think i've had a breakthrough and lose the anger toward her, but so far it keeps coming back so I guess I'm not there yet. So yes, I think I'm better than the OW, but I haven't fooled myself out of knowing that I'm compensating. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I suppose what really matters is that HE thought I was better than her, and that he acted on it. Link to post Share on other sites
CarbonCopy Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hm. I never really considered it a competition between me and her since I didn't want him all to myself. His wife is a nice woman, but she has her faults, as we all do. I definitely think I'm better than her in some ways, but it doesn't matter now since I'm no longer with MM. She can deal with her jerk of a husband. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I've been seeing a MM for 5yrs and I do think I'm better than his wife. It doesn't matter whether she's the worst or best person in the world, it's simply because I'm 20yrs younger and much more attractive, and I got her H to cheat on her. And yes, I find it to be a total ego boost to know he's risking a 15yr marriage and relationship with his children to be with me. To think about how I took (or he took) the trust and exclusive bond of intimacy from her marriage or how I can destroy what she thinks is her world with one phone call is pretty mentally gratifying. I probably wouldn't be seeing him still if he didn't have a W. I know it's a pretty f*cked up way to think but.... Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I've been seeing a MM for 5yrs and I do think I'm better than his wife. It doesn't matter whether she's the worst or best person in the world, it's simply because I'm 20yrs younger and much more attractive, and I got her H to cheat on her. And yes, I find it to be a total ego boost to know he's risking a 15yr marriage and relationship with his children to be with me. To think about how I took (or he took) the trust and exclusive bond of intimacy from her marriage or how I can destroy what she thinks is her world with one phone call is pretty mentally gratifying. I probably wouldn't be seeing him still if he didn't have a W. I know it's a pretty f*cked up way to think but.... Wow - this is just sad. I agree with your last sentence though Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I've been seeing a MM for 5yrs and I do think I'm better than his wife. It doesn't matter whether she's the worst or best person in the world, it's simply because I'm 20yrs younger and much more attractive, and I got her H to cheat on her. And yes, I find it to be a total ego boost to know he's risking a 15yr marriage and relationship with his children to be with me. To think about how I took (or he took) the trust and exclusive bond of intimacy from her marriage or how I can destroy what she thinks is her world with one phone call is pretty mentally gratifying. I probably wouldn't be seeing him still if he didn't have a W. I know it's a pretty f*cked up way to think but.... Gracious. That's really awful. You love th idea of power and have no empathy at all. Wow. Just wow. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I've been seeing a MM for 5yrs and I do think I'm better than his wife. It doesn't matter whether she's the worst or best person in the world, it's simply because I'm 20yrs younger and much more attractive, and I got her H to cheat on her. And yes, I find it to be a total ego boost to know he's risking a 15yr marriage and relationship with his children to be with me. To think about how I took (or he took) the trust and exclusive bond of intimacy from her marriage or how I can destroy what she thinks is her world with one phone call is pretty mentally gratifying. I probably wouldn't be seeing him still if he didn't have a W. I know it's a pretty f*cked up way to think but.... this beyond sad......................................... I would imagine a soul would have to be very, very empty......... ..to gloat about having the ability to destroy another person's heart and soul. ...to be so devoid of empathy and compassion. I can't even begin to fathom. Link to post Share on other sites
CarbonCopy Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Ok, not to defend that poster, BUT I do understand and get why it would be an ego boost. My MM had never cheated before we got involved. It was a little flattering in a twisted way to know that I got this married man to go against his morals and vows and be with me. BUT, I never thought I was better than his wife because I'm almost 10 years younger than her and never did I think about telling her about the situation. Why would I want to do that? She's an innocent party, as are his children. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I've been seeing a MM for 5yrs and I do think I'm better than his wife. It doesn't matter whether she's the worst or best person in the world, it's simply because I'm 20yrs younger and much more attractive, and I got her H to cheat on her. And yes, I find it to be a total ego boost to know he's risking a 15yr marriage and relationship with his children to be with me. To think about how I took (or he took) the trust and exclusive bond of intimacy from her marriage or how I can destroy what she thinks is her world with one phone call is pretty mentally gratifying. I probably wouldn't be seeing him still if he didn't have a W. I know it's a pretty f*cked up way to think but.... I hate to pile on with the others expressing some sort of negative emotion, but this post made me LOL. You have a lot of growing up to do. But your honesty is certainly refresing. Link to post Share on other sites
movingforward Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 "Better" is a hard word I think. I think I derived a certain level of satisfaction from knowing what she looked like and knowing that she really is very unattractive. Also that I had more in common with him than she did. He told me on numerous occasions that I would have been his perfect partner in life. Link to post Share on other sites
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