ex-boyfriend blues

[Jasmine]

Hello, I have a question and hopefully somebody out there can answer it for me! My story is this, my ex-boyfriend and I dated for 7 months, and he was supposed to take me to his frat. formal, but instead told me he couldn't afford for us to go, and behind my back took another girl who he doesn't even know and doesn't like or anything. So, I found out and confronted him and he said that he wanted to be friends, that nothing was becoming of our relationship, but then stated he was scared of relationships and didn't want one. So, now it is summer, and I see him out everywhere, and we have all of the same friends, and it is hard to avoid him. We are both still single, but he hardly talks to me when we are out, and if I am lucky, sometimes he will talk to me on-line. My question is, what should I do around him, ignore him since he lied and violated our relationship, or be sweet to him and try to get things back to the way they were? I care about him so much, and I know he still has feelings for me, what should I do?

 

-Confused

[Tony T]

Well, he lied to you about not being able to go to the frat function, but it sounds like one of those little white lies because he wasn't wanting a close relationship with you. Maybe I'm giving him the beneifit of the doubt.

 

The bottom line is there is no future with this guy romantically. So when you see him out, there should be no problems being friendly to him, smiling, saying hello and having short chats. Don't be phoney, but be the person you are. He was dishonest with you...but if people never spoke to others who had told a lie here or there, it would be a very silent world.

 

But he doesn't sound like anyone you would want to have for a close friend or a party to a relationship you may want to revisit.

 

He may care for you...and you may care for him...but he has got some serious head problems he needs to deal with and you don't need to go there. Just be nice to him and look for another guy who's got his head together. I remember meeting one several months ago at the Gary, Indiana airport.

[D.]

I would remain civil to him in public, but not initiate any conversations.

 

Sweetie, he is not the only one with a problem here. You say you still want him back and care for him even after he A. lied to you about the frat party and B. he "stated he was scared of relationships and didn't want one."

 

You appear to have a self esteem issue because most girls would have dropped that guy and kicked him to the curb in a New York minute as most girls realize their worth and know they deserve far better treatment .... and so do you!

 

Again, since you cannot avoid seeing him in public, don't make yourself look like a dweeb by completely ignoring him. If he says something to you, remain civil and respond with as short and kind of a reply as you can. After a while, he will get the hint that he really has NO RIGHT to associate with you at all after what he did and will simply be polite in return when seen at the same places you and your friends frequent.

 

In the meantime, dump his unworthy butt and find someone who will appreciate all the fine things you have to offer.

 

Good Luck! D.

[Jo]

one. So, now it is summer, and I see him out everywhere,

and we have all of the same friends, and it is hard to avoid him. We are both still single, but he hardly talks to me when we are out, and if I am lucky, sometimes he will talk to me on-line. My question is, what should I do around him, ignore him since he lied and violated our relationship, or be sweet to him and try to get things back to the way they were? I care about him so much, and I know he still has feelings for me, what should I do?

Hi, I don't like being lied to so I would say to forget about this guy. First of all you were the once who had to confront him about what he did. I mean if someone makes a mistake or lies or whatever, the very least they can do is have the guts to tell you themselves and without prompting or questioing from you.

 

As for not wanting a relationship at this time in his life. I can relate to that as I was like that once too, so I wouldn't take it personally as I'm sure this has nothing to do with you.

 

I think that it wouldn't hurt you to be civil to him during socail gathering. I think we can all manage a bit of friendly chit-chat, even if it is to someone who has done wrong by us.

 

As for what you should do. I think you should let it be and just go with the flow. If something is meant to happen, it was happen. But you trying to force it to happen, or force him into a relationship that I just don't think he is ready for, is not the right way to go about it. I like this saying 'If you love something, set it free; if it returns, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was'. So let him be and if he's smart (as it sounds like you care for him a lot) he'll come back, but if he doesn't there will be someone great out there just for you!

 

Just remember, Never frown because you never know when someone could be falling in love with your smile!

 

Good luck, I hope everything works out well for you.