tikster Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I recently broke up with a guy I was dating (rather he ended it with me ..i don't know).I thought things were going so well, but he didn't think so. I'll try to give you details to get a better sense. we were friends for over nine months cause we met as i was leaving work for school and he replaced me. I got to school 45 min from our hometown and he goes to school in bw which is 20 min from my school as well. -i'm a premed student so i am also doing alot of volunteer and internships and he knew this the entire time. -i've come out of really bad relationships and he even knows one of my exes and how bad he treated me and he even talked me through a rough time with the other ex in the beginning, when we became exclusive he knew about my bad rel's and wanted me to open up more also cause he felt that i was distant and needed me to show him that i wanted this relationship. It took baby steps but i did. however as time went on i started to notice that as i was putting effort into communicating with him while i was away at school and reassuring him, he wasn't doing the same for me. ie: i'd call him and he wouldn't return my phone call or if he does contact me he'd text (happened quite a few times and i'd eventually find out that he was just laying around at home) 2 1/2 months in he starts complaining about only seeing me once a week (which is not true he had been coming to visit me one day during the week and i'd come home on weekends). i was beginning to feel really insecure and i tried to talk to him about it and basically what i got from the conversation was that he felt as though our distance would not let us get that "bond" and i translated that as he thought our rel was a dead end andi felt horrible so i called him and told him that i felt like he didn't want this and i was a burden to him and we should end it if he felt that way. he didn't want to at first and then a week later i got upset with him for the same reasons and he agreed to break up. i tried to call him cause he agreed to it via text and ignored my attempts to talk in person. i finally called him and made him give me answers. he basically said he can't do the distance and that he needs a gf that he can see more ofter like everyday if he felt like it and he wouldn't have time for me with school too. he said i'm the type of person who could adjust to it and make time but he couldn't. he said he was sorry, but i was upset and asked him why he even asked me out cause he knew how my life was and i told him i felt like everything was a lie. i deleted him from everything right away. i'm hurt and lonely, but at times it lets me see that he is weak minded and lazy. in the end i feel as though he is being very selfish and hope that he will regret it if he's not already doing so. it's not like we just met and started dating...we were friends before all of this. am i wrong to have felt that way? i really tried and even compromised Link to post Share on other sites
sibylline Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 it doesn't sound like he was ever really invested in your relationship, and that perhaps he just wanted SOMEONE to be with. because you were friends, he knew you had a level of care and concern for him and so you fell into that role. but, you deserve someone who will put equal effort into a relationship. distance is always hard, and is obviously in part to blame for the situation. seperation has ruined many stronger and more established relationships. i'm sure he will regret the loss of your friendship, and it is important for you to not immedietely go crawling back to needing him, even as a friend. give yourself some time to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikster Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 i was trying to see that. it's not like we were friends and became exclusive. we were friends and he pursued me for the LONGEST time and then we dated, then became exclusive. he introduced me to his family and i went over there quite a few times and vice versa. to me it seemed like this distance aspect of the relationship just brought him down and he just wanted to focus on the negative and give up. i don't know i just feel like our issues while they made it harder, were unnecessary and it was something that just required a little brain power, but whatever it's done. i noticed he has this kind of mindset to other things in his life. like things should come easily. he even said it about his career that he needed to get off his tush and stop waiting for things to magically happen for him. you kinda get what i mean, now? don't know if i'm making sense...he doesn't make sense Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts