My broken long distance relationship

[JaggedRoad]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I'd like to share my story with you.

 

I had a long distance relationship with my ex-girlfriend for over 3 years. She broke up with me on August 5th, 2009 when she returned to England from her vacation in Malaysia. I live in New York, so the distance has always been a factor. The relationship was never easy (we had two previous break-ups), but we always managed to pull through by being there for each other. We always kept in touch by phone (evening calls) and online messengers, so the distance wasn't as bad sometimes. I visited her twice (Winter of 2007 and Summer of 2008), and we were planning our next three visits before the break-up happened.

 

Things don't always work out the way we wanted, and the past year has been a clear example. Before I go any further, I think I should tell you guys more about us.

 

We're both the same age (I'm 10 months older). I'm in my third year in college, but I took leave for a year for personal reasons and decided to find work in the interim. I was hoping to save up enough money for our future visits and hopefully find a way to work in the UK for a bit so I could be closer to her. She told me that it's fine as long as I graduate before she does.

 

She is not a citizen of the UK, so that caused problems when it came to her going to university on time. She took two years off and worked for her mother while waiting for their residency and citizenship papers to go through. They're permanent residents of the UK now, and they're expecting to become citizens next year. And she's starting university on the 19th of this month.

 

Now going back to the relationship itself:

 

Things were not always easy for us even when we were together in person. Her circumstances were pretty harsh. She had to work for her mother at her Chinese take-away shop every night and it was really stressful for her. She would come home upset almost every night and would rant to me about the way her mother behaves. It was comforting for her when she spoke to me on the phone every night. I would try to have her tell me what's bothering her and sometimes it worked, but most of the time, she would ask me to talk about other things (such as my life) so she won't have to think about stressful things. We both opened up to each other and were very comfortable talking about anything in general. I was lacking on discussing my life with her at times because I really didn't know much about myself to be honest (until a few days ago). But nonetheless, I told her everything I could.

 

The phone calls and online messaging continued, but we weren't sure when we would ever see each other. We originally thought we would have to wait at least 5 years before we could even meet each other for the first time. But her mom took notice of things and asked her to invite me over for Christmas in 2007.

 

It was really breathtaking when I first met her in person. She had a white coat on and she looked nothing less than that of an angel. I helped out at her mother's Chinese take-away while I stayed there from December 20 2007 to January 20 2008. I got to learn at first-hand what her situation was like for her. Her mother allowed us to go out alone, but we always had to be back before a certain time. We went out to London on her birthday, and she was really happy until her mother called at around 8PM. We ate dinner and headed back to her home. On our ride back, she broke down and cried to me, and I cried with her. She apologized to me for doubting our relationship and didn't think anything was ever going to happen. She cried and told me that everything seems like a dream and she couldn't believe I was really right there with her. She would cry to me over the phone, but this was the first time she cried to me in person, and I didn't feel as helpless seeing as I was able to finally hold her while she cried. It wasn't just words anymore, and she was comforted by that fact.

 

I departed for New York on the January 20 2008, and it was quite emotional for the both of us. I wrote something about us departing while I was on the plane and had her read it when I arrived back in New York. We continued our relationship and I visited her again in the summer of 2008. I was there from mid-June to August 20th. I originally wanted to visit her during the winter again and save up the money during the summer, but she insisted that I visit her during the summer anyway. She paid for my ticket and a lot of the expenses. I felt bad for having her pay for so much, but she told me not to worry and that she was happy for being able to do it. It was a fun summer, but it went by faster than I had wanted.

 

The relationship continued and I wanted to visit her last Christmas, but things didn't work out as planned. My classes were a bit more demanding and I couldn't find a job that fit my schedule. Fortunately, she wasn't alone for Christmas last year. She reconnected with a female friends of hers and she was invited to a birthday outing in London. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to be with her, but I was glad she had friends to be with. More disappointing was the fact that I was unable to get her gifts on time. All I was able to get her were two greeting cards for her birthday and Christmas. She got me a diary and a sweater, and told me not to worry about sending her late gifts. Valentine's Day and our anniversary came, and I was able to get her flowers among other things, and she seemed glad. I also sent her some random things like I usually do every year.

 

Things did seem to stagnate from February to March, but things seemed to pick up again in April. Her permanent residency went through and we were planning out how we would communicate when she's in uni. She also brought up the topic of engagement and marriage more frequently this year. She asked me when I was going to propose to her, and I told her what I usually do: I would marry her when the time is right and when things are less hectic. I told her that I wanted to propose to her in the most romantic way possible and have her remember it for the rest of her life. I didn't want to set a date because I wasn't too sure. June came and she was about to leave for Malaysia for vacation. Before she went over to Malaysia, I got her an iPOD and engraved on the back were the words

 

Andy and Christine

Forever.

 

She loved it and was glad I didn't have "Don't lose this" engraved because she lost the iPod touch that I had given her for her birthday in 2007. And right before she left for Malaysia, her mother gave her a ring that was given to her from her father. She told my girlfriend to tell her friend (who had recently gotten engaged) that it was from me. I told her to not say that because I want to get her a ring myself, and it wouldn't feel right to have her say that when it wasn't true. She playfully pouted, but agreed.

 

So she went to Malaysia for vacation from late-June to August 5th. We were hoping to talk to each other on the phone at night, but things didn't work like we hoped. She stayed at different places during her stay in Malaysia. For the first two weeks or so, she stayed at a mutual male friend's house. I asked her if I could call, but she told me that her friend's father was home and it wouldn't be a good idea to call. We still kept in contact with online messengers, so we didn't lose contact. She seemed really happy to be with her friends again in Malaysia, and I was glad to see her enjoy all the food she had been wanting to devour for the last two years. Everything seemed normal. I wanted to call and text messaged her asking to tell me when I could call. I later found out that those text messages didn't go through for whatever reason. I was waiting for her to ask me to call when it was possible, but she never did. I kept telling her how much I missed her and her voice and she told me the same, but it didn't seem like I had an opportunity to call. I was afraid of calling her randomly and interrupting whatever she may be doing. And she was in the care of her friends, so I thought things would be ok. It was only a month and I thought it would be fine to let her have some fun. I thought we could just catch up when she goes back to England.

 

I should mention that I did call her once when I thought found something odd on her facebook. She originally had her best friend as her lesbian lover under her marriage status, but one night, I noticed that it was someone else's name. I clicked on the name and to my surprise, it was a picture of two guys. It bothered me, but I tried not to get too paranoid about it. I tried to find the opportunity to ask her about it, but it never really came. That was when I called one night and told her that something bothered me. She laughed when I told her what was on my mind, and told me that I shouldn't have to worry about something like that. It turns out that the person was actually her friend's mother and the picture was of her cousins. I was embarrassed, but I felt really relieved that it wasn't what I originally thought it might have been. Things seemed normal again, and she playfully joked about me worrying about such a thing. She asked me why I didn't ask her about it through the online messenger, so I told her that I was afraid we wouldn't have enough time to discuss it. I'm afraid that this might have contributed to the break-up.

 

Two days prior to her return from England, she ranted to me about how her mother was doing things at the last minute. I consoled her like I usually do. She told me that I could call her again when she goes back to England, and I replied with agreement. She returned on the 5th of August, and I asked her when I could call. She told me that the phone was removed by her mother when she went back to Malaysia and she would have to get it after she finishes unpacking. She seemed busy with everything, and she had just returned from a flight so I understood that she may have been just tired. Evening came and she said she was heading to bed. I wanted to talk to her on the phone and say goodnight, but I only received busy signals when I called. She seemed tired, so I thought I would just let her rest and talk to her the next day. About half an hour after she told me she had gone to sleep, I received an email from her and well... I'll let you guys read it.

 

Dear Andy,

 

The reason why I could not have talked about this on the phone instead is, I will probably start to cry and could not say anything at all. But I need to tell you exactly how I feel.

 

As our relationship began, we have discussed about our distance countless times, and had stopped talking to each other for a while however we decided to give it a try again. Looking back at everything, it always amazes me how we had held on for so long, even when we barely see each other once a year; this always had me thinking that perhaps we could just keep doing this until we live in the same country, perhaps it wouldn't be impossible to maintain a long distance relationship.

 

After returning to Malaysia, I realised that if phone calls were not made and our time difference made it difficult for us to talk to each other online, we could never really talk properly for more than 15 minutes. This made me think about how things were going to be when I go off to university when things are obviously going to be more hectic, and it will be very tiring to keep up with late night conversations at night. The reason why we have been able to keep up with the relationship for the past three years is that I have been staying at home for most of the time, and would always be online. But what happens when internet is taken away? And what if phone calls were not possible too? We keep telling ourselves to just try, don't give up, but somehow I think our current situation will probably not change at least for another five years for as long as I study. Ending things then than to do it now would be even more painful when we will be sharing more memories.

 

I know that you have been trying very hard to make it possible for us to meet as often as possible by working for the flight ticket and money to spend while you are with me. I am sorry that while you are doing everything that you have done, you have done all of them while thinking of me and for my sake. I appreciate them and know that you are the only person in the world who love me as much as you do. Thank you for always being there for me, to always make me feel better when I'm down, sending me cards when I'm ill, to listen to my rants when I'm stressed out and telling me that I'm beautiful no matter what.

 

What will become of us now? I hope that we will still be talking to each other as close friends, instead of being cut off completely. You are a precious person to me, please do not disappear from my life.

I tried calling her before replying to the email, but her cellphone was off and her landline was still not working. Not knowing what to do, I tried to call my friends, but they were all unavailable. I tried going to sleep so I could deal with the situation when I wake up, but that didn't work. One of my friends returned my call at around 12AM and I told her what had happened. She stayed on the phone with me until 2AM when my ex logged onto an online messenger.

 

I greeted her as usual and asked her if she was ok. She didn't seem bothered by anything, and was just expressing her joy for sleep. But nonetheless, I told her that I received the email and wanted to talk to her about the situation. I wanted to speak with her over the phone, but I told her that I would be ok with just talking online. Again, she didn't seem to be bothered and was awkwardly indifferent. I asked questions and she answered, but nothing more than that. And before I tried to even ask her for another chance or try to fix things, she told me not to try because she didn't want to hear any of it and it wouldn't make a difference because she already made her decision. I asked her to discuss it further with me on the phone, but she refused and claimed that it would make her change her mind if we were to speak on the phone. Her cellphone was off and the landline didn't work, so I couldn't do anything about it.

 

She told me that we didn't feel like a couple anymore and haven't felt like one for a while. Continuing our relationship, she said, would be like forcing something to live when it's at the edge of the cliff. That really got to me, but I didn't really know what to say. I wasn't angry, I was just really confused and shocked. I simply tried to see things her way and thought it might have been better for her if we broke up, but it was still uneasy for me.

 

Two or three hours went by and I decided to finally go to sleep. I didn't get to sleep long, and woke up at 6AM and continued talking to her throughout the day with 15 minute breaks when I tried to sleep. She told me that she felt uncomfortable when she was out with friends and felt lonely without me by her side. I told her that I feel the same at times too, but I was comforted by the fact that we were together in some way even if not physically. She agreed, but she told me that she would tell people that she wants more if they asked, but our circumstances didn't allow for it. She met new friends and they asked her if she had a boyfriend. She told them that she did and I live in New York. When they asked her what our relationship was like, she told them that we speak on the phone, chat online, and see each other about once a year. And as far as public opinion goes, they replied with "That's it?" She told me that things became more clear for her once she met new friends and the doubt that she had been ignoring came out. And to get to the point, she told me that she gives up and she's tired of the relationship; she's tired of having to wait for a phone call and staying up at night. All of this I understood and saw her pain, so I just allowed her to go through with her decision because I really didn't know what to say. I asked her if it would comfort her if I were to fly over and stay with her for a few weeks. She told me that it would, but she would be depressed again once I leave.

 

The first few days were ok and I tried to get used to being just a friend, but things got harder as the days went by. When I finally told her that I understood her decision and would like to stay as friends, she told me about her plans to go to a skating event with a male friend and said "Yay. Not so depressing anymore." That was when things went downhill for me.

 

I consulted perhaps over 20 different people on how to deal with the situation, and I followed their advice until I made some sort of contact with my ex. Whether it was me who initiated a conversation or it was her, it usually ended with me being confused. I didn't know how to react, so I kept asking her more questions.

 

It got to a point where she told me to stop and said that she would have ignored me already had I not been her ex. But that just made things worse. I just had more questions every time she told me to stop. I should have cut off all contact with her from day one, but I was afraid of losing her and I was not used to not having some sort of contact with her. I really thought I wanted to be friends with her if that meant I could still talk to her. Looking at it now, I was just really foolish. I tried to disappear twice and I informed her each time about it. I told her that I was afraid of making things worse, so I needed to get away for a while.

 

The first attempt lasted a few hours and the second attempt lasted a day or so. After being away from her for a few hours, I allowed myself to soak in everything and I came to the realization that everything she said was right. I contacted her right away and she said "woo. bingo," and she asked me if it meant that I was talking to her again. I told her yes, and she seemed delighted by that fact. The next day came and I was being paranoid when she did not reply to my messages so I decided to disappear again. I called her the morning after I disappeared the second time (I was having those unsettling morning wake-ups) and she told me to talk to her online later in the day. I spoke to her and tried to discuss things, but she ended the conversation and told me to stop bringing up the past. She told me that I no longer needed to worry about her and comfort her because I was no longer her boyfriend. And she told me to accept it and move on so as to prevent myself from trying to disappear again when things are difficult to handle only to repeat the same things over and over. I asked her if I could visit her for the last time, but she told me not to and it wouldn't be the last time because she may visit New York in the spring. I reminded her of what she said when I first asked her about going over, but she told me that what she said was only true if we were still together.

 

I tried to keep myself occupied by either going out with my friends or taking long walks outside. Hanging out with my friends did help, but it was depressing once I returned home. I thought I learned from my mistakes, so I logged off my online messengers every time I had an urge to talk to her or whenever my messages were not replied within 30 minutes. It worked and I thought I was starting to get over her. That is until one day when she immediately messaged me when I logged online and asked where I was. I told her that I went to the police station with my mother to sort out some things from an assault that she suffered on July 2nd.

 

My mother was assaulted and had her handbag stolen from her when she was waiting for the bus on the morning of July 2nd. I wanted to tell my ex about it when it happened, but I was afraid it would bother her or worry her since she was on vacation, so I decided to hold it off until she came back. Well, I did tell her after the break-up, but she didn't seem to care about it too much.

 

So back to the conversation I had with my ex. She told me that she had nothing to do, so I told her to talk to me; she agreed. I didn't bring anything up about our relationship because I knew (or thought) she wouldn't entertain it, so I just told her about what I was doing and what I did when she was in Malaysia. It seemed fine and I enjoyed talking to her again. She brought up something that was always a topic of discussion during our two prior break-ups.

 

She tried to say that we were incompatible and she prefers people who are more dominant. I didn't really want to say much about it, but she brought up our relationship later on. The conversation went about in a way that never specified or directly mentioned our relationship. We used metaphors, analogies, scenarios, and examples to discuss it. I went along with it because I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be so direct. And it was something that we normally did when we were still together if the conversation had some serious overtone; it was a way to avoid conflict. Well, we got to the point where she implied that the lack of phone calls made her think that I stopped coordinating with her. Pissed off, she decided to stop coordinating as well and did what she wanted. It continued for another half an hour until she took a shower and went off to sleep. I told her that I wanted to continue the conversation without using analogies, but she said that I started it.

 

I thought I knew what was going on and decided to fly over to her to make up and propose. Well... that plan didn't go through. I tried to call her one evening and she picked up, but she laughed and said no phone calls. I got confused and felt like she was playing a twisted game with me, so I texted her and told her to tell me when she decides to stop playing games with me. I followed up that messages with a reminder of a promise that she made me keep when we were still together. Well, I didn't specify what the promise was and just said "Do you remember the promise that you had me make? I won't break it." She made me promise when I was with her last summer that I would do everything I could to get her back if she ever broke up with me. She replied to my text messages telling me that our relationship has ended and nothing in the past will ever change that. She told me to simply stop and she won't talk to me again until I accept that we are no longer together.

 

She blocked me and the only way I was able to communicate with her was through her best friend and two of my cousins. Her friend agreed that my ex has a bad habit of doing things improperly when she's emotional or afraid, but she wasn't sure if it was a good idea for me to talk to her yet. Nonetheless, she wished me luck and told me that she would do what she could to help me. I couldn't really ask her to do much since it may jeopardize their friendship, so I kept things subtle. After speaking with more people, I finally decided to break all contact with my ex and try to forget her. I didn't want to make things worse than they already were and being around her in any way was only going to confuse me more.

 

That was a week ago, and I'm now in Canada with my relatives. I'm glad I made my decision to visit them. My aunts revealed a lot of information about my past and my estranged father, and it has been helping me keep my mind off my ex. But that is not to say that she hasn't been on my mind. I feel the need to tell her about my newfound information, but I'm not sure if I should. That's pretty much why I'm here now. I need help deciding whether or not I should contact her and tell her about my last few days or if I should stop thinking about her altogether.

[JaggedRoad]

I can't find the edit button, but I went ahead and spoke to her. I feel better telling her about what I found out, but everything else is still awkward.

[Lovelymisa]

I have so much to say about this but I am not really good at writing and don't know where to start My current boyfriend is the same as your ex girlfriend and we are going to break up soon, i can just feel it deep down in my heart. Right now I feel like I am dying inside, all the things you described is how I will end up I'm sure...is there any way we can keep in contact so we can help each other? Do you have skype or gmail chat? That is the only 2 forms of chat that I have...

 

Right now I just feel so alone and would give anything for human interaction..

[silic0ntoad]

Well, that was an interesting read. To be honest? My opinion?

 

She's done, dude. She blocked you. My belief is she met someone, perhaps an old bf, something, in Malaysia that pulled her away from you. It's always a possibility.

 

"No calls." That's a good statement on her part. It takes a hell of a man to commit to a LD relationship, and an eveng reater man to keep one going. She may realise what she lost, but don't set your heart to it. Take you away from her, man. You have too. NC. Strict NC.

 

I've been doing it for 3 months now. My ex gf hasn't bugged me at all. lol.

[JaggedRoad]

I have some things to add to my original post. There's really a lot to the whole situation, so I apologize if I leave some things out.

 

I did some really really stupid things out of desperation after the break-up. One that I really regret was the time I called my ex's mom in order to get her on the phone. This happened on the third day, I think. I called a friend of mine earlier in the day and he told me to not initiate any conversations with my ex, and only talk to her when she begins the conversation. So I followed his advice and to my surprise, my ex initiated all of the conversations that day. I should also mention that I spoof called her when I woke up that day as a way to get her on the phone. Yes, I was that desperate. She didn't seem to mind the spoof call, but she was really upset at me the next day regarding my call to her mom.

 

But before I get to that, I need to explain what lead to the call to her mom. So everything seemed fine; she was the one who kept messaging me and she seemed ok. I felt surprisingly happy when this all happened, but I was still under a lot of emotional stress and did not exactly think things through. I took everything the wrong way and thought her contact with me was a sign that she was ready to talk on the phone again. Well, I was wrong. She told me that she did not want to speak on the phone because we would talk about sad things and it would feel like our last call. I simply asked, "It is our last call, isn't it?" She said yes, but she doesn't want to talk on the phone and I should cancel my phone plan. I still had a lot that I wanted to say to her, so I told her that I really needed to speak with her on the phone. She just told me to say them on the online messenger. I was debating with myself and I finally decided that I would just go with her request, but she went off to sleep. I panicked because I really wanted to say some last things to her. I asked her for her mom's new cellphone number earlier in the day for emergencies, and she agreed to give it to me. She specifically told me to not call her mom whenever she doesn't pick up the phone. But like the idiot I am, I allowed my emotions to take over and I did the worst thing possible: I called her mom. Long story short, I got to talk to the ex, and I apologized for calling her mom. She told me it's ok because that's the way I am x_x

 

She was sleepy at the time I called, but I sensed a bit of sadness in her. I didn't take advantage of the call to really tie up loose ends because I thought everything was already over (it was) and I was just calling to say some last things. So not only did I do something stupid, but I did it without making it worth the risk x.x

 

After saying some things, I said goodnight to her and let her go back to sleep. I spoke to her the next night when she was coming back from her skating event. She was really upset at me for calling her mother and told me that she doesn't trust me because I unintentionally lied to her. I told her that I really wanted to speak to her and I thought I could make things easier if we were to discuss the whole thing over the phone. To that she replied, "How could this ever be any easier?"

 

I really didn't know what to do and I was really ashamed of myself, and I just tried to apologize. That was the day she told me that she no longer wants to talk about what happened.

 

I'm fairly sure that did a lot of damage to whatever we had left. There's no way to fix what I did, especially if she's unwilling to discuss things with me, but I hope others can learn from my mistakes; that's the only redeeming value in all of this mess.

 

-------

 

silic0ntoad: That's the first thing that most people thought of when I told them about the break-up--the belief that she found someone else.

 

And yes, she blocked me, but she unblocked me last night when I wanted to talk to her about my newfound information regarding my family. I have accepted that the relationship is over, but she is still a very dear friend to me. I feel like I should help her with whatever she is going through.

 

I left out a lot of information in my first post, but it would honestly take a lot of effort to type out every detail. I have been with her for over three years, after all, so it's no surprise that I have a lot to say. I wrote a 2,000 word letter to her that barely scrapes the tip of things in our relationship and I spoke to one of my friends for over 12 hours regarding my relationship with the ex. And I still have a lot to say. I started a blog a week or so following the break-up, so it may be of interest to you if you want to know more.

 

http://jaggedroad.com/blog

[Els]

Hey, I'm very sorry that I haven't had the time to read the entire post + update (it IS rather long! ^^ but I do have the gist of it.

 

Anyway, just to let you know that I'm from Malaysia as well (you can check my post history if you'd like), so if you ever need you could drop me a PM and I might help drop a message with her for you.

 

All the best.

[JaggedRoad]

Haha, no need to apologize xP

I turn away from long posts myself, so I don't expect any different from other people.

I appreciate your offer, but I do not think that will be necessary. But I'll keep that in mind anyway =)

 

I should add another update to this.

 

I contacted her last night and we spoke for a few hours. It was mostly me telling her about what I found out from my aunts. The thing is, I never really knew my roots and I didn't really have anything to identify with. I pretty much grew up on my own without anyone to teach me things, so it was difficult associating with people. Meeting her was a blessing, and I saw that she had some internal conflicts as well. Throughout the relationship, it was mostly her doing the talking and I listened. I tried to do the best I could to comfort her and give her advice, but I didn't have much to say about myself. Well, at least not about my family. I thought I could create an identity for myself when we started our relationship and when I started college, so I didn't have to worry so much about not really having a past. I think that's why the break-up was really devastating for me; it felt like I lost a big part of myself. And honestly, I did. There was nothing that I could really fall back on and call my own, so it was really scary for me. But I don't feel so lost anymore now that I know more about my family.

 

I feel better having told her about what I learned, but nothing changed between us. I didn't really expect anything to change, but I thought she deserved to know. It's really awkward talking to her again, so I think I'm going to break contact with her again. But I'm not quite sure about it. She seems really distraught and I feel like I should be there for her.

[adamt]

I feel for you. LDR are really hard. Mine lasted 3 years too. I was in a LDR but only a couple of hours drive. I think after a period time one person in the relationship starts to wonder where things are going in the long term. They reacdh a cross roads.I think she has thought about the long term future and sees how hard it will be to make it work. Then she has started to detach herself emotionally. They wonder if it will work out being together eventually. Once those feelings are not 100%, keeping it going over the distance becomes hard work. Also they might get distracted by other people or things going on in their lifes. LDR can get in the way of everyday social life.

[JaggedRoad]

Yeah, I definitely agree with everything that you just said. She even admitted to it. But the thing that I'm concerned about now is how to approach her and try to give us both closure. She seems really sad at the moment and detached from everything. She told me that she lost faith in everyone =/

 

Whenever we start discussing our relationship or just the break-up, she stops me midway when I try to have her see things differently. She just keeps trying to convince me and herself that the way she is looking at things is the correct way and the only way.

 

I feel a bit of regret having broken my NC with her the other day to tell her about what I learned from my aunts. She deserved to know, but the discussion brought up our relationship and break-up. I was doing fine without talking to her for about 2 weeks, but now my mind is a complete mess again.

[Reynaldo]

Hi,

 

When couples don’t spend enough quality time together, they begin to get bored in the relationship. This leads to confusion about their feelings. The problems of a married life are almost similar since the married life is associated with two persons. One can always try and understand the basic reasons behind these problems. The basic reasons are the same, the patterns are different.

 

One can easily find natural solutions if they manage to understand the root cause behind the problems. The right emotional spark must be there in the husband which would trigger a similar spark in the wife’s mind. Getting that spark is extremely important since the emotional spark helps in solving many problems. Generally problems arise due to reasons which have less logic and more of emotions.

[Carleneuk]

First of all, wow! You should most certainly consider a career in the field of creative writing 'cos you'd be great at it! That honestly felt like I was reading a best-selling novel.

Second of all, I can empathise with you on how difficult LBD's are, given that i've been in one with my BF for over 2 years. There are times when it is completely overwhelming and it seems that there is no use in continuing with it. In your circumstance hun, I'd say contacting her as often as you are at the moment is only going to further break your heart. It may be extremely hard to break off contact, but better that than be a few more years down the line and still clinging onto a relationship that is nothing more than a hope in your heart. Think about what is best for yourself, not her.

I really hope you manage to sort everything out for yourself and consider my first point - then I may well see a book written by you on a billboard somewhere.

 

Take care,

Carlene X

[JaggedRoad]

I'm flattered; I really am. Thank you, Charlene.

 

I've broken contact with her over 10 days ago (not going to keep count anymore) and I don't plan on contacting her again. The break-up in itself is not what hurts me the most. What hurts me is the way she broke up with me and how casual it seemed for her. She told me that I was being too sentimental and oversensitive. I'm trying not to dwell on that anymore because it only hurts me when I do.

 

I'm on the road to recovery at the moment, and I plan on returning to school next semester. Right now, I'm just concerned with getting a new job so I can make myself busy. What makes the entire situation worse is that half my friends are in relationships (one couple recently got married), and the other half are as lost as I am. I went to a karaoke bar last Saturday with 3 friends, and one of them started a little relationship rant during a song by shouting at my ex, "damn you uk girl;" I followed suit by shouting out her ex-fiance's name. It just went on from there. The other two stared at us in amusement, but it was a nice release.

[DH2009]

I'm sorry to hear about that Jagged. I truly feel for you, alot of what you said you did and things you would do sound familiar to the way I do things with my GF at the moment. Though my GF is very open with me right now about everything, she has indicated that she likes to have fun and a "close" male friend of hers that has expressed his feelings for her is the person she has the most fun around. I'm feeling pretty hurt inside about that. But there isn't much I can do.

[JaggedRoad]

I think I got something wrong. Things stagnated from April to June rather than February to March. I started work late April and I guess I didn't have enough time to really give her the attention that she needed.

 

It's not going to change anything, but I wanted to add that in.

[vegemite]

Things happen for a reason, maybe you guys weren't right for eachother?

[JaggedRoad]

That could be the case. I'll have an answer to that in a few years.